How to feel beautiful again

I hated my wig so when I started to have peach fuzz on top I went naked....actually I had given up my wig during chemo and wore ball caps...so I guess I should say I gave those up....I work in the schools, so I started the school year with just a little more than peach fuzz and everyone got to see my hair grow back....I had lopsided expanders so I wore tops that were a little bit big, but not sloppy....I wore my ususal make up.....and yes we have our ups and downs....even 4 years post Dx....hope your day gets better.....and allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself once in a while...its your feelings and they count for you!!!  Hugs.

im in fla., and my hair has grown enough to be an inch long, and still sticking straight up, like my finger was in a light socket!!lol   so, i DO wear my wig for special occasions. that's when i put full makeup on, and a nice pantsuit. never been a dress kinda girl. i, too use a foam insert, but only on those days im dreesing up. otherwise, i wear jospar pantsuits, thyre silky, feel nice on skin. i do lots of creams and lotions, did even be4 bc... i just work hard at attitude. right now, im cancer free, (bat eyelashes if u got em) DEAL with it..that's me to others near me, not u! it's all internal 4 me. i hear all the time i look great from ple. who saw me go thru it.  remember, we all have that internal critic!! go out if u can and get some flowey, gauzy summer tops, and some beachy dresses. my girlfriend found ones with square neckline.no foam, nothin and she looks great! it's all in our own attitude about us. somedays its better than others!      light and love, 3jaysmom

p.s.  Your friend can go for a new look as well.  All of us need to reinvent ourselves from time to time.  It's just that your need is (most likely) more urgent.

super short looks great with lots of eye make .. paying close attention to the eyebrows.. they are usually so sparse after treatment. 

 .. a good brush on color.

Oddly, one of the things that makes me look really good is drinking carrot juice.. it adds a intensity to the color of your complexion.  really.

don't forget to wear a smile put a bounce in your step and just be happy.  congrats on your scan. 

Thanks Ruthbru.

I was assuming that everyone does this so was going to the next step.  My big epiphany was USING the eyeshadow base I had bought last fall.  Duh!!!!

We all need to rethink our look from time to time.  I was more guilty of not doing this than most.  So will end up with very different hair than before.  I am thinking a bob as in the picture, but could end shorter.  It all depends.

Right now, I need bright WARM clothes.  I have dark winter ones, and bright summer ones, but it is cold and summer here in Seattle.  I am wearing dark with scarves as tried bright summer and froze.  I have been walking past bright summer dresses and shivering!

I second the "more eye make-up" suggestion and add:  pretty earrings.   They really help achieve a more feminine look with the manish "haircut" we end up with.    And by the way bejuce, you have such a lovely face and beautiful smile I'm sure those other moms were jealous of YOU!

Patty

I felt exactly the same at my son's preschool graduation a week ago - pretty makeup and sundresses all around frumpy, plain OLD me.  Except I'm okay with my hair actually.  Everyone keeps telling me it looks fantastic - very chic.  I'm sure some are just being nice, but I really think I may keep my hair super short forever, though I am going to have to do something about this gray - yikes!  I'm so glad you posted this.  A pedicure and some haircolor is in my near future.  I think it will make me feel a lot better.  Hope you find what works for you, too! 

I third the earrings - Cute dangly ones that make you feel youthful and feminine!

Bejuce,

Please don't think you should give up on feeling beautiful! I don't know where you are in treatment, but when all this is done, you'll have your own hair back (possibly better than before--mine is!), you'll probably be in better shape because you're eating more heathfully and exercising more, and you'll have the wisdom/confidence of someone who's passed through a real life challenge and made it to the other side. NEVER give up on looking good and expressing your feminine side. Think of how your husband and children love and cherish you, and remember you deserve to take the best possible care of yourself. Now and always.

I think everyone her has some wonderful ideas. We have been there many times. I felt for a long time that cancer just stripped everything beautiful about me away. Just not the inside of my inner beauty. Read quotes, listen to soothing music, just place yourself somewhere calm. I will never forget when I was crying and staring in the mirror saying how much I disliked the way I looked. My daughter said you are always beautiful to me. Ah that just made my day. I am sure that your children you teach feel that way about you too. I know you have touched there lives with your beauty. Go out and make yourself feel good. Do some special things. Call the girls or just that one special friend, maybe your mom. Be blessed and do your best to enjoy and love who you are. We all love you here on BCO..We are in this together.

Bejuce,

I was feeling down on myself today about my looks, and it's really rather silly on my part.  I'm almost four years out, healthy (that I know of) and I have a great head of hair back.  I should feel on top of the world.  I exercise almost daily, but I've noticed in the last year that my legs and belly just seem "lumpier" than before (anyone else had that??).  I tried on a bathing suit today, and realized that I just don't look as good as I did in years past (I'm 43), and it was depressing.  Then I realized how dumb I was being about it.  Here is my DH going through terrible times with cancer, and I'm worried about lumpy legs!!!

I definitely remember feeling the way that you do right now, but I can tell by your avatar that you are very pretty and I bet you look a lot better than you feel.  Honestly, once the hair starts coming in, you end up with a nice full head so quickly.  Hang in there; it does get better. 

Many Hugs

Bobbie

Bejuce: I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad day regarding your own beauty. I can't help but think about all the media pressure that is put upon women and what supposedly defines our beauty. I often wonder at what stage of life little girls go from a feeling of self importance and acceptance  to absolute critical views of themselves. Then we get cancer thrown into the  mix and we are scared, bald and so vulnerable...it just seems to strip away our self confidence and leaves us feeling even more unattractive and isolated. Men on the other hand don't face the same media and social pressures that we do. From little boys to grown men...they never seem to be so self critical. My husband has a bit of a belly now...a hairy back.... hair on his ears...and yes...he can still get naked and not think twice about how he looks. He just bares it all and doesn't worry about what I will think. He likes himself and I actually think that is very sexy. He is who he is and he's okay with that.  Look at your self in the mirror and really see that there is still a little girl inside that is full of giggles and optimism. Don't compare yourself to the other Moms at school that seem to have it all.... pretty dresses, nice hair and make up are only exterior things that can't compare to the "inner" you. Only you can be your kids Mom. You can give them the things that even the prettiest, best dressed Mom never can. I understand how you feel because my own self confidence took a beating after mx, chemo, weight gain etc but you really need to look inside yourself and realize that you are beautiful. We are so much more than what this f'n disease portrays. I agree with the other comments about going to a Look Good Feel Good session. It really helps to surround yourself with others that are going through the same emotional and physical battering that this damn cancer gives us. I went to one of the sessions and it was great to be with a group of women who all had to paint on eyebrows, fill out lashes, get the right tone of make-up etc but most importantly it was great to be with a group of women who were feeling as vulnerable and insecure as I was. By the end of the session, the only thing we didn't have to paint on was a smile. That came naturally! Go to a session, get a pedicure, paint your toes in a fresh summer color, treat yourself for a day! Good luck and embrace and love yourself! We are so worth it!

Hugs

Beth P

Edited to add: It's okay to have a day of feeling bad about it all. Then we have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and walk like we own the world!

Linda...you look so beautiful in your avatar...can't wait to see a new picture....

Regarding the earrings...prior to Dx, I had two piercings in each ear...I always wore my earrings....a year after finishing Tx, I decided to get a third piercing in my ears...now I wear 3 earrrings and have so much fun with it.  When going through Tx, I tried to match my shoes to my outfits...I had a couple different pairs of sandles that I would wear...I remember being at rads and the receptionist complementing me on my sandles and how they went with my top. 

Okay I have 3 very easy things that work for me when I'm feeling blah, especially during treatment (2 1/2 years ago).

1. Lipstick - gloss or matte just some color on my lips. Makes such a HUGE difference.

2. I wear a necklace. It just makes me feel dressed up even if I'm not. Trust me, it works.

3.  NAIL POLISH!!! During treatment my nails were black and I refused to look at them that way so I wore nail polish.  Can be subtle or not, it just makes me feel feminine.

 And please know that things will go back to normal. Lady, you're wonderful and lovely and strong inside and out and you're going to get thru this. Don't feel frumpy, you're not!! Try my tips and see what happens.

The Sofia Loren trick of painting all the rooms of your new house in flattering colors.  She favors red, but that may be a bit strong for most of us.  But at least surround yourself with colors that suit you.  And do I need to mention using flattering lighting in places with mirrors?

While at it, ditch the ratty bedding.

Good smelling bath potions in the bathroom.  And a shaving/make up mirror so you get make up on straight.

WARNING: you can have the most divine dress and make up on, but if the walls drain the color from you, you won't feel wonderful.

And a new house is the best time I can think of to make this happen.  Good luck and congrats on the new house.