Resources for men?

Kavika · June 2010

I've been searching this site for resources for men as friends-lovers-partners of women with breast cancer. Anybody know a good website designed for such men? Thanks.

thenewme · June 2010

Hi Kavika,

I just saw this and your other post. You're wonderfully caring to be here for your girlfriend! The fact that you're here asking these questions says a lot about you.

My husband read "Breast Cancer Husband" by Marc Silver, which he said really helped to put things into a "guy" perspective. I'd definitely recommend it.

I also know there's a website called www.menagainstbreastcancer.org , but I don't know anything about it.

Of course, you're welcome to stick around here too - I've personally found this site to be the best one around. There's a ton of great information and lots of caring and supportive people. Don't be shy - ask any questions you may have and invite your girlfriend too.

One thing I can say is that for me the hardest part was the very beginning, the shock and the fear and the unknown. I was told to expect about a year of active treatment, and it was true - at about my one-year mark, I (we) started to settle down and get back some semblance of a "normal-ish" life.

Hang in there, and thanks for being such a caring partner for her - she's lucky to have someone like you!

Kavika · June 2010

Thanks for the website and book recommendations. My girlfriend's attitude is quite positive, like 'okay I'll have the surgery and get implants and it won't be a big deal' but I'm thinking there's a WHOLE lot more to consider. I know it's a mysterious journey, with many possible events, and at this point the door has only just opened ...

EstherMSKCC · June 2010

Dear Kavika,

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's diagnosis. I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and am aware of a number of resources available to help people cope when a loved one has cancer.

For example, the National Cancer Institute has a page that offers excellent information on this very topic: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancer.gov%2fcancertopics%2fcoping%2ffamilyfriends

The American Cancer Society also offers good advice on how to cope when someone you know has cancer: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancer.org%2fdocroot%2fhome%2fcgv%2fCGV_1_coping_as_a_caregiver.asp

After Breast Cancer Diagnosis (ABCD) may also be a useful resource for you - it offers support for family and friends of breast cancer patients: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.abcdbreastcancersupport.org%2fget-support%2ffamily-friends%2f

And CancerCare offers online and telephone support for those whose loved ones have been affected by cancer: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancercare.org%2fget_help%2fcounseling.php

I hope this information is useful for you and wish your girlfriend the best of luck as she goes through treatment. -Esther

Kavika · June 2010

Thanks Esther. I knew it was out there somewhere ... and now it is here too! (oops! none of the above links work; I get page not found for all of them???)

I just read Ken Wilbur's book, which was heavy, moving, beautiful. He married his wife 3 months after they met, she got diagnosed 10 days after the wedding, and she died 5 years later after every treatment under the sun. Heartbreaking stuff. It's not a breast cancer book for everyone, but what a mixture of spirituality, love, medicine, philosophy, cancer, deep living and tender dying.

Resources for men?

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