MARCH 2010 Rads Group

Hurrah! Marianna!  I'm so happy for you. 

You have given me the courage to go get my own--like you, I have been stalling and stalling and stalling.  But stalling won't make it go away, will it?

So glad for you and your results.

As for not thinking about cancer, I might want to Not Think About IT but I can't.  I still have to deal with tamoxifen plus we are making arrangements for my husband to fly to Europe to help out a friend who was recently diagnoised with lung cancer.  He had to have 1 lung removed and will be starting chemo soon.  It is so sad--he is just not that old a guy.  And the daughter of a friend of my mothers is also being treated for cancer--much worse than what I had to deal with as it seems to be in her hip.  Which is a long way of explaining why, even if I don't want to think about it, it is still out there.  I suppose everything going on is serving to make sure I do not forget how precious each day is.

best to all--off to look for cheap airline tickets!

jenn

Hello Ladies-

It has been almost 6 months since my lumpectomy-7 weeks since I finished my rads. I have an appointment on June 4th for my first post treatment mammogram on my "bad" boob. I thought I was handling all this pretty well, but now I am really nervous. And the fact that I am not getting one on my "good" boob until December is a little nerve wracking.

I was always a person who went and got my mammograms, got the results, and didn't think twice about them until the next year. I never found my lump myself-it showed up on a mammogram- and even when I knew where it was, I couldn't feel it.

I guess I've just lost a little faith in my own body and my own instincts.

On the positive side, I'm all healed from rads. Still just a little tan, though. I've been taking Tamoxifen for 7 weeks and so far, the only side effect I have is some hot flashes. They're not too bad but of course they come at the most inconvenient times!

Mary 

Congrats Marianna.....so happy for you!

Andrea-

I feel exactly the same way. I see you were diagnosed on 12/10/2009. I was diagnosed on 12/7/2009. I finished up my rads treatment almost 8 weeks ago and I too, am waiting for the meltdown, where I finally realize I had cancer. I talked this over with my oncologist, and he said it will probably hit me when I'm least expecting it. He also said I could call him any time of the day or night to talk to him about it-love this man!

I also have the weird achy feeling on my rads side. I told my husband my ribs and muscles on that side feel tired. Not pain, really, just fatigued.

I see that you live in Seattle! I live in Shoreline.

Mary 

AndreaS,

Glad you took some time for a B&B. You deserve it. I keep meeting young people with cancer as well, and it strikes me that we're doing something dreadfully wrong in our production chain that is causing people to get ill.  I've done all I can to change my environment, but it's the environment at large, and it is a sad fact of life that we have to live with it.

I hope you can get some of the emotional healing that is needed. I know it's hard. I am trying to process everything still, and though I don't think about it every minute of each day, I probably think of it every other minute. The worry will never leave me, I am certain of that.

 Take care, and hope you are getting some "down time" from work this weekend!

Andrea, I hear ya!  One of my coworkers covered for me a lot while I was going through surgery, etc., and now is the time when it's my turn to return the favor and pick up a bit more work... trying to find my "new normal" is hard.  I'm seeing a therapist once a week and that's helping. 

It's strange for me when people (acquaintances, mostly) see me and abruptly ask/say, "How are you feeling, you look great!  Glad you're through with everything now!" and then that's the end of it, like it's really that easy and everything's behind me.  Like I never had cancer at all.  Yesterday, one such acquaintance was chatting with me for a few minutes, and when we were talking about a mutual friend we hadn't seen in a while, she decided to call her.  She dials, and while it's ringing, looks at me and goes, "You feeling better now?  You look good!", and then turned back to her phone.  I just kinda nodded dumbly.  She didn't even give me time to reply.

Irishmom-

I haven't had chemo either and my brain feels the same way. Hard to tell whether it's the rads or the Tamoxifen. I guess it really doesn't matter since rads are over, and I'm not planning on stopping the Tamoxifen.

I work as a paraeducator with special education students. I really haven't taken much time off work, except for a couple of weeks for my lumpectomy, and an hour at the end of each day for my rads. I'm looking forward to the summer off so I can get some energy back. 

Also, I live in the Seattle area and we have had some pretty dismal weather here lately, which hasn't helped my energy or alertness level one bit!

Mary 

Hi girls,

   I started radiation in March, finished at the end of April.  Everything has healed but now I am finding my breast is very hard. The rad doc said it is fluid caused by rads in the area I had the lumpectomy .  He said because I had lymph nodes removed it's hard to drain.  He said it may take 6 months to go away!  

   Does anyone else have this? Is this a symptom of lymphademia?  Any ways to help the

pain and swelling/

   thanks, Jean

Jenn - I hear you!

I had a head cold and now I chest congestion and coughing. 

I have a follow up with my rad onc next Tuesday to check out my skin and lungs.

I'm not worried about my skin it healed beautifully but my lungs???

I'm having trouble breathing and I'm coughing a lot.  Is it this cold or is it from radiation?

I remember in the beginning the rad onc telling me that if I had problems AFTER radiation ended with breathing that I was to call him immediately in case it was radiation neumonitis.  He said that he would treat with anti-inflammotories rather than antibiotics like a regular dr might.

I'm hoping that my cough will be gone (if it's cold related) by the time I see him and that he will be able to have a good listen to my lungs.

Have you had your rad onc follow up?  If not, it might be worth a call to him and have your lungs checked out.

June-I have my first mammo this Friday. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous and my boob is still sore from rads so I don't think it will be a real comfortable experience.

Prayers for the all clear for you and me both!

Mary 

Maybe, Sugar. I am having my mammogram, on the affected breast only, 6 months after my surgery. I will be having a mammogram on both breasts in December. I'm not sure of the schedule after that.

"Who the heck is going to be able to tell me am I crazy and over thinking this or is this for real? I have never been a hypochondriac ever, but now lately I wonder TOO many things......."

June, I totally relate to this!!! I've always been probably the opposite of a hypochondriac - so laid back about it all. For years, I've been so healthy that I haven't even bothered with things like routine physicals or gyn exams, because I was just so sure that I was in perfect health. I went for a physical "on a whim" last fall because I hadn't gone in years, and it turns out my primary care provider had RETIRED, it had been so long... so they scheduled me with some random nurse practitioner... and BOOM, she found the lump. Which I was completely flabbergasted to find out was cancer. It took me about a month to even get the recommended ultrasound to check it out, because I was sooooo "sure" it was "nothing." The radiologist and breast surgeon (during ultrasound and biopsy) both told me they were "99% sure" it was benign.

So, that really changed everything for me. It's scary to know that I was in "excellent health" but actually had a freakin CANCEROUS TUMOR in me that I could not detect in any way, despite this being very, very, very unlikely. I think it has made me lose a bit of trust in my body and my own perception of its health. And yes, I worry about my newfound hypochondriac tendencies. For example - every couple of days since approximately the last week of radiation, I've felt a sharp-but-brief pain in my upper rib-cage, directly below my right breast (which was NOT the irradiated breast, for whatever that's worth!!) And I have this argument with myself - should I even bother to tell the rad. onc. about this at my check-up? Am I going to sound like a worrywort over nothing? What if it's just something stupid like gas, or a sore muscle from the pull-ups I've been doing? If I tell my med. onc. or rad. onc. about it, are they going to brush it off, or make me get a gazillion anxiety-producing scans?! I don't have a good sense of how "severe" a symptom "should" be before I tell a doctor about it. So for now, I'm just keeping a log of when I feel this pain, so I can at least see if it's increasing or decreasing, becoming weaker or stronger, etc.

Jenn, I'm sorry about your asthma! I'm not sure which doctor is the "right" one to call, but I guess that would be a good question to ask your oncologist. Do you have any appointments scheduled soon with either oncologist? My instinct would be to go to your regular doctor for anything that's clearly unrelated to cancer or cancer treatments, but if you're experiencing something that's at all similar to a known, possible SE of a cancer treatment, call that cancer doctor. And the cancer doctor might still say, go see your regular doctor, but that's okay. The thing for me is, before cancer, I was so healthy that I barely saw my regular physician anyway - I had no need to. I have no relationship/history with her, she doesn't really know me. Whereas all these cancer doctors I've been seeing for the past 6 months really know me a little TOO well now, hmph. Once, the phone rang, and when I picked it up, the voice said, "Hi, Raili?" and I cheerfully said, "Heeyy!" in recognition. My surgeon started laughing and said, "You know who I am?!", and we joked about how we've definitely been talking too much if she doesn't even have to say her name when she calls me. Luckily, I really like my surgeon, but that's SAD, to have a health issue that's such a big deal that you wind up having such familiarity with a doctor.

Anyway, my point is that right now, I'd much prefer to have my oncologist be my "starting point" for any health issues that arise for me, because she KNOWS me and my body and its history. I have a visit with her in 2 days (to start Tamoxifen ), so maybe I'll ask her about this - the extent to which she becomes my "primary doctor," and which of my health concerns are ones I should go to her for, vs. another doctor.

I think it's interesting that a month or more after radiation ended for many of us, we're still here posting up a storm - maybe even more than we were DURING radiation! There are so many unanswered questions, and so much that we now have to navigate on our own, because the clearly-charted course is over. Radiation staff's no longer at the helm - WE are. During radiation, I got kind of annoyed at having to meet with the rad. onc. every single Wed and have my breast, BP, weight, pulse, and temperature checked. It was a hassle. But now I'm feeling like, hey, wait, doesn't anyone want to know what my blood pressure is THIS week? LOL! Check-ups are done (or rather, REALLY spaced out) because I'm assumed to be fine, and really this is a GOOD thing... but it's still weird.

Hello ladies,

We're in the in-between land now, aren't we? I was like the rest of you-- I only worried about my kids' health before this time, and now I find that I notice every little, tiny "potential symptom".  I am super relieved that I finally took care of my IBS issues, but even the GI doc was surprised when I told him it had gone on for FIVE YEARS before I contacted him. He really made me nervous when he started talking about cancer of the GI tract. My breast surgeon is leaving the practice, so my main point of contact is gone, but she has handed me off to the other surgeon in her practice. She's my main doctor now and I don't even know her.

As for me? Well, I've been keeping busy with work and home life. I still live with the fear every day, but I am coping in various ways. I've started bicycling, as I have a girlfriend who has decided we need to do the Tour de Pink in Hershey, PA next October. So, early morning yoga classes and rides have been distracting me from ruminating on health.  I am hoping to learn to meditate, something I need to make time for in my life. I hear it's good for us cancer-free patients. We are cancer-free, aren't we? I think we talked about what to call ourselves, and survivor might be the label.

I have no inclinations to go near the radiation unit, though the staff was superb there. I don't miss the daily appointment, mainly because I always had cancer and worry on my mind there.  I keep envisioning that cancer was a definite period in my life, and that I should be able to close the door on it and move onwards. I have attempted to do so, but it will always be lurking in my mind, somewhere.

 3monst, Railli and June-- Sorry to hear abou the discomfort post-radiation. At least you can ask them about it. I hope it's seasonal allergies, rather than any radiation effects.June, I hope your mammo goes smoothly with no hiccups. I really detest mammograms, since my first mammo yielded my results!!! I guess I should be grateful I went when I did.  Ladies, thanks for your posts and sharing your thoughts. I don't feel so lost in the maze of breast cancer with you ladies!