Feeling really anxious lately

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hanami
hanami Member Posts: 30
edited June 2014 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

I've been feeling really anxious lately. My 2nd year after diagnosis is coming up this August 1st, so that might be aggravating it...every ache and pain right now brings up this fear of recurrence.

I had a oophorectomy in March, so I am experiencing plenty of hotflashes during the day and night. I also feel other symptoms that could be from anxiety or my mild truncal lmyphedema (some off and on thightness in chest area (no pain though), heartburn and some tight feeling in my throat (globus feeling)....my allergies are also acting up...ahhhhh....I am just ranting, sorry....

I have contacted my onc today and she's agreed to see me tomorrow to find out if I should have any diagnostic tests. I have been anxious all day and still haven't even been able to eat at all.

I am so scared and can't really tell anyone. I don't want to alert my DH and my mom is also a 2x surivor of BC, so I really don't want to alert her either until I have to.

I have two small kids and all I can think of right now is how I might not be able to see them grow up. How do you handle your fears? So far I haven't done any bone/lung/liver etc. checks, since my initial staging before chemo/mastect./radiation. Back then all was clear and by the time chemo was done I had a complete path. response. My onc told me that they will only check if symptoms arise...and so far I thought I was happy with that solution. But maybe my anxiety would lessen if I'd actually have more regular testing. I just don't know. I just wish I could move on and enjoy my life. While in active treatment I was not feeling anxious at all. I was really fine. Hhhmmmmm...I hope tomorrow's visit with my onc will help.

Thanks for letting me rant a little. I just had to get my thoughts out. 

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  • teri50
    teri50 Member Posts: 82
    edited May 2010

    I understand your feelings, because I'm the same way.  My two year anniversary is tomorrow.  I was fine during treatments...didn't think too much about having cancer...was able to shut that knowledge away somewhere.  I'm thinking about the possibility of a reoccurance and am getting more depressed.  I'm trying to work myself up to going to a counselor.  I don't like feeling this way and want to have a more enjoyable life. 

    My best thoughts to you.  I wish you well.

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  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 4,266
    edited May 2010

    hey laddies. . i'm done treatment, and found i was worrying too much "stinkin thinkin" some call it. it got real bad with a.l.s and ii have stopped them. my breast care centre offers a couselor who's new, from Mt Sainia, and i've begun seeing him. he's been really good 4 me, gave me options 2 discuss w/ my drs..i have not had any mets. so far, but am having a "rule out" endo and colonoscopy june 6th. i have been having regular blood tests from GP..they tell me there r blood markers for most cancers, and mine r clear. i have a really bad bloat on my stomach..almost 4 ", with a 3 lb. weight gain. there r a number of places in there that breast cancer is known 2 move to..hence the tests. please pray.  i think we are the enemy now, in our thoughts.  it's real imp. to have positive attitudes, hard 2 do when fear overcomes us. counselor, dr.k has me doing deep breathing exercises, and some moving meditation. i find it helpful.may still get antidepressant from gp after tests.   light and love,  3jaysmom    just read stage iiib six yrs. who knew?   read it, full of hope 4 us!

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited May 2010

    I think it is normal. I get really stressed (crabby, my DH would say) around the 'anniversary' times, before checkups, when I have to make travel plans a couple months out (like it would be bad luck to have a plane ticket, and if I do book a flight and it's near an appointment time, I make sure I don't have my recheck until after I get back, so if something's wrong I won't ruin my trip, or not get to go). I think it is a post-traumatic stress thing (because you are too busy just staying alive during active treatment). I've found that accepting these feelings, and even having a sense of humor (gallows humor, maybe) about how crazy I get helps me a lot. Good luck to us all! Ruth

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited May 2010

    Hanomi,

         I think we all feel that way, with every ache and pain, it is so scary I know, Ruth is right,they say it is PTSD  try to breathe Im wishing good results for you let us know how you are doing,

    3jays- Congrats on finishing your chemo- wait gain is normal from steriods and chemo- Also there are woman here that are almost 20 yrs out so there is hope for us all

    angel hugs,

    debbie

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  • hanami
    hanami Member Posts: 30
    edited May 2010

    Thank you all for the kind posts....I had a pretty good night and a really good talk with my husband.I first didn't want to let him know about today's appointment, but then I decided to spill the beans. I am glad I did. I will update once I am back from my onc.

      

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  • hanami
    hanami Member Posts: 30
    edited May 2010

    Update: I saw may onc today and we've gone over my fears. We did a blood test (results Tuesday) and she also suggested a Thyroid check, since she felt my neck looked "bigger" to her than last time we saw each other. She checked my scars (double M) and felt for lymphnodes. I will have an ultrasound, which she said was to reassure me, not because she felt anything of concern. I also got a prescription for Xanax that I can take when I get too scared again with the next doc's appointment. In the past I even found that just having the pills, without even taking any, was enough for me to keep the anxiety manageable. 

     I felt a lot better after the appointment, but of course now I'll be nervous until the blood-work comes back. I was never checked for tumor markers before (that I know of)...so we'll see how that goes. THE US of the mastectomy-scar area and the thyroid-check will be later this month.

     Time to get off the computer now and start living a little more (especially since I just lost 3 full days to worrying).

     Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond to my thread and encouraged me. 

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  • hanami
    hanami Member Posts: 30
    edited May 2010
    Good news. My onc just sent me an email and it seems they rushed the blood analysis: the results of the complete work-up was perfectly normal Laughing . I'm so glad I got the results so quickly. 
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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited May 2010

    Great, Great news, keep us posted (((((((( hugs))))))))))

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  • kindone
    kindone Member Posts: 523
    edited May 2010

    Great news, and so soon too. Thank God

    Bety

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