June 2010 Mastectomy

I somehow find it encouraging to note that we're all grumpy and scared.  It somehow makes me feel a bit more normal. Is that weird?

Today has been pretty crappy so far. It's designated cleaning day and everything is supposed to run like clockwork. I woke up at 5:30 AM to put in the first load of bedsheets and get lunches packed for my daughters (I know, I know ... at nearly 17 and 20, they can do this for themselves, but it's one of the few things I still do for them ...). Well, guess what? I'm out of detergent. So, I flip my packed schedule around a bit and go out to the store at 7 AM.  So, now I'm running very low on gas. I run to the gas station after the store, get home, put the first load of laundry in. Since I'm dressed, I decide to run out now to the post office and to Wal-Mart to check if they have cheap button down pajama tops (Yay! They do!) and to re-stock my freezer. (Did I mention that my refrigerator died two days ago and we had to replace it? I lost everything in my freezer, which I had already started stocking for after the surgery.) On my way to the post office, my sister called ... her daughter missed the school bus and my sister can't leave work.  Can I please go give her a ride? This caused a minor melt down as I deviated from my plan yet again. When I arrived at my sister's house, I had tears streaming down my face. A half hour later, I get to WalMart, skip the post office and run home to meet a 10:00 AM appointment.  Ha!  Just missed her ... she left a note and she's gone.  She says she'll be back this afternoon, but ... oh, yeah, I won't be here this afternoon because I have an appointment with the PS for pre-op and marking of the incision, which is probably the reason I'm so on edge today.

ReneeW53, I'm like you.  I started with a really great attitude. I'm normally a pretty even-tempered, go-with-the-flow type of person.  Now, after two surgeries so far and the next one coming in 6 days, I'm just really grumpy. If today is an example, we can now add weepy to my list of charming qualities. Part of me wants the surgery to be done. Another part wishes Wednesday would stay a week away forever.

Marm, I totally understand trying to be strong for the family. I'm like that, too. It seems that, as moms, we're always the strong ones that hold everything together. It's hard to step out of that role and be the one leaning on others instead.

Jeanne, you're right. We are stronger than we imagine and we can and will do this. 

Now, I'm going to pay bills and write down all my questions for the PS. This day won't get the best of me.

Hang in there, ladies. It's going to get better. We'll all have beaches and summer cottages and wonderful trips and great times in our future. Just as soon as we get past this bump in the road ... 

Thanks for listening to my rant. 

Getty. 

Getty, you sound pretty normal to me.  Often days I look to the sky and just ask " can I please catch a break?"  Since mine is still a month away I am still int he going with the flow stage.  Most of the time I try to just forget about it.  I'm a stay at home mom and more often than not I don't talk to another adult all day.  Some days I am so thankful for that, others I would just kill for some kind of escape and time to myself to think.  It seems the only time I think is in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping.

reneemac- It sounds promising that you shouldn't get post poned again, I still have my fingers crossed for you.

I also agree that because we are women we feel like we just have to keep plugging along and make sure everyones laundry is folded and put away, dinner on the table, groceries bought all with a smile on our face.  Sometimes I am nervous that I will shut down after the surgery once I can't do anything.  I am hoping I have the feeling of elation so many other have spoken about to have the surgery behind me and the cancer "gone". 

jmac, I wanted to say I am so sorry that the birth mother decided to keep the baby.  You must feel like you have been kicked while you're down.  I hope you're doing ok.

I'm also in June. June 18th. BMX immediate reconstruction with the expanders. 

I have to admit I'm a little freaked about not looking the same after. I know the surgery and chemo will be hard too. I was diagnosed in May found a lump on my own. The only history in my family is great aunts.

I am a single mother of twin 7 year old autistic boys. I am also concerned about the recovery time and how I will feel on chemo. 

Thank you all for posting! Reading your posts helps me. I too feel stressed, excited ,anxious, and weepy often. I feel like i'm running through these emotions so quickly I can't keep track. I too worry about how it will all get done. I'm a single mom so everything has been going through my head how will the yard work get done, house cleaned ,laundry, etc etc.  

ahhhh- insomnia.  Went to bed at 9:30, read for two hours, been laying there for an hour and a half now.  My son will wake up in about an hour.  So much for sleep

Diane, thanks for telling us about your surgery and recovery.  I think you're right, that it will make a huge difference after surgery to know we're on the road back to health instead of still swimming in this murky cancer muck. You guys in the previous months' threads are a real inspiration to me. It's good to read about the recovery phase.

Laurie, I hate it when my mind's wheel starts turning in the middle of the night! My GP gave my a prescription for a very low-dose Xanax when all this started out back in March.  I have yet to fill that prescription, but is that something that one of your doctors might do for you? My doctor told me that it's an anti-anxiety and would help me get a good night's sleep.  She also assured me that she would make sure that I didn't get addicted. I don't know how that's accomplished, but she seemed to know what she was talking about.

reneemac, your 8 year old sounds like a real sweetheart! I teared up at the "Thunder Cake" story. It's amazing how kids are able to say the perfect thing!  "Out of the mouths of babes ..."!  I hope your hospital lets her come to visit. I know that many times the hospitals will bend the rules when the visit doesn't involve infectious diseases. Will you have a private room? That will also probably make a difference.

StacyA, welcome to our little group. I'm sorry that we all have to get to know each other because of stupid BC, but I'm glad of the support that I've been able to find here. You do have such a full plate and it is infinitely unfair that you (and we!) have been dealt this hand. Are there friends you can call on to help? Nearby family? 

I did all my pre-admission stuff this morning at the hospital. On Wednesday morning, I just need to walk in to the surgery center and go.

The PS office suggested I buy the little string-thing that people use to hang their eyeglasses around their necks to hold my drain bulb.  Do you know that I can't find one anywhere? I checked at Target, at an Optical store, at a couple of places in the mall, at Walgreen's and at the grocery store and no luck! If anyone has any good ideas on where to look next, please let me know.

Getty. 

I went for my pre-op tests (blood and EKG) this morning. I also visited with a nurse who went over everything that I can expect on surgery day. She said that I will probably only have 1 drain and thought that a fanny pack would be a great way to hold it (my 17 year old is letting me use hers - LOL.) Finally, they had me pay my co-payment (outpatient surgery - still blows me away.) The nurse explained that with outpatient surgery, they had the option to keep me in the hospital for 23 hours after the surgery is complete without having to get an authorization from my insurance, so this makes sense now. It's also a lower co-pay.

Best of luck to everyone. Enjoy your weekend!

june 24th BM w/ reconstruction

hello stl cardinals fan - i am a webster groves mom - also at a teaching hospital.  just finished chemo may 26th and will have surgery on june 24th.  i am nervous about the surgery.  thought i would be thrilled when chemo was over but just an emotional mess.  looking forward to getting surgery over with and moving on from this.

Hi Laurie, my daughter was 3 and my son was 5 when I was diagnosed in Nov 2008.  My son doesn't want me to have surgery again, he remembers the last time and worries about me, but he does understand that I am "all better now" and that I just want to 'look' better as well.  It's less traumatic this time around I think.  They actually took the hair loss from chemo a lot harder than the surgery, we put a positive spin on it, as soon as I get surgery I won't have cancer anymore   They knew the surgery was a 'good thing'.   

Hello All...this is the first time I am posting so I hope I am helpful. I was reading everyone's post and I know I was there myself. I was diagnosed Multifocal IDC Nov. 2009 had RMX Dec 23, 2009 and just completed 4 rounds of TC. THANK GOD!! I remember when I was told a lumpectomy was no longer an option. I thought it would be impossible to make the decision to have a mastectomy. I am single and never had children and just thought about how much I loved them and didn't want to lose one. But then as surgery got closer the reality that I had cancer settled in. In the days before I just cried and wanted it all over with now. All I can say is that the day before I spent with my 12 yr old niece. We got pedicures, our hair done, and over induldge in our favorite foods. The morning of my surgery I was beyond nervous, after my shower I took a much needed ATIVAN. It really helped. My doctor also prescribed Lidocaine for me to put on to numb the area of the SNB which worked perfectly! I didn't feel a thing. It also helped that I had an entourage of friends meet me at the hospital and stayed with me in pre-op (perhaps against the rules but I didn't care) until I went in the OR. I have to say I have/had the BEST doctors both BS and PS. I spoke with both docs pre-op and they answered all my last minute questions. When I woke from surgery honestly I wasn't depressed, I wasn't in terrible pain...I was RELIEVED. The first thing I thought when I woke was THANK GOD THE CANCER IS OUT OF MY BODY. My entourage was still at the hospital and followed me post op to my room where they stayed with me until I went back to sleep. Once the anthestia wore off I won't lie going to the bathroom was not pleasant. Chest muscles so sore lifting yourself up to get out of bed was difficult. Nonetheless, I went home the next morning. Be sure to bring a pillow to hug on your car ride home...take it slow in the car. Once I was home I had about 8 pillows in my bed 2 on either side of me. Keep your arms and legs elevated under pillows you"ll be bloated for like the first 2 days. Recovery at home was truly not as bad as I thought it would be. I went home on xmas eve, xmas day was my worst then after that I was up and moving around. After the first 2 days home I was able to get myself out of bed ok. I kept on schedule with my pain meds as prescribed for the first week. After that I really didn't need them. I was amazed at how good I felt.I did have friends visit often and help me out the first 10 days. I did my arm raising exercises and completely listened to my doctors with all restrictions for lifting and movement. You will be surprised at how good you will feel. I think just the fact that the cancer is gone, will lift your spririts. Tissue expanders are uncomfortable but fortunately TEMPORARY.

 There are days that I think I've lost a lot to this disease, but I feel so thankful that I have a great team of doctors and even better group of friends to love and support me through the whole thing. I am hoping as I completed Chemo that the worst is behind me. I am looking forward to getting these TE's out of me soon and having my hair grow back!!

Good luck to everyone...you are stronger than you realize and YOU CAN DO THIS!!! 

DiDel- thank you SO much for this uplifting post:)  I think you will help me to sleep tonight.  I am so thankful to you ,people like you and bc.org that allow us to communicate with each other and support each other.  We give each  other hope and help each other find our strengths and let each other know what might be hard and sometimes what might be easier than we first thought.  ♥ 

Laurie08

I'm happy to help out! I didn't reach out to anyone and I wish I did. I've learned a lot through this experience and am more than happy to share any tidbits of info that will provide comfort or support.

Good luck to you and reach out anytime! 

 1marmalade1   I know what you mean, we usually go camping in the mountains this time of year.  I so miss it, and the grandkids are wondering why we haven't gone.  They just don't understand what's wrong with me.  After surgery I may have chemo depending on the oncotype test results so maybe no camping at all this summer.

Regaring the grandchildren, it's one thing to tell them I have breast cancer and will be "sick" for a while, it's another to try to prepare them for it.  I was told there's a course for children and grandchildren of the cancer patient at the hospital.  I may take advantage of that for them.  

Ok, two more days till surgery day.  I am not scared, I am not scared.

Thanks ReneeW53:  I finally found the eyeglass cord at WalMart in the optical department.  It was just under $4.  My husband has a whole bunch of lanyards, too, so if the cord doesn't work out, I can always switch to the lanyards. That's a great suggestion!

DiDel: Thanks so much for your encouraging posts. My surgery is coming up in 2 days (Yikes!) and I'm pretty freaked out sometimes.

Welcome gettingpastt and lucylou! Somehow, we'll all get through this next little while together. 

I think the drains are the worst part of the whole surgery.  When I had my left mastectomy my husband went to a cancer specialty store when I was in the hospital and bought me a really great camisole thing, with with pockets in it for the drains. It's called post surgical drain containment garment or something weird like that.  I think the brand is Amoena.  I found it helpful but I'm not sure I could have gotten the thing on and off by myself, it's pretty tight.  It would be useful if you have to go out in public and needed to hide the drains and also it holds all the tubes in so you can't accidentally pull one or get it tangled on something.