Dealing when mom has cancer

BCDaughter,

I totally understand what you are going through.  Although my Mom's breast cancer won't be officially diagnosed until Monday, we know it's cancer and we know she's stage iv. 

I never had grandparents growing up, and I always wanted that for my kids.  My father passed away 10 years ago, long before my children were born.  And now I have two lovely daughters (4 and 18 months) who absolutely adore their grandmother.  I had visions of them getting married, and we would be there, the 3 generations.  And now, it's being taken away from us.

I'm so angry and upset.  I'm crying all the time.  What the hell?  Who does this f**kin' disease think it is to take away my Mom?  The only parent I have left.  The rage I feel is incredible. 

My Mom has been in the hospital 5 times her entire life, 3 times to have children, one to have a polyp removed and once as a child.  That's it, she's never been 'sick', she still isn't 'sick'.  The only symptom she seems to have is a lack of energy.  I'm so upset, angry, hurt, disappointed, devastated.  And the worse feeling for me is the helplessness, I can't fix a bloody thing.  I can't make it go away, I can't protect her from it.  Instead, I have to watch as it attacks my poor mother.

So, I have no words of wisdom to share, this is horrible no matter what age you are (I'm 38).  This diagnosis is a really shitty thing and I don't wish it on anyone. 

But, at the very least, it's 'nice' to know that there are others out there that are experiencing what you are, and want to be there for you.  There are people out there that are giving you hugs, even though you've never met them.  There are people out there that are praying for you, your Mom and your family.  There are people out there who understand that this is a really horrible thing to deal with, but they're going to help you (and your Mom) on this journey.  I'm relying on this, because I know for a fact that there's no way I'm going to be able to handle this one on my own.

Hello may54

I am 24 male and my mom 56 has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having surgery within the month followed by radiation and chemo. I am so grateful I read your post. I am going to use this post you made to that woman as my base to get through these next few months. Using my energy to help my mom instead of physically feeling sick myself. I just wanted you to know that seeing those words of someone whos gone through it with your sister and seeing everything that I am currently feeling is so helpful. Thank you again

Hi MSam, and welcome to Breastcancer.org.

You've posted on a topic that hasn't been active for almost three years, so we'll jump in until other members find your post.

Can't imagine that your mother's surgeon would let someone else sit in if your mother doesn't want them to be there, however good your brother's intentions. However, there is SO much new and different information coming that it's usually recommended that a friend or relative be there to make notes. Many of our members have reported that they only remember a fraction of what was discussed.

Another option is to send a little recorder (or use the Record function of a mobile device, with the doctor's permission) to capture what's said for later review.

The main Breastcancer.org site has a Questions to Ask Your Surgeon list that can be a good place for your Mom to start thinking about questions she'll want to cover.

Your support and respect for her wishes must be so appreciated!

• The Mods

shannonbarker - why would you need to go to foster care?  There are many single moms on this site. If the cancer is in one spot and has not spread your mom's treatment should be fairly straightforward.  If you read these forums you will find that many people work and go about their lives with very little disruption during their treatment.  I am sorry you are scared, I know this is frightening when you don't know exactly what will come, but try not to worry.

Hey there! I'm only 21 and helping my mother through this too. She was diagnosed in January and you can see her stats below this post. Feel free to send me a message if you ever need anyone to talk to who's your age. I understand.