Feeling very loved (and in pain)

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Billynda
Billynda Member Posts: 121
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I got them one week ago, and WHY did I think this was going to be a cinch?????????  Denial, maybe?  Planned my daughters 2 yr bday party for two days after the surgery lol.  Because I have wonderful family I had about 10 people come at least an hour and a half before the party unexpectedly to see if I needed any help. - it makes me cry thinking of how lucky I am (ironic, I know).  I keep thinking lately:  What did I do to deserve this (breast cancer)?  and also, what did I do to deserve this (all the overwhelming love and helpfulness that I get from everywhere)?  My body hurts but my spirits are soaring.  I love my life, I love God for giving me this life - no matter how long it may be (I'm not being morbid there- no one knows how long they have), and I cry so many more tears of joy than tears of fear and pain - and that's actually quite a lot too:)

IMG_4308.jpg picture by Billynda

IMG_4318-1.jpg picture by Billynda

*edited to add pics that I keep promising*  the newborn is Buddy's future wife, fyi ;)

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  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2010

    I absolutely understand your sentiments.  It can be very overwhelming and confusing sometimes to understand, let alone explain, these feelings to 'others'.  My blessings are  great.

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  • lorrhaw
    lorrhaw Member Posts: 751
    edited May 2010

    Thanks for the great post.  It was wonderful to be reminded that, in spite of the diagnosis, it is important to be grateful for all that we have.  In some ways it would be easier to be hit by a bus and just be done with it but because we are forced to face our mortality it gives us extra reasons to enjoy everyday that we have and to be sure our loved ones know how important they are to us.

    Loved the pics also.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited May 2010

    Beautiful babies - you have so much to be happy about. 

    There is no rhyme or reason, we can ask ourselves over and over, why me, but it happens.  Luckily we've been blessed with a wonderful family and group of friends.

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  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2010

    OMG!  You can't help but feel joy looking at those pics!!!

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  • lexi4
    lexi4 Member Posts: 1,074
    edited May 2010

    Sweet babies, sweet mommy. Yup, you are blessed and you are a blessing to those around you.

    Give those babies lots of kisses. They are precious!

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited May 2010

    Billy linda ,

    we have the same tumor typer and stage erprneg, her 2 pos and stage IIIC. It's overwhelming and scary.

    I was petrified, I would not be able to continue my great life and love. Its now  5 years later, and I continue to thank God  everyday for my life. Continue to hold tight to your precious babes and life's joys.It gets easier with each passing day.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited May 2010

    Billy - great to see some photos - one cute little man you have here.

    You know, at the beginning I was very consumed with the "why's" and "hows" of all of this. I think now I have just accepted that it did happen - for no good reason. Dwelling on it, and trying to make sense of it was just driving me crazy - because there is no answer. Sometimes crappy stuff just happens.

    But it is how you choose to go forward that is important. And, I felt, with having little kids too, that a happy Mum was the most important thing for my kids to have. So, I have worked on being that, and I now am in a very good place. And you sound as though you are concentrating on your blessings too. You are obviously are surrounded by a bunch of loving, caring people, and a great family. Lots of blesings to count, indeed! 

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  • kimber3006
    kimber3006 Member Posts: 586
    edited May 2010

    I know exactly how you feel.  You've got some seriously beautiful children!

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited May 2010

    billynda....your kids are adorable.

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  • DCMom
    DCMom Member Posts: 624
    edited May 2010

    Billy linda,

    The smiles on your kids faces bring such instant joy (and what a beautiful bride to be).  I would love to go back to such innocence, but they say we gain wisdom with age.  We that have experienced BC learned all too quickly how important every day is, so now we just have to take advantage of each moment, enjoy each smile, thank God all the time for our blessings, and look for the best in all. 

    You are so blessed and your kids smiles let us know that they are blessed as well.  Stay healthy and stay convinced that it is in God's plan for you to be healthy.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited May 2010

    omg he is huge.  That went quick:) Kilian just had his 4 month -he is pretty big himself....

    Super cute kids:)

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited May 2010

    you are an inspiration Billynda..

    you have the most awesome attitude

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  • KittyDog
    KittyDog Member Posts: 1,079
    edited May 2010

    Your kids are darling. 

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  • Billynda
    Billynda Member Posts: 121
    edited May 2010

    Thank you, ladies!  I am one proud Mama:)  and lkc, I always find you inspiring too because I noticed that we have pretty much the same everything - so keep on keepin' on!!!

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  • Beverly11
    Beverly11 Member Posts: 443
    edited May 2010

    Your children are incredible blessings.  Thankyou for you post & the photos.

    Bev

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited May 2010

    Beautiful babies!  They will thank you much later in life for "hooking them up" so early (ha ha)....Seriously, I never spent much time on the whys and hows.  No one in this world should have to suffer, but many do....

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  • joystars
    joystars Member Posts: 95
    edited June 2010
    Billynda, Wow! beautiful pictures of your babies. Got some tears of happiness!
    Need to confess you are my inspiration now, I know I can make it.
    And can't really wait to have my baby in my arms and once that happens nothing else will matter, boob away, chemo treatment... nothing!
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  • bejuce
    bejuce Member Posts: 97
    edited June 2010

    From a fellow mother with cancer, I know how you feel about all the joy and fear.  Wonderful to hear that your spirits are keeping you in check.  Summer is here and with it the happiness and joy our children feel when being so carefree.  Hope you'll have a wonderful summer and as pain free as possible!

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