Mum given bad prognosis

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katherinelynne
katherinelynne Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I'm 24 and my mum was first diagnosed with breast cancer when i was 13. Back then they removed the lump and she was treated with radiotherapy. Then when i was 19 she was rediagnosed. Apparently 95% of the time the cancer spreads down through the lymph nodes but mum was one of the 5% where it spread up and it had travelled through her chest wall. She went through 10 months of intense chemo and radio and then herceptin. She was pretty much given the all clear although she continued on the heceptin because they were still doing trials of it here. Then at the end of last year she was dianosed with cancer in her lungs (although technically they still say that it is breast cancer). She started on one type of chemo but reacted really badly to it so they took her off it. Then at her last appointment with her specialist she recieved the news that her prognosis was not good and that we should be making the most of all the time we have this year because it is highly likely that she won't be around next year. I am in absolute shock. I am an only child (although i do have a half sister on my dad's side) I can't imagine my life without my mum. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel so many emotions and i'm scared of losing her.

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited May 2010

    Of course you are scared of losing her, and have many complex emotions. Your mum probably does too. We all have different ways of handling this.  There is no 'right' way for everyone.

    Many people like to have a nonjudgemental person to talk to about their feelings.  But other people don't want to talk about their feelings at all.   Some people want to face and talk about their potential mortality, and others do not.  

    Your mum is probably in shock too. Personally, if I was in this position (either patient or close person), I'd eventually want tell the people who are close to me how helpful they have been to me.

    Its important that you take care of yourself.  If you need to, I found it helpful to talk to a counselor, but other people can use friends, or this board.

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  • Laurie08
    Laurie08 Member Posts: 2,891
    edited May 2010

    I am so sorry for you and your family.  I lost my mother in 2005 to breast cancer and have recently been diagnosed now myself. I was 28 when I lost my mother and am 34 now.  My mother is (not was) my best friend and my world.  She lived five years from the time she was diagnosed.  My exact words were to my husband "if she dies you will have to put me in a padded room somewhere- I can not live with out her, I'll snap."

    Well, I am still here.  I have had two children without her and I smile and I live my life the best  I can so she can be proud of me.  When we all went through the worst of it, the last 4 months or so that she was alive,  I spent as much time as I could with her.  I worked my 40 hours in 4 days so on the fifth day it was her day- she picked what we would do and we would go do it, or sit and do nothing together.  When the end got really close I went on FMLA leave from my job and cared for her along with my father at home.  There is a strength that came to me that I did not knew existed.  To be honest when it got down to it, it wasn't about me losing my mother.  It was just about her.   

    In order for me to deal with my fears and emotions I enlisted the help of a therapist that I could talk to and work things out mentally while I was helping my Dad care for my mother.  I would suggest that- someone to just ramble to that you never have to feel guilty about.  Then just make it about your mother, love her, support her and laugh with her.  We actually managed to laugh alot right until my mother passed away, but that was becasue of my mother, she was an amazing person who still cracked jokes and was able to be ok with it all.

    If you need someone to talk to you can PM me.  

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  • gaia
    gaia Member Posts: 6
    edited May 2010

    hi

    don't worry, the doctor is just predicting something that might not happen, my aunt was told that she only have 6 month to live, she lived 4 years. in cancer, patients are the doctors :)  encourage her to fight. let her see another onco, there are so may good drugs, and promising trials, discuss this with another onco. you know, i heard lately a prominent oncologist says: cancer patient dies only when their doctors let go. fight girl and encourage your mom to fight. she will beat this, i am sure :)

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