Stupid thing that's become too important

Men aren't really good at reading minds.

But maybe he'll totally surprise you with a new one for your birthday.

Anne

I love this post and can sooo relate. My hubby and I discussed an upgrade to my ring a few years ago, our 10 year anniversary came and went last summer, then BC in the fall and I'm coming up on a bday and end of chemo in June... not that a new diamond would change my world but hey, we can afford it and I would be one happy camper if I got a big ole' new diamond on my last day of chemo!!! I'm one of those people though that if I have to tell him step by step what I want then it would ruin the specialness for me. Good luck and hope you get your new ring!

Journey, I think you hit on something when you asked yourself, why is acquiring a new ring is so important?

Why do you think?

Ladies - just be careful what you wish for!  I also had a teeny diamond in an inexpensive setting. After 24 years the whole setting just kind of crumbled one day - fortunately I found the little diamond on the floor where it had fallen.  I gave it it to my DH, telling him that for our 25th anniversay I'd like him to get it reset, but to keep in mind that it probably broke out of the little setting because it wanted to grow into a nice big diamond!  He got the hint.  On our 25th he presented me with a beautiful new diamond.  That very night we were cooking ourselves a gourmet dinner and I dropped the cutting knife on my foot.  Completely severed the tendon that connects the big toe to the ankle, so my big toe drooped.  I ended up having tendon repair surgery and was in one of those big black Frankenboots for 8 loooooong weeks.  Then barely three weeks after I got out of the Frankenboot, I found the lump!  My DH and I now tease about the big diamond and call it the "Rock O' Doom!"    I had the little diamond made into a pendant so I still have the sentimental value of the first diamond he gave me.

On a serious note, though, I hear you.  Even in this case, I had to pretty much spell out to my wonderful DH that I really really wanted a new diamond.  And this was even before b/c.  And a few months ago, I sat my DH down and told him I knew how much he's done for me over the last 2 years, but sometimes I feel really down (maybe the Femara) and that I need the occasional boost. I said it would mean the world to me if he just brought me flowers or champagne for no reason, or surprised me by cooking a nice meal, etc. I told him I just need little things like that to help me move beyond cancer and find that "new normal" everyone keeps talking about.   And to his credit, he's been very good about things like that ever since.  I think sometimes we expect our poor men to be mind readers - as a whole they tend to be very concrete practical little beings, and sometimes need to have things spelled out for them.  I think Jane's advice is perfect. 

Journey, I agree with the others - spell it out! Depending on his personality, it can be in a heart-to-heart, or in a casual conversation, or in an amusing fashion. Whatever works.

When I was about to turn 50 I knew I would feel down if my dh didn't get me something special. I also knew he wouldn't have a clue what to get and would be afraid to get the wrong thing. So a few months before my birthday I told him that I wanted him to get me either a certain watch or a ring with my 6 kids' birthstones and the surprise would be that I didn't know which one he would get. So - he told my sisters what I had said, they got me the watch, and he got me the ring! He sure came through once a hint the size of a brick fell on his foot.

Leah

Turning 50 is a huge reason to celebrate. When I turned 50 last year, I planned my 50th birthday celebration. My kids wanted to do something at my daughter's house, but I chose to have it at one of the restaurants I took my kids to, over the years. Everybody was told in advance that they would be responsible for their own bill and bar tab. Tacky? Not one person complained, the back room at the restaurant was full and we had a blast.

Men can be clueless and sometimes need more than a hint. Tell him what you truly want and the reason behind it. This birthday is a celebration of YOU and you deserve more than the sonic jewelry cleaner! Best of luck and happy early birthday!

Linda

I just had to say this ... my husband and I had talked about this for about a year ... the diamond he got me when we married 6 years ago was small and although beautiful, was not exactly what I wanted.  It wasn't until last Dec. when at a happy hour w/ girlfriends one of them mentioned that her husband had promised her a new ring for her 10 year anniversary and well, she just decided to go look and found one she loved and decided what the heck and just bought it and came home and showed her hubby who she said was rather relieved she taken care of her Christmas present.  She was showing it off to all of us and I was inspired. 

I know my husband isn't great at surprises and didn't trust him to go buy me what I wanted so I told him I was going to go buy what I wanted and if he wanted to come along that would be fine.  We went several places ... ended up at Jared's.  Awesome place to go .. they have a beautiful selection. Maybe that's not the most romantic way to have it done but it was so much fun trying out all the possibilities and then actually get to take one home! Highly recommend it.

2 weeks later I was diagnosed with BC.

Not to rain on everyone's parade, but here's another perspective . . .

My engagement ring was a family heirloom --  a diamond in the center of gold spokes between which were dark red rubies. The diamond was small and the rubies worn, but I loved it for its character and uniqueness. On our third anniversary my husband gave me another family ring -- an antique gold setting into which we put three pearls we'd "won" at a seaside oyster booth. I wore them both everyday and was so proud of them -- even though they weren't terribly valuable.

On a business trip, about six years into our marriage, I managed to lose them both in an incredibly stupid and careless way. I was frantic and devastated when I discovered them gone and realized what had happened. I called my husband in a storm of tears. He was soothing but couldn't talk long. He was in a meeting with a friend of ours who was doing some design work for us. About four months earlier, her husband had been killed in Italy, leaving her with two young daughters to raise on her own. Ladies -- that dried my tears fast. I'd lost my rings, but I still had the man. I've never asked for, nor expected replacements. I miss them still -- and hope that whoever found them where I'd left them and didn't turn them in has joy of them. But I've had joy of my husband every day for twenty more years.

I don't want to sound prissy or even poo-poo the value of what a big/new diamond might mean -- I do remember how much I loved my rings and how much they meant! But instead of stressing over the symbol of your love and your triumph -- how about rejoicing in the love itself and the triumph itself in living everyday more completely with each other?

WHHHOOOOPPPPPPEEEEE  !!!!!!!  (The weekend sounds amazing)