Anybody else have problems with relay for life?

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WendyK
WendyK Member Posts: 151
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

My coworkers always put in a team and want me to come out and walk with them. I'm doing ok health wise, but I just get way too emotional at relay for life and basically cry all night long. The survivor's lap....I see my chemo nurses, my doctors, fellow patients and then I start to think about all the people who have died since I began this journey. And the luminaries..I just stand with tears pouring down my face. I know some people find this therapeutic..this grieving, but I just find it emotionally draining and am "off" for days afterwards. Any thoughts?

Wendy

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  • cmb35
    cmb35 Member Posts: 1,106
    edited May 2010

    Hi Wendy,

    You have survived cancer. If you don't want to go to an event that focuses on cancer because the emotions it stirs up are too raw then you shouldn't go. Period!

    Maybe it's because I've gone to visit a friend's Relay team since before I was dx, but I'm one of those that find Relay uplifting. The one we participate in is VERY active, and it really is like a huge block party for the most part. Yes, the Survivor lap and Luminary Ceremony are emotional, but for me at least, it's not a bad emotional.

    I don't like walking in the Survivor lap for a couple of reasons. One is I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb due to my age (despite what my son says, I'm young - at least compared to people in their 60s and 70s!) I also just don't like attention focused on me like that. So this year I asked my son if he was OK with me not doing the Survivor lap, and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "whatever you want Mom!" (Apparently, he doesn't remember the importance he placed on it in other years! LOL)

    You are the only one that matters here though. If it makes you upset or emotional, and particularly if you stay upset for days, then you shouldn't do it, and your coworkers should understand that. A simple, "I really appreciate it you guys, but it's just too emotional for me." should be all you need to say. Anyone who tries to convince you to do it anyway is probably well-meaning, but ignorant.

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  • NatureGrrl
    NatureGrrl Member Posts: 1,367
    edited May 2010

    cmb said it well.  I agree -- do what's right for you. Everyone is going to have their own reaction to this kind of thing.  I know plenty of people who enjoy participating, get a lot out of being around other cancer warriors, etc.  I personally haven't gone to any of these events since my own dx for my own reasons.  At some point, some day, you (and I) may feel differently, but even if you don't, that's OK.  And you don't owe people explanations -- as cmb said, a short thank you but no thanks is enough. 

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited May 2010

    I agree with CMB about doing what you need to do for your emotional health. If you feel that you can't handle the stress of the evening, then explain it to your coworkers and they should understand.

    I too cry during the survivor lap and caregiver lap, I walk both laps with my mother. She was diagnosed in 2001, and we both helped each other through our cancer treatments as well as her sister who was dx with unknown origin cancer in 1978.

    Our relay is like Cmb's more like a block party with plenty of food available and fun activities. This year our support group is having a food booth along with the hospital and we are selling authentic New Orleans Chicken Gumbo and mardi gra beads. Our team name is the Mardi Gras Mammas. Our shirts are the mardi gras colors and our theme is 'the Mammas want to know if you have had your mammo lately?'

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