PEOLPLE CAN BE MEAN

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weldon
weldon Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

 MOM HAS BREAST CANCER FOR THE THIRD TIME, AND WE FOUND OUT, I AM AT HIGH RISK,  WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR HAIR AT CHEMO FAMILY MEMBERS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS, I THOUGHT STRANGERS STARED AND KNEW, BUT FAMILY , SAY OH LOOK AT YOU, OH YOU WILL BE FINE, WHO OUT THERE CAN RELATE, I BUY MOM HATS AND SCARVES, AND  LOSING YOUR HAIR IS THE HARDEST TING FOR A WOMEN TO GO THROUGH, I  HOPE PEOPLE REALIZE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT COMES WITH BREAST CANCER THEY NEED ALL THE SUPPORT YOU CAN GIVE  THEM

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  • Sydney6
    Sydney6 Member Posts: 172
    edited April 2010

    weldon - You sound like a wonderful, caring daughter.  A lot of people don't know how to handle it so I think they tend to be a bit dismissive.  Your immediate family is living it so you have a different perspective and awareness of the way things are.  Your mom is a very fortunate person to have such supportive daughter.  I hope all goes well with her treatment.  Please know that for all the stupid people out there that there are also a lot of good people.

    Sue

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited April 2010

    weldon ~ For the most part, I think people mean well when they say something to try to minimize what we're going through, or even try to inject some humor into what's perhaps an uncomfortable situation for them.  And until we're the ones going through bc or chemo or something equally as serious, I don't think we're even aware of how trite or inappropriate or annoying some of those comments can be.  In fact, there are several threads here that deal with just that.  One is called something like "Worst things people have said to you," and some of the comments are really unbelievable. 

    I see from your diagnosis section, which I assume is your Mom's, that she's Triple Negative, and I wanted to suggest that you and she might want to find that section here, if you haven't already.  (Click on FORUM INDEX above.)  I think you'll find it especially helpful to share her situation and concerns with other women dealing with the same type of bc.

    As far as being High Risk, some larger medical centers actually have high risk programs where they test and monitor you more carefully, including genetics testing, if appropriate.  Hopefully, you are already at or can find that type of program to be sure you're doing everything possible to manage your risk.

    Glad you've found BCO, and I hope we can be a support to you and your Mom ~     Deanna

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  • weldon
    weldon Member Posts: 4
    edited April 2010

     AM worried at being high risk,. i go to Syracuse's n,y, people are great there, my mom found her lump at home,  after the mammogram showed nothing. , , she informed me, today she may not have the strainght, as  her first time, and i understand, .  thank you for suggestion triple  negative i hope it helps her, , it good to know she not going through this alone

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  • gaia
    gaia Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2010

    mom had her first round of chemo, i bought her a good quality false hair, so when she needs it , she will use it. people are stupid and mean about cancer patients with their false pity

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  • weldon
    weldon Member Posts: 4
    edited May 2010
    Cry my mom lost her hair again,  PEOPLE STARE AND I JUST TRY TO COMFORT HER, FAMILY CAN BE MEAN AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT, I LOVE HER JUST FOR HER NOT HER HAIR. WHY CANT OTHER PEOPLE.
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  • Sydney6
    Sydney6 Member Posts: 172
    edited May 2010

    Weldon - I'm sorry your mom and you are going through this.  I'll bet the fact that you love and comfort your mom means so much to her.  When my mom was going through brain cancer she lost her hair a few times.  She did not want to wear a wig, as it was uncomfortable, and she only did so a few times that I can remember - one time was at a wedding.  I think she recognized that it is what it is and that those thoughtless, stupid people just don't have a clue.  Just focus on her and don't waste your energy on them.  

    Sue   

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  • frangipangi
    frangipangi Member Posts: 13
    edited May 2010

    Hi Weldon,

    I am so sorry that you & your mum are suffering so much now.

    When I first lost my hair I felt bare, naked. I felt that I looked like a victim and it terrified me. Once I got used to it though, I felt almost liberated in a strange way. I know that sounds weird, but breast cancer can strip us bare of our breasts, our hair, eyelashes etc. but it can't take our inner strength. I chose a couple of wigs in styles my 'real' hair wouldn't manage - one super long, a straight bob with a fringe and a curly bob. I loved the fun element and it amused me to see other people's reactions! I did however, spend lots of time with my bald fuzzy head and got to the stage where if people stared or commented, it was their problem, not mine.

    Women are strong, mums are stronger. Your mum will be a fighter because she has you. I noticed your post because I have just blogged on this subject. Please let me know if you would like to access it & I'll PM you.

    People are often insensitive but it tends to stem from their own personal fear and lack of understanding. My son who was only 7 at the time noticed this too and got upset, but hid it from me because he didn't want me to be upset...Us mums are strong though!

    If you are concerned about your own situation re breast cancer, speak to your doctor. I understand your fear, its normal.

    Your mum is so lucky to have you,

    Frangipangi 

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