Starting Chemo April 2009

Judy..glad those meds are kicking in....and you will be back to normal soon...when you have the kids at home..well...mom's really don't have time to be sick do they??? It's like..oh mom..you had your breast removed today..sorry to hear that..what's for dinner?? kinda of thing.

And like you said..we wouldn't have it any other way! I guess that just "normal" life makes us be normal..does that make sense???? Even during chemo I never was really allowed to just lay around..there was just too much other stuff going on....track, grad partys, ect....looking back now I think it was probably a good thing.....I just had to put it at the back of my mind and persevere.....



Oh and I slept straight through the night last night...I didn't wake up screaming, no hot flashes (which are few and far between now anyway)..but that certainly felt good!



Wishing good nights of sleep to all of you...it really seems to make a difference....sleeping well, eating well, taking the vitamins....exercising....I think I wear myself out!



Oh..and on the news at 6 tonight...they said something about a cure for cancer..going on in Cleveland! Wouldn't that be something....however, my bed time is 10 so I guess I will hear about it tomorrow! But you heard it from me first...hee hee!

I'm sorry all, but I've been feeling like crap again -- as in almost as bad as when I was doing chemo! :-O Dunno if it's the Femara, the Coumadin or the combination, but I am SICK TO DEATH of the unending fatigue, painful joints, hot flashes, and getting up in the middle of the night. I have at least three or four crying jags a day, too. 

Lena - Very glad to hear from you, not so glad to hear how badly you feel.  I am not one to tell anyone else what they should or should not do, but I can tell you that you have made a difference in my life and obviously others on this site (why would we be calling for you and your stories when we miss you?).  I hope you and your oncologist, or another oncologist, or a pain specialist, or someone, can help you to improve your quality of life, so that you will want to stay with us....expiration dates are for things that spoil...Lena does not spoil!

I'm sure others will be right behind Helen and I to support you, and you can bet you'll be getting some "Judy hugs" , but I'll send you some till she gets here ((((hugs))))

Geri

Lena - I felt the same way when I was on Femara - it was like a nightmare how quickly in 2 weeks it made me feel.  As soon as I stopped it, i felt much better - I would advise you to talk to you doctor about stopping it since you are having some pretty intense se's.  Don't give up, your life is worth fighting for - it is the pain and crap that needs to give up. 

I am feeling much better since stopping Fareston (go figure) and had my blood drawn yesterday for hormone level testing.  I'm hoping they come back low, so I can argue my point that I don't need and apparently my body can't handle hormone therapy.  I had problems with the pill and all of that crap before, so what makes them think I can handle them now? 

Hi all,

Lena - I was so sad to read your posting. I am so sorry that you feel so bad and that you feel like you want to give up. Please talk to your doctor, see if they can give you diff meds that will have lesser side effects or maybe just stop some of the meds. It is not only, that we all want you to get through this, but I have a feeling that you still have so much to give to those around you, that it is not quite time for you to be checking out yet....Hang in there, come here to talk to us whenever you need to and let us know how it goes with the doctor. One more thing...none of us will ever be what we were before again, but we all have so much more strength than we ever realized we had. And if you feel like you are running out of yours, then I am sending you some of mine and of course, lots of (((((HUGS)))))!

Chelev - it is good to hear from you!

Hugs to you all for a good day, Judy xxxxx

Judy - you always are so kind when you respond to any of us who are having a hard time.  Lena, you have many people here who care about you, and I hope that brings you some comfort that you are not alone in your feelings.  Titan - mammos are bound to be stress-inducing -again, you have all of us with you (me, I don't have to get them any more - bil. mx now, but they were a useless test for this particular cancer, so that is why both breasts are now gone).

I start back to work part-time tomorrow.  4 weeks from the surgery, and I am still somewhat sore, but my employers are great - just do whatever you can, and go home when it's been enough!  You know, you just have to ask why everyone can't be like that - they also know I would never take advantage of them, so I guess it works both ways.  I am going to take the advice I gave to Judy - be good to myself and don't overdue!

Thinking of all of you (and Lena, do let us know if your appointment this week offers you any solutions to how you are feeling.

Geri 

Hi all, just passing through quickly today.

Lena - I hope you are ok and even if you are a little quiet, I hope you have visited us to see that we are all here at the ready to help and support you whenever you need it.

Geri - your picture looks great! You look very chic! Good luck back at work and take care of yourself.

Titan - Mamos are not fun. I like Geri, don't have them anymore. Hang in there! I also feel like I have a whole group of friends here who I can talk to. The fact that we can relate to all these crazy issues, makes it so much easier for us to share and help each other.

To everyone else, I hope you are all very busy with your lives, hope they are very boring and mundane! (I know you all know what I mean by that).

Take good care, hugs to you all, Judy xxx

Titan - glad the mammo is over, with good results. That is a relief. My hope is that after we get a few good mammos, we wil get more used to GOOD NEWS and the strong memory of the one where we got the BAD news will start to fade a little bit.  We are still too close to the beginning of this and the memory is still fresh. That is why (I believe) we get so triggered when we go back into that environment.

When I had my first mammo after tx, she hit the port with that plate and it HURT. I was too busy dealing with that to be worried about the results. So I slid by a little bit, I guess.

OK - break out the Martini glasses...I'm down to single digits as of today on the Herceptin (9 to go!).  I'll actually be having a cosmo, but I'm buying (virtually), so please, order any thing you like, and we'll toast to better days ahead for all of us.

Next celebration for me will be July 6th - last Herceptin (I did get bumped back a week with the surgery recently, but decided not to commit felony doctorcide, though i did give it careful consideration

Back to work yesterday part-time....exhausted at the end of the day, but took it slow today, and feel better.

Titan - so glad your mamo is over AND most importantly with good results - so you can have two martini's if you want.

Lena - your appointment is Thursday, right?  I hope you can get some relief from all those crappy symptoms.

Amy - I hear you about crushing the port during mammo - before the mx on the other side, they wanted the mamo to be sure there wasn't anything obvious.  I wouldn't move my hand away from the port when the tech was lowering the paddle.  She kept telling me she does these all the time - well, I don't, so my hand stayed right over the port till the paddle was almost pressed down - what a baby she must have thought I was, but we al know we have to be our own best protectors!

Judy - how is work going for you?  Still as tired, or are you adjusting to the change?

And to everyone....Cheers (clinking glasses)

Geri 

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I am furious - I was laid off on Monday afternoon - after 6 years with my company - and they laid me off - they want to go in "another direction" marketing wise.  Meaning the boss wants one of his buddies to do it and needed me to go.  They said it was nothing that I did or didn't do, my performance was fine, I worked my behind off for that company, giving my entire energy, enthusiasm and creativity - and now, buh bye!  They did give me a package where I will get pay and health ins. for 18 weeks, I think out of guilt because of the bc - but it is so tight in the job market, especially for marketing / pr / events.  DH and I already discussed worst-case scenarios in case I end up on unemployment - we won't be able to make ends meet with just that.  Just when I thought my life was finally back to "normal" and BAM, another terrible bout of news.  I have been sick to my stomach for days now, not sleeping well, crying like a baby and fearing that this stress will some how cause the cancer to come back.  My former co-workers were really upset, nobody saw this coming at all - I certainly didn't - and I will have some great references from my former work buddies, but crap, why now? 

Chelev - I am so sorry to hear this! This is not what you need, when you were getting right back on track. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better about it. Just try to take each day at a time. You are not at the worst case scenario yet. Hang in there and try and keep your cool. Don't let yourself get too upset and stressed about this - your good health is more important!!!

Please keep us posted on any developments and come her to vent any time...

Hope everyone is doing ok today, hugs to you all, Judy xxx

Chelev - how are you doing today? Please check in when you can and let us know that you are ok.

Helen  - so nice to hear from you! I like the idea that there may be a silver lining! Thinking positive is so important! How are you doing? How are the wedding plans coming along? It must be getting very exciting!

Hope everyone is doing ok today and wishing you all a restful, warm and sunny weekend!

Hugs, Judy xxx

Hi, ladies - thanks for all of the positive notes - it really helps with my self esteem!  I did ask about the BC thing and they absolutely emphasized no, it has nothing to do with it.  I did sign a separation agreement which states that I "voluntarily" left the company - and the ONLY reason I did that was to get the 18 weeks of pay and health insurance they are offering, and will continue to pay even when I find another job.  Plus they will not contest unemployment when and if I need to file for that - I am holding off for now, so I don't start the 99 week clock ticking until it gets closer to the end of the 18 weeks.  Registered for a professional networking seminar by the workforce development agency, and am sending out resumes and cover letters everywhere.  Every day a few more - that way I not only feel better about what happened, but the more that's out there, the better my chances of getting some call backs.  My mom took me shopping yesterday and we found suits on sale, so I bought one and she bought me one.  I haven't had to interview in so long and when I did for this last job, it wasn't super formal, but I thought I'd better look my professional best, given the market conditions today.  I also am trying really hard to not fall into a oh poor me, I can load up on junk food to make me feel better cycle, as I normally do.  I do not want to become the old me, but this will be a new me.  I will keep you posted as I move along here and again, thank you, my wonderful bc sisters, for the support, as usual!

Hi all

Chelev - How are you doing? Your posting sounds like you have the right attitude. I think that something will come along at the right time and in the meantime, stay positive! We are always here.

Amy - how are you? All healed up from being deported I hope.

Lena - how did the appt go? Please check in and let us know.

Helen, Titan and Betsy - I hope you are all ok.

This morning, we took part in the Network of Strength walk in Washington DC. It was so amazing to be able to do it. Last Mother's Day, my husband and kids did the walk and I was home in bed. It was the day my hair fell out. I remember it was just awful.

It was such a good feeling to be able to be there and feel a part of it. Of course I also find it so upsetting that there are so many people who have been touched by this horrible disease.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful ladies!!!

Hugs, Judy xxx