Depression 1 month after mastectomy
Comments
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Hey, ladies...it's a contest!!! woohoo...the low D girls...
I wouldn't have asked to have my levels checked if it hadn't been for that other thread....wow. Makes you wonder how low other women are, AND if this contributed at all to our DCIS. Wonder, too, how long we've been low......
I think our low Vit. D levels are the reasons we're overweight, under tall, have bad moods, dont' have energy, get gripey, want to go shopping, don't feel like cooking, hate to do cleaning, don't like to do laundry, like to stay on the computer, would rather go out to eat, prefer to go on vacations rather than work, and many other numerous things in life....
don't you???
blessings..robin
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Here is one link and there are others, just have to figure out how to put them all in one post. I am using a MAC and usually use a PC.
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Sorry, here is another one --- then I found one on Vitamin D council.
www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/news/20080516/vitamin-d-deficiency-worsens-breast-cancer
Olivia
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HI girls! Wanted to throw out my exp with vit D. I discovered I was low (19) last year and was put on 5,000 iu's twice a day for 1 month and then switched to 2,000 iu's for life. I do feel better on it. I order it online from emersonecologics per my Dr.
HTH,
kathy
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Thanks for the info Kathy! I am surprised no one ever checked mine before. I have been having lots of muscle aches and fatigue before I was dxd. A lot of it went away after, but I am wondering if the vit D deficiency was affecting me as well! Really appreciate the link...hope you are feeling better following your surgery!!!
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How is everyone?? This week was up and down for me. I had a melt down on Monday and stayed home from work on Tuesday because I just could not keep it together.
My boss basically told me to take time off or she would force me. At the time it seemed okay but as I read all the materials from HR it is a set up - UGH! The HR people want all my medical records then they will have a board and decide if I am eligible for any of their programs. I am not quite sure how I am supposed to trust the HR people to know how to read a medical record. And then they keep your medical records with your personnel records, something seems wrong with that to me. I remember a long time ago when I was taking a class for supervisor's and was told HR is for managers not employees, that message has stuck in my head and now this seems like a set up.
Anyway, thought I would see how you all are doing.....
Olivia
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My company is pretty good with HR stuff, but you have to always remember that HR works for the company!!!
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Totally agree that is why I am not comfortable with turning over my medical records to them. The next thing I know it will be used against me for future positions.
I think I will just have to figure out toughen up and try harder not to be so tired and worn out.
Olivia
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I'm upset. My brain wasn't completely thinking when I was in the doctor's office but now I think he was subtly trying to tell me what happened. I think he put in two different size implants!
When he first walked in and looked at me he said - the left side is bigger. Which I have asked about before. This time, it has been 7 weeks from surgery, he looked back at his notes. He said they removed different amounts of tissure from each side. I said yes as I told you my right side was smaller from the 3 previous biopsies. Then he said it could be swelling. He showed me how to massage and I just know the left side has a different implant - it feels totally different, moves different and just is different. I don't think I would have any recourse unless I want to pay for it all as he can argue my breasts were two different sizes and I wanted to stay my same size. Of course I wanted them to match and I guess I should have made sure we discussed to match which side?
It was also depressing as I thought i would be under anesthesia for the nipples which he said isn't the case unless I waited till they were no longer numb. Why wait, well he said unless you were unhappy with the left side and wanted to make changes. Anyway, what I originally was getting at was concerning being under anesthesia.
Going back a bit I broke my nose in Sept. and a different PS fixed it. It looked Ok, not great but I haven't been able to breath properly and he has said I had to wait for the swelling to go down. Well, just went back to him and he now said Oh, you will need surgery to fix the breathing - it will be about a 2 hour operation (longer than the first!). He explained it in vague terms. So I asked breast PS to look and see if he could fix it while under anesthesia (when I thought I'd be for nipples) he looked. First thing he said was Are you sure they fixed the septum which also they were supposed to when fixing my broken nose? I stupidly replied oh sure they did not asking why he might have said that. He then says Yes I will need extensive inner nose reconstruction. He said work on the septum, I have nasal valve collapse which can happen from repair but is long and difficult but then I also have where the sides of my nose collapse in when I breathe which he said is very difficult and tricky to fix. He told me to go back and confront the first surgeon. Oh, and the first surgeon was very clear in saying insurance would not pay for any of this. Why? Of couse I was stunned and didn't even think to ask. He is starting his own practice in June. So now I have two big surgeries that wouldnt' be covered by insurance? Ugh I don't think I can handle all this.
Thanks for letting me share....
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Greysean,
WOW - I am so sorry! I think sometimes we trust that the Dr will do the "right" thing and we have to be our own advocates while trying to digest what they are saying, I completely understand the fog of when they are talking to you. It is hard to be the advocate and the patient at the same time.
Olivia
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Olivia; that does not seem right to me either, but with a diagnosis of breast cancer, I do not think they can possibly refuse you any benefits. I think you have been strong through all of this, so do not beat yourself up. You can not make your body heal any faster than it can, and with your Lupus, you probably need more time than most. But I think this could be viewed as discrimination....or if they approve it, then you should be eligible for disability payments. Either way, I don't think that you need worry. You are in the right, no matter how this plays out.
Greysean: I have swelling on one of my sides also. If I were you, I would postpone surgery a month or two to see if the swelling goes down. If it doesn't, you have the option of going to another PS through your insurance! I actually have made an appointment with another PS whom I have received many many references for. They take my insurance, and it is my belief it will be covered. I am seeing him, while at the same time continuing my care with my PS who did the immediate recon. At the very least, the PS is responsible for good results. If you still trust him, I would demand he make it right. Otherwise he is liable for your medical bills. I posted a topic on the forum "reconstruction" asking if insurance pays for a 'redo'. I received several responses from women saying yes, it is covered. To be sure, call your insurance and explain the situation and see what they suggest. Keep a record of the date, time and who you spoke to so that there is no confusion on what you have been told.
I hope you both have a great weekend!
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Thanks to both of you, I appreciate it.
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LadyOD - I agree they can not deny me anything but I am not comfortable with providing HR with my medical records, it does not seem right to me. I think I will see what the oncologist says on Monday and then decide what to do.
My mom fell today, this is the second time in 6 months. She is okay, just cut her face and hands. It is scary, she is 84 and was out walking their dog. I know she is shaken up a bit, I would be as well.
Hope you all have a good day tomorrow.
Olivia
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Tammy, Olivia, Greysean.....how are you all???
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whoops I am Greysean but had to change my user name. Sorry for the confusion.
I looked up the Dr. who did my nose surgery and found some awful things on the web about him but I know you can't trust everything you read. Anyway, I remembered I knew a lawyer who worked on personal injury cases and just thought I'd ask for curiosity. He said he would need to see the medical records but perhaps there may be some thing to work with. Now I am not the type who would sue someone but I would just like it fixed without spending a huge amounts of money as it shouldn't have happened in the first place so we'll see.
I actually really like my PS so I keep hoping it will just be swelling and will resemble the other side but my gut feeling is nope they are different. So I will wait and see and also see if it is something I can live with. But thanks for the suggestion of at least talking to another PS. I also go back to my BS at the end of May and so if he notices right off the bat then I'll think more about it.
Does anyone know what one's vit. D. level is supposed to be. If I missed it on this thread sorry -I'm claiming estrogen deprivation for my mind going..... Thanks.
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I don't remember exactly, but at least 80ish, I think.....the docs say normal is something like 40-60, but the thread said higher....but don't quote me....I didn't go back to look either (I'll claim I'm too tired!)
blessings...robin
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Hi Robin! Still here....getting over sinusitis...yuck!
My doctor said 30 to 60 is normal for D level. I don't know, but I think I feel better after 2 weeks on the supplement!
Have you guys seen all the posts on the recurrence? That just freaks me out! I don't even want to think about it. I am afraid to let myself get too happy or comfortable because I am afraid of jinxing myself! Then I just remind myself that it is in God's hands, not mine....................I am still freaked out........
My implants are looking better, but still a little lumpy where the drains were. BTW, the lymphatic massages have helped wonders and they really feel nice and soft now. Probably too much info, I'm just saying, I 'm glad I got the gummy bear implants. Today I treated myself to a facial afterwards...I think it took 5 years off my face!
When's your son getting home from college Robin? Soon and I bet you can't wait! How many more weeks do you have until schools out for you? Our schools get out May 24th...the kids are all excited! The weather is getting nice and they both want to go play with their friends.....homework? what homework! Ha Ha!
Greysean, aka Stanzie, what happened to your name? Sorry your having to deal with your cosmetic results right now....I am going to see another PS who has a very good name in Tulsa on May 20th. Can't wait to see what he has to say about the lumps and such. I'll keep you all posted! How has your MS been doing through all of this stress?
Olivia: Hope you are doing alright! What ever happened with HR?
Happy Weekend All!
Tammy
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Hi girls,
Just wanted to add that I saw my GP last week and she wants me to up my vit D to 4,000iu's a day to help with healing from surgery. Don't know if any of you will be or are doing radiaion but she thinks it will help me when I start that whole thing. I cannot remember what optimal levels are...sorry! I just remembered we had talked about vit D...
k
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Olivia - I sent you a PM about the HR thing. Make that two PMs.
mom3band1g (and everyone else) - After surgery I was taking 4,000 iu/day (D3), but now in rads I went back down to 2,000 b/c I was scared about the D somehow making the rads less effective. I spoke about this with my rad onc and didn't really come away with a clear answer. So confusing. I wish I'd gone to med school, but I'd probably still hate the math and the blood....eeew.
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Well, I had my 2nd bloodwork done to check on Vit D this last week. This first time 6 weeks ago, my level was 21.8, and my familiy doc told me to take 1000 IU. I knew that was not enough, so I've been taking 3000 daily. Well, I got a note from the office saying my levels were coming up...but didn't tell me what the level was! sigh...so, I called and left a msg asking for a copy of my results. Hope to have them in the mail today or Monday.
College boy is coming home today. I have mixed emotions, actually. I love having him home, but I dread the ensuing battle we will have. He has made up his mind he isn't going to return to IWU (Indiana Wesleyan Univ) where he has been. He loves his dorm and the Chorale he's in. He SAYS he wants to go to UofL (Univ of Louisville) where he turned down a full-ride last year. He didn't like that place last year. He has decided that UofL has a better psych and computer departments - even though he has not talked to anyone about this at all. He has merely "thought" it, and now it has become FACT in his mind. He has applied to UofL, but didn't finish the entire application, and hasn't even been accepted yet. He hasn't registered for fall classes at IWU either.
He's ADHD/aspergers and truly has a problem with reality. He doesn't "get" this....I'm going to get him "officially" diagnosed this summer so maybe he can get accommodations and get a coach.mentor to help him next year. However, he is far from stupid...He was a National Merit Finalist last year, and an honor grad (valedictorian) and only one of three kids in his graduating class (of 600+) to be valedictorian and earn two other top awards. One of the other kids went to Stanford!! He stopped taking his supplements this fall, and things went a bit haywire, I think. His grades plummeted, too, and he began to "forget" to do things, was late turning things in, etc...
He made dean's list 1st semester. We don't know all his grades 2nd semester, but I do know he has pulled up his grades...I know he has one A and two B's so far. He pulled 16 hours and was in Chorale and Orchestra (for no hours each) both semesters....he had very tough classes. He did miss his g'friend, and she is rather needy/clingy.
But I know this summer is going to be a battle of the wills. He was supposed to meet with people up there and then I was going to go with him and meet with people down here....and then we would support him in the final decision. However, he has not followed through on ANYTHING!!! Right now, he could end up no where in college.....sigh.
Oh, and if he doesn't have at least two more A's in his classes this semester, he will have lost his National Merit Scholarship at IWU.....
I need more stress, yes siree, I surely do.....sigh.
And I have this new place on my chest....right where my drain hole scars are. Apparently, my BS puts his drains lower than most. Mine are about half way down my rib cage area...anyway, Wed. I noticed a reddened area on my right (healthy) side about the size of a half-dollar. It was a dark red. We thought maybe a bruise, but I couldn't remember bumping it, and it was in a really odd place for me to have bumped. By Thursday, it had grown much larger and there were red dots in it too. Milo wanted me to call the doc. But Friday AM it looked better. However, when I got home from school yesterday, it was so much worse and a bigger area. Bigger than a dollar bill by now and darker. I called my BS - since it was around the drain hold scars - they had me come in to have the nurses look at it. They had no clue, but said it was warm to the touch. Brought him in and he is totally baffled. They all thought initially it was shingles, but ruled that out. But he told me to put nothing on it - no oils, lotions, creams, heat, ice....gave me a script for anti-biotics and wants to see me in ten days or if it gets worse. Thinks there could be a pull, or infection or something...never has seen anything like it before.
I was worried about truncal lymphedema at first, but they didn't think so. It's not hard. It doenst appear to be hard.
Sorry about your sinuses being infected. Mine have been too...so glad the BS gave me augmentin. Now I'll get them cleared up!
Can't believe the end of school is quickly coming! My last day is June 4th; kids' last day is June 3rd. Our school year had to be extended due to our snow days. We had seven this year - all during the time I was home recovering from my BMX.
Well, the guys are on their way home bringing home college boy....We girls stayed home because she had the SAT today.....
blessings to all....robin
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Oh brother....I did get the paperwork for my bloodwork in the mail today. It had been SEVEN weeks since the first levels were drawn. First time - 21.8. Seven weeks of 3000 IUs. Second time - a whopping 30.2
Oh brother.....at this rate, it will take a year to get to where they need to be. Good grief...
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Robin: Sorry you are under so much stress! One of my best friend's son has Asberger: he is extremely bright, but I understand your struggles! Don't worry: college will still be there this fall and the paper work WILL fall in place!!! I suspect there will still be scholarship moneys as well! He is lucky to have a mom who cares so much! Both of my parents were deceased by the time I was 16, so I had to figure out all that stuff myself. Believe me, I am sure I was late for plenty of deadlines, and hey, I finished 8 years of college......I'm also sure I did miss out on grants, but it all works out in the end. And if choices are made that lose someone their scholarships or grants, then the consequences are theirs as well. It took me 10 years to pay off all of my student loans, but I did it! And even if he has 2 B's, his GPA is still higher than the majority of the entering sophomore class: I really don't think they will deny him a scholarship, especially if you can show that it was a result of the Aspbergers.
As far as the D values go, at least they are up.........
..............Hey they are low normal now! Plus it is summer and once you start enjoying some sun, it will help a bunch. 10" a day is enough to help!
OK, hope this cheered you up....I put a lot of effort in it with all the emotional faces and all
Seriously, cheer up Hon! It will all be alright. Today, I learned a lesson about grief and felt that I was so lucky to be a bc survivor! I was in line at Sam's, and true to myself, struck up a conversation with a woman next to me with two young (maybe 7 and 5) daughters. We were chatting and talking about my boys when I said "well, if I did have a girl, she would have her daddy wrapped around her finger!" The woman welled up with tears and then began to tell me that she received a phone call from her husband just before coming in. He was in the hospital with complications (PLS) from one of the medicines for his MS and the doctor told him he only had 6 months to live! I was the first and only person she had told because he swore her to secrecy, not wanting anyone to feel sorry for him! I told her that only God knows when our time is up and to have faith and I gave her a huge hug and just listened and comforted her as she wept. I started crying a little also. She was embarrassed about her "melt down" but I shared with her some of my stories of my many melt downs dealing with BC, explaining that I was cancer free and one of the lucky ones. And I told her I understood and that it was going to be alright. I prayed for her and her family all the way home from the store, and I wonder if there was anything else I should have told her. Anyways, it made me realize how lucky I am to have the stress that I have, and not the one she is going through right now.......
Sometimes, although I would never, ever want to have BC, or any other cancer for that matter, sometimes I think that maybe I am a better person because of it. I am focusing more time on others instead of my mundane life, I appreciate my mundane life and realize it really wasn't so much mundane as it is blessed, and I feel so much closer to God. And I feel stronger somehow, like I have accomplished something, and I am learning to appreciate life and its many opportunities more and more. Don't get me wrong,...the fear of recurrence eats at me, but I am trying to release that to higher powers....please note the word trying.....Anyways sorry to babble, just a revelation that I had today.
Well I am off to bed.....my sister will be here tomorrow from Anchorage Alaska....it is the fourth time that I have seen her in person and about one year from when I first met her....very long, but interesting story I will share with you sometime. Her grandma (my grandma) also had breast cancer, which I found out about on New Years Eve, following my diagnosis on Christmas Eve.
Boy I am a Chatty Kathy tonight...sorry again for babbling!
Tammy PS if you go to DrPhil.com and look up Archives for Sept 15, you will see me and my sister talking to Dr. Phil in NYC. I was the blonde one with big breasts....that shirt now fits like a minidress, although I will never wear it again because my arms looked huge as I was holding them tight against me trying to cover up my tummy LOL We were also on Sept 17, but they do not show his answer.
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oh, cool....as soon as I get off this board, I'm going to look it up
thanks for all the smiley faces
you're a gem
blessings..robin
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Tammy, I have looked and looked, and I don't think it's there anymore...I found some of your comments that you wrote the day after it aired (reading some of your AMAZING story!!)....wow! SO glad you're getting to be with your sister this week
blessings..robin
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Tammy
I just viewed it, amazing!! What did Dr Phil say to do?
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I couldn't find it...how did you find it, Olivia??? I saw several other stories highlighted, but not the one about sisters finding each other...
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You have to watch the clip Season Premier in NYC: conversation in Carnegie Deli. It aired Sept 15. We were also on the 17th, but they don't have that clip on there. He told us we absolutely, positively, without doubt........pause for two days---we were a cliff hanger.........tell her! Not telling her would be betrayal by omission. And he said that it should be her choice if she wanted to meet and I quote "this precious little thing" (aka me) He must not have had his CL in that day! Ha! Ha! He was very nice...spent probably 10" with us although the two clips probably add up to 4". They wanted us to fly out to NYC when it premiered, but it never went through. They even called my brothers (who I hadn't met yet) to see if they could be there. It was fun, having my 15" of fame...they used our clip in the commercial promoting the season premier every day for the entire week before and up to the 17th. So that was fun. I had relatives, friends and patients call and say "do you have twin? I think I saw you on TV!" LOL I wish they would have us back on so I could tell him how his advice helped me in my decision on how to treat the BC....I may not have known my family history in time otherwise.
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So did you tell her? I really liked that he asked about her health and then her mental health, I think that was very telling about how to approach topics with anyone and I liked that advice. I think it is one of those comments that will stick with me.
I have 84 year old parents and I think carefully about how to share information, they are both healthy but my mother's thinking and reasoning skills are slipping. It is hard for my Dad to watch because he is 150% and I think he craves conversation with others who share his mental acuity and interests. He will not leave her alone so it is tough because I think it would be of great benefit to him if he would join a few different groups. I know way off topic, sorry!!!
I was thinking about the lady you met in line and who told you about her husband, you were meant to be there at that moment, I do not believe that was by chance. I am not convinced BC made you a better person, because I think you are amazing and that did not happen overnight!!! I
Fondly,
Olivia
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YES!!! I found it....I had played through the beginning of that clip earlier yesterday, not realizing you were at the other end of it...and not realizing you were in the deli scene....I kept looking for you on the "set".
That is WAY cool.
So how did your sisters' and brothers' mom handle this??? I know it's not your fault at all, but I can only imagine how I would feel finding this out if I were her....
And YOUR poor momma ...keeping so much on her own shoulders and in her own heart for so many years....and YOU, missing out on the daughter/daddy relationship....
I'm so sorry....
I lost daddy seven years ago yesterday, and right before he died (he had just turned 65 and I was 43), he told me I would always be his "little girl".....cancer ate up his insides. He was diagnosed November 8 and died May 2. (Ironically, I was diagnosed on Nov. 6....if I had the same aggressive stuff, I would have been dead on Friday, if I had been the same....sad, sad thought..)
blessings..robin
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Thanks Olivia! Yes, my sister did tell her mom in August. I wrote her mom (Mary) in October. She called me in November and was going to come meet us, but then her hips were bothering her and couldn't travel. We talked a couple of times on the phone: she is the most gracious and kind person I have ever met. She welcomed my family into hers and has been so sweet! She told me stories about my dad and shared some of the family history--but I cut her off and told her Sandy had already filled me in. Then I was diagnosed in December. She called me New Years Eve to see how I was and told me then that my grandmother had had breastcancer (dad's mom).....it was the missing piece and I decided then and there that I would be OK. If my grandma could handle it in 1950's, I could handle it now. And it made me mad for the first time: my dad didn't give me anything all my life---now I get this stupid gene from him?!? It gave me fire to fight....I decided to do a bilateral mastectomy instead of a single. And when the path report came in, I had precancer in the left breast as well. So Dr. Phil's advice, in a round about way, may have saved my life! My siblings were not sure if they should tell her or not: but Sandy (my sister) took charge and told her. And it has been the best thing for everyone involved.
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