Help! Co worker just diagnosed

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gracejon
gracejon Member Posts: 972
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Been there!  Done that!  She and I have bonded on raising adolescent boys and sharing those shenanigans and settings parental limits and being totally honest with the boys.  Now she has breast cancer.  She expected me to talk to her about it because she expected co workers that knew me and told her to talk to me would have told me.  They did not discuss this with me and did expect her to bring up the subject with me.  We did have a little discussion about what to expect and how I felt comparing things to how she feels right now.  She will have surgery this coming Monday.  The tumor was found because she considering a breast reduction so diagnosis really came out of the blue.  I just want to be as supportive as possible but I do remember people that shared too much without me asking bothered me early in the journey.  Has anyone had experience with a friend or co worker being diagnosed after them?  Any helpful advice?

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited April 2010

    If you are willing to discuss with her (read: listen) then let her know that.  :One of the things I had to do was keep my mouth shut when I disagreed with someone's tx plan.  I referred people to this site for info, support and discussion.

    One thing that would be important to You is to have borders: ie: you cannot discuss bc all day long.  If it becomes a problem, I set aside time to discuss and time limits, in a nice way, of course. 

    Keep in mind: we are all different and so is our bc.  As much as we are alike, we are twice as different, so each experience is different in many, many ways.  Ans. all Questions you feel comfortable and informed enough to ans. , and just as with our kids sex ed: only address what she may bring up.  As you said, too much info when not asked for can be a problem.  We can only handle so much at one time.

    Good luck and I hope you are helpful to each other.  (yes, teaching/sharing what we know can be very therapeutic for US)

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited April 2010

    thanks Iodine!  We did discuss generalities and I did emphasize that so much may be different.  What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for you .  She really has a good head on her shoulders so I think just being around to offer support will be easy.  The main issues right now is all that uncertainty that comes with not knowing specifics until pathology gets a hold of things.  I did leave her a note saying that she will never be alone and to call anytime.  I clearly am having some flashbacks to that period in my life.  I do need to bone up on the chemotherapy thread to see what's new in help for side effects.  She asked me about support groups and I told her my support really came from breastcancer.org.  I don't think her husband is as much as the techno geek as mine so access is all at work and we are pretty much forbidden to do personal things.  Of course people do and manage not to get reprimand if they do in moderation but online support I am guessing may not be her first choice.  I also gave her a little friendship bracelet to wear to remind her I am available if she would like.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited April 2010

    How lovely to give the bracelet, along with needed support.  Good for you.

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited April 2010

    BTW not a piece of pink in the bracelet.  I did not mention that to her but I was smothered in breast cancer pink stuff from well meaning friends.  Perhaps in a small dose it would have been okay but for God sakes my loving well meaning husband bought me a friggin pink mixer.  Of course he wouldn't be caught dead using any appliance that is pink.  Hmm  maybe that was the plan.  Glad he didn't find a pink vacuum cleaner.

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited April 2010

    I think make a point to talk with her - and not talk about bc.

    Sometimes what we really need is a friend -

    If she wants to bring up bc then she can, but don't let that be the only reason you interact with her (unless of course you can't stand her!)

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  • ginger2345
    ginger2345 Member Posts: 517
    edited April 2010

    A pink mixer!! People who buy the pink stuff are so well meaning, including husbands. I've seen pink vacuums--so if he brings home a bigger box...

    Your support for your friend is great. Iodine is right about the sharing being a benefit to us too. I just had opportunity to share and refer someone to this site yesterday. It kinda outbalances being taken back in time.

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited May 2010

    So far we have talked very little about bc and more about just things.  Most of those things are just goofy very funny stuff about work and the people around us.  She is keeping all of this very low key so I have had very little questions.  Certainly it is her news to keep or share as she sees fit and that is exactly the way I wanted it also.  Back to pink appliances and such.  I have had my eye on a Dyson vacuum but will not do pink cause with a house full of men, I do not want another excuse to be the lone ranger of housekeeping.

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited May 2010

    I think the Dyson "ball" cleaner is just the thing to get the guys involved.  I can't imagine much difference in a basketball, golf ball football and a vacuum with a ball.  Almost seems ordained to be a guys guy vacuum cleaner for the macho male to use exclusively.

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