OK another stupid comment comment

I think people just don't know what to say, then end up fumbling all over themselves and irritating the #@# out of us. 

Same here.  I try to give people cut people some slack, because I certainly didn't know what to say prior to my dx.  However, when someone asked "What's your prognosis?" I had a hard time squelching my inner snit.

I agree, it's pretty bad when nurses or dr's say something stupid - there really is no excuse. 

I think people expect us to be sick in bed and not enjoying life.  And.....I guess because it does mentally puts us into the place that people are afraid of - they want to know more.

Thank goodness we have each other to vent to and share "stupid people" stories with. 

I so get those stupid comments.  My husbands cousin who had 2 heart attacks came over the other day with his wife.  She comes in and says to me "Hi Sickly" now we have the 2 of you in the family"    Ugggg,  I so wanted to deck her right there, but I didn't have a good comeback to wipe her nose in.  Anyway, that was one of the comments that really sent me over the edge over stupid comments.

These stupid comments are terrible, but I'm laughing at the stupidty of people. 

I have this one work friend who is really nice, but doesn't realize how she sounds.  She has told me so many times, how lucky I am because I was able to stay home for 6 months, how nice that must have been to be home and not come to work.   Then......I'm so lucky because I get a to have new boobs and a tummy tuck.  Yeah, I'm lucky........  Whoo Hoo - I'm jumping for joy!

Love Bill Engvall - "Here's your sign" is a good one for these stupid comments.  I like "Cancer Vacation", think I may use it next time it comes up - and it will.......

Kandy - Wow, can't believe Mom said that.  I guess in her mind you look fine and aren't dealing with near as much as she is....  I just think people view what we should look like with cancer, we don't look that way and then we get stupid comments.

 Okay ladies.....

I think I have you all beat.....but you be the judge.

I did my chemo in Dallas Texas....My husband and I would fly out to Dallas and he would work at the hotel and then come sit with me in the chemo room.  One of my chemo weeks I decided I would do it alone and not drag him out there with me ....(we live in FL).

So my liver numbers were elevated (I now know that can be because of chemo but didn't know then) and my doctor decides to do a scan--not because of the elevation but rather it is part of his protocol mid chemo to do scans on his high risk patients.  So I do the scan and there is something on my liver (ends up being nothing but a cyst or something but didn't know that then).  So......I am alone in the hotel......reading the scan report.....looking at my bloodwork and absolutely hysterical and terrified.....1500 miles from home.

I call my sister, scared out of my mind who lives in VA.....who very matter of factly tells me that "well, you know we (meaning my family---mom and sisters/brothers) have all discussed this and you may very well die from this."

Did she really think that this was what I needed to hear in a Marriott in Texas...alone?

All you can really do is shake your head.....

Jacqueline 

Janie44 - I'm 57 and was diagnosed last summer. I got such a chuckle out of the stupidity of that doctor.

I have to say I'm more like Hattie on my feelings about questions and comments.  It all depends on who it is coming from to know whether it is concern or morbid curiousity.  And I don't have any problem deflecting the morbid people.  It's kind of fun putting them off.

But there are some doozies in this topic.  I'm hard press to vote for the most heartless.  I think I'd have to say it's a tie on the posts with comments from the family members.  Those are the people that you expect will have some compassion even if it's not well phrased. 

This was not a comment directly at me but said to me.  My sister told me that me that our cousin was not having recon done çause she was fine with how she looked.  Not like her sister-in-law who was doing it cause she was totally vain.  Recon is not about vanity!

The last time I saw my oncologist, who was not my original one, but I have seen since having my bi-lateral mastectomy and did all my checks before I would have chemo says to me.  So, have we scheduled you for a mammogram any time soon???  What the heck,  I don't have any mammos!  I still have TE in, have had them since October of 08 and I am VERY patiently waiting my fat grafting (next week) and then hopefully excahnge three months from then.

So I now have some insight about why I can let other people's comments roll off of me.  It comes directly from my parents and learning to shut them out when they are being less than thoughtful.  I had my surgery last Monday and my parents were there along with DH and brother/fiance when they rolled me out of recovery and into my room.  I'm still drifting in and out but I catch enough of what my mother was talking about to know she was relating a story of a man that died in the hospital due to surgical complications.  Not exactly what I need to hear at that time.  But I guess I've been vaccinated against those types of comments because I remember smiling inside (still didn't have enough muscle control to put a smile on my face!) because I was thinking of this topic and how I was having my "stupid comment" moment.  I expected something like this from my dad but not my mother.

Mom, I know you mean well but engage brain before speaking in front of the patient!  But I love you so I'll never hold it against you!

Hymil,

I am also glad I ditched her.  As it happened, my surgery went in a completely different direction. I am very pleased with my choices.  The doctor who did my surgery explained my options and told me things I was not even thinking about at that time like I would still have sensation.  He treated me completely differently and everyone there  was great.  I have since moved over 200 mlles away and the oncologist I have now is also wonderful.  So it all worked out for me.  But I have to wonder how many others this 40 something lady thought were too old to worry about.   Janie