Need a Friend

danielle321
danielle321 Member Posts: 56
edited June 2014 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
Need a Friend
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  • danielle321
    danielle321 Member Posts: 56
    edited April 2010

    Hi,

    I was just diagnosed in March and will have a bilateral mastectomy in 2 weeks.  My family is all over the country with my parents being the closest at 7 hrs away in NC.  My mom is coming here for the surgery and staying or returning as often as I need her. 

    Family and friends try but just can't seem to relate or understand what we are going through.  I would love to find a local person (Virginia Beach) that I could talk to and possibly help each other go through these tough times, even if it's over the phone.  I've moved throughout my life due to military dad and ex husband and really don't have a lot of friends here, just people at work.

    People really don't know what to say to me because it's nothing they could ever imagine having to deal with mentally.  I'm not too scared of the surgery, in fact I can't wait to get them removed, they are like aliens to me now.  I am very nervous about chemo because I need to continue to work as much as possible since nobody pays the bills but me. 

    I still have to find wigs, hats, etc.  It's all becoming overwhelming to me.

    I've read so much on these forums and everyone is so nice and caring.  I wish the best for everyone and will pray for all of you as well.

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  • carolinachick
    carolinachick Member Posts: 387
    edited April 2010

    Hang in there, Danielle.  I'm hoping someone local will come along to help you, but in the meantime, you'll find a group of wonderful women who will support you in your journey.

    I worked throughout my treatment (lumpectomy, chemo and radiation), and was able to schedule my chemo treatments so that my worst days fell on the weekend.  If you let your oncologist know that you need to work as much as possible, he/she should be able to schedule your treatments around that.  I ended up missing about 2 1/2 days every three weeks during chemo due to dr. appointments and being fatigued.

    You can check with your local hospital and the American Cancer Society to see where you can find wigs, scarves and hats.  You probably won't need those until around your second chemo treatment, depending on what chemo drugs you'll be receiving.

    I know that the initial whirlwind of diagnosis is very overwhelming.  I'm praying for you, and please feel free to send me a private message if you have any questions.  Take care of yourself.

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  • PauldingMom
    PauldingMom Member Posts: 927
    edited April 2010

    Like it or not you just made a thousand friends!!Smile Wish it could have been for a different reason, but here we are!!!

    I understand how hard it is to make friends when you have to move around often. Daddy was military and DH has moved us 4 times too. Love Vir. Beach!! Lived in Elizabeth City for years and loved it there too.
    Look at all the threads here and find your niche. May I suggest the triple neg. forum and don't miss out on the group of ladies doing chemo. in the same month as you are. You will be amazed at how helpful an internet hand is to hold as you go through this. If you just want to talk, feel free to PM me and I'll give you my phone number. I do hope you find a local lady to buddy up with.

    There is financial help out there as well. Check in with CancerCare for paying for Chemo.

    Sending Pink Hugs, Prayers and good wishes your way,

    Lisa 

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  • gillyone
    gillyone Member Posts: 1,727
    edited April 2010

    Hope you find a local friend - but Lisa is right - you will make tons of friends here. Find threads that meet your needs - like surgery in a certain month, a starting chemo month etc. Good luck to you and check in with us too.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited April 2010

    I know this isn't where you want to be, but welcome.  You will find plenty support on these boards.  Join a thread for the month you start chemo, you will find that talking to people going through what you're going through at the same time, both physcially and mentally really helps.  These boards are also a great place to ask questions, vent or just ramble if you need to. 

    Having the masectomy wasn't a big deal for me emotionally - I just wanted the cancer ridden things gone.  The surgery wasn't as bad as I had it made out to be in my mind and the recovery was much better than I thought.  As for chemo, it's not a walk in the park, but it is doable. 

    Hoping that someone local comes along - remember we're all here for you.

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  • NavyMom
    NavyMom Member Posts: 1,099
    edited April 2010

    Hi Danielle,  I don't post to often but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.  Your journey is just beginning and it is overwhelming.  You may find a breast cancer support group that meets at your local oncology office.......the one in my town is called Bosom Buddies.There is also a gal that has a shop in the oncolgist office for wigs and bras.  Also as, someone already suggested, look into the American cancer society.

    Be kind to yourself.  You are stronger than you think.   You can do this.

    Navy

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  • snoble
    snoble Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2010

    I was just diagnosed this past Thurs. I am having surgery on the 9th of May. I am scared out of my mind. I had been thinking about moving to N.C. but that is on hold for now. I live in a small town in Indiana where everyone knows everything but talks about nothing. I could use a soft shoulder right now, if you have any advice i'd be willing to take it.

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  • kmartin
    kmartin Member Posts: 78
    edited April 2010

    You are not alone. Let us know what you need and you will receive much good advice.

     We have all been in your shoes...and we all are willing to be good listeners.

    I had my treatments 2 years ago, and I wish I had reached out earlier than I did. It is a great group.

     Kathy

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited April 2010

    snoble and Danielle....nice to meet you...you will make it through...yes seriously you will! Soon you will be coming on here and supporting others..but for NOW..we will support you....anytime you want to rant, or just talk or whine or anything at all, just post here and someone will be here to listen and give you that soft shoulder...I don't know how many times I have cried and whined and complained and someone has supported me.....these threads have been my lifeline..whether for information or for support or just to mess around and laugh with some friends you will meet..you will find it here...because WE GET IT!!. no one else can understand the emotional and physical terror we can go through except those that have been there

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited April 2010

    snoble - so sorry you have to go through this, but welcome.  I know you're scared, but know that you can and will get through this.  Hooking up with women on the different threads going through surgery or chemo at the same time you do is very helpful.  You are not alone!

    And...........since everyone knows everyones business where you are - ask for help, put the word out that you will need help with housework, meals and yardwork. 

    Good luck with your surgery and please feel free to come here for support.

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited April 2010

    Hope you are doing okay and hope to hear from you again soon! Let us know how you are doing, please!!

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  • liz19
    liz19 Member Posts: 97
    edited April 2010

    HELLO DANIELLE AND SNOBLE ;

    WE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND SNOBLE I AM IN NC ON THE COAST , LOOK ME UP ON HERE IF YOU MOVE TOO NC LATER, PRAYING FOR YOU ALL !!!

                                                                         LIZ19

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  • danielle321
    danielle321 Member Posts: 56
    edited April 2010

    Thanks to all of you for reaching out to me and everyone else.  I think the support is the most imporant thing to be able to get through this.  I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in our own lives and all of you continue to login to these forums and respond to people like me that are new to breast cancer.  I cannot express how grateful I am to each of you.

     I had a good weekend, calm, no drama.  Thank God!  I didn't have any breakdowns but am still going crazy waiting for the surgery.  I am focusing on being peaceful and calm and hoping that will help to keep it from growing or spreading.

    Thanks to those of you that private messaged me, I will be in touch with you.  

    Love and Prayers for all of you,

    Danielle

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  • Karen09
    Karen09 Member Posts: 320
    edited April 2010

    Hi Danielle. My heart goes out to you!  The next while won't be easy but you will get through it.  I felt like there was a mountain in front of me when I was first diagnosed last June but I just focused on each week and tried not to think too far ahead when it made me anxious.  I finished my treatments last month and feel great.  You will get to this point too.  Feel free to send me a private message anytime.  There are tons of ladies on this site that will be there for you every step of the way. 

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  • kmartin
    kmartin Member Posts: 78
    edited April 2010

    What great advice, Karen. Very true....just tackle each challenge as it comes and don't get too far ahead of yourself. I used to say this mantra to myself when my mind went crazy places, " NOT HELPFUL." I heard Randy Pauch's wife said this to herself when she was dealing with his dying process and with their young family. That statement helped her to put aside anxiety-provoking thoughts and to reach a calmer place...and it helped me too.

    Kathy

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  • danielle321
    danielle321 Member Posts: 56
    edited April 2010

    Karen and Kathy,

     Thanks for the great advice.  I think I have started to calm down about it now.  I am of course still anxious to get the surgery and have this thing removed.  I guess the unknown is the worst, not knowing the extent of it and not knowing how chemo will affect me.  My frantic thoughts have calmed for now. 

    One week from today!  Finally will have these removed from my body and start moving forward again.

    You are all so great. Once I am through this period in my life I am going to try my best to continue to come to these forums to give newly diagnosed people the support and answers that they seek.  I cannot imagine going through this without all of you.

    Danielle

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