Anyone Starting Chemo Jan. 2010?

Stlcardsfan- Happy Birthday. I hope you had a great time at the game.  I'm also glad to hear about your MUGA scan. 

youngmom-I'm sure your kids had a blast at the waterpark.  I wore scarves and hats at the beach the whole time too.  I even had some that were color-coordinated with my bathing suit.  It's one of the first times ever that I went to the beach and didn't really worry about how I looked in my suit.  That was a nice change of pace. 

I am going to have the immediate recon with implants.  We decided on that because there is still a question about rads for me since they don't know the number of positive nodes yet.  I could delay my recon, but I want surgery over with as soon as possible.  For me, I chose it because it's the most straightforward approach and it leaves me with other options down the road if I need them. 

mom2bnegative- I am so excited for only one more treatment, but yesterday totally wiped me out.  Having my chemo changed to the middle of the week really messed up the way I've been able to work.  The nice thing is that I'm hoping my weekend is spared as a result.

Hot Flashes!  Tell me about them. I think I have one every 30 minutes.  That combined with the 85 degree weather is going to make for a sweaty summer. 

I'm also losing one of my toenails.  The neuropathy combined with the black nails did only one toenail in, so i guess I should be thankful.  I'm just praying that's the only one that goes.   I still have a small layer of stubble on my head, but it doesn't seem to be growing any more than that. 

paxton-i hope your surgery went smoothly and that you're home with your family soon.   

dgirl24- thanks for the inspiring quote.  I can't wait to feel somewhat beautiful again.  It has less to do with my breasts and more to do with my overall vulnerability.  The closer I get to the end of my treatment the more I start to miss my old self.  I can't wait to get back to where I recognize myself from both the inside and the outside.

bubbalu- happy to hear that the Taxotere is easy on your WBC.  It makes such a huge difference. 

Stlcards- Happy Blated Birthday!

Youngmom- Those pumps maybe ingrown hairs- and depending on your scarf type maybe it contributed to them becoming in grown.  I only say that because I used to be a hair dresser and I know that hair can become ingrown when something is holding it in.  I also know that stimulating your scalp will get blood there and maybe get the growth going quicker.   I myself have had 2 pimples on my head- I think thanks to my hot flashes and sweating so much while wearing a wig.  As far as recon- I was told to have implants b/c my radiation status wasn't known.  And if radiation wrecks my implant I'm onto the other procedures of using my own tissue to construct a breast.  Sorry I can't help you on the free flap you spoke of.

 mom2bneg- well I had my mom check my head and it seems like I have hair that stayed and fuzzy hair- which must be the new growth.  My legs have very little hair- but I never had a ton there anyways.  On my head I still have those baby soft bald spots- yeah!  I am getting so excited for last chemo and hair growth!!       

Have a great day

D  

stlcardsfan - Don't even sweat it, girl. My guess is that ticket-taker didn't even get a good look at you. I'm sure for him its all a blur after taking several hundred tickets.

 On the chemo front, I'm fast approaching my last one on 4/29/10! Like the rest of you I am so looking forward to the end of SE's and the beginning of hair.  Right now my head has nothing but peach fuzz, not very encouraging. I do still have a little of my eyebrows so maybe I should consider that a good sign.

Hello girls, I am from the Feb 2010 chemo group, but decided to read about your experiences here since I started early in Feb (Feb 2). Also, I am having the same experience that Friscomom had with a new breast lump being found during my chemo. I had an ultrasound, and the radiologist doesn't think its suspicious for cancer, and nobody has mentioned the word biopsy yet, but I meet with my BS this week to find out more. Its been very helpful to read all of your posts and realize that I seem to be right on track with my SE's (I've had 4 A/C and just finished my 2nd of 4 Taxol, then go on to rads). Right now its mainly bone pain from the waist down, and numbness of my fingers and toes. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and your stories and advice and anecdotes have been of great help to me. (I contacted Laurie Erickson for a head-wrap, and I am going to also look into any "Look Good Feel Better" seminars near me).  I'm so looking forward to finishing my chemo, but adversely I am feeling a little bit scared as well, like "what do I do now?" . Anyway, I just wanted to say what an inspiration you've all been; you've made this difficult and unknown journey much easier for me.  I feel like I know you girls now, and God bless you all!,

Is anyone here starting rads in June?  I am supposed to start then I think, assuming they give me time off after chemo. My last chemo is May 11, YAY!!! 

Hi ladies, been a while since I posted. Hubby and I went away last weekend and had a nice tme visiting with family and getting a change of scenery. I began the reconstruction process on Friday, with 50 cc shots of saline in each of my tissue expanders---a bit uncomfortable and painful. My family and I spent yesterday morning doing a "Pink Boot Drive" to raise money for my 3-day/60 mile walk. We were all interviewed separately for one of our local Tv channels. I was interviewed 4 different times for four segments, then they edited and aired a piece for the five and 6 o' clock news. here's a link if you want to see. I am Louise, the "survivor". http://www.kcra.com/news/23183398/detail.html/

I've read a lot of posts.My prayers are with you all as you continue on in this dificult journey. Paxton, the surgery will go well. Your baby is adorable--ought to be in magazines!

Take care everyone!

Friscomom--I haven't had a period since January. Taxotere may do that to you, it did to me. The hot flashes and night sweats were the worst,but even those have subsided a little. I am just 3 weeks out after my last of four Cytaxin/Taxotere infusions. Good luck.

vegasdiva--yes that was my short wig, which I seem to wear more often these days.. Thanks--glad you liked it

Aghh@!*(@&@#.  Sorry for the virtual expletives, but I just found out that another person in my life has breast cancer.  Last week a guy I worked with recognized me in the chemo suite.  He was there with his 28 year old wife of 2 weeks.  Now I get a call that a friend of mine just got her diagnosis today.  She's my age too.  WTF!!!!!  Is this an epidemic yet, because it sure as heck feels like it.  We need a cure ASAP!  I'm happy to have all the support services, but I'd gladly give them all up if we could get some real progress on a cure.  Women are tough and we can get through most anything, but come on!  In this day and age when they can clone animals and create robotic body parts, they can't find a way to eradicate breast cancer???  I'm sorry for the venting session, I just am so frustrated and angry that more people I know have to endure this craziness.

Paxton, it wil get better each day. It's tough at first, but you will notice daily improvements in your pain and energy level.

Georgiabird girl--yes it's an epidemic, and I hope the research finds a sure fire cure and soon. Better than that, I'd like to see a way to prevent it from ever happening in the first place--a vaccination, or something. Because let's face it, even having the cure that we have at the moment can just about kill you! When we're all done with our treatment--any combination of surgery, chemo, rads, hormone therapy, etc, our bodies are so knocked down. I wish no one had to go through this hell again!

Nkrun, glad you liked the video. Our group raised $2,700.00 that was split several ways. My share was $262.75 towards my personal fund raising efforts

Kimmie - I am BRCA1+ but the only one in my family with BC since my dad mom, grandmother, and 2 aunts had it in the 50s to 1970s.  It was a shock to us but we are dealing with it.  It always surprises me when someone like you definately has a familial component to the BC but in NOT BRCA+.  There is more to learn about hereditary BC. 

I had delayed recon (that is becoming much more common here as it lessens the rate of complications).  Also, I had skin and nipple sparring mastectomy.  The outside will be the same as before but the inside will be different and won't sag.  Also with skin sparring, you don't have the same issue with stretching.  Just thought I would throw those options out there.  I thought they were commonplace but now have learned that is not the case.  Yes, there is no way they can guarantee that they got every little bit of breast tissue but that is the case with any mastectomy.  After going through chemo, I don't want to do that again!  Good luck on you decision.

mslrg:  If your SIL had a bi-lateral, how come she's lopsided?  I don't get it!

Welcome back mslrg & friscosmom. Mslrg so glad to hear you enjoyed your trip.

Paxton happy to hear you are doing okay. Hang in there and have faith that each day will get a little bit better.

Georgiabirdgirl: I too feel like everywhere I turn people are being diagnosed with some type of cancer and it just sucks. I agree that is seems that BC seems to be hitting more women our age and it is just scary.

dgirl: thx for the info on the possible cause of my sore, red head.I do think it was ingrown hairs so I finally tried the "duct tape" trick and it seems to have worked b/c my head doesn't hurt at all anymore. I have to admit it was a little sad b/c alot more of my hair came out using the tape and part of me wanted to stop so that I could keep as much hair on my head as possible. I have also been wearing my wig less often and when I am home I usually have either a soft cap or nothing on my head b/c I feel like my poor scalp needs to breathe.

So my dad received some good news today. He had a bone scan and it looks like his protate cancer has not spread which is quite a relief. Prayers were answered here. Also thx for the input on reconstruction. I really need to make a decision soon as to what I am going to do but I am so afraid I will make the wrong one. All surgery/post-surgery options do not sound appealing to me but I want these old cancer-ridden boobs gone and definitely want them replaced with new, perky ones so surgery is a must for me.

I will have tx#5 on Thursday and for the past few weeks I feel like I have had a very short fuse. I often feel on edge and am quick to get frustrated or annoyed esp with my hubby and kids. This of course is quickly followed by the always present guilt that I love to carry around with me. I also cry at the drop of a hat often for no real reason and can't seem to keep it together. Not sure if this is hormone-related, chemo/med-related, or if all of this is catching up with me and I am just a complete mess. I am thinking about asking my onc for an anti-depressant and wanted to see if anyone else was feeling this way and was taking anything to help? I feel like the week of chemo when I am physically tired and out-of-commission people are patient and understanding but as soon as I look like I am okay it is just expected that I am doing okay when the truth is I am still experiencing SE's and emotionally I am not in a good place. Physical SE's people seem to understand but all of the other SE's just seem to be dismissed. I am only speaking from what I am experiencing with my family & friends. Believe me I want to feel good physically & emotionally but most times I just put on my happy face at work and get through the day and at home I am on edge and feeling extremely overwhelmed.

Anyway sorry for the little rant at the end. Hope everyone is having a good week. And welcome Kimmie & Lindee.

Hi All,

MSLRG - great video clip!  Glad you raised some dollars, my son is working on his $2300 commitment and has raised about $1500 to date.  He's walking in the fall Philadelphia 3-day. 

Youngmomof3 - of course this stuff unbalances you physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.  I find when I'm tired, I get very snappy.  Then I wonder - who was that nasty woman who was just yelling?  Couldn't be me - I don't do that!  I would suggest you talk with your doctor and see what might be able to help with these SEs.  When I get like this, I know I'm tired and I force myself to take a nap or lie down.  I get up in a better mood.  It is hard with my 3 year old grandson running around to do that - but he's willing to lay down in my bed and watch videos while I rest.

I go for my 6th Taxol later this morning - can't sleep again tonight.  For over a week now I've had a weird tongue thing going on.  The taste buds are now gone and everything tasts like mud (but it doesn't stop me from trying to eat everything anyway)  I had the B12 shot last week and got new medicine for mouthwash and at least the painful tongue is gone but there must be something else - like thrush again - happening.  These side effects are one big pain in the butt - my body is still kicking and screaming at me for allowing the infusions.  But, cancer is a nasty bug and deserves the butt kicking.  I just wish I could step out of my body and take a reprieve somewhere else while the body dukes it out.

I went back to work today and worked 7 hours.  Around the 5th hour my hips started aching...to be later joined by my knees and ankles.  Darn Taxol!  I walked around a little bit and that helped but I realize I just can't sit at my desk for long periods at a time.  I was trying to catch up on a bunch of paperwork today - so was pretty stuck at the desk. When I go back on Thursday, I'll be sure to more around a whole lot more. I will work another 7 on Thursday and then the remaining 6 on Friday to make my 20 hours. I was happy to be back and the staff all came to smile and say welcome back - we missed ya!  That was nice, but I wasn't shaking any hands or giving kisses!  My WBC is still too low.

 As for hair, I didn't think I'd ever say this -  I'm sick of being bald.  My leg hairs are growing (and so are my chin hairs) but not my eyelashes, eyebrows or head.  I get complements on my hair (wig) all the time now and feel like there will be a lot of pressure with new hair to keep it looking nice!  So, I'm starting to look at short styles that are cute, fun and easy to keep.  I had long hair for at least two decades previously so this is all a new look.  I've knocked my head a couple times recently and without hair, it hurts and then you have an ugly scab sitting on your peach fuzz.  My husband gave me a complement over the weekend, "You look pretty good without any hair at all - most people wouldn't."  Made me smile.. So, I didn't think I'd miss hair and was feeling a little liberated in the beginning from doing "hair" every day - but, covering the bald head up when I go out is just more work that I'm bad at.  So, hair will be very welcome again.

And, yes, either there is more press and more people talking about cancer than ever before --- or, there is more cancer.  I don't know which - but since my diagnosis at least two other people at work have been diagnosed - one with lung cancer and the other with breast cancer.  And both are fairly young (younger than me).  I do believe they will figure this out eventually - I wouldn't wish this chemo regimen on my worst enemy.

Welcome to our new posters - Kimmee and Lindee.  Sorry you're here, glad you found us.  This is a great group of fantastic women.

Hugs all!

Pat

Good morning beautiful women . Welcome new members . I don't post much but you will love this group of women . Their messages are so heartfelt . For those who have ended Chem ( me last Wed ) congradulations on the milestone !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone had their port removed? This makes me nervous Doc said she can do it right in the office .Serious in the office , not sure about that one . I have an appt april 26th with the radiologist oncologist , to plan the next phase of the journey For those of you going through reconstruction . I choice to have TE right away , same surgery after the Mast on my lft side . Iam one of the forunate ones , never had any problems with the fills , but now it seems the big decision is rather to have the perment silcone implant put in before radiation .BS would like to do it after but it seems that behind the fill port is a metal piece and he doesn't know how that will impact the radation . So the next couple of weeks will tell a lot . I hope to be almost all put together for our celebration trip in August to Atlantis in the Bahamas. One thing I question myself daily about is should I have had my other breast removed as well . ? At the time back in Dec I could only wrap my mind about the one . BC does not run in my family . Took us quite my surprise . mammo every year . Breast exam by PC doc in June . Then I find it in Oct .. What the h-ll! . Some days it seems like from the moment I wake up till bed that is all I hear about cancer cancer cancer . You just want to scream . Anyone have any nails hints , Mins are so ugly , dried  lines on them some black . I do lotion al the time .

Well spring sun is out , going to do some gardening (with gloves ) Everyone enjoy this day that our almight saviour has given us .Let us be satuarate in our mind and heart with his love .

Fondly Linda

First of all, I want to say congratulations to all who are finished with chemo, and to you paxton for getting through the surgery.  Let me know how it's going because I'll be doing it all in a month.

pagowens-my dermatologist is a BC survivor and she used latisse to get her eyelashes back.  Mine just fell out over the weekend.  Well, I have about 12 left but it looks and feels like I have none.  I'm going to use it once I'm finished with treatment. 

gramoflexus- my nails look pretty gnarly too.  I have all these white lines on my fingernails, with dark nailbeds.  I am losing a toenail and it was extremely painful for awhile.  I can't wait for a proper pedicure.  I use tea tree oil on my nails, but I'm not sure if it's effective.

youngmomof3- i'm with you on the short-fuse thing.  I just pray that my kids don't remember all the yelling that I've been doing lately and that my husband continues to have the patience of a saint.

dgirl24- I'm reading Anti-Cancer and it's going to be a spring board for me to make some serious lifestyle changes once my treatment is complete.  There's a lot to consider, but I think he makes a compelling argument to de-stress your life and get some good habits going.

I think it's clear that my attitude needs a little adjusting.  I'm just emotionally spent from all this enduring I've been doing lately.  We were supposed to have back up this week from my in-laws, but they have no idea when they can get here because they're supposed to fly in from England.  So- volcano delays have thrown a monkey wrench into our lives and I'm trying to adapt to that.  I had hoped to feel a little guilt-free for the end of my chemo, because my kids would be happily distracted by Grandma and Grandad.  I don't think I need antidepressants yet, but some therapy might be a good thing.   

Now that I've calmed down from my frustration yesterday, I have a question.  While talking to my newly diagnosed friend, she told me she wasn't that scared because she has seen me go through it and it didn't seem that bad.  This made me realize that my working hard to seem like I've got it all together has given her a false sense of how tough this is.  I don't share with my friends all the gory details about:  alternating diarrhea/nausea, no eyelashes, no sex drive, continuous hot flashes , failing memory, short-temper, overflowing workload, anxiety about death, fear of being a burden, numb and black toes, painful bones, shiny and bald scalp, pitiful stares from strangers, cotton mouth, dry and painful eyes, runny nose, trouble sleeping, severe fatigue, being an absent parent, disfigured breasts, piling up medical bills and other glorious breast cancer side effects. 

So should I come clean, or should I gloss over the details in order keep her positive and let her believe it's as easy as she thinks it will be?  I'm certainly not going to try to scare her, but when she gets her orders for chemo I don't want her to feel misled, or that she's an unlucky one who ended up with all the horrible side effects.  She wants to ask me tons of questions tomorrow night about it all.  What do you think?  I'm leaning towards being honest but downplaying the severity of some of the side effects.  Right now my analogy of breast cancer and its treatment is that it's like pregnancy and childbirth.  It takes about a year of your life, you have to drastically change your lifestyle while you're going through it, it leaves your body ravaged and permently scarred, it changes your life forever, and in the end you manage to forget a lot of the worst of it. 

Missy