Starting Chemo April 2009

Geri and Titan - thanks for your kindness and concern. I will be taking it slowly. I have found myself very very tired this week, so that may also be a hint. I do need to listen to my body...I just have this urge to push forwards and prove to myself how far I have come this past year. I am also feeling a little trauma about the beginning of Chemo. I think that is to be expected though. So lots of emotions all over the place .......

I have a check up at the Onc mid May. So hopefully, that will all be ok.

Hope everyone is doing well today. Take good care!

Hugs to you all! Judy x

Hi, everyone.  Catching up on the last few pages looks like everyone is making great progress.  Lena, you go, girl!  Topless is such a HUGE thing for you!

Amy - great news on finishing and getting that darn port out - I hated mine and couldn't wait until it came out!

Titan - blonde, wow.  You'll have to update your photo!  I've been fooling around with light brown, high lights, both coppery and blonde, and am back to very dark brown.  Finally growing in enough to look like a moderately short hairstyle instead of the military looking one, and the curls aren't too bad since I had it trimmed and shaped a few weeks ago.

Geri, Judy and Helen - hope you are all doing okay and feeling stronger every day.

I was just thinking the other day, it's been almost 1 year since the hair fell out and my last tx was 4/23 - and everything we were going through this time last year - how terrible we felt, all of the strange se's we were going through and how we helped each other through the worst times of our lives.  I've been feeling okay with the exception of lingering mild le, that causes me breast tenderness and nipple pain, and I try to manage with occasionally wearing my le sleeve and doing the manual self drainage I learned in physical therapy.  If that's the worst, I guess I can deal with it though it would be nice not to have any more se's of any thing.  Hmmmm . . . the new normal, I guess.  My next medical step is a mammogram, but until the le is at a pain-free level (when will that ever be??), they don't want to do one and I heartily agree!  Been busy with work, and out in the yard, and moving my mom 10 minutes away instead of 3 hours away.  Life does go on, my friends!!

Wishing you the best.

My medical adventure these days is PT twice a week for a month. My new avatar is a pic of my alien boob hugger. I have to wear it at night under a compression garment. In the morning my boob looks like a waffle but feels great, so I can't complain. I was worried about the PT, but it feels good. My therapist has wonderful hands, she is strong but gentle and is very sensative to my pain levels. She is working on the fibrosis and LE.

I just looked on my calendar...a year ago was my first neulasta shot. Man...I don't miss those shots. I think the first shot one was the only one I didn't have an allergic reaction.

Chelev - it is so good to hear from you and to read that you are getting on with your life. I hope that from here on, it is only upwards for you : )

Betsy - Glad the PT is going well!

Here's to a very boring year ahead!

Hope everyone is doing ok today! Hugs to all, Judy x

Amy...glad you are getting that freaking port out..let us know how it goes!  One less.thing to remind you that you WERE a cancer patient!  I have one rad tattoo that looks like a big blackhead between my breasts...it is the only one that is noticeable..I would like to have it removed and I'm going to ask about it next time I see the onc....I don't like seeing it there..it is ugly.

So..Geri..are you telling us that you are kinda "punk"...I love it...My hair is like 3 different colors now...kinda funny since I used to be a drab brown and frizzy gray... I guess if there is one good thing to come out of this is that we were forced to have unique hairstyles and colors!  

Thanks for the support everyone, unfortunately today does not bring me closer to feeling better about this implant surgery.  I'm going (reluctantly) to my neice's birthday party and it's the first time I've been dressed and had makeup on in 2 1/2 weeks, and all I've done is tried to find a bra that will fit both sides - finally found one that fits the new mastectomy side, but have to stuff a little in the old mastectomy side that has the crease - I'm sorry to sound so vane - it's just that all I ever cared about in going through the implant procedure was that I would be free of this worry of unequal sizes - now it looks like that's what I have anyway.  Like Judy said, maybe it's the day, the weather, the moon...who knows, but I want to snap out of this funk!

Well, off to the birthday party, so everyone can stare at my chest

Geri

Titan - your posts always put a smile on my face. You have a way of truly understanding what we write, but always being able to make us feel better about whatever crisis, we are going through at that time.

Geri - I hope that the birthday party was ok for you. I went to a family event recently and was convinced that everyone was staring at my chest. What you are feeling is completely natural and you shouldn't beat yourself up about having these feelings! We have all been through enough and when it feels like it is never going to end, it sucks! I am thinking of you often. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Hope everyone else is feeling ok today, hugs to you all!

Judy xxx

Titan, I hope tonight will be good for you and that last night was just a single incident which will become only a memory. When is your daughter getting married. My son is getting married at the end of June but future DIL seems to have everything organized. Nothing for me to do. 

Thanks Geri and Helen...I'm crying a little because of your words and how kind you are to care....I really appreciate all of you..I knew someone would be on here to calm me down tonight,,and you were..

Helen..my daughter is getting married on August 6th, 2011 but I keep hearing from everyone that you have to book places NOW!  

Titan - I am so sorry that happened. My DH does that some times. It is pretty upsetting to the other person. He did it a lot more right after my dx - I think he was upset/afraid and was working through it in his sleep. Hasn't happened for a long time now that things are better. (He still does talk in his sleep sometimes though, which can be pretty funny.) 

My only recommendations are....try to keep the pre-sleep period of the day very low key - no stressful tv shows (which can  create a lot of tension) or heavy discussions (about medical stuff!). Even wedding stuff can be stressful if you are anxious about everything going smoothly.  Get some chick lit light reading, take some melatonin, get into bed, read a bit of something fluffy and meaningless and drop off to sleep in a relaxed frame of mind. Maybe that will help. 

I really think we  all work this stuff out over time - all at our own paces.  Other people don't understand it but WE DO!
In fact, I was listening to a podcast of Dave Ramsey today - the financial guy who does the call-in show about debt. LOVE HIM! Anyway, he was saying that when he was poor and struggling to pay off his debt years ago, his wife made him tuna sandwiches every day to take to work. He said that even now, the SMELL of tuna fish makes him automatically feel broke. It brings all those feelings back.  So how much more for us after all we've been through, to have the anniversaries of significant treatment dates, or some other reminder really bring it all back to us.  We have to love/accept/be PATIENT with ourselves.  And I am so much NOT naturally good at that. I get very impatient with myself if I am the least bit tired or can't do all I did before. So I am preaching to myself more than any of you, most likely!

Anyway our dear Titan - sweet dreams.

Amy...thanks for the post...I slept well!   I did try to focus on other things last night before going to sleep...woke up a couple of times but at least I didn't scream!  

My SIL thinks that I have held things in for too long and this is my subconsious coming out...it maybe but hopefully this will be the last time!

My dd's name is Aimee too!  We spelled it that way just to be a little different...My maid of honor's name  is Amy too!   Amy/Aimee's are good people!

I just hated freaking out..I feel that we have all had to freak out so much...it's time to be done with the apprehension!!  

My sil and I were also talking about 30 years ago you just had your boobs cut off and went on your way....now there is much more to it, more drugs, more choices, ect...but there is also all the FOLLOW UP too....I know it is a good thing that we are followed for 5 plus years but deep down I wish they would have said...see ya...have a nice life!

Judy...see what happens when you turn your back for one minute?  The kids get into trouble!    It is just a good thing that there always seems to be someone "on call" here...I knew that if posted my screaming issues on here someone would reply...thank heavens they did!  It helped me!

I think my subconscious is expressing itself loud and clear!   It can just go back to where ever it came from!

Amy..have they scheduled your deportation yet? 

Hey..if you guys have a second..go to the triple neg thread and post your vote for a lady...she is 46 and had a baby while diagnosed with cancer..the video is well..bring your kleenex..she is running for some make over.it only takes a second to vote....sometimes I'm leery of signing up for this kind of thing but they really don't ask for much personal information...how old you are!! and you can always lie!! 

Hi all, just passing through quickly today.

Titan - hope you are sleeping well now. I have started taking 10mg of Melatonin and I think it is helping me. I also sleep with earplugs, it helps to shut out the noise and allows me to sink into my own world when I am going to sleep.....(I bet that tonight, I lie awake for hours now that I have said that.....)

Amy - YAY! One week and counting! You are a brave and amazing woman! Well done for being you and getting this far!

Helen - how are you doing today?

Geri - Are you okay? Hope your recovery continues to be smooth.

(((HUGS))) to everyone!

Judy xxx

Helen - good to hear from you! Crying is good! I am a true believer in letting it all come out! I am thinking of starting therapy myself soon. I hope that you are too having good days and healing from your challenges.

Today is one year since my first chemo! I can hardly believe it. Here I am, at work, hair growing, feeling stronger. We have all come a long way!

Hugs to all for a good day!

Judy xxx