April 2010 Rads Group

Hi! I began rads on April 7.  I will have 33 treatments which includes 5 boosts. I have been very nervous since day 1.  I was very surprised when I had severe pain the evening of day 1.  It was throughout my breast and lasted about 6 hours.  When I called the clinic, the nurse said radiation does not cause pain and to come in early to see the doctor.  Ten minutes befor the appointment my sister called and got on the internet and found this sight and read me comment after comment of women who had pain with rads.  When I got to the clinic, the doctor said that she wanted me to know that the pain was not from radiation.  I was relived to be able to tell her about this web sight.  I had intense pain on day 3 and started Lyrica on day 4.  I can't tolerate the side affects and will drop it today which is day 6.  Hoping the pain was a fluke, but have made an appt. with another rad onc.  Thank God for this sight!

I went for my third  round  of radiation today and I told the radiologist that my breat was hurting yesterday, he told me that it was too soon for me to be having pain , maybe it was because of something else.  I told him that I would let him know if I had any pain today. So far I dont,but tomorrow I see the rad onc and I'm going to tell him as well, So yes I did have pain and Ithink it was from the radiation.

What inevitable and permanent low white count?

Two zaps down.  The calendula lotion smells disgusting.  My breast still feels weird, and I'm still trying to chalk it up to my imagination.

I used some Aveeno Skin Relief lotion before I went to bed (didn't ask permission) but then noticed a) it contains alcohol, and b) I was still kinda slimed in the morning.  It all seemed to come off in the shower before rads, but now I'm scared I should not have done it. 

This whole thing is really messing with my mind.

I am going to second dsj that the comparison between radiation tattoos and concentration camp numbers is not just problematic but insulting to both victims of real Nazi persecution or to the medical personnel who are administering radiation therapy.  The proof is in the original post which stated, "Since I feel this way I refused, and my rad onc was fine with it."  The ability to refuse tattoos and still get the treatment shows the total disconnect of the comparison. 

CinCan, I know what you mean about not feeling very friendly - I couldn't help being a little sullen.  It might have something to do with the marking, which made me feel sort of like a paper being graded and found wanting.  I felt a little like that being marked for the mast, too, but at least then I had a little anti-anxiety stuff in the IV.

I'm starting the 19th.

Three zaps down, 22 to go.

Today I brought my Black Rebel Motorcycle Club CD and I convinced them to turn up the volume.  Made the experience go more quickly.  I think I'll bring something different every day, so I don't ruin anything in particular by strongly associating it as "that's what I listened to during rads."

Still hate the way Calendula smells.

Today was easier.  I guess my mind is adapting to this a bit.  The unknown of what I'm doing to myself, what will or won't happen, all that stuff still terrifies me though.

Question - I'm relaxing on the weekend between zaps 3 and 4.  I can tell that I'm already swollen.  Has this happened to anyone else?  Will it keep getting worse?  Will my breast explode in week 4?  Will it ever go back to normal?

Maybe I should post this in the Dec rads thread......but did anyone else get swollen at the beginning?

I just started radiation last Monday.  I am very fair skinned and do not tan.  When I express this to the radiation team, they tell me that it doesn't necessarily mean that I will burn more than most.  I don't know whether to believe them or not.  Any thoughts?  BTW, I've had a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy, and the chemo had completely obliterated the cancer!  So I sometimes wonder what the rationale for the radiation is, altho I understand it is the protocol.

4 down.

Today's soundtrack: U2, Zooropa.  It turned out to perfect for rads. 

Walked into the dressing room, a woman was still in there, she'd neglected to close the door.   Chemo brain?

Still trying to decide that the weirdness I feel is psychosomatic.  It's not really happening.  I am not really intentionally doing damage to my tissue every morning.  Nah.  But I feel like a Peep in the microwave.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju3_gMMa5EQ

Hi Ladies:

I just found this board.  I started my radiation tx on April 1.  I didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling right from the get go.  They show me my pic on the computer and ask if it is me, ask my DOB, ask what part of the body they are treating.  Then I get inside and lay down in a body cast.  They keep having me move up and down and over.  I tell them it doesn't feel right.  They finally realize they pulled the wrong cast.  DUH, did I get the wrong tx too?

I had gotten 3 tattoos at the 1st simulation.  They told me I would get the next 3 after the 1st tx.  I was fine with it since the others were so small I can hardly see them.  I get home after the 1st tx and see a giant blue mark on my chest - high up in a prominent place.  There are lots of sharpie marks on me so I try not to freak out telling myself it will come off tomorrow when I shower.  WRONG.  I got out of the shower and started to cry.  It was not a sharpie mark, it was the friggin' tattoo.  It is the size of a pencil eraser.  I am freaked out.  I am someone who runs to the dermatologist with the slightest thing to get it off my body.

The folks at radiation have been very dismissive of me.  They are trying to tell me it will fade.  I don't think so.  I have 5 other radiation tattoos I got 7 yrs ago and they have not faded one bit.  This one shows with every top I wear except turtlenecks.  Very flip the onc goes, you can have it lasered off after tx.  I asked her "is the hospital going to pay for it?"  they must think I am made out of money.  I am a single woman trying to support myself and have been financially devastated by all this.  My insurance does not pay 100% on anything and I am responsible for all the co-pays.

I hate the friggin' thing and have cried every day since I got it. You can't cover a tattoo with cover stick or make up.  I even spent $22 on a dermablend stick, which does not cover it either. It is a constant reminder YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER.  I even caught a co worker checking it out on my chest, and it was a woman not a guy.

They sent me to a dermatologist to find out how much it would cost to get the one tattoo removed.  100 bucks.  The hospital wanted a letter from the dermotologist stating the cost and the procedure.  The dermo refused to give it to me.  I can't believe it.  They will not give me any sort of statement saying what it cost until after the procdure is done and paid for.  WTF!!

I was fine with all my treatment, surgery, chemo, hair loss, sickness, until this.  This has pushed me over the edge.  I cry constantly and find myself with suicidal thoughts.  To top it off, all the women I have spoken with in the waiting room have showed me their fried to a crisp, blistered skin.  I'm ready to quit rads.  I've only had 13 tx with 20 more to go.  There is only so much a person can take.

thanks for letting me vent.

I was scheduled to have my first treatment today, but it has been put on hold because yesterday my right hand swelled up.  My rad onc looked at it and said, yep, that's lymphedema - but I need to see their lymphedema specialist to confirm.

The rad onc estimates I have an approximately 40 percent chance of recurrence without rads, and can drop it to about 15 percent with rads.

I think given those statistics I have to take the treatment, but I do want to talk to the specialist.  The treatments will worsen the lymphedema, but I don't know how much.