help dealing with showy booby women

I have a friend who is the same way. We have been best friends since we were 16. She is very large breasted as I was before my double mast. It seems everytime we get together she is always cutting up with another of our friends husbands about her "girls" as she calls them. I know I am just being over sensitive, but to be honest it hurts me so bad. You would just think she would have enough couth to not talk and cut up about them around me. It has gotten so bad that I have stopped getting together with my friends when they get together. I feel like I am being childish, but it's just too painful right now. She still has hers and mine are gone.

I wish I had something to say to help you, but I can't because I know it bothers me too. I just feel she is being insensitive. I am looking for ideas on how to tell her how much it bothers me without making her upset.Good luck to us both!

Susan 

I call it boob envy.  I get it all the time as I work on a college campus where many beautiful young women dress in low cut blouses and tight tee shirts.  I just notice how I feel and don't worry too much about it.

Hi the only time i felt bad about boobs was when i was sitting in the hospital being fitted for a wig. The girl who was doing the fitting was tall and slim, she had long blonde hair and her blouse was unbuttoned nearly to her belly button, she also was wearing a ton of makeup. The other ladies who where along with me thought it very insensitive to have someone like her to be fitting us out.(after all we had no hair or eyebrows and most of us had one boob or none

mnmom,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so hurt by friends' and family members' insensitivity!  Are your sisters wearing clothing that is more revealing (or wearing revealing more frequently) now that you've been through BC treatment, or are they dressing the same as they did before but now it bothers you more? What I mean is, are they doing it on purpose to upset you?  Do you have an "ally" family member you can talk with about your feelings, either way? 

I've been thinking lately, about all of the big-breasted women I see on the street.  In the past, I used to sometimes automatically think women were being "showy" with their boobs if they were wearing anything that was revealing or drew attention to their breasts, but I'm re-thinking it now, partly because of what's happening with my OWN breasts.  I had a lumpectomy and I've been through 4 weeks of radiation (2 more to go), and my irradiated breast has swelled up so much - it feels to be a cup size larger, although I'm not sure if that's my imagination.  For sure, the areola and nipple have nearly doubled in size and I get so self-conscious about it but there's not much I can do about it.  I've been wearing just shirts, with no bra, and choosing what I wear based on the softness of the fabric and not what the shirt looks like, because lots of shirts irritate my tender skin right now.  Anyway, my point is, the other day I was in the grocery store after having just been irradiated, and was so embarrassed to realize that my nipple was so big and obvious, especially because I was only wearing a thin T-shirt with no underlayer... I was trying to carry groceries against my chest to hide my breasts... because suddenly I felt like one of Those Women I had always been critical of - there I was with big breasts (well, at least ONE was much bigger than usual), with protruding nipples, and I wondered if strangers would see me and automatically peg me as one of those young women who's trying to show off her breasts, when nothing could be further from the truth.

Wow, I'm getting long-winded.  Last weekend I also went to a conference for young adults with cancer (I'm 31) and I had never been in a room with 80 people who also had/have cancer, and it was quite enlightening.  I looked around and felt embarrassed to find myself thinking that with many of the people in that room, if I passed them on the street, I would never in a million years guess that they had cancer - I might think, "Ugh, frat boy, I'll stay away, thanks."  That "frat boy" actually turned out to be really sweet and he talked mostly about the little kids he works with, which he loves.  I'm finding myself now making fewer assumptions about people, both strangers and people I know, and realizing everyone has big things going on in their own lives that I know nothing about....just like no one who saw my showy breasts in the grocery store would ever guess that it was swelling due to cancer treatments.

Despite all of that, I am not at all recommending trying to be okay with it when people are rude and/or insensitive ON PURPOSE.  That's just not okay.  What worries me more than your sisters wearing revealing clothing is the fact that your husband has not touched you since you lost your breast.   I know that wasn't the initial topic of your post, so you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to... but, how is your relationship overall?  IS he supportive, kind, understanding?  Does he realize his not touching you is a problem (OF HIS, not yours) and is he working on that at all - support group, therapy?  mnmom, you deserve love and kindness, people who care for and about you...

Just my little $.02 worth--

I am almost three years since my mastectomy--in the beginning, all I could do was "stare at other women's beautiful breasts."  And feel extreme pain for the loss of my "bad boob" since I had always thought of myself as someone who had great boobs.

You know what?  It has passed--but then again, it has been three years.  I think it is something we have to go through in the beginning when we lose a breast--part of the grieving process.  Because a breast is more than a breast--it is an important part in pro-creation and the sustanance of the species.  Okay, now I sound way out there. . .

Now, my feeling is, when I see these young gorgeous girls with great boobs, if they are close to me (I have 7 nieces in their 20's), I will ask them when they had their last breast exam or mammo.  And let them know they are never too young for breast cancer, not to scare them, but that they should be sure to know each nook and cranny of their pretty boobs right after their periods, and if anything changes, see a doctor and demand a mammogram!  If they say you are too young to have breast cancer, see a different doctor!!

Edited to add:  I do remember our dear departed sister  Diane (BadBoob67) who often told obnoxious women they were just one mammogram away from her!  So true!!!

I had a single mast. and afterwards I couldn't stop looking at women's chests.  Then I started arimidex and my hair thinned and I started looking at the lovely locks everyone else seemed to have.  Then I developed lymphedema and now I look at arms.  I envy women with slender arms.  So I guess it just all depends where we are.  

Gentle hugs mnmom.