Help me be the best daughter I can be

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KPhilli
KPhilli Member Posts: 22
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer and I my brother and I are completely devastated. She is very positive and taking charge of those factors which she has control over. I know in my head that we must now do what my mother has done her entire life, namely, put someone else first. I cannot stop weeping and imagining the worst. She is currently awaiting a surgery date and is undergoing routine pre-op tests. Please help me.  I want to be the best support person I can be.

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited January 2010

    Be your normalloving self.  Listen to her and let her know that you care about her.  Let us know how you all are doing!

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  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited January 2010

    Hi, KPhilli -

    Try not to panic until you have all the facts about her prognosis after the final pathology report.  Breast cancer isn't a death sentence anymore, so try not to treat her like she has one foot in the grave.  That just makes things worse for the patient - believe me I have been there and back and nothing is harder than trying to get back to the business of living your life when you're constantly reminded of your diagnosis because people are looking at you like you'll be dead in the next couple of months.  Just be there for her and do everything you can to be strong and cheerful.  My son took care of me after surgery and he just babied me a lot and kept me laughing, thank GOD.  I was very frightened and depressed but he helped me keep my sanity.  Best wishes to you and your family.

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  • KPhilli
    KPhilli Member Posts: 22
    edited February 2010

    Thank you lovemyfamilysomuch and desdemona222 for your advice and wishes. This website has been an invaluable resource for information and communication, particularly in light of my mother's decision not to tell anybody outside our family about her cancer. Hiding this from my teenaged kids has been excrucuating.

    Mom has a surgery date on Feb. 16th and I will be moving in with her for a week. She seems quite determined and positive, but I suspect she feels quite vulnerable underneath it all. I love her so much.

    Thank you again, K.

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  • BrittaA
    BrittaA Member Posts: 56
    edited April 2010

    Hi KPhilli, It is so great that you are supporting your mother every step of the way as she goes through her treatment. I am a 18 year cancer survivor and was a caregiver to my father who battled colon cancer for 8 years before passing away in 2007. I started a blog, cincovidas.com, that focuses on the side effects of chemo and radiation on the hair, skin and nails. I did a post on how to stay healthy as a caregiver to your loved one http://blog.cincovidas.com/caring-for-a-cancer-fighter-six-tips-to-help-you-avoid-burnout-and-stay-healthy. And one on how to be of help as you are supporting your mother's fight against this disease http://blog.cincovidas.com/your-loved-one-just-got-the-news—cancer-how-can-you-help. I hope that these can be of help to you and your brother. Keep me posted on how your mother is doing. Love, strength and survival, Britta

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