Feeling Alone and Miserable

hmcscarlet · April 2010

Hello -

This is my first post here at Breastcancer.org. I'm a 35 year old single female. I just recently had my 5th (of 6) round of chemo. I've had varying results to all the chemo rounds...The 3rd and 4th rounds were pretty miserable with a lot of vomiting. I was so relieved when I made it through the first few days of this round w/o any vomiting, but last night I had some severe insomnia, bone pain, and nausea. I guess that's just par for the course. I know I'm near the end of the chemo, but I'm soooo sick of doing this all alone.

No husband, boyfriend or siblings. My mom died from colon cancer almost 20 years ago. My dad and his wife have been supportive via phone, but haven't been around in person to help. I've had a few friends help out here and there, but for the most part, I"m doing this all on my own and I just feel so dang miserable and alone.

I guess I'm posting here for 2 main reasons - 1) so that I do not feel so alone and 2) for anyone who is on the other side of this, am I ever going to feel normal again? Will these miserable nights of hot flashes, nausea, insomnia, etc be a distant memory at some point? Will I have my energy back?

LittleFlower · April 2010

(((HMSCARLET))))

i'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. The subject of your post really called out to me, that's how i felt during treatment also. I live hours from my family and friends, i had just moved to a new city when i was diagnosed, i had my husband. It was great to have him, no doubt about it, but still a very lonely experience. He was working alot (someone had to) and since we had just moved to this place, we were both going through alot of changes. Anyways, i remember being SO disappointed in my friends... not a single visit.. i was livid. I did make some friends through chemo and that helped because they understood. I was young, like you are. I was 29 at the time, also stage 3a. wow, it was a long road, a slow go, but today, i'm almost 4 years out. hard to believe. I used to scour the boards looking to people like me who were a couple years out from treatment.

I am here to tell you that YES IT GETS BETTER! and YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are women on these boards ALL THE TIME! It's what got me through alot of sad and lonely nights. You are going to feel so much better after your last treatment (hooray!) day by day you'll get stronger, the nausea and insomnia will stop, the hot flashes will stop..........you'll be yourself again, only stronger.

post again, often, we'll cheer you along as you cross that finish line!

BIG HUGS!

LittleFlower

GML · April 2010

hmcscarlet.....first let me say that I am so sorry you have to do this alone. You came to the right place. I can tell you that I had a horrible time with chemo....was in the ER and admitted to the hospital after the first two treatments and was admitted to the hospital for the remainder of my treatments. The NP at my oncologist's office told me at one point that people forget a lot of the side effects as time goes on. I looked at her like she was crazy. But she was right. My last chemo was in January. I still have the hot flashes and I have some SEs from hormone treatment but the chemo SEs are largely gone and I have to think hard in order to remember them all. I have almost all of my energy back as well. Hang in there, it will get better.

Lindissima · April 2010

Hmcscarlet,

My heart goes out to you, and I know how you feel. I had virtually no family support for various reasons. Though I didn't do chemo, and I know it's hard, but it is doable. Friends who went through it years ago don't remember the side effects now...

I would suggest you contact the breast cancer support person at your hospital. There are volunteer organizations, staffed by survivors, who help women in your circumstances. Also a local support group would help you feel less alone. I have made many new friends as a result of this cancer 'journey' because I was able to find a great group in my area.

A quick google brought up Breast Friends - Cancer Survivor Support - Motivational Speaking. I can't vouch for this group personally, but you might get in touch with them. Also google cancer support groups in your area.

BCC.org is a wonderful resource and the women here are here for you 24/7. Please let us know how you are doing.

A big hug!

lovemyfamilysomuch · April 2010

Sweet Scarlet, you are NOT alone!! I am so glad that you wrote. It sounds like you have had a very rough time of it. Sweetie, it does get better, I hope that you continue top reach out to us, because we are truly the bes supporters in the world! Where do you live? xo

dlb823 · April 2010

hmscarlett ~ Oh, how I wish you'd found us sooner! I absolutely cannot imagine going through bc treatment without support, including the wonderful women here. Did you know there are individual groups here for (1) younger women, (2) single women, (3) chemo by month, and (4) groups by the type of chemo you're having (like Taxotere/Cytoxan)? Look in the Forum Index above. Joining a chemo group (mine was August 08) was by far the best thing for me in terms of daily support, and it's not too late for you to do that now. Look for the one that started the month you started or since then, and introduce yourself.

If you are nauseous to the point of vomiting, you need to report that to your oncologist, and he/she should be able to give you an alternate anti-nauseal med. And yes, this should all be a distant memory a year from now. It just takes time to go through it and get your strength back, but there absolutely is light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you know about the Private Message feature here? I'm going to send you one with my phone number, in case you feel like talking. Click on Private Message (above) when you see it light up.

I'm so sorry you have reason to be here (the club that none of us ever wanted to be in!), but so glad you found us! Deanna

hmcscarlet · April 2010

Thank you all for the kind replies! I DO wish I had come here sooner! Looks like a great site and I will try to check out the various forums ASAP.

I started disability from work about 8 or so weeks ago. I can't believe in less than a month I'll be going back to work and I've accomplished sooo little! Granted, I've been very tired, sick, depressed, etc. But I had all these hopes of making new friends, writing, getting over to the beach from time to time just to breathe and relax. And so far, I've basically done none of that.

But posting on here is a step. It's almost 3am. I guess I better try and get some sleep. But I will definitely try to respond to some of you in more depth soon. Thanks!

Holly

char123 · April 2010

Hi Scarlett;

So very sorry you are very sick. You need to call your Doctor and demand good meds to relieve the throwing up, there are so many, many good meds out there that no one needs to be violently ill. Take Care, and call you doctor....

Char

sunshine123 · April 2010

Holly,

Hang in there, sweetie. I went through treatment at age 27-28. It DOES get better. Never back to the way it was, but better.

What city do you live in? There are lots of people on these boards all over the world, so someone may be close to you. And even if you can't find someone physically close to you, we're all here for you on the boards!

Lots and lots of hugs....

dlb823 · April 2010

Hi, Holly ~ How're you doing today? Just thinking about you, and hoping everything's okay.

I also wanted to give you another suggestion about drinking more water, as we talked about a couple of nights ago. Try mixing about 1/3 apple juice (or whatever juice you like) with 2/3 mineral water. That was another little trick that helped me down water when the thought of it wasn't the least bit appealing. Deanna

NatureGrrl · April 2010

HUGE hug..... from someone who also went through it alone.... it sucks.

To reinforce what others have said, keep your dr. informed of all your symptoms. There are so many meds (and non-meds, like ginger) that will help with symptoms... you shouldn't have to suffer so much!

I wasn't technically alone -- I was caregiving for my mom (living with her), while she also was dealing with cancer and some significant dementia. So I really was alone plus having to put her needs high on my list. My brothers didn't help at all, and I was in a town where most of my friends weren't, and had no one to call on. She died in the middle of my rads. The whole year was really lonely and really hard and really brutal. But I made it through and you will, too.

Try not to isolate too much. Being off work has helped you get through treatment, I know, but when you're alone all day day after day it can make it even harder. If you have the energy to find a support group, do. I found one but they met at night and I was too tired to go until recently. I did start seeing my oncologist's therapist and also decided I needed to take mild meds for depression. Neither of those things took away the problems or feelings but they both made it easier to deal with all I was going through.

And don't beat yourself up for "accomplishing so little." That's not true. Your body is going through a really difficult process right now, and it's getting you on the other side of treatment... chemo takes a tremendous toll on you in almost every way. So be gentle with yourself. You are doing a LOT, whether it feels like it or not. Some days just getting up is enough.

I can't tell you how many times I listened to people laughing and wondered if I'd ever feel that kind of joy again. The answer is, YES!! I agree, things aren't the same as they were before... but in many ways I'm better: stronger, more grounded, more full of joy and laughter. It was a long and hard haul but I made it, and you can, too...

another really huge hug. You aren't alone. We're all here for you.

iodine · May 2010

Hello Holly,

You have good information and support from the ladies above and I just wanted to drop in to tell you: it does get better! I'm 7.5 years out and life is good. It was all worth it. There is joy, interest, and LIVING that make it so.

Hang in there and come to the boards as much as you can or want. Read, read, read, and post as you see fit. You will find so much warmth and caring here, and sincerely wanting to support you thru this.

Blessings,

Dotti

Feeling Alone and Miserable

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