Mom in ICU w brain mets. Won't see daughter.

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If she can have conversations, maybe the daughter should talk to her on the phone and ask - beg, even - to see her mother.

So sorry about your friend. Prayers are being sent for her.

Leah

I would respect the wishes of the mother.  When my uncle died of Alzheimer's, his immediate family did not want me to visit him, so I would remember him as a more healthy, functioning person.

You also may not know of dysfunctions within the family.  I didn't guess that there may have been some traumatic incidences with my friend with pancreatic cancer.  (I spent hundreds of hours with her the last 9 months of her life while she was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation.) She never told me about any incidents, or made the slightest hint about this, and I had known her for some 10 years.  I didn't guess until a few days before she died.   She was freaking out when we were taking off her pants to change her diaper.  She physically agitated about a particular family member who  was 50 feet away looking at her back, not her front.  The family member would have seen a lot more if she was wearing a bathing suit. I will never know what happened, or if my guesses are right, but I strongly guess there was something that went on between my friend and that family member that went waay back. Whatever it was, it made my friend very scared, and I didn't want her experience of dying to be any worse than what it already was.

So you never know the history of what is between two people.  Maybe the mother only wants her daughter to not remember her as helpless.  But I would want to respect the mother's wishes.

I will give you my experience but I can see validity in all the above responses.  I spent the last 10 weeks of my Mother's life staying with her...she too had brain cancer.  Towards the end my Mother could not walk or communicate and it was heartbreaking.  She had always said she wanted to die at home and we were able to accomdate that wish.  Was it hard to see my Mother that way...you better believe it....is that the way I remember her...not at all.  I have wonderful treasured memories of my Mother and I would not change a thing I did.  I spent many hours sitting holding her hand and just talking to her... letting her know how much I loved her, how thankful I was that she was my Mother and about so many of my memories.  This helped me immensly and I think it helped her....I was able to tell her that it was okay to go that we would be okay.

I did have a very close relationship with my Mother....do you know if your friend and daughter were close.  Although the daugher and Mother have had along time knowing this was coming somehow I think it is human nature to play Scarlet O'Hara  and put things off and think about them tomorrow. 

My prayers for all involved.

Please let her daughter see her mother. If her daughter was a very young child it may be different. I would not want to be the one to tell her NO you cannot see your dying mother. Just know if you don't let her, she will never forgive you.

Something to consider, but if the mom absolutely refuses, then she could become very agitated if the daughter comes into the room. It sounds like she gets upset even discussing it with the nurses, that could be an indicator.  If that happened, it  could be a REALLY bad experience/memory for the daughter.  As an alternative, could the daughter sit with her a bit while she is sleeping? Would that work perhaps? I know it sounds crazy, but I am tryin to think creatively.

I know we are all different, but it is hard to imagine pushing your child away if she wants to see you.

I wish peace to all during this very difficult time.

I agree - that sounds like a win-win solution. I really like that idea, Amy and barbe!

If I did NOT want to see someone during the last parts of my journey, I would really be VERY angry/distressed if my wishes were ignored, whatever my reasons. You may not understand or agree with the mother's feelings or reasoning, but I think the mom's wishes should be respected while the mom is conscious.  I would not want the mom's passing to be any more difficult than it already is.