Hating my unilateral mastectomy

I had 2 lumpectomies on my right breast, which is now smaller than the left. At first it bothered me but I've gotten used to it. I appreciate your brutal honesty...because... if I have a recurrence, I'm considering a mx. Personally, I wouldn't be confortable without breast...at least I would want small ones.

Why didn't you get a immediate reconstruction? I had a friend who had bc and had very large breast. She had a lumpectomy on the bc breast and the other side reduced. She is very please being a size B. Is it possible for you to go back and have the other removed or replace the one you lost?

I can relate to so much of what you shared. I had a uni in October and I still have a D cup on the left. I did not do immedate reconstruction. I am meeting with a plastic surgeon this week to find out what my options will be should I decide to reconstruct after chemo and rads.

I do think being a uni-boober is challenging with bras and clothes and dealing with the lopsided thing. My bra shifts, my prosthesis is kinda it's own enitity. I worry about my muscles in my neck getting out of whack from the weight difference.

I may still do the mastecomy on the other side. If I reconstruct, I wonder if it is easier to get symmetry when you start from scratch. But I hate the thought of having two numb barbie boobs. At least I can feel the saggy old boob I have now.

Immediate reconstruction seems so common place now, it does seem that us uni-boobers are in the minority. Mentally, I am OK with how I look naked. It is the being dressed and trying to look normal that I find frustrating at times. I will say, I am pleased with my prosthesis, the bras are not as good as my foob, but they hold everything pretty much in place.

As someone still trying to make the decision on a uni or a bi, I took some time on the weekend to really look at myself naked in the mirror.  I am 52, two kids, a little overweight now (thanks to chemo).  My breasts are 38C, flat as all get out from age and their weight, and nipples pointed to the ground.  They are definitely not what they once were, boobs to be proud of.  They are now just sad looking.  I know I have to lose one.  Maybe taking that time out to look at them realistically has told me what decision to make.  My right boob might be healthy now, but do I really want to have the anxiety of the constant tests et al on a breast that has seen better days?  I do not want recon - but if I can get away with a prosthetic bra (or without!), I think maybe the bi-lat is the way to go.

Boy - can I ever relate to your story!!!!

Back in 2006, I decided it was finally time to do away with Big Bertha and Massive Matilda and get a breast reduction.  My neck, back and shoulders were killing me.  I had dream of becoming a B cup size, realistically I would have been only able to probably be reduced to a C-D cup.

I went in for a mammogram before seeing a plastic surgeon as a PS wants a recent mammogram before doing any surgery.  It was several months before my regular due date and it was good I went in early.  A tiny, very aggressive IDC tumor was found.

It was a no brainer for me; I had a mastectomy.  I could not , however, convince my surgeon to remove the left "healthy" breast.  The surgery left me horribly asymmetrical.  I hated the iron maiden mastectomy bras (they were worst then bras I needed for my regular breast support) and the asymmetry increase my neck, back and shoulder problems.

 Both my oncologist and primary care physician were documenting my discomfort level.  I was going to attempt to have the insurance company pay for a simple mastectomy after I finished my chemo and 1 year of herceptin treatment.

Fate intervened.  I went back in for a 6 month mammogram on the left breast because of a cyst found in the previous mammogram.  A whole bunch of new microcalcifications had formed and the report came out as BIRADS 5.

 My oncologist told me straight out that there was no way she thought there was cancer in the breast (had finished chemo and was on herceptin at that time).  She told me to "seize" my opportunity and have a simple mastectomy done as the insurance company would not quibble based on my BC history and the BIRADS 5 classification.

I took her advice and had it done (and everything found in the breast was benign).  I loved being flat chested and basically went flat 98% of the time over the next two years.  I had no interest in reconstruction.

By the way, having Massive Matilda finally removed did cause me more neck, back and shoulder problems at first as my poor muscles didn't know what to do.  I had physical therapy for a month and still do the stretching exercises I was taught during PT and have added strength building work outs to help undo the years of muscle abuse from being freak of nature big breasted.

I decided in October of 2008 that I never wanted reconstruction and started talking to a plastic surgeon about scar revisions.  Like you, I had dog ears on both sides and wanted to get rid of them.  At the same time, I had a cruise coming up and wanted to wear some dresses that were lower cut in the neckline than I usually wore.  I bought some prostheses that I was suppose to be able to either stick to my body or attach to my clothing.

I wasn't happy with the hassle of the prostheses.  They didn't work well and I felt in constant danger of losing them.

I finally decided that although I loved being flat chested  and going braless, there were times I did want some shape under my clothes.  I was too young (58 at the time) to spend the rest of my life in tee shirts, hated, hated, hated mastectomy bras and prostheses, and because of no longer needing a truss system to support my breasts, I could finally wear a world of clothing styles that had been denied to me since my teens (basically any blouse or dress top that either needed a strapless bra or no bra).

I decided to do reconstruction.  After a lot of research and thinking, I picked silicone implants.  I had the TEs placed last June.  My exchange wasn't done until December because of vacation and Thanksgiving plans.  I told my PS I wanted to end up a B cup size and that is what I am.

It has been almost 4 months since the exchange and the implants have "dropped and fluffed." I am beautifully symmetrical and even and I DON'T NEED A BRA!!!!!!

As far as I am concerned, my new foobs are far superior to the original equipment.  My original pair were, unfortunately, sore and tender 28 out of 30 days a month. I hated having them touched.  These are not.

After a period of adjustment to having the TEs and then the implants, my body (neck shoulder and back) finally feel like I am carrying the weight in front my body was designed to carry.  I did have some muscle pain in those areas as my body adjusted to the weight changes, but with my PS's permission, I did various exercises to help with the problem and also had regular body massages.     

I can wear any kind of age appropriate necklines I want without wearing a bra.  By the way, between having the bilateral mastectomies and the breast reconstruction, I have ended up with an upper chest/lower neck area that isn't the loose, flabby, wrinkly skin that all women develop as they loose the breast fat in menopause.

So with the exception of the BC, I feel that I look, feel, and am better than when I was carrying around the gross twins on my chest.  

Marm: Just my opinion, but I think the axillary dissection is worse than the mastectomy. My chest gets tight, but I am pretty good about doing my stretches. For myself, I don't have range of motion concerns about a prophy mastectomy. In fact, I lean toward taking it off to avoid ever having axilarry dissection on that side.

Thanks, Sassa, for the great explanation.  Although everybody's experiences are different, it's always appreciated when someone shares their own.

KD, I can't answer your questions but I can offer boxes of empathy.

My lump was 6.5cm, lumpectomy was not an option, and i am now a "uniboober" and yes it does make life very awkward, but it beats having cancer. Looking down, it's the remaining side that looks odd to me, and to echo another poster above, I would have the other side off at the drop of a hat, at the first hint of another cancer, but not without a medical reason. Severe back pain is a good medical reason in my book. I have seen the results of severe complications of surgery, and would not take those risks just for the look of it, which is why I am also not considering reconstruction. For preference I would have a second Mx before any axillary issues if possible because I had much more grief from the node surgery than the Mx.

I am still on the softie post-surgery fooby and happy to stay with it - that silicone Thing she showed me was gross, worse than wearing a pound of liver Yeuch!! Am hoping I can get friends to tolerate the "asymmetric, happy to be alive" look one day... yeah in my dreams. What sort of friend judges you on your boob/s anyway?

My dress sense is much much worse than usual while i get used to it all....

I had a mastectomy on one side. I had a TE placed and had the exchange and augmentation on remaining breast in Nov. I'm not thrilled with the results but at least I am even. I bought some inserts to use while going through expansion but never used them. It was tricky dressing to look even, I can't imagine having to do that every day.

Hi ladies...been awhile since I've lurked around here.  I reached my one year anniversary back in August.  I am a uni & very happy with my results.  I have not had a nipple reconst. on my MX side & probably will not do so....for now.  I have pondered on whether I should have done a BMX but now I am very comfortable with the decision I had made.  I love knowing that I still have a part of me without having to look at my "blank" side.  I truly don't know if I could have handled doing both.  My results look beautiful...great match thanks to PS!  Maybe some day I will get that nipple recon. but for now it's perfect the way it is!

NAE

Beesie,

You are so right on about the nipple recons.!  My PS said it's really up to ME if I should have a nipple recons.  She said some women need it especially if they NEED to look at themselves in a COMPLETE way.  It's about seeing yourself naked...changing clothes....bathing, etc.  Otherwise who else is there to see this??  My DH is an awesome man & not to sound mean but he could care less if there was a nipple there or not.  He loves me the way I am & most of all the fact that we will be growing old together!  Now...if I had a BMX then I probably might considered it (for the visual effect) but since there is no function or purpose why go through it.  Also, the more I thought about it I knew it would have bothered me all the more if my one nipple recons. did not look anything like my natural one nor if it was not positioned "evenly" then THAT would have tugged at me more...for the rest of my LONG life!   I have a prosthetic nipple but it's just not my "thing" to remember putting it on.  Maybe some day when I enter a wet T-shirt contest?! LOL!

By the way.....YOU'RE ALL SOOO WONDERFUL LADIES!