I want to hit someone or something
I'm not in a good mood and I need to bitch. So here's my sh*t list:
My husband is unemployed.
I no longer have a left breast and I'm tired of clothes not fitting right... anywhere.
I have more crap than I know what to do with and need to have a garage sale, sell some things, get rid of things... I don't know where the hell to start.
The garage is packed with my belongings that I need to sort through. It's stressing me because I want to get some of it out before the change in temperature ruins some of the clothes, purses, etc. but there's no room in the house.
My mother has disowned me. That's both good and bad. I think I've posted already that she had told me that my cancer was God's punishment. Last week was my birthday and I never heard from her. Good because I really don't want to have to listen to or put up with her crap. I know there are worse mothers. But, for a mother to tell her own daughter something like this and to have given me all of the trouble (to put it mildly) during my engagement, etc. is just a crock of sh*t.
Bad because, I guess, there's the psychological impact of my mother "abandoning" me as such, etc., etc., etc.
I haven't found a therapist here that I like and I miss the one I had back home. The one that I have gone to so far has done nothing but talk my ears off and has done little, if any, asking about my problems. I'm not going back to him. Waste of time and money.
My desk is a mess, the house is a mess, my head is a mess.
Oh, and I don't have any pictures of my wedding. My father in law tried to take some but apparently they were too dark.
And, although I have a good husband, I'm still pissed off at him about my birthday last week. He had spent about a week out of state packing up the remaining stuff at my house and was driving back the day of my birthday. I went out that morning and bought a roast and all the sides to cook and have ready for when he'd get back in town. I emailed him later in the morning telling him not to eat, that I was cooking. He said not to cook, I told him it was too late. Then he called and asked if it could feed a bunch of people. I guess I'm pissed because he never asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and had made arrangements to eat at his parents house. Nothing against his parents, they are good people. But, what really did me in, was when after I asked him why he didn't tell his mother I was cooking, he said he didn't want to offend her. Really????? What the hell? Why was it okay to offend me?
I don't care what the studies have shown about alcohol and a connection to breast cancer. Screw it. I'm staying on my high horse and I'm going find something to drink.
Thanks for reading.
Feel free to post your sh*t list too!
Comments
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Totally understand you. Been there, done that (not the same exact motives, of course).
some of my sh*t list:
- PS telling me that the LD flap wont' bother me none - I remember it every day I am trying to do anything requiring effort of the arms. I could shoot the guy with no remorse.
- my former health insurance taking FIVE weeks to process my insurance cancellation, so I have to wait til then before I can get on the State's BC program to start my chemo. Can't stop thinking how much it will progress till then.
- My boyfriend finally got a job so things might be better soon but until then we still have to struggle with all the financial crap and for at least the next month and a half and(see above) can't stop myself thinking "wtf, these might be the last months of my life, and I cant' do anything that I like, not even watch favorite movies or eat favorite foods or drink anything, because we don't have enough money".
I guess the most I'm pissed at federal government employees (see #2 above).
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Marie,
You certainly have a right to bitch, so bitch on! It all sucks!
I too would have been royally pissed about the birthday deal.
Take a calm bath with some good smelling bubble bath and try to calm yourself, then a hot cup of tea (or something else of your choosing).
The garage will still be there tomorrow and next week and the week after that.......you'll get to it.
Maybe you can get away with your friends for a day doing something fun that will take your mind off of all this crap.
Wishing you peace, calm and sunshine.
Jelly
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Marie - thanks for sharing! I hear ya and feel ya. I, too, am pissed off. I am angry that I kicked BC in 2000, and continued on with my life like nothing every happened. Then, six years (exactly) later, I find out I have BC again. First on the left, now on the right. Since my recurrence in 2006, I have never recovered, mentally or physically. I am only 45 and shouldn't be suffering. I take soo much medicine it isn't even funny. Pristiq, Pamelor, Xanax, Vicodin, Vit D3 2000 mg a day, I still have trouble sleeping and my body hurts constantly. I am angry that I found out after the second time that I have BRCA1. So, I then chose to have these surgeries, total hysterectomy in 2007, double mastectomy in 2008, tram reconstruction in 2009. Now it is 2010, I sit and wait. Family members don't understand (or care) how much I have and continue to suffer. I am angry that I am triple negative....not even sure what it means, but all I know is there isnt any "preventive" medicine I can take. I have gained sooo much weight since 2006. When I was first diagnosed in 2000, I weighed about 145 lbs. When I was diagnosed in 2006, I weighed about 160. Guess what, now I weigh 220 pounds. It makes me sick. I hate it and I hate my pathetic life. I guess thats it for now!!!!! Nancy
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