March 2010 Chemo Start

Alison34, I totally understand where you are and how your feeling, ended up asking MD for antidepressant to be able to get through this....started Celexa today, to be able to continue to face this battle. I'm normally a very positive person but not too proud to say when I need help. I keep getting told these are totally normal reactions but know you are NOT alone.

Just found this thread, started my chemo 3/12 AC/T followed by 12wks taxol so two down two to go for the AC which I understand is the harsher out of the two.This passed treatment was more of an emotional battle then physical, Praise God S/E are minimal, slight nausea, dizziness from Emend & decadron. hot flashes at night horrible, only 47 so I'm hoping this will fast forward me through that process??? wishful thinking. K

eeping up with the high fluid intake is difficult but I'm trying also was told claritin D help aches from Neulasta it h does help "achy days only had 1 day of Severe pain from shot 7 days after.I guess worst days are 4 days just after treatment. then you feel better before they slam you again .  Better Days coming ..... 

Alison, it's ok to lose it.  I think sometimes we are just running on fight or flight -we get the diagnosis, which is always an awful shock, then we "keep it together" while we get caught up in this new world - scans, surgery, strangers touching our bodies, pain, new information, and the whole threat to ourselves and our families.  And every once in a while, the medical roller coaster slows a little, and we allow some of our emotion to have it's head.

It is not only ok, it is completely normal. Cry, hug your kids, scream if it helps. And when you're ready, you'll put on your brave coping face and move onto the next day.

Hugs to you and everyone.

Well said hereandnow. I'll take that advice. It's funny how things just seem to fit in to your life when yu start reading the post. But my fix is going to be over in alittle bit. The grand kids are coming to  visit. that's a great temperary fix.

Alison34, I agree with the others. I'm waiting for my hair to start falling out--today is day 9--and I never had any idea how many emotions are tied into hair. I think a lot of grieving over the entire cancer process goes into that baldness. We get stripped down to the bare essentials, poked, prodded and maybe even our bodies don't feel like our own. Somehow the hair feels tied to that for me. Let yourself grieve.

And remind me I said that when I lose it in a few days

Oh, and my white count is up, even after 24 hours. I went from .07 to 1.0! I still have to get to at least 3 before they stop with the neopogen every day (4.4 is the bottom of their 'normal' range) but it's a lot of progress. I just came out of the cancer closet with my new job today. I'm TA'ing a graduate school design course and had to run the first class. Just told them I'd be bald by next week and to feel free to try their designs out on my head -- in non-toxic ink, of course. And told them not to come near me and my struggling white blood cells!

Hugs to everyone.

thanks for the comforting words ladies

well a new day here in the UK lets see how i handle this one, thanks to all that has replied to me it makes me feel better to know other feel the same

i haven't buzzed the hair because i just cannot bring myself to cut it of, i know it sounds silly if its hurting me that much watching it drop to the floor in clumps but i just cant bring myself to cut it.

in my head i think come on Ali pull it together, the words FORWARD AND TEMPORARY.

its just so hard, i have my wig ready but just feel so fake in the too, is that a normal reaction, i am also dreading my husband seeing me bold, he tells me he don't mind and wont feel any different but i know this is going to effect our relationship on my part, wonder how i am also going to deal with that

sorry ladies for venting i am just so unhappy with the situation i am in my 30is and having to deal with all the crap that no one should ever have to go through,

my normal life used to be worrying about what i was going to wear on a day , how much that has changed hey.

happy easter everyone xxxxxxx

dublin4

thankyou for putting them words into my head these are the words that give me the strength to get through this xxxx

Yes losing my hair was horrible, no matter what they say nothing can prepare you for the day you end up with handful in the shower. I cried for about the first three hours then called my daughter in law (hairdresser) and made appt for the next day to buzz it all off eaiser then the daily loss. I couldn't bring myself to buzz it before it started to fall out but now that it's over just one more step in the process. Also helped my husband decided he would go bald with me so he shaved his 2 wks before mine  started to fall out. I have to say he has been wonderful and very supportive, my son also shaved his head contemplating an easter Bald family photo so we can laugh about it later....  we'll see. Thanks to everyone for being so honest it really does help.

Oh what a few days I have had.........I developed cellulitis on my right shin.  Bright red, swollen, oozing fluid, itchy, and just plain nasty.  I also have developed a tongue ulcer.  It was so bad I had an earache from it.  I am now on antibiotics, a diuretic, and am quite teary.......

I need to take a ride on my Harley....I need to clear my head.....

Today is sunny and warm....gonna go get my boots and jeans on to take the bike for a short spin....I always feel better after a ride......

Peace to all....I am so grateful for all your posts...makes me not feel so alone.

Hi all, haven't posted for nearly a week, feeling good almost back to normal after tx #2.

Been busy at work, a project just ended and a lot of bills have been coming in to verify (I work in accounts payable).  So I'm putting in some extra hours to build up flex credit for when I need it after tx #3.  Plus it's been beautiful here the past week and I've been enjoying it while it lasted.  It's sunny but chilly today.

For dry hands, I recommend plain Vaseline, I have Walgreen's store brand. I get a dime-sized glob and dab that on the backs of my hands especially the knuckles, then gently rub backs of hands together.  I do this a couple three times a week in the evening, optimally an hour before bed to let it soak in overnight.  Make sure you get your fingernails and cuticles good, too.  Also, I use Playtex Handsaver gloves to wash the dishes.

So yesterday, I drove a 15-passenger van to work.  I'm in a van pool and am a back-up driver for when the main driver needs the day off, such as yesterday. 

Now, these people have not seen me for a couple of months because of surgery and chemo.  I've been driving myself and/or telecommuting since the end of Jan.  But am healed enough to handle the van (good thing, too, it was real windy and we drove home in a rain storm) and I'm at a place in tx's where I felt well enough to drive other people approx 100 mi RT. 

The last time they saw me, I had a long gray braid.  Yesterday I had the punk grandma look with half-inch spikes of thinning white hair. I got into the driver's seat and said good morning to six or seven people.  You cut your hair, someone said.  Yes I did, I replied.  And said no more... 'nuf said I thought, started the van and away we went. 

I am going to work without camouflage.  No wig, no hat, no scarf, no make-up, no-thing.  If I go bald, so be it, this too shall pass, right?   Nothing but compassion from all at work though I did have to ask one woman not to look at me like I'd just hit her puppy with my car!  And I find strangers feel more free to chat me up, maybe now I look less threatening or more like their mothers & grandmothers lol?

Hope this finds you feeling good with few SE's and able to enjoy the weekend!  {{hugs}}

Sandie, I too read the posts in the morning with brekkie. I giggled at the imagery of you rubbing your tummy and smiling, and all the good luck it's going to bring you, I think you may have started a trend. It's day 16 today, and my short crop is still there, although the lower lattitudes are starting to drop.

I got my period yesterday - the breast nurse had suggested that I would not and that it probably wouldn't come back, so I am both relieved, and a little uncertain of its significance - oh well early days, we shall see.

JLLG, I hope your leg heals up quickly, and I hope you had a great ride on your bike. Everyone's got their place to escape hey?

Groundhog and you other women who are working, I salute you. I am able to take some time off, and so I have, although I'm feeling so well that I am sure I'll do some study/work after the next round in the ring. It'll be good to go back to doing some more of my normal life things, and re-inforce that this is temporary.

Enjoy the day,

Lisa

Horsedoc, I am a complete coffee lover. I have a machine in my kitchen and make a strong latte every morning before work. I couldn't drink a drop for the first 10 days - didn't want it at all, same with alcohol. Now I'm back to my morning coffee, yum,  and I had one small glass of wine when I went out to dinner with the family a couple of nights ago, but there's no real wish for that at all.

I am drinking more tea than coffee these days.

Greetings March 2010 from March 2005!

I stopped by to see what has changed.  Some things seem different but not much. I was stage 2a. I was going to do 6 TAC but the onc said I was not handling it well and only gave me 4 treatments. I was pretty sick the whole time and was not able to work. But I got through it. I got through rads and then went on AIs.  Again, it didn't go so well for me.  I stuck it out as long as I could but stopped all treatment about a year ago.

And I'm still doing good. I don't think about cancer very often at all anymore. You all sound pretty upbeat and postitive.  It was darn hard for me and here 5 years later I am doing good.  One day you will look back on this and say "whew, I"m glad that is over!"  Take care.

susanmcm,

Thank you...that is what I need to hear.  That you get to a day or point where you don't think about cancer 24/7.   THANK YOU!

LillyC... Thank you!  I hope your Easter was a blessed one.  I wasn't feeling well yesterday and was thinking that I wouldn't be able to go to church this morning, but today is a much better day and I was able to go.  The weather was warm and sunny.  Such a beautiful Easter.  Thank you for your prayers for us all. 

JLLG... I think just as soon as I see the hair begin to fall out, I will have my daughter shave my head.  Some control is better than "none" and it will be somewhat my own choice as to when it goes.  I just hope my chin hairs fall out as well!!  LOL

Group Hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))    Sleep well and wake refreshed!  Each day is a gift.

I'm sorry you felt so bad today SGJ05.  I think the worst part of SE's is when they affect your plans and normal activities.  I'm sorry your girls are having a hard time.  I'm sure your talk helped them a lot.  I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom; I'm single with no kids.

Thanks for the gum advice; I was wondering if gum might help.   I will try it.

Thanks for stopping by and being supportive, susanmcm!  I'm glad you are doing well!