Depression 1 month after mastectomy

Olivia,

I am so glad you have found such a wonderful, kind compassionate oncologist. I think that can be just as or even more important that a really wonderful doctor who is cold especially with this disease since it is not only dealing with cancer and life and death but such a physical and emotional disease also. 

I hate that the vit. D side effects are so terrible. I also have M.S. which is commonly associated with low vit. D whether it is the cause or whether it continues once you have the disease I don't know. They did check mine and it was a bit low but not bad. However, no I wonder if being on HRT helped to keep the vit. D levels up and now that I'm off whether that is something I'll need to watch.

I so hope you can get some sleep and help with nausea - that is a horrible side effect - I am so sorry. It isn't fair you have to deal with all this and side effects of a vitamin. 

 To all of you, thank you so much for making me feel better about my worried about going back into the "real world". I think some of it comes from when I broke my nose this past Sept. I tried to keep it quiet as they had a cancellation and I thought it would be pretty quick and easy recovery and no one would even notice. Well, turns out I broke it pretty bad and the recovery took almost 3 weeks and it wasn't too fun. Anyway, I hadn't told a lot of people but I did tell my choir director who I have know both he and his wife since I was 8. Well my first day back all of a sudden he stops rehearsal and says " I'm just so happy to have you back, can I tell everyone what happened to you?" I was stunned so I said oh sure. So he does and I have 50+ people all staring at my nose! Not exactly what I had in mind so in thinking yes he knows what surgery I had so...? Oh lovely - I guess they will all just get to know way more about me that I would ever have hoped. 

I hope everyone gets some sleep, seems to be a constant theme and thank you all for being here. 

Greysean,

I know LadyOD is right but there are times when people are staring, I want to say, "wanna see"?  LOL

Olivia 

I just popped in, since the topic is depression after mastectomy, and I see a thread related to Vit D levels.  Just a note that there is a very detailed thread on this over in Alternatives, which is excellent. THere is a lot more to Vit D than we're initially told about.  Olivia, it is possible that some/many of your symptoms could be due to your taking Vit D2.  There is an OTC Vit D3 format which has fewer SE's.  The gals on the Alternative thread could be very helpful to you.  I hope you feel better soon.  I had very low levels this past year and have been working hard to get mine up.  I'm using D3.  It's moving on up.

SInce I had a rough night last night and lots of pain.. I asked my boss if after I completed the two requirements she needed from me today if I could leave. Her reply was nice but I should have known it would have the not so nice side later. Before I left (believe me it took a lot to muster my energy to get into work) she told me I am no longer going to be involved in the testimony. It was a bit hurtful, I am trying to find the positive but the one part of my life that has always provided validation seems to have been shaken a bit as well over the past months.  

Olivia 

You are right it is one less pressure! and I am lucky!!

 I am sorry you are having a bad day and have all the pressure on your shoulders.  I am sure it is stressful to have other people relying on you for their income, I can not imagine. My dad had his own business and two of my brothers do as well. It is one aspect of their companies they discuss quite a bit. so vicariously through them I understand.  

I just read an article in the Washington Post, really a book review, Eating Pomegranates, A memoir of Mothers and Daughters and the BRCA gene. After reading the review I think I would not recommend it for any of us right now.  

Cyber hugs - gentle ones and lots of prayers!!

Olivia 

Ah, Olivia and Tammy...I"m so sorry you both have experienced rough days....I can't say mine was great, but it wasn't horrible.  I don't own my own business, and we don't rely on my income soley (sp??), but it is totally necessary...but I dislike my Fridays something awful.  I don't have the connection at the Friday school that I have at the others.  The kids are so rowdy, and I have no time.  I dread Fridays.  I told my family this morning that every penny I earn on Fridays is in blood....I don't even get a bathroom break, and today, I even forgot my lunch!!!  I don't have my own room at any of these schools, nor my own desk....so I have to set up each time I go to a school..  Rarely is anything in the same place it was the week before, and I have to go searching for something....  The last five years I had my own room, my own desk, my own everyhting!  It was wonderful!  I could walk right in and know where everything was and be ready to go.  NOw, I have to spend an hour just getting ready, prepping for stuff that really shouldn't have to be done if I were in my own room...sigh.  Yes, I know I'm lucky to have a job....sigh.

Are you all still itching?  Are you nodes/armpits hurting?  Is your skin still pulling?  Is your chest still tight?  I am so frustrated.....I don't know when this will ever end....

I had a call today (while I was at work) from the genetics counselor.  My results are in and they want me to make an appt. to come in and discuss the results.  Of course, my kids didn't tell me the office called, and I didn't hear the message on the machine until AFTER their office was closed.  sigh.  Now I have to wait all weekend to make the appt.  Oh well.

My oldest is home from college this weekend....but he's wanting to spend more time with his g'friend than us   I guess that's how it is, but I just want to look at him and say, "you're welcome for giving birth to you"....it hurts so badly that he doesn't want to spend time with us.  I will give him credit though....they are at our house right now.  Watching Star Wars (ugh...)   I could be downstairs watching it with them...

Ok, girls....it's the weekend.  Time to FORGET about work - as much as we can.  Olivia, we're going to trust that your boss' decision is in your best interest and a blessing in disguise.....I'm sure that was a downer, but we'll try to look for the silver lining.....  Tammy, I'm sorry it was "one of those days", but let your hubby and boys give you some good old TLC and treat you to a foot rub and some chocolate icecream....maybe a Dairy Queen Moolatte (I had one this afternoon - boy, was it yummy!!)

And if we all had bad or semi-crummy days today, remember it's Good Friday - and Jesus had it far worse.  But, Sunday's coming  

blessings....robin

My ex brought me some soup and made some kale for me. My son happend to love Kale, don't remember when he had some but when he did he went nuts over it.  This is my son who otherwise only wants fried foods and ice cream. Anyway he cooked it with onions, mushrooms, carrott slivers and it was wonderful. Of course he is and was always a fabulous cook - I do miss that and how great he was a fixing things but ...oh well. Anyway, I'll see if I can find out how he made the Kale as it was really wonderful and I'm not usually thrilled by things like that. Flax seeds, I used to sneak the oil and the seeds into my son's food when he was little but he never had strong taste buds so he didn't mind it. Haven't thought about that in a long time. We finally quit as it was expensive and it goes rancid fairly quickly.

Sorry everyone has such rough days at work. I can't imagine trying to work a full day right now. Witnessed a horrible accident today but luckily the young girl was basically fine. I had taken my little dog for a walk and when walking up the driveway I heard a noise and turned around and a car hit my neighbor's mailbox and went straight up part of my tree and the whole car flipped totally over. She was 17 years old driving home from school. I imagine she was talking/texting on the phone as when I helped her out of the car the only thing she had was her phone in her hand and no shoes. Two fire trucks, fire rescue,2 police cars and an ambulance all came. She was so calm but very coherent. Everything else was in her trunck like her wallet and such all in her bookbad. They were going to take her to the hospital and being a minor they said they had to have her checked out but somehow she and her sister talked them out of it. The only two small wrecks I was in I was a mess, teeth chattering and shaking and she was so calm - never have seen anything like it. The fire rescue and the ambulance did check her out but Wow. The car is certainly totaled.  

Life is awfully precious and I know we are all very lucky to have caught the cancer early and hopefully because of our experience our friends will continue to get checked out. I have always had my yearly mammogram but I know some friends don't. Sorry got off topic.

Ladyod,

I am grateful you posted this topic - It has helped me tremendously and I do feel lucky to be a part of this group. I have posted other places but this feels like home!

Greysean - sorry I meant to say, good thing the girls were not hurt.  

Happy Easter all!

Olivia 

Tammy,

Tomorrow is my big day with the surgeon - another biopsy and discussion about a tender area on my left side under my arm that the oncologist wanted me to have checked out.  

The side effects with the Vitamin D were a little easier this time, nausea but not the roller coaster of moods.  I still do not have much of an appetite but for now I am not going to worry, it will return and probably I will be sorry when it does (smile).    

I am sorry your receptionist quit but sounds like she was not really reliable. I hope you can learn that your Vitamin D levels are normal. I had no idea to even ask, so glad I shared and you asked so if you are low then you can do something about it. Evidently, there is a connection between BC and Vitamin D levels something I did not know.  

Flax is good for your digestive track ! I think if it helps a little and we can eat it, that is a good thing. My dad said to me, all the little things add up.  So I guess I have that philosophy, I will try all the little things if I can and hope it adds to healing.

Olivia 

Robin,

Big Prayers to you for the results of the genetic tests. It is so stressful when they call and then you can not get ahold of anyone. One time I wanted to page the on call Dr just so I would know, I did not do it but I did think about it!!  

I would love to be a receptionist, I like talking to people and hearing about what is going on with them.  I think most receptionist's these days just want you to put your name on the board and sit down.  

I do not even know what my level's were because the oncologist said she would discuss them with me at our next appt, April 15th. I wish I had asked her when she was on the phone that evening but I was so shocked by her calling at 9:15, I just listened and did not ask anything, what a NERD!!!

Olivia 

Well, yesterday I saw the surgeon, it was pretty uneventful. He did not think another biopsy was necessary. He re-read the MRI reports from last November. I told him the oncologist recommended it and to also check another lump on my left side, yes the same breast with the MX. He did a sonogram and said the lump on my left side looked like necrosis but not to worry about it for now.  He said he thinks the lump on the right side is a cyst. He said, if still there in 3-6 months he will biopsy but not at this point.  Of course, you know that makes me stressed out because it feels like a waiting game and what does he mean not to worry about the necrosis on the left side that is an unusually large lump that has recently developed, UGH!!

I see the oncologist next Thursday and will ask her what she thinks and proceed from there.  I have an appt with my primary care physician on Tuesday and will ask her as well. She may recommend a second opinion which would not upset me at this point.  

My poor husband feels like the surgeon is out of the game at this point and is leaving decisions about treatment up to the oncologist.

So all in all an uneventful appointment!!

Olivia