Can you please share your mastectomy story with me?

Hi Sumby -- good to hear from you!  I've been thinking of you and wondering how you're doing.

I had a left mastectomy, but I had a tissue expander placed for reconstruction, so I had "something" there -- although it was much smaller than my breast -- anyway, I was quite aware that my real breast was gone.  But since I had so many phobias about surgery in general, and anesthesia in particular, I tried to focus on being really happy I woke up...  Whatever you feel afterwards is what you feel, and I think it's hard to know beforehand just what that will be...  Probably a mix of feelings, good and bad.  I do think that the physical pain will be less, and the healing faster, without immediate reconstruction.

Hugs to you, and my strongest wishes that all goes very well -- I'll be thinking of you!

Ann

Hello sumby,

I had a single modified radical mastectomy in mid February and am presently on my 4th of 8 rounds of chemo.  I too was not a candidate for immediate reconstruction because of possible radiation therapy, though the plan is a prophylactic surgery on the other side and reconstruction once I'm all done with the treatments.  I did not have any realistic choice other than mastectomy either.  I really, really hated those facts.  There are days that I still get angry about it.

I was going to school full time, working full time, working on my second degree blackbelt as well as teaching martial arts (not to mention raising a teenage boy).  My world came to a standstill.  My confidence took a serious beating.   Mostly, beyond the missing boob, I wanted my life back.  Truth is this is my life now and the rest of the pieces are falling back in to place as I can manage.  I pray my body will follow suit.  Fortunately, my family and friends have let me cry as much as I want and have gotten used to my new found really dark sense of humor. 

While I am not happy with what this cancer thingy has done to my boob and hair (not to mention my weight gain because I'm an emotional eater and taking steroids don't help that situation), I know that I love the person I am.  I am not as young as you are, but a single woman at 40, I wonder if any man will ever understand, or could love me enough to look beyond what I will be left with after this is all done.   I fight everyday to remember that it is a process that I have every intention of coming out on top of.  Some days thats even a chore because I get exhausted from the chemo, but I fight like hell to excercise and get involved in something when I am able which has also helped with my recovery from that surgery.

 Everyone is of course different in how they cope and I put off things like my prosthesis and a wig just because I didn't want to deal with the reality of it.  However, getting that prosthesis and adjusting to the wig certainly filled some confidence gaps that might see me through this process.

Something I decided to do to get beyond my unhappiness with my outside being is to participate in every research project and trial that I can so that maybe some other women won't have to go through this.  Other things that have helped are some really great books like "Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" by Gerlyn Lucas and "The Victoria's Secret Catalog Never Stops Coming" by Jennie Nash.  The first book is by a woman diagnosed at 27 and has some additional resources listed in the back.  Not to mention this site!!  Knowing how others have dealt with it is a great place to start.

I struggle every day.  I fight every day.  My story is still being written and goes way beyond my surgery now so I'm sorry if this is more information than you needed.  Good luck on your journey.  I hope this helps.

My hair started coming out the day after my 2nd treatment (2 weeks into it). I hear it can be different for everyone and mine happened just like they said. I have nausea, fatigue, and am retaining a bit of water. The nuelasta shot causes me some pain, but its bearable and resolves itself. I get treatments every 2 weeks and have 5 good days out of every 14. I'm getting adriamycin/cytoxin right now and after the next one I'll be getting taxol. What are you getting? hope your healing well. Take care.

I'm sitting here two years out from my mastectomy (which followed a near-death experience in the January, a lumpectomy, resection etc). In the last two years I have had four lots of surgery and five months of chemo.. I had a mastectomy, followed by chemo, then 12 months later a proph-mast, and a double recon. Boy..what a blurrrrrr. My most vivid memory, in fact my ONLY vivid memory! is leaving the hospital (two days early due to a shortage of beds) and getting dressed. I put on my jeans, (my THIN jeans!), my long sleeved merino t-shirt and then my normal shirt...I was hyper-aware of the nurse watching and not making eye-contact. I guess she was used to seeing a normal woman getting dressed with no bra and only one (large) boob. That was the moment it hit me. I felt really ashamed and so totally...unprepared! Two years of roller-coaster later I have two boobs, good health, an axe over my head (which I just kind of accept) and a take-no-prisoners-approach to cancer. Cancer is shit, and it's important to accept that and move on..at PACE! Mentally, I have have major ups and downs..I'm not bullet-proof anymore.  But I refuse to let fear be my main basis of living. Nothing is ever the same...but I have enjoyed being the B--ch taking charge of her life Good luck in your journey..I have discovered joys I had previously rejected, like ice on the windscreen, and walking in the freezing coldlife is awesome...it's true!