The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited March 2010

    AStorm,

     Talking about checking your prostate...

    About 5 years ago (well before this whole BC storm started) I was living in Del Rio, TX (lived there for about 1 1/2 years). Anyway, due to my thyroid disorder and the drugs I was taking, I needed a full blod test every month.

    The first time I went to have it at the local regional hospital, when I looked at the bill, there was a PSA result there, with a hefty sum. What is funny, BCBS hadn't caught on, and when I called them they were quite  stumped.

    As I was getting ready to go to the hospital and raise a scandal there, the mail comes. I look through it first, and I find another blooper. My husband (now ex) had to go there too at about the same time, for some exams (he had a bad back. The hospital had billed it all as "neo-natal care".

    When I got to the Director's office (because I didn't want to talk to anybody else and I was determined enough so I got there) I started my tirade with "first of all, I would like you to tell me if either my husband just gave birth - so we can call the news and Guinness Book- or if I married a new-born. And also, how did I get changed into a man overnight".

    Needless to say, the whole discussion ended with some employees at the hospital in dire straits.

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  • Jelson
    Jelson Member Posts: 1,535
    edited March 2010

    If you haven't seen it yet, check out what nwood450 posted on the Things We Wish People Had Said thread, I think it is a NYT column by Dana Jennings

    Jelson

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Gail,

    I agree with you - I am going to try to listen more and talk less!! I think this whole experience has put the spotlight on that issue for me. 

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    I just typed the longest - throw Mama from the train - and poof it is gone!! 

    She has a way - she told me today that I caused this breast cancer thing on the way to the plastic surgeon's office. I just ignored her and acted like I was reading my work blackberry. Of course, she asked me if I was listening and I just, oh sorry, I was working, what did you say. She of course repeated it for me and I just did not respond. IF I had it would have been highly inappropriate! I am sure words I never would come out of my mouth in front of my parents would have -- I just try to remember she is 84 and try hard not to be like that.  

    She is a treat - I could go on about what I had on to, why I have to take vacation time to go to the Dr - oh the fun!! I think I should watch "throw Mama from the train tonight". 

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  • bobcat
    bobcat Member Posts: 681
    edited March 2010

    Does anyone's mother have that how much you weigh look in their eyes?  No comment, just a look and 'oh - this has been so hard on you" while checking out your middle, behind, etc....

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  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,429
    edited March 2010

    That's just scary, Day! Sometimes I wonder if those people realize how important it is that they take their jobs seriously.  I told my PS that I *never* want to be unconscious before I get to the OR and make sure he is there. I need to pass the baton (my consciousness) to someone I can trust.

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Bobcat,

    I do not ever get the this has been hard on you look - my mother is all about her. But the yes, you could lose weight look seems to be permanent!  Sometimes I just want to say do you have a mirror that you can see how you look from behind.

    Olivia 

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited March 2010

    AStorm, you know, that's funny, that is what I said too. The problem was, for some reason (probably due to the anesthetic?) I don't remember getting in the OR - on both accounts. Second time I know I had told myself that I need to be aware of everything, and still nothing. I KNOW the PS was there because according to my boyfriend he came out and accompanied the nurse who came to take me, but I don't remember anything, my last memory is of my BF holding my hand and me smiling at him. On both surgeries, my "movie" cuts before they come to take me, lol.

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Oh, you guys....MY mom didn't think my breasts were even big enough to be worried about losing in the first place!!!!!!!!!    When I informed her that they weighed over a pound each, thank you very much, she was flabbergasted that they could have even weighed *that* much...........

    She didn't think it would be SO bad just to put "those" things in my bra the way her friends do.....

    sigh....

    blessings...robin

    p.s.  yes, i'm new here, but just started lurking a little and can SO relate :)

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  • moogie
    moogie Member Posts: 499
    edited March 2010

    bad mommas and insensitive sisters need to ride in the baggage compartment of the bus

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  • Psalm121
    Psalm121 Member Posts: 238
    edited March 2010

    yeah and MILs ....mine just loves to knock me when I'm already down....

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  • MrsBee
    MrsBee Member Posts: 124
    edited March 2010

    Is anyone else besides me hearing that awful woman from the movie shrieking, "Owen!!  OWEN!!!!"

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited March 2010

    I get the "it would be so much better for you if you lost weight" comment and look from my mom all the time.  That's her first response to just about everything.  I know I'm obese, she's been telling me that ever since I can remember.  I've got a bet with myself that one of the first things she says after my reconstruction surgery will be along the lines of "it'll be too bad if you gain back all that fat the doctor took off" or "now if you could just lose some of that fat on your hips and butt."  At least she's predictable. 

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  • Julia83
    Julia83 Member Posts: 5
    edited March 2010

    I feel like I've joined "disfunctional families unite". Mine too is very disfunctial. when it comes to the life bus, I've sold it and bought a convertible. My mother too is very insensitive and just doesn't get it. When I was going through treatments she called and asked "have you lost any weight yet? then went on to add, "I've lost 10 lbs!" Gee Mom, if I didn't know it was a contest- She also just had to come to help take care of me, super. All I kept hearing was that I had better not expect this after I was feeling better. Note: I always end up waiting on her when she is visiting. Even when I asked her to get me some toast for breakfast (right after my surg) I heard her making her own first, then bringing me the burnt toast. Hmmm unconcious revenge for my awful childhood actions? I'm glad everyone loved the slinky comment!!! It is one of my favorites, posted on my wall. Another that I have there is "Now that I'm older, I thought it was greast that I seemed to have more patience. It turns out that I just don't give a shit."

    I too was amazed at how much my breasts actually weighed. Now, if I could just get butt fat cancer..... 

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Julia83 -

    I asked my plastic surgeon if he was accepting fat donations for any of his patients - he looked at me and I said you know the ones who come because they want a little plumping here or there.  I would be happy to donate if that is an option.  He and his nurse laughed so hard - she said, me first!!!

    I had to say something to break the ice as I was standing there with nothing on but my underwear. Does he not know a swim suit is not a part of my wardrobe???

    Olivia

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  • marmsie
    marmsie Member Posts: 59
    edited March 2010

    Convertible - nice!

    The current vision of my life bus is that rickety old school bus type you see in movies set in Mexico. No bathroom. Random stops in the middle of nowhere to let people off and on. Bags and cages with chickens and pigs roped to the top. My mom is now banished up top with the critters and will be there for a very long time.

    A couple of friends who keep suggesting reconstruction because they just can't grasp that I'm NOT going there have been placed towards the back, just over the tires. Maybe that will knock some sense into them. Some people do come around. My MIL went missing in action during my first round 10 years ago; she "didn't know what to say to me". Wow - she sent me a "thinking of you" card for the second diagnosis! That's a big deal for her.

    Thank goodness most people just get on and off the bus without incident. Great visualization. Oddly enough it has helped me, for now, deal with my "mom issue"!!

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  • angeljoy
    angeljoy Member Posts: 128
    edited March 2010

    My brother-in-law when he first saw me in a head scarf, "you kinda look like Steve Van Zandt"(you know...the guy in Bruce Springsteen's band who always wears the do-rag) And maybe worse, when my hair was very short he told me I looked like his mother.  Now my mother-in-law is not an unattractive woman for her age, But that was not really something I needed to hear right then. LOL

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  • susu1976
    susu1976 Member Posts: 106
    edited March 2010

    My mother (she's 85) was constantly calling just to say, "Well, there's nothing I can do to help you." or, "At my age, I can't help you with the housework, the laundry or the cooking."  (and believe me, I didn't WANT her to and never asked).

    One day I had just had enough of it and I said, "Look, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU, I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU, THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER."  After that, I actually think she was relieved that I didn't want her to "help" me, and she stopped calling me.  She decided to get reports on my medical condition from my sister (who has a very nice seat on the bus right behind the driver, BTW) and my blood pressure has returned to normal.

    Sheesh.  Frown

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  • CandyB
    CandyB Member Posts: 63
    edited March 2010

    Heard a good one yesterday, from a male who does have the excuse of a past brain injury, but still...........  He said having a masectomy is like having a tooth pulled!  I informed him that a brain injury doesn't even excuse that kind of comment.  He insisted he meant that if I was going to do it, just get it over with, but still.............................I thought it belonged here.  It was dumb!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2010

    Candy, tell him having a mastectomy is like having your balls cut off, if your going to do it, just get it over with.Undecided

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    A co-worker came into my office and was looking at a picture of me and my husband. He asked is that your significant other? I said, yes, my husband.  He said, he looks really nice, you must wear the pants in your family!  WHEW OUCH!!! I guess I am the B*$*()#$ and he is the nice one!!!  

    BTW my husband is not a wimp and we share the pants, much more fun! LOL! 

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited March 2010

    Isn't it amazing how our relationships can be instantly analyzed based on one picture, but with all the sophistocated technological scanning and imaging no one can tell us if we have mets at diagnosis or not. . .

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  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,429
    edited March 2010

    CandyB, .... and you couldn't help him lose a few teeth just as an experiment?

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  • moogie
    moogie Member Posts: 499
    edited March 2010

    Dang! I am laughing so hard i am crying!! I think I need to rent THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Oh, and when my brother told his wife (my *dear* sister-in-law) that I had been diagnosed with BC, her first response was "what is it with your family and cancer???"

    (thanks for the care and concern.....)

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010
    • by the way.....this thread is great!  I love it, and somehow it makes me feel better :)
    • THANK YOU!!!!
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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    After my BRCA tests came back negative (Thank God!), my grandma kept saying to me....."isn't that something, no gene mutation - so you just got it..huh... - well at least it was you, and not one of the kids (meaning my neices and daughters)."   Well, or course, I would gladly take this on so that none of them would have to....but still....

    My sister has always been a little self centered, so I didn't expect a lot when I received my dx.  She surprised me by calling and emailing some before my surgery.  She even took a couple of days off and came to town for my surgery.  She left two days after surgery(Jan25) and apparently fell off the face of the earth.  I have heard from her twice since then, just to ask about what to send in a care package to her friend with BC.   Originally, when I told her of my dx, she responded to let me know she looked up DCIS and it didn't sound bad, really just like a mild nuisance. 

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  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,429
    edited March 2010
    ahhhhh! I overheard DH telling someone over the phone that I am nearly done with my reconstruction. Wasn't sure who he was talking to but I made sure he knew I was in earshot... when he saw me lurking he handed me the phone so I could say hi. Friend (his male friend, mind you) said he was glad to hear that I went with a "B" (I used to be a "C" and thought that was where we were going, but oh well) as it will suit my frame better!  and then he proceeded to tell me about his old girlfriend who had a boob job to boost to a C and then regretted it.  Umm...  awwwwkwwward 
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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited March 2010

    That kind of comment makes me glad I'm single and not involved!

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  • perky
    perky Member Posts: 241
    edited March 2010

    I am afraid of that. Something that is normally very private and not open for general discussion is now open to everyones opinions and advice, some of it actually helpful.

    Once the surgery is done, does everyone feel entitled to touch and look at it the way people do with pregnent women?

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