Finding a therapist

I live in New York and recommend without hesitation Page Tolbert. She does psychotherapy and counseling exclusively with people with cancer. She was with Memorial Sloan Kettering for many years but now is in private practice.

What I love about Page is the way she enabled and encouraged me to experience a full range of emotions and to somehow keep a balance and not go off the deep end in any one direction. In other words, she helped me navigate between the emotions -- shock, fear, sadness, loss, concerns about sexuality and femininity -- while helping me be a good project manager, researching the best medical care, advocating for myself, asking for help, being there for my kids, and getting up every day to earn a living. A tall order, especially when you are single.

Page related to me with warmth and compassion but never cliches or hollow 'feel good' comments. She encouraged me to ask questions and always validated my feelings. Because she's done this a long time, she helped me realize that I wasn't crazy or alone, that everything I was feeling was both uniquely mine but also common to so many cancer patients and now survivors. And she seemed to see my strengths and help me harness them.

Obviously, Page Tolbert is one of many good therapists and counselors, and most of you aren't going to commute to New York to see her. But I am writing about this to share my experience, what worked for me, and what I would look for if I had to do it again. You can also think of counseling as an ongoing thing or just going to talk to someone once or twice. A good psychotherapist responds to everyone's needs 'as needed.'

Oh, she's also written a great book called "100 Questions & Answers About Life After Cancer: A Survivor's Guide." It's available at Amazon, I believe,and the Q & A format is great because you think about something ... like dating after cancer ... and you look it up!

Dear rayofsun,

I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York and came across your post on needing some help with coping. I wanted to suggest some resources available to help you find a therapist in your area.

 The American Cancer Society has some helpful information and links:  http://www.cancer.org/asp/search/crd/crd_global.asp?navToScreen=crd_1_1&resource_id=53827&category_cd=10&sort=Name&page=

The ACS site notes The American Psychosocial Oncology Society, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the psychological, social, behavioral, and spiritual aspects of cancer. They offer referrals to therapists in your area that deal specifically with cancer patients.

http://www.apos-society.org/survivors/helpline/helpline.aspx

Also, the Sidney Kimmel Comprehensive Cancer Center at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, has  comprehensive counseling services for cancer patients. http://www.hopkinskimmelcancercenter.org/index.cfm/cID/65

Another excellent resource is Cancer Care. They offer free on-line support groups and individual counseling. http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/counseling.php

 I hope this information is useful in helping you find the right person to talk to. --Esther