January Mastectomy

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    I was looking back to some of our earlier posts on our thread this morning.  I was reading a few, and some made me cry, some made me laugh, and some made me angry.  One thing that struck me though, I am so proud of our January group.  Looking at the early posts, we were scared, uncertain, and so vulnerable.  Wow!  Look at us now....we are strong, confident and recovering :)  Some of our paths got detoured, but we are all still fighting.  We have vented and we have rejoiced and we have held each others hands through it all.

    I love ya ladies !

    Strength and Courage !

    Never Surrender !   

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    I just returned from the PS.  I allowed them to pull the drain today, so I am drain free (again) !

    I was in Target afterward, and thought...look at me, I'm normal again......well, except for having no nipples....I guess normal is all relative.

    Robin - I mentioned the earlier posts I was reading......now that I know you better, I was laughing at one of yours where you talked about patting your 50yr old friends and offering to show them to everyone - in front of your pastor :) 

    Sally

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    Has anyone heard from Maria ? 

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  • jizogarden
    jizogarden Member Posts: 375
    edited March 2010

    My breasts both feel so tight and I'm due for my third fill on Monday.  First fill was 120cc's, second fill one week later was 60cc's, and I'm expecting another 60cc's on Monday, one week from last fill. I'm nervous about the tightness.....is this normal.....is this just the way it feels.  I feel like I still have a few fills to go and I can't see where the saline is going to go.......  I had a tissue sparing mastectomy, the scar shape looks like this  >--<   The center of the scar is still weeping a bit.  I'm just nervous...I'm afraid everything is going to bust open.......need some reassurance please .......

    My PS says that my scar looks fine and strong....so I keep trying to hold onto that....I don't know why this gives me so much anxiety :(

    Strength and healing to all,

    Laura 

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  • ReginaR
    ReginaR Member Posts: 287
    edited March 2010

    Hey, Finally awake enough to post. Been In Hospital since march 5th (1 week) . I woke up so sick last Friday on My sweet Sarah Birthday, I really didn't want to go to the Doctor,( cause of Sarah b-day) but I knew something was wrong.  They put me in  Hospital Rt breast infection &  started me on Strong  Iv antibiotics  WBC (white blood count) was  4 times higher  than normal, After 2 days Iv blew all veins in left( I can't have any stick rt arm because of mastectomy) They put a Picc line in & cont. antibotices, My WBC count came down slowly. Tues They took back to surgery. The infection was so bad that they could not replace The tissue expander & surgeon could only clean out all infection & close me back up. I am so depreseed. The breast looks awful &  Concaved & deformed & That why I wanted reconstruction so it would look normal. I can even look at it with out crying. Now I have another drain from this surgery! Lots of pain!  Please  pray I can get thur this because I am not sure I have any strength left in me! Have a good weekend! Love Gina

    Thanks for all of you for your concern prayers & support .I appreciate all my post  & hugs

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  • jizogarden
    jizogarden Member Posts: 375
    edited March 2010

    Dear Gina, I am so sorry.....this is all hard enough without having to face so much infection and pain.  I hope your healing comes quickly and you feel better with each passing day.  These words seem so useless after hearing what you are going through.....

    Prays of healing and strength to you,

    Laura 

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  • TNgolfer
    TNgolfer Member Posts: 253
    edited March 2010

    Gina,

    The only thing I can add is that I understand.  My emergency surgery the day after the mastectomy was a setback and nothing I every expected. I am praying that you will get stronger.  Setbacks are never easy to deal with...it's like you have to start this crappy journey all over again.  But you aren't alone.....we will walk this walk with you.  We will pray and if there is anything else....you just let us know.  I know I can say "we"....I am sure we are all there for you.

    Sending hugs and good thoughts your way...be patient; try to take it day by day or hour by hour if that's all you can handle right now.

    Love,

    Marianne

    P.S. to Laura,  Yes it is normal for the TE's to suddenly feel worse.  I had weekly fills of  100cc for 2 weeks and they were tolerable; the last fills were 50cc each and that made me 350cc in each and I am so tight now I can't stand it.  PS said no fills this week and encouraged massage at least 5 times a day....don't be gentle either he said.    Stay strong!!

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited March 2010

    Oh you poor darling Gina...I'm so sorry you're having issues.  Eat good food now and try and stay calm...and NO housework!  Rest, rest, rest, fluids, fluids, fluids! 

    I had my fill today....60cc and am now officially at 360 in each side.   It's coming along and seems to be expanding more up-and-out now instead of across-and-down like they were initially.  I'm going to have to go with the most accurate feeling is that I feel like I have a bra that has risen up and I'm unable to shimmy it down.  I hope I'll sleep ok...I'm finally able to be on my sides now. No pain now....tonight or morning maybe a different story but so far so good.  

    My husband is having surgery of his own next Tuesday.  He has an entropion where the bottom lid to his left eye is curled inward and the lashes are causing a lot of redness and inflammation.  He's going to have the muscle cut and pulled and hope for the best!  Hurts for a month, swollen for a week (like a baseball in the eye swollen)  poor guy.  We're just falling apart.  (and paying to have us put back together...that's the part that baffles me.) 

    Laura, I liked how you said everything is so surreal and we just keep soldering on....such is Team January!   

    Have a good evening all!
    Kat

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    I don't think Gina will mind my sharing (at least I HOPE not), but we just talked on the phone...it was really good to be able to TALK....I'm not much of a phone person, but we were "instant" friends, thanks to this thread :)      I think I'm going to be a flasher for her so she can see my chest (the "robin-no-breast" chest) so she can see how a non-reconstruct looks....she sounded good on the phone....We had a nice chat :)

    I agree with all of you....we have come SO far.  And I'm so glad we're HERE, and not back in January.  It's pretty amazing to see how far we've come.  Women are amazing creatures and God made us strong. 

    Another full day of teaching....and I'm not nearly as tired as last week, although during the day I thought I might not make it a couple of times...ha!   Even got observed by my principal....

    And four of our local elementary schools are going to be closed down - thanks to a vote by our school board last night , which means I probably will be switching jobs AGAIN  this next school year....sigh....(but hopefully, this means I have a chance of getting back to the middle school where I was the previous five years BEFORE this year...)

    And so far, NONE of my students have noticed my flat chest :)        or at least they're smart enough to NOT say anything....ha!

    blessings..robin

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  • ariesrottie
    ariesrottie Member Posts: 260
    edited March 2010

    Regina---- You hang in there girls  we are January girls and we Fight............Even if we get down we pick ourselves up and fight because we have the support of our other sisters and we are in this together.....You are  always in our thoughts and prayers,,,, Hang in there Vent here.,,,, Its good for the soul.......You got it.....

    Kat--- my surgery sister...I'm glad things are good for you, but I'm sorry that your husband is not feeling well....He will be in my prayers.

    Laura -also same surgery date... Listen to your surgeon... They always know best trust mine with my whole life....

    Sally- you go girl drains free again..... Yeah!!!!!! Keep shopping. It makes us feel better. Feel good. <3

    I had another fill (100cc)today also...It brings me to a total of 550cc.  I'm done now until my exchange, after my chemo.....I go back in 3 weeks to see how I look to see if I want them smaller.... He great working with me.. Right now I am undecided... I know I don't want to go any bigger ... I don't want them to be heavy... He says we will see how how I feel... He says he works it out on the exchange..... Right now I feel to full , I'm not use to having them up in the air...(HA-HA) Now to get myself in chemo mode...... Not fun... Hair is still hanging in there, but this morning saw a lot in the sink....

    Have a nice weekend... Here its going to be RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!

    In my thoughts and prayers.

    Donna

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    {{{{Gina}}}} Hang in there Gina. We are here for you..vent all you need..one step at a time{{{hugs}}}

    Kat - sorry to hear DH is having issues.  I will pray things go smooth for him next Tuesday.

    My thoughts and prayers are always with you, January sisters.

    Sally

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2010

    Goodness. Team January has seriously been put thru the wringer lately.

    ((((((((((((((((((Regina)))))))))))))))))))))))

    Back to the beginning. You have every right to feel every emotion that's flooding in. Allow yourself to feel each one in an effort to move ahead ultimately. Feel free to come in and rant and rave. Have a swear fest, or melt down of whatever flavor moves you.

    Maria, I, too am eager for you to pop in.

    Huge encouragement and hugs to those of you in the midst of chemo & especially the losing of your hair and the various other side effects.

    I've been having my own continued emotional ups & downs -- as I continue to fight my infection. This morning I spent making another visit to the BS here in FL. She feels my newest, upgraded, super antibiotic is moving things in the right direction. She wants me to see my own surgeon, just as soon as we get home.

    Today is 8 weeks out from surgery for me. I think I'm "down" having had everyone tell me that I'd be my new normal at the two month milestone. Not-so-much. Hissy fit. Hissy fit. Hissy fit.  I am to make my 'triumphant return' a week from today..... I'm not the least bit certain I'm gonna be ready in time.

    Those of you who are feeling stronger, give us a pep-talk.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Debbie, no infections for me, but I am NOT back to normal, nor have I found my new normal yet...and I am nine weeks out now.  (or if this IS my new normal, I don't like it).  I still am so sore....armpit are tender, and actually hurt (guessing from the nodes being out), my ribs (from the armpits all the way down to my waist) are sore and unpleasant to sleep on and require ibuprofen at night, the front of my ribcage has many tender spots that are sore to the touch, and my poor chest looks like an uneven yard that needs a heavy roller to go on it to smooth it out.....and that doesn't even count the stuff that IS the new normal, like the numbness in the back of the armpits, back of the arm, the numbness in the chest, the itching under the numbness, the itching at the scars, etc......And not having my stamina back either.....

    (ok, yes....I'll take a little cheese with my whine.....sorry.  I know, I know..I have MUCH for which to be grateful!!!  I know.  Forgive me.  please.)

    blessings to all...and praying for all (and husbands, and kids, too!!!!  my national merit son isn't doing so hot in school this semester - not sure what's going on with him....sigh)

    robin

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2010

    Thanks Robin.

    Hearing that I'm not on my own gives me some sort of wack-doodle encouragement...... especially your VERY accurate description -- the heavy roller concept would work well on my upper body, too. Something like what I imagine the landscape of the moon might look like.

    We can have our very own whine.

    xx00xx00xx

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited March 2010

    Maura, congrats on your date! 

    Paula as far as Vit D goes, I was told to start taking Calcium with Vitamin D as soon as I got diagnosed.  So there may be a connection there somewhere. 

    I was told yesterday I'm done with my fills and so will get to do a "sizing" appointment in April and surgery will be in mid-June for exchange!  I can't wait to get the softball out!

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    This is one of those times where I wish we were all together - Team January could use a huge group hug right now.  Chemo, hair loss, infections, tears, family illness...they are all taking their toll on Team January.  But together we are so much stronger than all of that crap !  Everyone grab a hold of each other, feed off of each others strength.  I'm sure each person feels at times like they have nothing left, but I am here to tell you you do.  If you need strength, look to Kim - struggling with the hair loss, but walked herself into the grocery - head held high !  Look to Brenda - chemo, port placement, job interview - not going to hold her back, and nailed that job !  Look to Gina - struggling horribly with infection and TE removal, but with enough strength to reach for Robin.  Look to Robin - grabbing hold of Gina with both hands and pulling her up !  I could go on and on about our Team January gals.  We are so strong.  This will not beat us.  Cancer may knock us down, but it will not hold us down long - there are to many hands available to pull us up.

    I love ya girls !

    Strength and Courage !

    Never Surrender !

    Sally

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2010

    Brenda love your new picture!  I am wondering how much vitamin D everyone is taking.  My doctor told me to start taking it a couple of years ago, but now I am wondering if I should be taking more.  I will have to read up on the Vitamin D thread.

    Robin I am one of the non-reconstructing buddies (for now) and I still am uncomfortable.  I am not taking anything for it, but it is still there. I wore for the first time my prothesis for an entire day 6am until 10:30pm and it was very, very sore after that.

    So weird how much we all seem to have in common.  Now it seems as though dentist appts. are on everyones list.  Maybe this is a good sign of each of us trying to get to a bit of our old lives.  Even though they are now forever changed.  I also went to dentist week for a much overdo cleaning, and they too asked if there was any change in my health.  Oh yeah, big time.

    Kim and Jaclyn what great attitudes to have.  I'm sure easier said then done, and I admire people that have such good attitudes. I wish I could more often.  I am starting to feel like Jeckyl and Hyde. Up and down like a roller coaster. Jaclyn your picture looks great and the bright pink shirt certainly is bright and cheery.  Davy Jones OMG! Now there is a step down memory lane.

    Gina sending you ((((((((((big cyber hugs))))))))))

    We have such a chatty group, and I have been away for a couple of days, so trying to get caught up.  I have learned that, if you starting typing a reply and then change pages, you lose what you have already typed.  So I will probably have to do this in two posts.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2010

    Sally CONGRATULATIONS in the removal of your drain finally and intentionally!  I have not gone back to reread the beginning of this thread, but those thoughts had been running through my mind as well when I think back to January 1, when we started here.  All of us were so scared of what was yet to come and how we shared so much and helped each other through. It is a special bond with you ladies that I certainly will never forget.  What makes it even so much stranger is not to have met any of you.  This computer era is so strange, isn't it?

    Gina it is so good to hear from you.  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  You have had to go through so much already. 

    Debbie I hope you can get rid of that nasty infection as soon as possible.

    WOW Sally your post made me cry.  Yes you said it perfectly.  Somehow this group, even through a computer, never even have met, can do more for each of us then people who are in our lives in the flesh!

    I went 3 days ago from being so mad and frustrated to now I am on such a upward trend. I spoke with lady running clinical trial about the oncotype test, and I am now left with thinking I need to have my pathology report reread.  It appears that it may be possible that there was not the .5cm of invasive that I have on pathology report. I will be seeing my oncologist next Wednesday and will ask for a review.  There will be hell to pay if this is not right. I absolutely need to know, if I have/had an invasive tumour or not.  It will not make a difference as far as bilateral is done and is spilled milk and can't go back and change that, but in my mind I need to know.

    On a happier note, I met with the plastic surgeon in Toronto on Thursday who will be doing my reconstruction surgery, and I received nothing but good news and treatment.  She is at a different hospital then I have been going to and what a difference.  WOW! Everything about this appointment was better than I could have possible hoped for. I am healed so well that I can have surgery as early as April if I would like. I didn't know if I would have to wait 6 months which would be right in the middle of summer, yuck! Also I am a candidate for DIEP, which I didn't know for sure if I could have or not due to 3 previsous C-sections. Her secretary called me day after I got home and gave me some option for dates for surgery. I explained to her that I want to do this as soon as I possible can, because I am so done with this and just want to move on. For me, being able to do reconstruction will help to do that.  I still have not looked at myself fully in the mirror. I know this is crazy, but it is just too difficult. I wore the prothesis yesterday for the whole day, and I just can't imagine wearing them in the summer.

    Sorry for the long post, but feeling pretty chipper.  I can't even sleep I am so excited and just want to do this, even though I don't really want to have surgery again, but "short term pain for long term gain", isn't that how it goes.  So it looks like some of the January team will be going for second surgeries coming up aroung the same time.  Sally I am curious how long were you in hospital etc.  I will have to go back and reread as well as probably join a diep group.  Looks like there are lots for NOLA diep, but I'm sure alot of similiarities?

    Hope everyone has a great weekend.  My kids are off on spring break now for the week, so want'to try to do some fun things together.  This has been so tough on them as well.

    Cathy

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  • KatRNagain92
    KatRNagain92 Member Posts: 522
    edited March 2010

    Morning Team,

    Feeling pretty good after my fill yesterday....I did get to sleep on my side (both actually) last night.  I put a pillow in my new wide clevage and it seems to support whichever foob is on top.  I took some excedrin this morning and it seems to have taken the edge off.  Definitely feels like small tennis balls in there now.

    Last night had the grandsons over (3 and 2) what was I thinking after just having a fill?  The first few hours of the fills are nothing (water them and they will grow!:)  but then as the night wore on (and I do mean wore!) it was a good excuse to excuse myself to bed. 

    The gal in my hometown that was diagnosed the same day I was in surgery and had her surgery on Wed is probably coming home today.  She had the DIEP procedure AND a chemo port put in for 19 rounds coming up for the first of April.  Turns out she is a stage 2b however she is a triple neg which certainly changes things.  Since Lasagna was the offical breast cancer meal for Team January, does anyone have a good springtime suggestion?  I make a wonderful tortilla soup (great fiber) but I certainly don't want to give her anything that would cause her running to the bathroom.

    Oh, I also got my release back to work...he said 6-8 hour days for 2-3 weeks.  yay.  Now I can leave after 6 hours if I'm just exhausted or stay a little longer if I feel up to it.  I am a workaholic and a stressaholic so the plan was to put this all into perspective and learn how to have a happy life without taxing myself to death (literally)  Wish me luck with that! 

    Sally, surgery buddy!  You're doing great with pulling the team up...you go girl!  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

    Kat

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2010

    Spring is in the air!!!!

    Feel the sunshine and warmer days pulling you forward.

    Get outside.

    Take a walk.

    Breathe some fresh air.

    Celebrate.

    Get moving.

    Reflect.

    Count your blessings.

    Be grateful.

    Acknowledge the growth.......

    xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

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  • ReginaR
    ReginaR Member Posts: 287
    edited March 2010

    Thnak you all so much! You have no Ideal what reading your post has done to cheer me up. Althou I am crying while I am typing this!But knowing you are there is so comforting.

    I am very emotional now & hope this will past, I am not sure if it because I am now back to square one & have to heal for 3-6 months before reconstruction can start agin ,I don't even know if i want go thur it again Or if that fact of looking at this ugly deformed breast or if it The Tamoxifen. I see my Plastic Surgeon on Monday & onocolgist on tues. so maybe I 'll get some answer, but I think  you all can help me more than the Doctors can & have! You all are so great!

     Hugs to all my sweet pink pals!  Thank you again xoxox

    Gina

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  • TNgolfer
    TNgolfer Member Posts: 253
    edited March 2010

    Mornin' all,

    Cathy, my suggestion is to get a copy of your pathology report(s).  After my initial lumpectomy, the breast surgeon gave me a copy (it is standard procedure in her office) and went through it with me.  The same was true for the second lumpectomy, and she also gave me copies that were sent to her from the other hospital when the Bilat Mx was done.  I have all 4 copies! 

    I also requested ALL MY MEDICAL RECORDS from the hospital where the Bilat Mx and emer surgeries were done.  I think it is very important that we all get copies of all of our medical records.  They are pretty amazing documents! (and you have every right to get them).

    Kat - you're right about the lasagna, but I had a neighbor who brought this wonderful casserole the first night I was home from the hospital -- it ended up being my favorite.  It is light and healthy and portions freeze well and can be re-heated months later! 

    3 lg chicken breasts (Appropriate don't you think?), 1 stick butter, 1 small pkg Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix, 1 cup sour cream, 1 can Cream of Chicken soup, 1 and 1/2 cups chicken stock.

    Cook chicken breasts for 1 1/2 hrs until done and cool; melt butter, add stuffing and mix well; spread 3/4 of the stuffing in the bottom of a 9 x 13 in pan.  (Recommend getting a disposable one so your friend won't have to worry about returning casserole dishes.)  Put shredded chicken on top.  Mix sour cream, soup and 1 cup of the chicken stock.  Drizzle over chicken.  Sprinkle remaining stuffing mix on top and pour remaining chicken stock on last.  Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

    This chicken casserole is delicious (it is called "Chicken & Dressing Casserole").  The other thing I really enjoyed while I was the beneficiary of all my neighbors wonderful cooking was a bowl of cut-up fresh fruit.  Loved it! 

    Re Vitamin D, my oncologist recommended 1,000 mg of Vitamin D per day. 

    The TE's are annoying, but like Kat, I am able to sleep on either side now (what a relief!!) Again the left side is causing a little more discomfort, but that is because of the 2nd surgery there.  This is truly tolerable at this point and I'm ok with the progress....Kat, I think we are only a few cc's apart.  I am at 350 in each; let's see how we progress -- maybe surgery buddies in the future.  Am praying that your husband does well.

    I have been doing a lot of research on Arimidex and natural alternatives.  I will start taking Arimidex on Monday morning.  I am planning on no side effects (the eternal optimist)!  But there are some great books out there about alternatives.  When I discussed some of them with the oncologist, he was a little wary of the supplements as he wouldn't know how much to recommend.  In some cases too much of a good thing can be bad.  I researched what foods are "natural aromatase inhibitors" and it appears there are several: Apples (with their skin), onions, cabbage, celery, parsley, basil, garlic (good thing I am Italian), and citrus (except for grapefruits).  Also, cancer's feed off sugar ---- so it needs to go.  Again, a healthy diet (nothing white) and plenty of exercise and a POSITIVE ATTITUDE can't possibly be bad advice. 

    By only suggestions are that not everything you will read is factual...most of them are theories and for every theory about something being good, there is someone else's opposing theory that it isn't.  I have tried to research and apply common sense.  I am looking forward to a healthier, happier, new ME.

    I just know that all of our January group is going to be healthier and happier in this coming year.  We are lifting each other through our trials.  We are strong.  If we were a football team, we would have a winning season!

    I agree with Debbie -- cry, swear, vent and do whatever we have to do and then relax and find some laughter and joy! 

    Hugs and love to all --

    Marianne

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2010

    Regina. My heart is full to the brim for you. There are certainly no words that are adequate to shelter sufficiently from this experience.

    The truth is: you will overcome. You will surmount these present circumstances. One wisp at a time. One blink at a time. One tear at a time. One moment at a time.

    Now is the time for grieving, anew.

    We will be here for the long haul for you.

    We are your surgery sisters of January and we will not leave you behind.

    Hang on to the friendships developing here, because we are here to hold you up.

    We will hang on to one another with each new milestone, set-back, leap forward and celebrate.

    We are strong and always in the midst of flexing our newly found strength.

    It will take all of us to hold up each of us.

    Here we are reaching out to one another, weaving an ever tighter web of safety, security, and sanctuary in the face of all that we can not control.

    Here's to team January!!!

    We must think of the long-term picture, even when we are in the midst of the short term moment.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

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  • TNgolfer
    TNgolfer Member Posts: 253
    edited March 2010

    Debbie,

    Great Photo!!!!   I am going to believe that it is a picture of "Team January".  I think we should get shirts!!!

    By the way, have you heard from your friend?  Did she get a ton of birthday cards?

    Marianne

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  • frosty1
    frosty1 Member Posts: 420
    edited March 2010

    Sally - you brought tears to my eyes this morning!  It is true we are all facing our own private he***, but it is wonderful to look to each other and see how far we have come.  I like the idea of one giant group hug.  I can picture it in my mind:  we are all gathered together, hugging, laughing, crying, all talking at once.  That will keep me going for a while!

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  • Lynbob
    Lynbob Member Posts: 140
    edited March 2010

    ((Hugs))  Mornin' Glories  ((Hugs))

    Gina, special, gentle hugs for you dear {hugs}  I am glad you are home and doing better. I am so sorry you have had this set back, Ugh. But hang in there dear. This too shall pass and in a blink you will be able to look back see what a strong, awesome lady you are. {{hugs}}

    Sally, your posts have really touched me. Thank you girlie {{hugs}}  We should write a book from all this... an inspirational  book on the strenghth and power of women coping, surviving and kicking bc's butt :D

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  • burley
    burley Member Posts: 631
    edited March 2010

    Gina-BIG HUGS FROM ARIZONA!   I hope each passing hour brings you more physical and emotional healing.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.

    Sally-thank you for your post!  I found my tear ducts after reading it-yea!  How great it is to have someone (more than one person) here to build us up everyday, and help us focus on the larger picture.

    For some reason....my TE's have been doing fine so far...horribly tight and uncomfortable for sure, but obviously that's to be expected.  Then woke up yesterday and they feel WEIRD.   They are seriously confused-switching from tight to mushy every couple of inches,  I went to lunch with a girlfriend yesterday and made her feel them in the parking lot-yeah, whatever.  I figure since I'm bald, it's pretty obvious why my girlfriend would be touching my boobies.  She was shocked-"what's that right there?  why is that so hard?  ewwww..."  OK, so at least it's not just me.  It's like they've shifted or something...I've got another week before I go for a fill, so hopefully they work themselves out and I don't have to call the PS.

    Also got my wig yesterday-yea!  I wore it to get bloodwork done and felt almost normal again...ALMOST.  I wonder if (when) I will ever feel totally like myself.  Am I always going to label myself as someone who had BC, who has fake boobs, who has either no hair or minimul hair under my wig as it grows back?  I miss me.

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Ah, Kim....your "I miss me" hit me hard...bless your heart....I can't relate to the hair part, but I can certainly relate to the other.....our lives will never be the same.  EVER.  We'll never be able to look at even the color pink in the same way, you know?  And even though I know that my BS is the best, and only works on breasts and I "only" had DCIS, with every little twinge, and with every little knot I feel in my armpits, I wonder...hmmm, "cancer??"    Wonder when/if you ever stop thinking the "c" word????

    I know our days weren't carefree before - we all had worries, concerns, trials, tests, and all - but somehow, many of those don't seem quite so bad now that we have looked cancer in the face.  Some have already won the battle, and some are winning - but all of us are survivors and conquerors!!!   And just as there is a price to be paid for any kind of freedom, we have paid our price to have our freedom from this disease.  Some have paid a different price -  I think of it as a war.  Just as some soldiers lose a limb, some lose a life, some lose a friend, some lose an ability to do something - they have all paid that price for our freedom.  Each of us have or are paying our own individual price to win our battle....

    AND we're doing it together....I am SO glad I found this group...I really think that this group has done me more good than any support group I could have gone to....You all are available 24/7 :)   How awesome is that!!!

    Hey - guess what???  I FINALLLY had the energy today to take down my Christmas stuff!! (yes, I admit it....it was all still up....I should really be too embarrassed to admit that!  But they were mostly nativity scenes, lights, and fake garland...so it didn't look bad).....I'm too pooped to pop now, but I'm so glad I had the energy and stamina to do it!!!  The first time..yippee! 

    And it only took 9 weeks post BMX to be able to do it.....oh brother...

    blessings...robin

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  • pbebow
    pbebow Member Posts: 575
    edited March 2010

    Wow Ladies, I don't know what to say.  Gina, I am sooooooo sorry!  It makes me so angry and sad that you have to go through this, I keep thinking how I would feel if it were me and I would be beyond angry and so sad...  I am soo sorry. 

    I am amazed and impressed with so many of you, your words, the things that you say that just hits it on the head.  You are all so eloquent, I just say "it sucks!".  Good thing you all aren't counting on just me for words of wisdom!  Glad we have our Team January!

    Debbie, as usual, you have the perfect picture for us in this sucky time!  Picture me down on my knees bowing down to the queen of pictures!!!  I am not worthy! Cool

    I am going to a comedy night with some friends tonight, I think laughing is the perfect medicine for us right now!  Everyone try to find something to laugh about, movie, funny friend, comedian....  Laughing

    Love and hugs to all

    Paula

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  • neversurrender
    neversurrender Member Posts: 508
    edited March 2010

    Wow - a lot of talk on here today.  Debbie, love the picture - you always seem to have the right one :)

    {{{{Gina}}}} I am glad you were able to post today.  Hold on, it will get better.  I am sending my prayers your way.

    I have been having a wierd couple of days.  I can feel the pressure building....I really need to cry, but can't seem to do it.  I can feel the tears, sitting behind my eyes...just can't get there.  I don't know how to make them come, and I really need to.  Haven't had a good cry since right after my dx.  I think it is all the stress and worry trying to make its way out.  Ugh.

    Ladies, you all truly inspire me.  I can not imagine not having you here to talk to.  I think we will have to have a Team January meeting-somehow, somewhere. 

    I love all of you !  You are always in my prayers !

    {{hugs}}

    Sally

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