Depression 1 month after mastectomy

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Amen to that Rose!  Nothing like a fresh color to make you feel better.  My natural color is a mousy/dingy blond so it is nice to have highlights again.  Of course, so many of our bc sisters have to go through chemo and lose their hair, so who am I to complain?  Cancer has definitely changed my view on many things!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    I made it!!  Today wasn't nearly as bad as last Friday was....thank goodness!  Last Friday was my first full day back, where I had four 5th grade classes in a row...THAT did me in....after a very quick lunch, I still had two very, squirrelly 1st grade classes to go....like you, I didn't realize the muscles I used to teach music to little kids....I hurt so badly....800 mg of ibuprofen didn't cut it, and after a three hour nap, I was still hurting so badly, it took two percocet to even begin to touch the pain....

    I didn't get back to feeling like myself until Sunday!!

    Today was better in that I had only three classes in a row, and I took 1/2 percocet in between schools.....then had two more classes after that.  I was tired, but not in the pain as before.

    Isn't it amazing how we use our chest muscles and we don't even realize it??  Arm muscles, too!!

    blessings...robin

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    You all are amazing - I have a desk job and am in pain when I get home. Yesterday, I worked a full day and was light headed the last few hours of the day. When I was walking to the ladies room I looked like I needed a sobriety test.

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Oh, Olivia....my kids said I looked "half dead" Friday when I got home from school....they literally pushed me in bed (well, almost)...and I slept for three hours!!!

    Thank goodness my oldest son was home from college on spring break...he had taken me to school and picked me up...otherwise, I do NOT think I could have driven home.....

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Today will be my challenge.  A full schedule of patient's back to back.  The hardest part is lifting the slit lamp that we use to look at the front of the eyes, and dilating the eyes-- I have to hold my arm out straight at eye level for the test that takes about 6".  Does anyone know how long it takes to get your stamina back?  My surgery was Jan. 25...how about yours?  Olivia:  I see my oncologist for the first time tomorrow...isn't that when your appoinment is?  And Robin:  music teachers definitly use their arms and chest muscles keeping the rhythm.  Good luck!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    I don't know Tammy...my surgery was Jan. 6th....my surgeon, once he found out what kind of work I did, insisted I take eight weeks off...thank goodness he did!!  I was back to playing the piano within two weeks, and back at a full orchestra rehearsal within four weeks...and back at church playing music in four weeks....but I was exhausted.

    I think full stamina is going to be months....just a guess, but I'm two months out, and my stamina is NO where near where I used to be...I bounced right back after my surgical biopsy and my lumpectomy, but the BMX knocked the socks off me..

    blessings.robin

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Well, today was  a low day.  It started out great, very busy, happy to be doing what I love.  But my arms started wearing out around 11:00.  Even as I type this, my fingers are numb and my hands shaky.  By 1:00 I was an hour behind schedule.  My patients were looking at me wondering when I would finally get them back to their exams.  Unlike some doctors offices, we pride ourselves on running on schedule.  My shoulders/chest were so weak I couldn't finish some of the tests and had to get help.  To make matters worse, I just hired a new doctor to help me out and she approached me and said she can't work for me unless she can get off super early which will not be feasable.  I can't let my patients down, but I can not physically do this work either.  I had a melt down with my office manager, poor thing!  It was all just so overwhelming!  Then one of my favorite all time patients came in, an 85 yo lady who I love to chat with.  She started crying and told me she loved me and was worrying about me and then I started to cry and tell her I was going to be alright and I loved her too.  But inside, I was wondering "how am I going to do this everyday?"  I am so concerned about my patients and practice!  I am very devoted to them!   But I can barely lift my arms now and what will tomorrow be like?  It is SO frustrating!  My patients deserve the best, but I just can't do anymore right now...I feel awful!  Sorry guys, but you are the only two I can talk to about this.  My hubby is great, but he just doesn't understand why I am so emotional.  He thinks that once the surgery was over, I should be OK.  I thought that too until I was forced into reality.  I have a MRI scheduled to check my spine...I have a stenosis at C5C6 and my neurologist thinks the weakness is because it got bruised or worse from the surgery.  I hope not!  I will not do neck surgery:  my brother-in-law died last year from complications from neck surgery.  Blah Blah Blah....sorry I am so down, just an overwhelming day at work.  Guess I will get a good night sleep and try again tomorrow!     Tammy

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Tammy

    Please do not be sorry!!! I cannot imagine how hard it was for you today.  Here you thought you had hired someone to help and you find out it is not the kind of help you need, that in itself is very disappointing without the BC.

    Oh my gosh, and your back pain on top of everything is a lot.

    You have been so strong and understanding of my low days - I am here, listening, typing whatever you want.  You have been so compassionate to me and I can only imagine how compassionate you are with your patients.   

    Is it even possible to only have half days? Even if only for a few more weeks?  I think your patients need you and are committed to you.  I know I am committed to my favorite Dr. I will wait until she is available just so I can see her.  She sounds just like you and that is why I wait.   

    BIG HUGS TO YOU

    Fondly

    Olivia 

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Oh, Tammy....bless your heart...I SO agree with Olivia....you HAVE to take care of yourself...your patients will wait for you!  You need to slow down....you have just had MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR surgery......and don't forget the hours you were under anesthesia...that knocks you down a couple of notches, too!

    My BS wouldn't allow me to go to work for eight weeks because of the type of work I do....now, I realize that having your own practice is totally different.  My brother is an OB/GYN so I have a basic understanding of why you feel you need to be there.....BUT, you can't be there if you're not up-to-snuff, and if you don't take if easy here at the beginning, you'll make things worse at the end.

    And with your cervical issues - oh, man- girl, I feel your pain.  I DO.  And I would certainly NOT do the neck surgery either - BIL or not (btw, I'm very sorry to hear that....)

    I have/had a herniated disc C4/C5 diagnosed 11.5 years ago....supposed to have surgery, but I was a big chicken....had a lot of PT and managed to get the numbness & tingling to go away.  But your hands are such a big part of your job....

    I DO understand why you're crying......oh Tammy....I am hugging you long-distance in a cyber-kind-of-way....and I'm praying for you, too.....and I will be praying for you all night long.

    And by the way....what is it with this new doctor who says she can't work for you unless she can get off super early?!?!?  Do what??!?!  Who does she think she is??!?!?!  hello?!?!  Good grief...And she knows you're a BC survivor and just had surgery, right?????   And she knows you are her boss, right?????  hmmmm.......how old is this chick anyway????

    Tammy girl...hope you're sleeping right now.....but I hope you do get to read this and get encouraged :)  You are loved.....maybe you need to just work half-days for a few weeks, you know???  You owe it to your body....

    blessings....robin

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  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 564
    edited March 2010

    Sorry to horn in on this issue, just wanted to point out to Tammy that an epidural might help the stenosis - it's not invasive at all and it can take the pressure off the nerve.  Pls ask about it.  No anesthesia needed unless you are twitchy about shots.

    I'm the boss in my office and I've had to let some really unprofessional stuff go out in my name because my assistants just don't quite get it and I just wasn't up to checking everything.  I worked a full day yesterday even though I was supposed to just do 5 hours - but I had to fix something so that it looked good before it went out to several thousand people.

    And why can't you switch with the new doctor - she works mornings, you work afternoons?  I know it wouldn't be optimum, but it would be TEMPORARY - THIS WILL GET BETTER.

    Good luck and blessings on you,

    Elaine

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  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 564
    edited March 2010

    BTW - the epidural isn't a pain-blocking shot like childbirth - it's usually steroid based, I believe.  Sorry if that wasn't clear.

    Elaine

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Elaine and Tammy, I've had epidurals on my back (bulging discs in the lumbar)....I'm tall and thin and my discs have paid the price.....I didn't get any relief from the epidurals, but I'm glad you did, Elaine :)   But she's, right, Tammy  - they're not invasive at all (and not the childbirth kind!)

    Hope you're having a better day...

    blessings...robin

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited March 2010

    I'm sorry to hear you full day didn't go so well!

    Lifting was a problem for me for quite awhile. I took to ordering groceries delivered at home to avoid the hundred little pick-ups involved in grocery shopping.

    You had implants? I have found 5 years out that my upper back sometimes hurts and I think it's because I have a natural tendency to slump forward to compensate for the implants under my chest muscles. If I am diligent about stretching (lie on floor, put hands under head, wing elbows out) it improves.  But this is some years later.

    Have you seen www.stayingabreast.com?  They have some good PT-type moves that can help you stretch and maintain/regain strength and flexibility.

    In the meantime, maybe your office manager could lift things for you? 

    As for the new employee who announces they have to leave super-early Frown Is this EVERY day? Didn't you agree about hours beforehand?  M.D. or cleaning person -- you gotta put your hours in at work and in the beginning you sometimes have to work hours you don't like. That's the way it goes no matter what your station in life. I don't even want to know what kind of hours Obama works!

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  • Jen112263
    Jen112263 Member Posts: 7
    edited March 2010

    I haven't been on the site in a few days and just saw your post aboutt being depressed after 1 mnth of dbl mast.  I haven't read any of your postings... but I am 2 1/2 weeks post op dbl mast.  I am having a good day today, but I too was very energetic and independent.  Now I just have no energy what so ever.  I also am concerned and confused about the DCIS diagnosis.  I am going to doc's this afternoon and am wondering some of the same as you did.  I have written down some questions for him and I hope I can get a straight answer.  I still am not even sure if I have to do chemo to kill any cells that may have been left behind after surgery. 

    WIth all the confusion and trying to educate myself from some of the Pink Pals it is overwhelming and not to mention trying to sit up and use computer to talk to other gals in the same position is hard enough.  And then to think my house is a wreck and the bills are oiling up....  It's no wonder we get depressed. 

    Til later....  jen

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010
    Thank you everyone for the support...it helps a lot.  I cut my hours back next week and I think that will help.  Had a patient tell me today that her sis in law died of bc ....*sigh*  just don't need to hear that, even though I know in my heart that DCIS is non life threatening.  Had my onocology appt today ---Olivia, I thought about you while I was there because I know your appointment is today as well---and it was encouraging.  I don't have to take Tamoxifen because of the double mast.  He told me that for my test and path results, I made the right decision to do both.  He told me I will probably never have to deal with this again.  There is about a 1% chance of reoccurance which is not a lot.  He was very nice...I felt bad for the guy because I was bawling before he even came in!  I think the stress of work and then the anxiety of actually being in an oncologists office (boy that makes it real, doesn't it?) was too much.  But as I sit here writing, I feel much much better and his confidence is beginning to wear off on me....at least a little Smile  As for as my neck, cutting back my hours will make a huge difference:  I think I just want to be 100% yesterday.  And I talked to my new doc, and she is going to figure something out with her daycare.  I opened my practice 7 years ago and only recently hired a doc to work afternoons so that I can be home when my kids get home....I don't want to give that up and neither do they.  I did have a near disaster when she told me she couldn't work next week (spring break for us here in Tulsa) and the schedule is already filled...but I called in a favor to a friend of mine and she will cover her hours for me...it goes back to what I have said "The Lord works in mysterious ways"...I sat by her a few weeks after my surgery at a meeting and she offered to help me out if I needed.   God Bless All!
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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Tammy, When my students first found out I had cancer, they all wanted to tell me their stories....about their aunt, or their g'ma, or whomever who had cancer and had died......some classes I told them it was breast cancer, some weren't mature enough to hear that, and when they'd ask where the cancer was, I just told them I was a pink ribbon lady ....some of the kids got it, and some didn't. 

    But you're right...we just have to realize we are so very blessed...DCIS, stage O, both breasts gone....(well, THAT part we're not necessarily blessed), but in the fact that there's little to no chance we'll ever have the chance of any more BC in our future - EVER!!!!!!  We are survivors....we are actually more than that....we are CONQUERORS!!!!!

    I just felt like I was sort of "rewarded" for faithfully having my mammograms every single year....I don't know. 

    And you're right...the first time I sat in an oncologist's office, I cried...it was TOO real.  TOO in my face.  TOO too much.  It was awful.  I looked at some of the patients and my heart just broke.  I was so grateful because I knew my prognosis was so much better.....but then when the onc. walked in, the first thing he said to me was, 'well, the good news is is that you don't have cancer."  DO WHAT?!?!?

    Anyway, the oncologists around here don't subscribe to DCIS being cancer....they said precancer....but my BS says it's cancer, since we have to treat it as cancer, yada, yada...and left untreated it could become invasive, etc, etc...

    btw....I didn't end up using that oncologist...I went to a lady onc....her office was more pleasant and the staff more upbeat....but she, too, calls DCIS pre-cancer, but she suggested the genetic testing. 

    Glad you're getting help for next week, and glad you're getting your new doc understanding...and glad your practice will be ok.....and I'm telling you, your patients WILL wait for you.  When my docs take time off for whatever, I wait for them....

    In fact, my youngest son's pediatric dentist just took early retirement back in the fall because he was diagnosed with lymphoma....we were heartbroken.  My son was just about to "graduate" from him anyway, but he had been my kids' dentist for 18 years.....he was like family.  We sent him a card and told him we were praying for him (esp. since my dad died of lymphoma - but I did NOT tell him that!!!).....he even sent us back a personal note.....about a month later, I was diagnosed with my BC....go figure,.

    Anyway.....crying anytime is ok...it's healing...I've had my share and more than my share....I think it's a necessary part of the healing process.....

    Tomorrow is my full day....four classes of 5th graders and two classes of 1st graders...

    blessings..robin

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Robin, you have an eloquent way of expressing the way that I feel.  That was just it:  I know that I have had breast cancer, but I don't want to accept it!  You can't deny that fact when you go to see an oncologist.   And I, like you, was so worried about seeing people in pain or going through chemo treatments---my heart just goes out to them and their families and it hurts me to see them suffering.  Honestly, I wish they WOULD classify this as precancer:  I don't want "cancer" on my permanent medical record which will most likely affect my chances of getting life insurance (already have some) or disablity insurance (nope, don't have). 

    I will say a special prayer for you tonight so that your day goes smoothly and that you have the stamina to last the whole day.  I love, love, love giving kids eye exams, but they have so much energy that sometimes it is exhausting!  I can't imagine dealing with so many at once, especially the 1st graders!  I was home room mom for my son when he was in 1st grade and I spent several hours teaching them the hula as a surprise for their teacher for the end of the year Luai that I organized for the class (with the help of our music teacher btw).  Robin, the two hours I spent with those 22 kids each session was the most fun but exhausting time I have ever spent....they were all so excited and asking questions and begging for your attention....I don't know how you teachers do it!  I have the upmost respect for all teachers!!!  Good Luck tomorrow!!!

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Roseg:  thanks for the website!  My ps and bs have not given me any exercises to help my muscle weakness, so thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Tammy, I'm impressed...you hula?!?!   Cool.  Come to Indiana and I'll let you teach MY music students...ha!!  Thanks for praying for me...God answered prayer!  I was really wiped out this morning, but I'm not nearly as tired this afternoon, after I got home, as I was last week.  I had an enjoyable day with the kids....even got observed by my principal.  At least that's the last time for this school year for THIS school.  I'm at three schools, so I still have two more observations to go...sigh. 

     Little kids' energy...yes!  Oh my....and those 1st graders on a Friday afternoon....wow!  Almost as bad as my K kids I have on Wednesdays at 2:20pm - they're so tired, they're wound up!  When they really need to be home taking a nap....

    BUT, there's a good chance I might get to go back to middle school next year - kind of a mixed blessing though.  The school board voted to close four elementary schools last night.  One is just two blocks from our house - so it affects our property values (UGH!!)...however, the 5th graders are being moved to the middle school, which means they are looking for elem. music teachers to volunteer to transfer.  I was at the middle school the past five years, and was Involuntarily transfered this year....so I might get a chance to go back....I'd love to be able to work with 5th graders....

    Hope your day has gone well, and that you're taking it EASY!!!!!!  Hope you'll be able to take the weekend and rest and recup!!

    blessings...robin

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    With your positive attitude and dedication, it would be to their advantage to have you as one of their teachers!  Good luck, but I doubt you need it!  And yes, I hula, but NOT very well!  LOL

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Yesterday I went to the oncologist. She suggested removing my right breast, what??? Where were you last month?  She said she is fairly positive I am BRAC+ but just to make 100% sure I am being tested. She also told me that I can not have radiation because of my lupus. The margins are not clean and the chemo option would be more of a shotgun approach and I am not sure worth the long term side effects.  She suggested a type of treatment that I looked up that would be difficult on my lungs and heart. I am not sure that is something I can do.  

    I am scared, confused, depressed and feel like maybe I did not make the right decision to begin with.  It is just a lot to digest - what do I do next. Do I just wait? Do I try alternative medicine, do I have more surgery?  I just have no idea what to do.

    Olivia 

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Ah, Olivia...I can't believe they're just NOW figuring this out.....like they couldn't have known this before your surgery?? grrr....I'm so sorry.....how awful to think of another surgery.   I guess you could hold off until your testing is done...and if it's +, just bit the bullet and you can look like me...robin-no-breast.  (not funny, I know....and not fun, either.)     but I'd be so scared with alternative meds.  It sounds "good" to look into, but when reality hits the fan, I'd wimp out.

    Check your Vit. D levels, for sure.  Just got mine back..21.8.  Very low.  There's a great thread on this.....this could be something you could do in the meantime. 

    Was chemo really an option??  Sounds pretty extreme....esp. because there's not any cancer,is there?  It would just be precautionary, right?  I'd sure hate to think of putting poison in my body to ward off a potential cancer later.....and damage so many other good parts now, you know?  Just my opinion, and not worth much....i realize.

    In the meantime, I'll be praying for you....and praying you'll be able to get some rest tonight...you need it.  You're still healing - physically and emotionally.....and both need rest.  And it sounds as if you may need MORE rest.....

    blessings...robin

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Olivia, I was afraid the news wasn't good when you didn't post.....I have been thinking about you since yesterday and worrying right along with you....OK first of all take a DEEP breath....what you are going to do is everything that you can to make sure you stay healthy and anything that will get you on the road to good health.  I would go ahead and get a second opinion from another oncologist as long as this is a prophylactic treatment.  I also have had both breasts removed...my hubby told me today they look better than my old ones.  Some may be irritated by this statement, but I am relieved.  Yes, if you get this other side taken care of, it is another surgery, however it is different this time...you aren't expecting to find cancer and you are doing something proactive to protect your health.  Assuming it is cancer free, you will never have to worry about cancer in that side again.  Secondly, it would have been nice to have known this before, but by having the second surgery at a different time at least the you won't be on the table so long.  Make an appt with a ps and find out your options.  It takes at least a week to get the gene test done (I had it: they were sure I was a carrier, but I wasn't) and when it does come in, you can be armed and ready.   

    Don't be depressed about your first decision:  you did what you thought was best based upon what you knew.  Hindsight is 20/20 so don't beat yourself up:  you need to stay positive right now.  I will keep you in my prayers and I am here for you!  Keep your chin up and find out from the oncologist why he/she thinks chemo is necessary.  Don't say no to it just yet...remember we want you healthy! 

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    The problem is because I did not get clean margins less than 1mm posterior and anterior.  I also had multiple microinvasions that were determined to be IDC which is why the discussion of chemo. I felt like it was over kill and did not feel comfortable with that option.  I did find a lump on the right side the other night, I did tell the oncologist and she did not seem to be the one to assess it. She said I would have to go back to the surgeon for another evaluation of that side.  This is a steep learning curve. 

    I decided not to do the chemo option, I am not doing tamoxifen those two decisions I think I know today - who knows what tomorrow will bring. 

    Thank you for the support - the 2 1/2 hour appt just seemed overwhelming.

    Olivia

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Olivia, so even with the MX, there weren't clear margins?  The BS couldn't get all the DCIS?  And now the onc isn't calling it DCIS, but IDC???  Is that right??  If that's the case, that's a horse of a different color....that's way more serious, sweetie....isn't it? 

    WOW...a 2.5 hr. appt....no wonder you're overwhelmed....bless your heart.   And the new lump?  Oh no...Olivia. 

    I'm praying for strenght, wisdom, peace and comfort for you...

    blessings...robin

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Robin,

    Yes, the MX did not get clear margins, I did not know that was possible. The microinvasions were determined to be IDC because larger than originally thought. The oncologist mainly focused on the IDC treatment. She said the size is small so possible low dose chemo would be enough. The unclear margins they do not know if that was pure DCIS or included IDC, so that is confusing to me. She said the tissue sample description was not clear enough and so she is contacting the pathology lab.  The good news it is not in my lymphnodes.  

    The new lump I felt the other night. During a MRI they surgeon believed it was a lymph node but it felt larger to me last week.  I don't know what it is but it has me unnerved.

    Today was an up and down day, just lots of emotion and not sure what to do next.  I do not think the rain helped.

    Olivia 

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  • ladyod
    ladyod Member Posts: 152
    edited March 2010

    Olivia...I haven't responded even though I read your post this afternoon.  I knew what I wanted to say, just not how.  So here it goes.    IDC is a lot more serious as Robin said.  If the surgery didn't get it all it can go elsewhere in your body.  I really hope that you will reconsider chemo or tamox or both.  It has to be your decision, and it is easy for me to say since I am not the one who has to deal with the side effects, but it sounds like this is early and that's the key to being sure that you are cured. Doctors weigh the benefits vs the adverse effects of meds when making a diagnostic decision.  They must believe it is necessary to achieve your best prognosis and health.  When I was at my onc, I actually wanted to know if I should do other txs, and I was so spazzy I ended up apologizing for being such a mess.  But the nurse told me that she would rather have someone proactive than some of the people who are advised treatment and refuse it.  She said it is their decision, so they can't force it on them, but she knows that by the time they realize they should have had the treatment it is too late.  It isn't too late for you!  You are at the point where you can stop this in its tracks.  Sure there's a chance you will be alright even without further treatment, I know the treatment options are scary, but please, please leave the option of further treatment open.  Get a second professional opinion, talk with your family, and know that you are not alone and that people care about you!  I know you are upset and with good reason.  I hope that I am not upsetting you, I just don't want you to make any rash decisions before getting all of your information straight.  And if you want me to delete this post and not make anymore comments, I will do that also.  I don't want to pressure you and be in your face...I am just concerned.  May God grant you the wisdom to make the right treatment decision, whatever it may be!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Olivia, I just reread your posts and your story....I am just amazed at how strong you are.  And you are certainly entitled to your down days...especially on a rainy day....This information is a lot to deal with . YOU have had a lot to deal with in the last six years....I just don't understand why some people go through so much more than others.  All I can say is that God must trust you can awfully lot.....I wouldn't know what I would do if I were you, since I haven't had to make the same decisions....and I wouldn't be so callous or so flippant so to presume to know.  Just the way so many people would tell me - upon hearing my diagnosis, "oh, I'd just cut those babies right off and not worry about it", OR, "i'd cut 'em off and get a good boob job"....right. 

    Not going to say it.  But, IF I could possibly even TRY to put myself in your shoes...I know that as much as I would HATE having to go through chemo, another surgery, and whatever else may be involved - I DO know that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my husband - and I want to do whatever I can to spend as many years with him as possible...and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my three children and I'm not ready to be out of their lives yet  - they're 18 (almost 19), 17, and 12....and I need them as much as they need me.....  I *think* I would do whatever I could do, whatever I needed to do, whatever was available for me to do - in order to be around for them.

    So,what does your husband say about all this?  I'm sure he's as emotionally distraught as you are....and upset, too.  What about your daughter?  What are their feelings?  What do they want you to do?  Have you had a family pow-wow? (even with my kids' ages, we discussed my treatments together as a family, so they knew each and every step and had a little say in it.)

    Even when I would get discouraged  - even before the BMX and when crying say I wasn't going to have the surgery, the kids would come to me and beg me to get it....

    I'm like Tammy - I don't want to pressure you either - BUT you are TOO young to not do anything...your nodes are clear, which is awesome, but I honestly don't think the onc. would recommend you do something that wouldn't be in your best interest.  And like Tammy said, get a 2nd opinion.  I would...absolutely!!!!!    You would if you were buying a car...even a couch!!!

    So, for tonight....rest, be nice to yourself....allow yourself the freedom to grieve....once again.

    praying for you, my friend....

    blessings...robin

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited March 2010

    Dr. Tammy...how did work go yesterday????

    How are you feeling???

    blessings..robin, known as Mrs. E :)

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  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 257
    edited March 2010

    Robin and Tammy,

    Thank you for the encouragement!! I really appreciate it and there are days we all need a kick to keep going and I appreciate it because it has to be said but others who know what this is like. 

    My husband and I talked about it and we talked again tonight. We want another opinion so that is what we are doing. We know it is more serious than we originally planned or thought.  My biggest fear is it is already somewhere else and we just have not found it yet.  I am sure that is a normal fear but it has been on my mind today.  I just think this is my second round, so what is next or should I say where??

    Thank you for the support - hugs to you both

    Olivia

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