Tired of being the strong one.

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Tinie
Tinie Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I'm new, I just found out last year in June. Stage IV, IDC metastatic to my lung. I take Tamoxifen daily and Goserelin injection once a month. I just feel like I'm all alone in this fight. I feel like I have to be strong for them. (husband and children)  If we pretend its not there, I can continue to be the strong one that holds it all together.  I'm scared of what will happen when I am gone. And I can't talk about this with my family, they don't understand what I am going though. When can I just sit down and cry?

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  • somanywomen
    somanywomen Member Posts: 872
    edited March 2010

    I think that most of us are reluctant to answer your question because we too want you to stay strong and fight this horrible thief.....Bob Dylan might have said it best in this verse from one of his songs....I do hope you get your crying time...Wishing you the very best.....

    Just Like A Woman

    Nobody feels any pain
    Tonight as I stand inside the rain
    Ev’rybody knows
    That Baby’s got new clothes
    But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
    Have fallen from her curls
    She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
    She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
    And she aches just like a woman
    But she breaks just like a little girl.

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited March 2010
    I know as a mom you want to protect and do everything for your family. Right now you need to rest and relax to keep up your strength. Give yourself permission to take care of YOU. I am sure your family would agree. Be good to yourself and know we care about you too Smile
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  • Fidelia
    Fidelia Member Posts: 397
    edited March 2010

    Dear Tinie,

    I had a very similar dx to yours and 8 years from the mets dx still wondering why I have to be the strong one - I think the answer is complex but comprised mainly of women generally are - no so complex after all. We are handed some pretty hard knocks and just have to manage and keep everyone else together. As for the crying time - I found it I let myself try and do everything the old me used to do - I would get so tired - the crying would just happen - so now - I try and carve out 1/2 a day where I just lie down with a book/magazine/tea/coffee and let the world run on without me :)

     Any reason you are not getting Herceptin for HER2? Your treatment is exactly what kept me going for a very long time - the lung mets went almost overnight with tamox - but I am HER 2- and I thought if HER2 is present there is a strong case for at least a round of Hercpetin - though if you are responding to tamox and lupron - I guess there is no need.....it is amazing how well stuff works - another reason people around you think you are OK - take a little time for you everyday and try and not get exhausted - easier said than done :)

    Fidelia

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited March 2010

    Tinie ~  I'm glad you've found BCO.  I can't imagine trying to fight bc without the support of other women going through it.  We all need a safe place to vent and share our deepest feelings.  And you're right, no matter how much your family loves you, and no matter how much fear they might have (which I'm sure they do), they will never quite get it from your perspective.

    If you haven't found it yet, but there is a whole section of BCO for Stage IV women, as well as ones for other stages, treatments, etc.   But the Stage IV thread is unique, and I think it may be exactly what's been missing in your life -- a safe place to unload your fears with women who are going through the same thing and will understand.  Look in the Forum Index above.  I'd suggest introducing yourself there (as well as here). 

    Also, have you ever talked to the oncology social worker or psychologist where you're being treated?  He/she might be able to initiate some valuable dialogue with everyone in your family.  It sounds like they might be able to use someone to talk to, as well.

    (((Hugs))) to you, Tinie, and I hope we can help you find a safe place to cry when you need to.  Deanna

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  • cancersuks
    cancersuks Member Posts: 258
    edited March 2010

    Tinie,  Yes, I know exactly how you feel.  I can't stop because everything revolves around my staying sane and in control.  I can't even cry, if tears do come out it is only for a few seconds and then they stop.  I want to just hand it over but there's no one to give it to.  Even when contemplating an emotional melt-down my mind gets bogged down in my to-do lists. Yes, cancer is a very lonely road...

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  • carcharm
    carcharm Member Posts: 486
    edited March 2010

    I was diagnosed with bc 3 months after the girl in the next cubicle was at my last job last year. I just started a new job this Jan. Today the girl in the next cubicle was diagnosed with probable stage 4 bc and may have a hip disarticulation because she has a huge painful tumor there. I sat across from a women at the cancer center today who was crying from fear and pain and all I could do was focus on her quivering lips and kept thinking this may be me soon. Oh I am so afraid of this disease and I hate it.

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  • Patriotgirl
    Patriotgirl Member Posts: 26
    edited March 2010

    Yes!  I feel the exact same way.   I am dying to cry.  Why can't I?  Who am I being strong for or am I just in denial?  I crave an all-out tear fest but it hasn't happened, not a single drop.  I guess there are a lot of us who react this way.  Peace and wellness to all of you.

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  • fionn
    fionn Member Posts: 44
    edited April 2010

    Hi -

    I was dx 5years ago and i still worry. People say that if you get to 5years things look bright but sometimes the way i look at it is i am much closer to it coming back. I read all the posts to see someone with the same dx as me, and when i read of someone in a more advanced state than me i worry that it will be me next. As for staying strong all the time, i know for my kids and husband and my dear mother, i always have to be upbeat because i dont want to worry them. My mom has been through so much because my sister died of bc when she was 37 and then my father passed away with bowel cancer. Because of the braca gene my younger sister tested positive and opted for surgery so a lot of bad things have happened so i dont tell them of my fears cos everyone has been through enough heartache. Ive vented all my frustations and fears here in the hope of getting them out of my system for a short time. Please feel free to post or pm me cos i really could do with a friend. xx

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