I'm (NOT F'*%$@#$) "OK"!

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  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited February 2010

    Belz,I'm another DCIS with a BMX....I, too, had already had two surgeries  - both without clear margins, AND my DCIS was multi-focal, as well.  My left breast was full of disease, even though it was not invasive.  I was given no choice but to have the MX - that was the opinion of my BS and two different oncologists.  The decision to take the right breast was mine - that was to avoid taking tamoxifen and to avoid the worry about the when/if that breast would be affected.

    I love this thread.  Even though it's only been a few months for me since diagnosis, and has only been month since my BMX, I'm already hearing the "you look so good"...well, duh...you can't see my chest - they didn't cut off my nose or my ears!!!  Why would I look different??

    And the "how are you's?"....I haven't been out in public very much, but I'm actually having a really hard time right now coping.  I started out very positive and very upbeat.  But now, I'm not.  So when I've been asked, I've told people that it's been harder on me than I thought it would be.  plain and simple.

    It drives me crazy the stupid stuff people say to me.....since I wasn't terribly well endowed to begin with, people assume it doesn't matter to me that my breasts are gone....baloney!  I miss my boobs...badly!!!!  Small is better than nothing!!!  And besides, I could have worn bigger bras to make 'em stick out more, I just chose not to....the path. report said they were over a pound each!!

    argh....

    thanks for letting me join the vent....

    robin

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  • Melanie36
    Melanie36 Member Posts: 110
    edited February 2010

    My fav is...

    when someone asks in that really long drawn out tone, "How are  you doooooing?"

    I smile and smart assishly (sp??) say..."still dying"

    Sorry but I'm stage IV, what else am I supposed to say.Laughing

    If they get a really devastated look of panic on their faces, I might throw them a line by saying, "ah, we're all one day closer, right?"

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  • petitcocquin
    petitcocquin Member Posts: 7
    edited March 2010

    My good friends and family have agreed not to greet me with "How are you?".  At my request they've agreed to let me tell them when I want to, seeing how I have a short fuse lately.  Still learning to cope and a long way to go.

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  • perky
    perky Member Posts: 241
    edited March 2010

    Having already gone through another horrible drawn out illness I learned the hard way that when someone says "How are you" you say "Fine." That's all. It isn't their fault we are sick and they don't know what else to say. They don't need a medical update every time they say hello either. When they really want to know and are ready to listen they will ask more questions.

    It just sucks though, it's nobodys fault and everyone is doing what they can even when it's wrong. But why do I want to slap nearly everyone that even looks at me wrong. I guess I have a lot of anger to work through.

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  • Ezscriiibe
    Ezscriiibe Member Posts: 598
    edited March 2010

    I very often use the "I have some good days, and I have some bad days."

    But I also really like, "It's been harder on me than I thought it would be" that someone upthread mentioned. 

    I may sprinkle that one in on my "bad days."

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  • elen
    elen Member Posts: 26
    edited March 2010

    I can almost handle the "how are you" question better than the "keep me posted" comment.  I want to say "Seriously, do you think I keep a list of people by the phone to call with every update or that this list will be used to inform people of my funeral?" but I just smile and say "I'm letting those that are curious call me"

    But for the "how are you" comment .. I use a comment that someone posted a while back "my edit button is broken, be careful what you ask me" .. and if they persist .. I'll tell them.

    Ha ha . .unless it's my grandmother . .then I smile and say "fine"

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  • perky
    perky Member Posts: 241
    edited March 2010
    So I wonder if the "How are you?" "Fine." "Keep me posted." "Oh absolutely'" is the same to BC patients as the "How nice" is to Southern women. It sounds like one thing  but the meaning is totally different. Wink
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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited March 2010

    when I was going through Tx, hubby and I created an email group and sent updates following surgery and then chemo etc....it was easier than talking all the time and could do it when we felt like it....and people could reply...I saved all those emails....and those who really cared were the ones who wrote back.....buts whats even more ironic...is that after Tx, people really don't want to know because you are "done"....so therefore you should be "fine".....other that bco, and DH, bc really isn't a topic of conversation with friends or family....they don't want to know and I don't want to share!!!! and not I'm not "fine"!!!!  I love this place!!!

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  • geneskirt
    geneskirt Member Posts: 218
    edited March 2010

    I love this place, too!

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