My Hair
I want to start with I know that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I am feeling really grumpy, unable to tolerate stupid comments today. However, this issue has been building for a while, but I've just smiled, agreed, laughed, whatever because these stupid people really don't understand they're irriating the H*** of me.
My hair started growing sometime in Nov/Dec while I was still on Taxol, finished chemo 12/18 so now it's really starting to grow back, but..............it is still very very short. It is at the point of getting thicker and the curls that are going to come out are starting to show as waves in my hair. I kid you not - every effing day (at work) at least 3 or 4 different people have to come by and say "look at your hair, it's growing so fast", "have you seen the curls in the back", "do you know it's curling above your ears", "it's so thick"..........on and on and on. "No, I didn't see my hair, I only look in the mirror every morning when I'm getting dressed, rubbing lotion on my burned chest and when I pass by heading to the restroom at work. "No - I didn't see my hair". Really? Do I comment on their hair everyday? I know it's because I'm the cancer person at work and they do care and have been wonderful, but........ please leave me alone about my hair. While I come to work with my head held high, laugh at myself and do my work with a good attitude, reminding me multiple times a day about something that does bother me is really wearing on my nerves. And..........I told this to a close friend/co-worker this morning that I was grumpy and hoped that someone didn't comment on my hair. And.......... do you know that within 2 hours she came up and said, don't be mad, but "look at the back of your head". Really??????
Again, I know I'm grumpy today, but this is becoming a thorn in my side! Thanks for listening.
Comments
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While I respect your grumpy mood and getting irritated at all the comments, people really think they are being supportive and encouraging when they say positive things about your appearance. I'm at the point where my hair has grown out, but I haven't had it cut professionally. I really want to get rid of the "chemo curls" but don't want short hair. I've only done some trimming of my bangs and of the ends to try and even them.
Everyone makes comments to me about the curls...how they love them. It bothers me more now than it did a year ago. Then, I was just glad to have hair again. Now, I want to have something like I did before chemo. I guess it bothers me because it constantly reminds me of my illness.
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I did A/C in Aug. and my hair JUST got to the point of being long and full enough to where I was comfortable just putting some wax in it and going out like that. Now, I am in the middle of my Taxol tx's and so it's all falling out again. I'm about 1/2 way bald - so my hair gripe today is I'm sick of it getting all over my pillow, in my eyes, my kid's faces, my FOOD. My gripe is different than yours, but I feel ya!!! -
umm your hair is falling out? Mine is not-it's growing. Yi Yi Yi-now I am really paranoid.
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Jenn,
I am 4 years out and people STILL comment on my hair. Not daily, like yours...but if I haven't seen somebody in awhile they hug me and then grab my hair and say "LOOK at your HAIR!". I know it brings the "cancer girl" feeling out ..but try to remember that they are happy for you. They are seeing the hair growth and that means that you are all better to them.
Nancy, I grew my hair long as the short curls reminded me of "chemo curls". With my hair long...they just seem like curls and they are not even close to taming down!
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Yup, falling out... I've heard a lot of times though, that people's hair grows during Taxol. Not mine!
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I know I sound really grumpy, but it's literally every single day - my daily cancer reminder. And......... normally I can let it roll and I know they mean well, but I woke up in a really bad mood, for no particular reason and seem more sensitive today.
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Pure --- If I'm remembering right, you are now on Taxol. Don't worry ---for most people, their hair starts growing back in during Taxol.
I, too, get lots of comments on my hair. "You should never grow your hair long again. It is so much cuter with the curls." Gee thanks. I guess it looked bad before. (My hair was half-way down my back and perfectly straight before.)
Like Nancy said, I think people are just trying to be supportive and they don't know what else to say. Just smile and try not to let it get to you. But, I totally understand where you are coming from. I kind of felt the same way --- especially when EVERYONE always wanted to run their fingers through my chemo curls. Excuse me. My hair. Step away from the curls and move to your nearest exit!
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Hey Jenn
I feel your pain darlin...I just have switched to a new family doc...so they dont know ...me...admin asst. takes my OHIP card(canadain health care must be shown at every visit everywhere) and says "Wow you dont look anything like your pic !!"I tried to hold back...uh I really did ...I just said "Well chemo will do that to you"...then I felt bad so made lite of it ..OHH wait heres another...I am at my rad Oncs and another asst. comes in Now i am with my friend ...she says "Is this your daughter !!!AHHHHHHH !!!!"my friend and I had a good laugh over it, I am very grey ,my friend is about about 7 years younger ...but MOTHER !!!
I am learning a new word "GRACE"...
Much love
C
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You're allowed to be grumpy and I totally get that it's irritating. Every day..more than once a day is a constant reminder of cancer and you just want to be YOU..not cancer girl. I hope I didn't sound chiding in my previous post.
Hugs, girlfriend. Pamper yourself tonight!
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i'd say something.. (you'd probably have to say it to only one person) to the effect that yes .. you know you have hair and are tired of talking about it.
maybe - people still comment on mine
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I hate when people ask if they can touch it... I hate being the girl wtih cancer and those types of comments just compound it----your feelings are normal.
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Pure & Billynda
was it because of your pregnancys that your treatments were divided ?...my hair started to grow back 1 week after Taxol stopped of course my body did not know it was done so I am assuming that it can grow during Tax..ml C
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Oh and Jenn grump away ...your entitled !!!ml C
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Im with you. My hair started to come back during Taxol.
I continued with Herceptin for the remainding of the year. My hair has grown so..so slow. Well, apparantly to everyone else in the world its growing fast.
I had the chemo curls too. My grandmother who is 84 always had to tell me how much she loved my curls! My pre chemo hair was staright. I hate the curls! I had no idea how to manage them, because I has staright hair all my life. If I brushed them out, it would look like I put my finger in a light socket...hate...hate..hate!
It was also hard for me because everyone always commented about my hair. I didn't want the comments because it was a reminder..."yes..you had cancer and everyone knows it." Again...hated it.
So, in October 2008 I made the plunge to get hair extensions. Love..love..love!
No curls, no comments "oh its growing so fast..you look so good." Its long ..thick...and staright.
Best thing I ever did for myself.
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My treatments weren't divided I did 5fu,plus AUX up until Jan-delivered and started Taxol. Doing 12 weeks of taxol. Tommorow I am half way done with taxol-Yeah!
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Jenn
I've read that many women start growing back hair during Taxol. That includes me and my sister so don't worry. The strange thing is that they also can lost their eyebrows and eyelashes, often after ending Taxol. Mine are definitely thinning out. But this is my last week so maybe they can hold on.
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Jenn3- I totally get it and I would feel exactly the same as you do. I don't get it anymore but I used to get it all the time too. Maybe because I always had long hair until cancer. They are trying to be "supportive" but I agree with you 100%-it is completely annoying. It's like we want to get past it and struggle to do so. Then when our guard is down, and we have some semblance of normalcy (whatever that is), someone brings up hair. For me I don't mind someone saying something about my hair but the hair comments are not really about hair- they are really about the speaker confirming for themselves that I am over the cancer thing. But how can we get past it when every day someone brings it up?
If it helps at all, people will eventually stop commenting on your hair. Hang in there.
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My favourite hair story is involves my father-in law who passed away in Dec. All through chemo he would tell me "I love your hair, it's growing". Everytime he said that I happened to be wearing one of my wigs. It started to get to me and I told Roger that the next time we were visiting and he said that I was going to whip off my wig in front of him and see what he would say. The next time, he said it again and I immediately whipped off the wig. At that point in his best French Canadian accent he responded, "YOU LOOK FUNEEEE!" We laughed so hard, but he never commented on my hair again.
It is hard. I remember getting compiments on my hair and I would respond depending upon my mood.
1. Would you like it, it's a wig.
2. You can have this hairstyle too, just go have chemo.
3. Curls! when did that happen, It was straight this morning.
I had others but can't remember them now. Chemobrain strikes again.
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I get it, only like somebody else who's hair is trying to grow back. I'm right there with you. I tried to pass it off with jokes, but they just kept jabbering. Now I tell people. "Oh I don't discuss that in public anymore. If you'd like to comment on my hair please send me an email if you feel so inclined." Then I make some comment about the weather. I've had a few weird looks, but the comments are slowing down and guess how many emails I've had.? ? ZERO .
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Jenn3 - I'm sorry. You'd think the novelty of it would wear off soon. I hope so!
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I knew y'all would get it.............thank you!!! I feel terrible complaining because these are the very people that have been so incredibily supportive, sent me $1500 in Whole Food gift cards, funny get well cards, remembered to call me and include me in the office "stuff" even when I wasn't there. So........I feel bad/guilty/terrible/selfish for getting upset, but it does get OLD. And............today just wasn't the day for it.
Let me share the end of the day........... it was drizzling some, but not too bad so I decided to park in the lot right outside the building (for radiation patients) rather than the covered garage because the lot is so much closer than walking around the entire bldg if I park in the garage. As soon as I stepped out of the car and opened my umbrella the skies came down - got me soaking wet from my knees down. As I was leaving the rain was much worse, so I walked to my car wearing my raincoat and with my umbrella, but looked like I had just taken a shower - I was soaked head to toe.......... If I was a gambling person I'd say today isn't my day, but I in a much better mood.
Edited - Billy/Jenn - My hair grew back on the Taxol, but all of my eyebrows and lashes fell out. However, they came back pretty fast.
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I know what you are saying. It unfortunately happens to me about 20 times a day. My hair was always wavy, long, and dark blonde but now its short, curly and dark brown. There is no taming those girls even with the goopiest gel.
I actually was at the bank and had to give my license for something (which had my old hairstyle) and the guy was like 'I like your hair better here'...I was so 'pis&ed' that I said, 'yeah me too but cancer took care of that.' I figured he would shut up but he proceeded to tell me his mom died from breast cancer. Nice, huh.
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I really hate the whole hair thing. Mine was long and I straightened it everyday before this. Now it is of course short and have those untameable curls. It looks like a 80 yr old with a perm. Everyone loves to comment on my hair, seems to be the topic of conversation, and then they just giggle. I know they are just trying to be nice but I frankly dont wont to even hear about it. I do not have this new hairstyle by choice so could we just leave it out of conversations...
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My hair started coming in on Taxol too. Jenn, if they keep annoying you about your hair tell them they are reminding you of when you felt like Uncle Fester
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Jenn - hope today is a better day for you.
Oh, and BTW, your hair looks great! So curly!! LOL!
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Jenn - I understand where you are coming from. I am in the same boat as you...hair is growing it is very thick and curling and waves growing like mad. Someone has to make a comment every day. No offense to anyone but I feel like an old lady. I am 31 and cannot stand the way I look right now. It makes it worse when every day someone thinks they need to tell you how good you look when I want to scream at them...Really?? Is it really that cute? Hmmm....Because I HATE IT and don't feel an ounce of sexiness right now. Or they say, "Wow, it's growing so fast" when realistically it really has NOT. I've started telling people how I really feel about my hair and that hasn't really helped.... praying I have long non-curly hair soon!!!
Hope you have a better day today. Hugs!
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I woke up this morning in a much better mood............... My hair is curling upwards above each ear, not much I can do about it, so...........if I get comments today, which I will at least I'm in a better mood. Prior to this I was one of those people who liked my hair........I was fortunate in that I had only one or two grey hairs, it was thick, but not too thick, had good body and natural red highlights. Now it's light brown, with white hairs mixed in and these crazy waves that will be curls....... I know in the scheme of things it's somewhat minor, but it sure can be annoying.
(((HUGS))) to everyone going through the same thing - our hair will grow, grow, grow........and we will learn how to handle the new curls brought on by chemo.
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Glad your feeling better.
Looks like we had/have the same hair timeline. I finished Taxol Feb12th 2008. Hair was growing...then the ear curls, the nape of the neck curls...
It is a horribly awkward stage. It really is. I never wore a wig through chemo, hated it. And the hair is too short to really add products or pin back.
So I still wore a hat/cap. Noone seemed to notice.
I found a plain white cotton hat. It was good and it was a godsend during the summer months. I must admitt, it was nice to have short hair for summer
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Jenn3,
Yep, the hair comments are interesting. I, too, hate the "compliments" in the form of "You should keep it short. It's sooooo cute." My mirror says my short hair, much lighter eyebrows and lashes, underpigmented hair, pale skin and gaunt cheeks announce cancer. I just want enough hair to highlight back to color and a week in the sun to restore a little color and Vitamin D.
I have a much-loved, gay brother-in-law who has been my best support/fan through this ordeal... recently he "scrunched' my little bit of hair to assess the probability of curls and loved the softness. I saw this as a compliment...maybe hair comments are more intimate than we realize and our perceptions of them are unconsciously grounded in the closeness/trust level of the relationship.
Does that even make sense....I know what I meant to say...but I'm post-TAC and on Femara
. Molly
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Oh sweetie, I know it is hard and be privately grumpy (or vent here) all that you want. I am still bald headed with cactus hair coming in at this point. And it is completely white so it look like I have no hair. I don't know if this helps, but people need to support you and feel some kind of relief that you are appearing to them to be recovering. They have no idea what you have been through and no idea how to support you. I only believe this because, even my best friends, struggle around me in trying to deal with my cancer. I know that they cannot see cancer-what they can see is your hair. And I believe they are trying to acknowlege (in their own clumsy way) that they are so glad that you appear on the road to recovery. I know that my friends and coworkers are holding their "collective breathe" over my illness. i am the last person in the world who should have gotten BC. There were simply no risk factors. When they see what is a light to them (bless their pointed little heads) it gives them permission to breathe. They are scared too and simply do not know what to say or do. And I know they love you. Wrap yourself in a God bubble and let them "ohh and ahhh" away. Then come here and vent or head to your support group and vent. ((((BIG HUGS)))) SV
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