Dumbest thing my doctors have said or done
I was reading the post on dumbest thing people say and had to add this topic. Two things that bothered me so far...one when I went in for my second mammogram on Dec. 18th, the radiologist told me I had to go get a biopsy based upon the mammogram. I am an eye doctor and I know that often we have to get further testing before reaching a diagnosis. So, as a way to give me a little hope, I said "Are we doing a biopsy because we need to rule out cancer and to be thorough or are you saying I for sure have cancer". His reply was that I had cancer, but could wait until after the holidays to get a biopsy. Ok, first of all, only 20% of calcium deposits are cancerous and if I do have cancer, I sure in the heck don't want to wait 2 weeks to get a biopsy! I then asked him if this was an early cancer since there was no palpable mass. He just looked at me with a deer in the headlights look. I said "Are you the wrong person to ask?" "Yes," he said and excused himself. Turns out the microcalcifications are found in DCIS, the earliest stage of BC. Instead of telling me this, I had to wait for a week, worrying about my prognosis.
Then two weeks ago, I had to get an ultrasound because of fluid build up following my BMx on January 25th. I opened to the mail Friday (Feb. 26th) to find a form letter that congratulated me that my mammogram showed no cancer and that I should return in one year for my annual exam. Gee, I wish I would have known that before my double mast! I guess the ultrasound got coded wrong, so I got the wrong form letter. I feel sorry for the poor lady that got mine!
Comments
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One of the things my BS said from the beginning "If you were my mom I would . . . " I finally stopped him and said, "I'm not your mom." Fast forward a year or so later, at my most recent appointment with him, yes, he used the "my mom" thing again. I hate that. I guess it makes him feel better.
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I have one...bear in mind I truly love my onc. He is compassionate, brillant and kind, but sometimes he does put the old foot square in his mouth.
case in point...
I went in to see him after just having had a hysterectomy and oopharectomy. Now, I was glad to get the little cancer bombs out, of course, but after two still born babies, a failed surrogacy and much attendant grief, the issue is still a sensitive one.
During the course of the visit I complimented him on his beautiful daughter and he says "I would die to just have one more baby and my kids are growing up"....good lord, how did he think I felt? If only I had the two I lost to watch grow up or the money to afford another surrogate to bring the 3 embryos I still have frozen to life. And here I had no hope ever again, sitting on the table, having made the final decision to stop things, so that I could ensure that I be here to watch the one I did get past the jaws of fate grow up. He knew my history, knew of the stillbirths, and I was there post hysterectomy!! You have to wonder if in their busy day they ever recall a persons medical history or not?
Amazing, what people say. Even the best nicest and best intended ones. I still cry when I think of that , so I try not to. And I try to remember he did save my life, so I need to go past it. But it still hurts.
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LadyOD, I'm still sitting here thinking of the other lady's letter.
Anesthesiologist commenting that of course I wouldn't want to get nipple recon why go through surgery for something "only cosmetic." Hmmm,,, think how important it is would truly be my decision thank you.
Another Onc (not the one I usually see) "don't you think you could have worked through chemo if you had wanted to? NO, a year out I'm still suffering SE's that are affecting my work and I'm worlds away from how sick I was then. I couldn't get up the stairs back then, I sure as heck couldn't have worked.
I couldn't stand the wig, gave it away unused to a wig bank at the cancer center. One of my BS's stared at my head one day and asked if I knew I could get a wig.
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Kmmd please tell me you said "what's a wig?"
Please tell me you said that!
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OMG cookiegal, where were you when I needed you then! I sure wish I had said that, but, I didn't even think of it, can I blame that on chemobain?
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Grrrrrrrr.
LadyOD ~~ I had the same thing happen recently. Went for an ultrasound for a seroma and had that (the ultrasound). The office said they should go ahead and do my annual mammogram at the same time. I said no, there will be no mashing of my reconstructed breasts, so I didn't get one. Less than a week later I get the same letter you got! I mentioned it to my BS's office but they didn't seemed concerned ... or even embarrassed.
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My first appt with my BS I said I wanted an MRI. He said it wasn't needed and went on to say that the cancer I have has been growing for at least 8 years. I said I have been getting annual mammos for 15 years. He said people make mistakes. I again said I want an MRI. He said that they may read that wrong too. Nice!!! I asked how then am I to get any assurances that this is the only cancer and that I am doing the right things. He gave some philosphy about living each day to the fullest. Ugh.
He called me the day after my MRI to let me know they found something in the other breast. Was very very nice and my biopsy is tomorrow.
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Oh, Perky I'm so sorry you have to go thru this again. I had to convince my BS to have a bone scan and CT thorax as a baseline, I'm over a year out of my bi lat mast. I, too had mammo's since I was 34 yrs old (20 years before dx). The cancer hospital completely missed mine thru regular mammos and never ordered an MRI for me. I had dense breast tissue and that would have been a protocol to have an MRI. Amazing we have to convince these docs to do these things. I will say a prayer for you.
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Thank you Mary,
We can all use all the prayers we can get!
I am so grateful to this website. It moved me from being frozen in fear to educated and taught me to demand the MRI. Regardless of the outcome of the second biopsy, 'm pretty sure that I will also have a BMX. I wouldn't have known how to stand up for myself and make these hard decisions without all of the great knowledge and supportive people here.
As for the mammos missing the cancer, that does make me mad but it would have been there anyway and the treatment still would have been the same so I won't dwell on it . Just keeping my fingers crossed that it is treatable and curable and the rest doesn't matter.
Getting closer!
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Perky ~~ good luck with your biopsy!
Gayle
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I told them at a mammo then ultrasound years ago exactly where it "hurt". "Oh, we don't ultrasound for pain" they said. Too bad. That's exactly where my tumour was found finally! Didn't show up on mammo as it was against my chest wall at 6 o'clock.
My surgeon didn't bother to send me to an onc. He said "Let's save the big guns until next time."
I was about to be put under for my re-excision to take away excess skin left behind from my double mast. I was telling the team in the OR how well I had been handling go breast-less. I had just said "I guess breasts aren't as important as I thought they were" as another team member walked in. "Oh breasts are VERY important he says!" There is a dead quiet in the OR as everyone looks at me. Just as I start to laugh they slap the mask over my face and I'm out.
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Dumbest thing Dr. said to me "your too young to have cancer". I know he was trying to ease my mind while testing but stupid thing to say.
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Oh, oh, oh! !!! I have another one:
When I had had a biopsy on a lump on my right breast years ago, my doc was actually in the hospital himself, so someone else stepped in.
When I woke up in recovery I was VERY much in pain. I asked for meds, but the nurses said the surgeon didn't prescribe any. I told them to ask him. He wasn't available. Anyway, of course, my blood pressure wouldn't go down as I was in too much pain. They couldn't release me. I needed pain meds that I happened to have at home. They wouldn't let me go. Finally I signed myself out against their wishes and went home to my own meds.
I found out at the post surgical visit that the surgeon hadn't bothered freezing my breast! He said he didn't want to leave me a bruise! Are you friggin' kidding me!
He saw my face and begged that I not tell anyone in the waiting room!
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ladyod, I hear you on the Med coding errors!!!
Just picked up copy of 3 month followup ct scan for lung nodule found on pre-op chest xray with immediate ct scan back in Oct...Reading the summary at bottom of ct report, said basically that this was stable granuloma was compared to ct 2004 and no change so to me very good news!!...Then I notice on top of page under date....were the words "Lung Cancer"!!!!...With my summary being good ..this had to be a printed mistake!!..I went back in to speak with doctor that wrote the report and of course, he was not there....No one else could help, they said a doctor would have to change the report....To make a long story short......They had used the wrong number code on report so instead of saying what it should have said "Lung Nodule", it said "Lung Cancer"...It took a few days to get this ammended and I was called by top administrator apologizing for the mistake....She told me that is why they don't like thier patients picking up these reports, whereas I reminded her that had I not picked it up that his would have remained on my med records without me knowing...She apologized again!!!!...It was just a simple number mistyped that could have caused me to drive off a cliff!!!...Good thing I can read!!!
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I have been experiencing pain in my left side with swelling for many months. I have told both my BS and PS about it they just shrug and say its nerves regenerating. At my last PS visit I explained to him that I feel like I have a blob on my upper back behind where my breast used to be when I sit or lie back. He never even looked at my back just the side. He offered to liposuction it for me. Turns out I have truncal LE! I am so glad I didn't let him liposuction my LE. Idiot!
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Kookie, as I was reading your post I was going to tell you truncal LE! I have it and I would say to my DH when he rubbed my back, "What IS that, there MUST be something there!" He saw nothing but the slight bulge.
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Last year I went to my family doctor with a swelled spot behind my thumb and asked her if it was LE. She said 'it can't be LE, it doesn't involve your whole arm and you only had 3 nodes removed from that side' I insisted on a referal to the LE clinic and the therapist did say it was definately LE but it was caught early. We are working to keep it confined to my hand and not up the arm. Although I did worry the LE therapist since the LE is on my smaller arm, the overall measurements were smaller than the other arm but he could see visible swelling in the hand.
Sheila
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Medical personnel have been a great source of anger and frustration for me:
Radiation tech, looking at the crucifix and religios medal I wore-"Are these some kind of lucky charms?"
Med tech at my PCP's office-"When was your last period? (August, I say) "What date?" (I don't know, I say. I was pushed into menopause prematurely by chemotherapy.) "I need a date!" PICK ANY DATE YOU WANT, MORON!!! (My thought, not my words, regretably:) )
First Plastic Surgeon consult-It's not a stellar meeting of the minds during the all but naked meeting to begin with. "Stand up. I'm going to take your pictures now." (Oh, I"m sorry, I say. This is only my first consultation, so I wouldn't want pictures of myself taken at this point.) "NO ONE'S FORCING YOU TO HAVE RECONSTRUCTION YOU KNOW!!! He then slammed his enormous camera onto the counter and left the room.
!st (and last) visit to LE specialist after 2 lumpectomies and node removal, but 1 week before my mastectomy-"When do you experience the most pain?" (In the car, I say. The bumps hurt my breast so much.) "Well, after next week you won't have that problem ever again-hahaha!"
The list of stupid, thoughtless comments made to me by members of the medical community goes on and on.
God bless us all !!!!!!
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Here's one for you. My OC was encouraging me to join a support group for my depression. I told her I wasn't ready for that just yet. She said, "Well you need to take advantage of all of the perks breast cancer offers!"
I usually am pretty quick with comebacks but in that particular situation I was so shocked I couldn't say a word. That might have been because I was having an internal conversation with myself -- "Don't snatch her hair out! Don"t snatch her hair out!"
-- Ann
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Ann, that really made me laugh. I had a vision of you snatching out her hair and then she would have looked like we did
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After being told that I needed a mastectomy for extensive, multifocal DCIS, I went for a 2nd opinion from a BS at a highly ranked hospital. The nurse seemed inpatient with my shock & grief. She said, "It's only an appendage." I just looked at her. (well, thank you very much but don't most folks prefer to keep their appendages, arms, legs, and breasts too). She had meant it as a "comfort", at least i wasn't losing a vital organ, but Please. And she works in a Breast Center.
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Before my mastectomy, I saw a plastic surgeon, at the request of my BS, so I could make an informed decision regarding reconstruction. This plastic surgeon told me that if I was not having a mastectomy I would need to have breast reductions. I thought that comment was uncalled for and out of line.
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In addition to BC, I have a gene that causes colon cancer (80% chance) I refuse to sign the consent form that allows them to release any genetic testing information. One dr questioned it and I told him I was concerned it would be used to deny me things like long term care insurance. He replied ": You won't need LONG term care insurance!"
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Lisa-e - that PS's comment was disgusting. It galls me that plastic surgeons, many of whose regular elective/cosmetic patients - can't afford it now - are financially benefiting from insurance coverage of breast cancer reconstruction. Surprised he didn' criticize some other body part - how about an eyelid lift while I reconstruct your breast??? a**hole.
lbrewer - perhaps the doctor was trying to say you would not be debilitated enough to require the services that are covered under long term health insurance??? ah, probably not!!!! the doctor was just displaying his ignorance about long term care insurance. It is not only for the elderly, depending on the policy, it can cover home care as well as nursing home care and could prove of great value even if used for only a few months. And it doesn't have to be end of life for heavens sake. Even with my diagnosis of DCIS stage 0, I was rejected fo long term care insurance - I will be reconsidered when I can prove I have been cancer free for 6 months. How can anyone PROVE they are cancer-free?
Julie E
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Whoa, Ann - the "perks" of bc???!!! Yeah, like we get the survivor bags at the Race for the Cure!!! And TWO t-shirts! Lucky, lucky us!
jteach: The comment by the LE specialist would have left me speechless, but thinking of all sorts of good comebacks afterwards. I can relate - I also had 2 lumpectomies and node removal before the mastectomy.
And lbrewer - Like Jo, I think that's the worst thing I've read that was said by a medical professional. I'm sending you every wish in the world to make this jacka** eat his words! -
Julie, the plastic surgeon is a woman, not male. In my mind, what makes her comment worse is that she also had BC (and had implant reconstruction). She also pushed very hard for reconstruction, stating that in her opinion I would forget about having breast cancer if I had reconstruction. My reasons for not wanting reconstruction were brushed aside as not important.
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I am not even to that stage in treatment yet and am already getting that vibe like I am some female Oliver Twist. " Please Sir...May I have some more?" What is that? We understand that things are never going to be the same more than anyone. They don't need to lecture us about it every time we ask an informed question. We are allowed to know what is going to happen to our own bodies! Sheesh!
I am so sorry there are so many arrogant doctors out there and that we seem to be magnets for them.
My MRI guided biopsy was fine yesterday and they volunteered that it looks benign. (Yay). They also agreed that they would also choose BMX in my situation. So that makes me feel better - aside from the meltdown I had over it yesterday. I swear agonising over it has to be worse than doing it. I am ready to be done with this horrible chapter.
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The things medical people have said are much worse that stupid things that friends, family and co-workers say, at least most of their comments are because they are ignorant of the facts. Medical people have no excuses for these thoughtless and cruel comments. They are appalling
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It comes across that you have no say and no rights because you have CANCER and should be grateful for what you are given. Makes me really mad!
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All of you are so awesome to share your stories! Although it is unfair and sometimes hurtful at the time, it is fun to read some of your comments back. Laughter is good medicine and while nothing about bc is fun, it is nice to have something to chuckle about or just shake your head and go hmmmmmm....
I thought of another one...when I had my original mammogram (my annual mammogram before the big C), the tech was finishing up my left breast. She made a comment that it all looked good. As she was preparing the computer and instrument for the right, I struck up a conversation about the new government theory that no one needs mamm before age 50. She proceeded to tell me that it is true most cancers occur after 50, but those grow slow. The cancers found in patients under 50 are all terribly aggressive and the patients don't survive! Lo and Behold: my right breast had cancer and I am 43. Waiting for that biopsy was torture! Her words kept echoing in my mind. And btw, I have learned that you can not categorize bc under one umbrella: there are 15 different types of bc and many different stages so everyone's journey is different. You can not predict what your cancer will do or how you will react to the treatment. So those of you under 50 reading this, don't listen to her comment or worry unneccessarily....listen to what your doctors tell you. Not only should she not have made that comment, but in my case, she really didn't know what the H E Double Hockey Sticks she was talking about.....
For those of you whose doctors are totally out of line ...I think I would be looking for another doctor. BC is stressful enough: who needs to deal with egotistical or uncaring docs? Something we can all learn from this is that doctors are not Gods: they make mistakes too. If it is just foot in the mouth disease, an apology can usually fix it. But remember, you are paying them for their services. It is your right to ask questions and have them answered and what's more, I think it is extremely important that we all get involved in our own medical plans. It is our bodies, our health...who has a bigger stake in our outcome but us? I am telling you this not only as a patient but as a health care provider! God bless everyone!
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