Starting Chemo in June 2005

You are all so lovely.

JoMac-- I had such warm fuzzies when I read your post. I like the 'fake it 'til I make it' strategy. Some days I feel like Bill Murray in 'What About Bob'...shuffling along thinking 'baby steps, baby steps...baby steps to the treatment room, baby steps to the meeting...etc.'

NoSurrender-- I remember the Spring after 9/11-- a Dutch philanthropist had sent thousands of daffodils to NYC-- seeing them bloom in the Spring after all that we'd been through was such a salve for our wounded psyches. They're still coming up, and when I see them on the side of the West Side highway, and scattered places you wouldn't expect to see daffodils, I still get the feelings of solidarity, grace and triumph over the unimaginable.

SO-- while I don't have any of my own dirt, I'm going to send bulbs to my loved ones and ask them to plant them-- I think maybe HOT pink tulips? (I've become allergic to the bc pastel pink). Thanks for the inspiration!!!

Jen

Well, I finally did it.....I told work that I can no longer go in. I worked about 6 days after my last FEC and I was tired..bone tired...but I made it. I DID have to stop a few days before my last FEC because I didn't want to go into chemo tired. Well, I made it 2 days this time and finally told them that I just can't do it. I am soooooooo tired and my body hurts way to much to do anyone any good. I filed my disability papers (my family leave ends in Sept, as does my sick and vac days) and I see the dr (for my first Taxotere) on Thursday so I will have her fill out the papers then. Anyone else have to file for disability? My company has disability for life...although I am NOT going stay out...just through the end of the chemo and through my two surgeries.
Speaking of nature, I am an avid gardener and I think cutting the flowers and watching them grow has helped me alot. I do miss taking care of them, and I have more weeds than I would like, but watching them flower and turn to seed helps me so much. DH has been keeping everything alive for me by watering and watering. We had our first rain in weeks last weekend..yea!
I also have two little dogs that keep me on my toes. They are Cairn Terriers (the Toto on Wizard of Oz) and although they make me tired at times, they give me lots of comfort.
My DS leaves for college tomorrow and my DD leaves on Wednesday. I will miss them terribly (and their help), but a quiet house will be nice.
I'm glad some of you mentioned the other threads too. I have avoided coming here, at times, because it makes me sad. I think I will stick to the junies too....:)
I think I am rambling now, so I will stop...god it feels good to put my feet up..lol!

Can we have a big boo-hoo party for all our children going off to college. This is new for me so I'll cry my way through next week
But see the nice picture my ds loaded for me :grin Those are my babies back in March at Grandma's house.
Sticking to my whinny theme though I have to take my stupid van to the shop AGAIN and so is so much more stuff to whine about that isn't just coming together here. My poor husband is beside himself but there is so much of it and after this summer...all I can do is laugh The one good thing about all this B/C is nothing compares
Poor Jeff-he is stressing out and all I can do is laugh and ask OK what else

You girls are AWESOME. I am very proud of you.
I can't imagine what it is like to send a child off to college. My mother couldn't wait to get rid of us...!
In fact, she sent me to sleep away camp in MAINE when I was SIX! I had just turned six too- I am a born Junesterette.

But my family is not normal... so I can't go by their example! LOL!

I have thought of sending Mr. Fluffy to reform school tho...

For those who don't have gardens- you only need rocks and bulbs. But you start them later. In fact, you could have spring in the winter time if you felt like it- narcissus bulbs blooming on a Christmas table is beautiful- and they smell great!

Saleboat, I was diagnosed a couple of days before 9/11, I was in NYC that morning too- to see my doctor. I saw a lot more than that. I didn't know about the Dutch philanthropist but I remember those days- even though it was such a hard time for our country, I have never been more proud to be a NYer than I was those first couple of weeks. I remember leaving Manhattan - finally getting out- we were the last people on the Triborough bridge before they closed it and when we were on the highway we were the only ones going east. There were cars backed up for miles at a dead stop going west. And they opened that emergency lane near the median and all that went by were fire trucks from all the volunteer Fire Departments on Long Island, earth movers, ambulances, bulldozers, huge dumptrucks- and this was within about two hours of the South Tower collapsing. There was no call that went out for them- they just dropped what they were doing and got their gear and headed into a city that was still considered to be under attack. I started to cry when I saw them. The looks of determination on their faces was amazing. Everyone got out of their way and made room. It was something I will never forget.

I have hung out at different web sites and boards since my diagnosis. And I am NOT just saying this- First, BC.org is the BEST one I found. I WISH I found it sooner! I could have used it when I was starting this journey. But there is something very very special about you women. The Junesterettes. This is not something that comes along very often. But out of everything bad there is always a little window that is opened to let in good- and the dynamics and care and love and humor of you girls is once in a lifetime.

You will be friends forever. You have shared everything and made each other stronger. Each of you - no matter how sick you feel would get into your bulldozer or firetruck and drive on the emergency lane to come to the aid of a Junesterette in need. You don't come by things like this often and you don't forget them either.

Next year when you are all done there will still be that bond. The Class of June 2005 will be celebrating many a reunion. I guarantee it!

I hope you will let me come too!

JoMac - I am so happy that you had a normal day. Keep it up and soon you will have your normal life back. Keep painting!

Dana - Great work on the "Ramble & Amble Walk"! Volunteers like you have helped researchers and doc so much and all of us benefit! I am glad that you are feeling better. Hope you have more of the good days.

NoSurrender - Thank you for sharing your tale of leaving the city, makes me proud to be an American. I agree with Dana, your kind words and wisdom has helped and calmed me during this time in my life. I ditto her comment that you should write a book.

Scout - I am also on FEC and I am sorry you have so much pain. I have only had one treatment and so far only being tired is my one complaint. I think because my grandkids live next door is the only thing keeping me running.

I do not have a child leaving for college. My daughter is 26 and my son is 24, they both were in the Marine Corps so I had my leaving time a few years ago. My son and son in law were in Iraq at the beginning of the war, and came home safe. Thank God.

My yard is pretty weedy this year also. Drives me crazy but I love the flowers. I am going to ask my family to plant some bulbs this year so that we will be able to have positive growth both in Idaho and Wyoming, spread it around a little.

I have had my two little grandsons tonight and finally got them to sleep, whew. I am so happy to be able to have them and have the energy. I have missed a lot of the summer by being so tired. I hate it when I don't have the energy to play with them. But tonight was a good night!

Well now...gramma needs some sleep.
God Bless you all>

I salute all you ladies who are sending children off to college. I can't imagine what it's like, but I will know some day. My oldest just started 8th grade yesterday and my baby is in 5th. Can I come here and cry on your shoulders then? (or celebrate - whatever the day brings).

Have a great time at the festival, Dana!! Always wanted to go to one of those. Next year, after we've moved to PA. )

As for kids growing up so fast, it's mind blowing!

Good morning, Junies! Today is the clean-the-house day since I haave chemo tomorrow. I'm dreading it, but then, there'll only be two left.

To all you with kids going to college, enjoy the empty nest! It's a wonderful time to reconnect with your hubby and remember exactly why you fell in love in the first place. I sent the first of four sons off to college in '92, and next week, the youngest one is coming back home to live after graduation! Oh, my. He was so hoping to have en engineering job at NASA where his dad and brother work, but there have been huge layoffs, so he's jobless. I think he'll be plying his other trade - bartending - for a while. At least that's something he can probably find pretty quickly. He got certified and worked his last two years through school. So, we've built a self-contained apartment over the garage, I've even bought a washer and dryer for up there. And the hope is that he considers it a rental (I've told him he can have a month or two free, then he's paying) and not just a convenient way to mooch off Mom and Dad! It's got a full kitchen, cable, phone, and high-speed internet, so, theoretically, he should only need to come in the house for a social visit! Something tells me, though, that I'll be feeding him a lot. I do have mixed feelings about it, we have really enjoyed being empty-nesters, with our adult kids living close enough to visit often. But this way, J can pay minimal rent, and hopefully save some cash to buy something of his own in a couple of years. It will be such a financial relief to be freed of covering his expenses, especially car and insurance. We'll see how it works out.

So, the garden is full of tomatoes and I was informed (jokingly) that DH needed home-made bread for tomato sandwiches. So add that to the list for today. All this activity to avoid dwelling on the chemo tomorrow. Should I ask for something for pain other than Advil? Dr. said that if I needed more he would prescribe a diminishing dose of decadron, but I hate that stuff! Advil helped, but it was still very uncomfortable. I guess I'll mention it and see. I really hate feeling drugged and hate to add something else to the mix.

I'm feeling chatty, but if I'm going to do all this stuff, I'd better get my fat fanny in gear! Have a lovely rest of the weekend, it's beautiful here.

Brenda

So glad to hear all that, Mindy! I get my first Taxotere on Friday and I'm hoping with everything that I get to go to church on Sunday. I very rarely get to go because either my white count is too low or I'm not feeling well enough from chemo.

Jen

AA has an expression "Fake it to make it!" based on the same behavior modification that you are doing. I see it as baby steps on the road to recovery. Keep it up...

I am back from Jackson, WY....what a great, relaxing weekend. I'm off in about an hour to pick up my daughter and my mom at the airport. Tomorrow, taxol #1.

Has anyone else gotten the 'sick by association' nausea. If I think about the red devil, makes me nausea. I'm even having the same problem with dexamethasone...I get it with treatments--just hate the ants in the pants feeling. And now, I have to drug myself up tonight with the same drug--just pill form. Do I need to take something for anxiety?

As my mom drives me nuts over the next week....you'll get to hear it all. My husband thanks you...

Back to Jackson...ah, the peacefulness of the mountains...ah....I hiked up to inspiration point in the Teton National Park. My poor adrimycin heart. But, I made it.
The elevation was 7200 ft, and I'm not sure of the elevation where we started...I think it was about 6500 ft.
I even ate antelope. Had chocolate fondue....I thought I was in heaven. Thankfully, my taste buds are slowly getting back to normal.

I only wore my wig to dinner, the other times were just hats. When I was hiking, there was a lady who knew what was going on with me--she didn't ask....she could just tell--could it possibly be the bald, pale face that gave it away? I figure she's either been through this before, or with someone close to her. After the hike, I decided I should take the boat back across the lake, instead of adding another mile or so hike back to the parking lot. There was yet another lady who wanted me to sit under the shade....she was another bc sister...she had lymphdema, and her hair was growing out....thin, and long enough to go without a hat. We cancer survivors are truly amazing group of ladies. Funny how we now have the 'cancer instinct,' we can just see it other people.

Pam - I have had one FEC and use a pump. I also have a port that they access. I haven't had any problems. Hope this helps, and good luck.

I have a port and I couldn't go without it! I wish the hospitals would use it (only the cancer center will use it)...but they won't here. I have NO veins, so the port is nice. I've had to have alot of tests that required dyes and they wouldn't use the port. I also have two surgeries coming up...overies and either a one to take the tumor out, or a mast. The port is nice for the chemo, and having to have blood drawn. Anyone else have this problem with the hospitals not using the ports?

Had taxol #2 yesterday, and so far, so good. My hemoglobin is still low, but Dr. says he doesn't give aransep until it's below 10 (it's 10.7). I'm sure that's why I'm so tired, but he's pretty unsympathetic, just says it will get worse. He wants me to try a declining dose of dexamethasone for the pain (3 pills for two days, 2 pills for two days, then one for 2 days) but I really hate the ants in the pants feeling, too. Maybe I'll modify that and take two, first think in the morning, so it doesn't keep me up. Advil helped last time, but still there was enough pain to keep me from sleeping. Oh, yeah, he doesn't want me to get hooked on sleep aids, either, and said just take some Tylenol pm for sleeplessness. At this point, I (who have always hated taking medications) just want drugs!

Someone asked about a port, or iv's. I've just been getting an iv in the back of my hand, so far it's been working just fine. Except for the one nurse that stuck my hand in two places and couldn't hit a vein, and then had to go to the elbow. I hope I don't get her again!

Good luck to everyone this week: Bev, Rebecca, Jo, Scout, Jenster, Liz, KimB ---- did I miss anyone? Most of you are on #1 of Taxol or Taxotere. I was so anxious about changing drugs, but the fear of the unknown is the worst.

Is everyone getting decadron by mouth before their taxol or taxotere? I'm not taking anything. If this Taxol accumulates like the A/C did I'm thinking I might need it. My onc didn't say anything about it. I got IV Benadryl before my treatment and thats it. Got my treatment on Thursday, minor aches arrived Sunday morning and lasted until last night. Today just very minimal achy feeling. Yesterday I felt like I did back in college when I had shin splints. Except they were in my hips and thighs too.

I take tylenol pm every night since I realized chemo was why I wasn't sleeping. I take it plenty early too, like 8:30 just so I know I'll be asleep by 10:30.

Good luck to all receiving chemo this week. I wouldn't trade the Taxol in for A/C at all. I'll be happy to never have to look at that red devil again!

~Mindy~