Am I crazy?

Absolutely you are NOT crazy...and the antidepressant can change things dramatically for you - I was dx'd with mets in September and cried my way into December until I finally went to a private shrink - I don't do groups - I walked out with an amazing feeling and two presciptions - within 2 1/2 weeks, I wasn't crying all the time - still don't like what I see in the mirror but I can face the day much better.  See if you can find someone who specializes in bc patients - the woman I see has taken to specializing in mets bc patients.  She is fabulous!  I wish you all the best!

Funny how different we all are. My onc was PUSHING anti depressants on me and I was resisting and saying I didn't want them. As a compromise I said I'd go talk to someone.  I'm not much on therapy either, but I saw the cancer psychologist monthly and it really helped.  She ONLY deals with cancer patients and she TOTALLY got it. (It was also enjoyable to hear her talk about how unable the oncs are to deal with the emotions of the patient.)  I don't know if just any therapist would have helped but someone was totally experienced with the cancer world and completely UNDERSTOOD that I was a happy strong well adjusted person UNTIL this cancer train hit me - and had some tools and tricks and strategies for me to cope with all the changes and stressors - it was a really positive experience.

I never felt that I had 'psychiatric issues' and never even used the word depression. I just said I needed some support in coping with all i was going through. Maybe they use those terms to get insurance reimbursement - I don't know and don't care. I know what is true. ANY SANE PERSON would struggle with all this stuff.  I stopped going at the end of rads but we left it with an open-door policy and she said that many patients will want to stop in as they proceed past treatment just to talk about any rough spots along the way. And maybe I will. It is nice to know she is there.

There are SEs and problems with antidepressants too, which is why I didnt' want to take them until I had no other option. (Never did get to that point.)  I know lots of women take them and that's great. But I didnt' want to. I was concerned with more weight gain, loss of libido and trouble getting off them when it was time.  So (as usual) there is no easy answer. But my onc was literally pushing the RX into my hand. How different they all are!  Maybe the Primary Care person is the way to go.

I wish you a peaceful heart whatever you decide.

Edited because apparently I am not so good with the cut/paste function!

My onc is very concerned with the emotional health of her patients and she gives anti depressants if we need them. There is no harm or shame in using these drugs to help us thru. I have taken Prozac for 7 yrs and it really does help.

Oh and I luv ur attitude LOL.. 

Hugs Mazy

Last week, my oncologist asked me to try an antidepressant because I am having trouble sleeping.  He explained that certain antidepressants would help the side effects of surgical menopause and felt my lack of sleep was related to that.  I agreed to try and he gave me a prescription for trazadone.  I don't feel depressed, but I do have anxiety...especially surrounding appointments and tests.  The instructions were take at bedtime.  The first night, I slept a little bit better (not much though).  The 2nd night, I didn't sleep at all.  I had shortness of breath, bad taste in my mouth, rapid heartbeat.  Not fun.  It was a Saturday, so I called the pharmacy to see if I should take it the 3rd day.  They adivsed me to not take it.  My oncologist is on vacation, so I'm waiting for his return to see what's next.  I would love to have my good sleep pattern back.  I tried antidepressants twice before my recurrence when I was first diagnosed and had trouble.  I would love to find a solution for me.......any ideas?  Am I crazy?  Jean

teach,

 When I was diagnosed with stage 2b ILC I just decided to do what my oncologist told me to do. He looked out for me so well. My mindset was to do what I had to do and get on with life. I had a lumpectomy that took half my breast but my breasts were small to begin with. That didnt really bother me..I just wanted to get treatment over. I had AC chemo x6 dose dense and 33 rads. My old onc moved and I got a new one who was just as good.

When I was diagnosed with stage 4 mets to bone...at first I thought I'd be dead in a couple years. But my onc and rad onc told me that as long as we can keep it in bone..I could live a near normal lifespan. I have alot of pain that is alot better than at first but still I fight it. My tumor is no longer visible and I have a pretty good quality of life. My depression came when I realized I could no longer run, lift very much, etc. I had worked 65 hrs a week and then suddenly could do nothing. But now I can babysit my grandkids, I can do alot of my own housework etc...so I am okay. The Prozac takes the edge off ya know? I have never been super depressed over this. Its in Gods hands I am okay for now. I beleive that I never got super depressed because my oncs took care of that at the first signs by giving me drug to help me thru.

I am so glad you found this site. There is a wealth of info here and many super ladies and some men. Have you tried the chat room yet? I go in kinda late but I will try to go earlier this weekend. My sleep has been really messed up lately. Hugs, Mazy

Seeing someone who is very tuned into bc patients is key and for medication, it needs to be the dr - not the clinician.  It was experiment with different medications and different doses and combinations until a low dose anti anxiety and lower dose of effexsor with the pain meds - I am now sleeping at night most of the time and the crying constantly has ceased to exist.  Don't give up after a failed drug - what works for one, may not for another.  And I am with Jan244 - it takes a lot to get to that office but once you hit on a workable combination - life is better and coping becomes more matter of fact than so intensely emotional. 

Now, I am not saying there is never again going to be anxiety...I have scans coming up in just over 2 weeks...this is a test - how well do my meds work????  So far, no scanxiety.  I don't think there is any doubt that the time between the scan and the results reading is going to be intense. 

The point is - we are not crazy...we each do what makes us feel better - it may be the same, it may be different...we are here to help each other with this awful, evil, take-no-prisioners crud.  We cannot control it - but we can let it not control us.  For me - better living through pharmaceuticals is working very well.  Asking is not begging and there is no shame or humilitation - if it gives me back me, how I used to be only 6 months ago - and so, my new morning mantra....

'One to keep it contained, one to keep me sane, then another for the pain, and me on a level plane'

Hugs

Sharon 

I agree--just tell your dr. what's going on. I'd tell him about the awful appointment as well. As I learned when I asked for INFORMATION about post-treatment services, there are many left-footed professionals out there, some of them practicing at excellent hospitals. I was referred to a social worker who insisted I come in to talk to her in person (this after not responding to my request for info for more than a week.) I refused because she made me uncomfortable. After all you've been through, run, do not walk, away from any mental health provider who makes you feel that way. My husband is a psychologist in private practice, and I'm speaking from his experience as well as my own.

I hope you can find a med that takes the edge off while you heal. Your hair will grow back, you'll lose the weight when you're ready (I've lost 20+ pounds post-treatment), and you'll come to terms with your scars. You're so strong--sometime soon you'll feel that, and in a good way!

Hey teach,

If it were me I would go in tell him what you want, and answer any questions he has. I am only assuming that he may have your complete record in front of him. Is this at a clinic where they all work? Or perhaps he only gets test results etc...not sure. I wouldnt lie to him but if he doesnt ask if you have talked to your onc about it...I see no reason to tell..LOL. I personally think your onc is doing a great diservice by withholdiing meds to help you emotionally. I hope you get somewhere with the PCP.

 I used to work at a medical office. I was allowed to ask general appointment type questions, such as "and what is this appt for?" The patient would say " I just need to see the doc" ...........that is where it ended. I could ask no further because I was not a nurse, doc etc...if I felt the patient was maybe suicidal I was instructed to ask the patient to hold for a nurse..I would say something like " just one moment, would you hold for the nurse because I want to make sure I am allowing enought time for your appt." That receptionist was out of line.  Hugs, Mazy

Good for you! I found it odd that any dr would not support medication if one has had loads of medical treatment in  a short time and no chance to process it all. I am a big fan of talk therapy, but when you are in crisis, actively dealing with really tough breaks coming your way....you donlt have time to wait for those lightbulb moments. I resisted the Ativan my PCP  recommended until one day I was so nervous my hands were shaking. I rarely took one, but just knowing it was there in the cabinet and could help me was the best trick.

Moogie 

I want to share my experience with panic attacks during my second chemo treatment. I had panic attacks near the begining of my doctoral work in 2003. I finally started taking Zoloft, and found the equalibrium I needed to handle the stress of the next six years, when I finally finished my dissertation. I got off of the Zoloft last July and felt no adverve effects from being off of it. In fact I loved not having sexual drive side effects anymore. After my first chemo treatment I noticed that I was having mood swings and anxiety, but no panic attacks. I talked to my onc. about getting back on Zoloft, and she agreed, saying that about 10-15% of her patients were on antidepressants. Then after my second chemo, when I had been on the Zoloft for over two weeks, the panic attacks started. It was the most horrific three weeks I've ever experienced. All I can say is that I didn't feel like I was me. I had irrational thoughts, didn't want to leave the house, especially by myself, felt panicky about EVERYTHING, etc. I didn't figure out the problem until I started doing research on the Internet about anxiety and chemo. I found out that Decadron, the corticosteroid they gave me as one of the premeds for my TCH chemo regimen can cause panic attacks, especially in people who have a history of them. Then I found out from my surgeon that the symptoms lined up with "steroid psychosis." I looked that up and found out that the Decadron was probably responsible for most of my anxiety/panic issues. I could see that the symptoms got better as the three weeks of my chemo cycle passed, and then jumped in intensity the next round. SO, before my third round of chemo I asked my onc. to eliminate the steroid, or at least cut it down. She wasn't comfortable eliminating it, so she cut it in half. I still have some of the mood swings and not feeling myself, but the panic attacks have stopped, and most of the irrational thoughts have subsided. I couldn't find anything on this site about it, so I'm posting now in case someone else can benefit from my problem and solution. I know this is a long post, but it feels so good to talk about it with people who might understand. Thanks.

jteach:  I'm a teacher too.  I have not had a chance to read the other ladies' responses, but I'd like to make a few comments:

You should be able to get antidepressants from your primary care doctor.  He/she will ask you a bunch of questions first, talk to you, and then prescribe.

A trip to the psychiatrist's office should be private!  It should not include other people, unless you are going to a support group, which is very different from psychotherapy.

You have been through a whole lot.  Hang in there!

Brenda