January Mastectomy

Hello Jan friends  Not only Is it Raining & Monday here In New Albany Indiana  ,But my Recovery is not going as plan & I had another set -back today. The drainage from my Drain tube is up to 60 cc ,which is 5 cc more than Yesterday. Ugh ! Iam Bummed!

" Rainy day & Monday & Cancer get me down! "Remember that Song from theCcarpenters I just added the Cancer part! Maybe we could  start a new song

Just Talk to surgeon Nurse & they cancel my appt this Morning because he will not take the Drain tube out til 25cc or less. Bummer.Going on 4 weeks now! & still havn't got my 1st filler !Looks Like I going for a world record having the drain tube the longest ( I always wanted to get into Guinness world of records Book-ha)

Hope you all are having a great Monday !

Hugs Gina

PS Sorry to vent, but what are friends for ! Thanks for being here for me & each other1

debbie---thanks so much for the sand & your wisdom.  don't know how you post pictures on this site (couldn't even if i did-challenged that way) but just made me feel like i was there in the sun & sand & surf.....

marianne--so sorry you are having such a tough time..i am doing better finally on the sleeping.  not sure why, unless it is because i am cutting back on the pain killers.  have you talked to your doc about the sleeping?  have you tried neurontin?  your description sounds like nerve pain.  and the neurontin makes me a little sleepy....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

kat---glass balls...mmmmm, that must have been comfortable.

sally--go ahead & cry....it's cathartic.  i cried most of the weekend, & see how perky i am today? 

tata 

Sally--- I'm so sorry that you are still having drains problems..... I wish I could do something for you.,..... I do.... Keep the faith girl..... It will be okay... We are all in this together... some get by with little problem others have a hard time..... I wish you well and speedy time to recovery.....Thursday is my first treatment of T/C ... I am nervous... we are all different and all of us have different SE......

I wish you a good night...... I will talk to you soon......

Courage and Strengh.... To all who had treatment today and appointment......Keep up the great work.......

Donna

Not dumb, burley, just dealing with the truth one small step at a time.  This diagnosis has caused us all to take giant leaps and our brains don't always handle those leaps well.

My thoughts are with all of you ... it is a struggle, but there is light on the horizon -- small, shiny bits of light that give us hope as we cross each stage.

I hope you ladies realize how much you are saving my life right now.  It's one of the few times I laugh every day.  And I'm glad I'm not the only one whose partner is being a big baby about all the extra work and the stress they're under!  Does anyone else have a teenager spinning out of control?  I know that's a usual state for teenagers, but it seems to have gotten worse since my diagnosis and surgery.

Good Morning !

I hope your fill goes well today Kat.

I am hoping to go on a walk today.  Cathy - can't imagine cross country skiing - I'm glad it gives you peace, we all need something like that in our lives right now.

I hope all is well with the January girls today.

Good morning sisters....

Lola, thanks for the insight.  I, too, think the "itchy from the inside" feeling has to do with nerves.  This isn't really "pain"; it is just plain uncomfortable.  I feel like somebody stuffed my chest with too much steel wool.  Also, not sure if the left TE is in the same position as the right.  I will definitely talk to the PS Thursday.  I may just drop down the fills (from 100 to 50) just to see if there is a difference--although I'd like to ramp it up just to get it over with sooner!

Here's a story I'm sure you will all find ironic.  When I met with the Oncologist last week, he agreed to send the tumor for the test.  The Onc is at the local Univ Med Ctr here and the tumor is at the local County Hospital (where the lumpectomy was done).  The Onc's nurse called me the day after my appt and said that she had to go to the County hospital and bring them a box to ship the sample in because they didn't have one!  That was last Friday.  She was a little steamed at the fact that they couldn't quite get their act together.  Well, she called me yesterday afternoon and told me they still hadn't shipped the sample out because they needed a signed release.  She said she would go back there again tomorrow morning, but (and she knew this) I said "no way -- I;m going"!  And I did.  I tried to be calm, but I told them that having a cancer diagnosis was plenty enough to deal with; cancer patients certainly didn't need to get involved in whatever red tape policies they put in place.  I certainly signed enough d--- releases when the procedures were done.  It is part of my body, it belongs to me, and if I say send it--they ought to be able to just send it!  They gave me a lot of stupid answers about their policies.  Then I signed their stupid release and they gave the package to me in a Fed Ex envelope.  I asked them why they were giving it to me.  The answer was that I signed the release and it was now my responsibility.  I drove it to the FedEx ofc myself....but let me assure you, there will be quite a letter going to the Hospital Administrator.  This is not the norm at the big Univ Med Ctr.  Why does this little county hospital think they need this kind of procedure?  What happened to customer service? 

Bookart, I don't have a teenage spinning out of control; he is 28!  My oldest son and daughter (34 and 32) have handled this situation appropriately (supportive, both came to visit, etc.).  The youngest was very worried the week before surgery and then actually started an argument and ended up not speaking to me.  Didn't answer my oldest son's call to him after surgery.  It took him 2 weeks to "repent and come back to the fold".  This cancer thing affects everyone and everyone deals with it differently.  I am actually probably closer to that youngest child.  My analysis is that it was too much for him to deal with....When we get this disease, some people come closer and some retreat, hide, or disappear....that goes for children, parents, friends, etc.  It's amazing that we have to comfort some of them.  As for the male caregivers, that story is much the same.  Once they see we are back on our feet, it's as though this didn't happen.  We can now choose to forgive, forget, or give some of those that weren't there for us, a pass.  I am thankful for all those that were there for me (physically and emotionally) and will probably forgive 1 or 2 of the others....the rest, oh well.....

As I read all of our posts, we all have something else on our plate, not just this cancer; that's probably a good thing.  If all we had to think about was this disease, it might be too much to handle.

That concludes my philosphies for the day---off to the post office, shopping for a birthday card and present for a 4 year old granddaughter, grocery shopping, and laundry.

Strength and courage is exactly what we need!!!

Marianne

Mornin' glories   Hugs and love to all the January girls and everyone else who joins us here!  I know several of us check in but aren't able to post every day. And there are girls checking in from other months as well. I love this site for all the encouragement and support. Sisterhood {hugs}

Debbie (faithandfifty): Thank you for all those wonderful beach pictures. Love them!  I also wanted to tell you what a bathing beauty you are. You many not realize this but seeing you looking so lovely, happy and normal was such an inspiration to the rest of us. As far as your shoulder and ROM:  I saw my O.T. (occupational therapist) yesterday and after one week of doing the exercises he gave me there is improvement. Just hang in there. Those 10 sessions will fly by and you will be better.

Kat (KatRNagain92): I, too, have the TE square corners and weird uncomfortable feeling under my skin. My PS skipped a week of fills and I agree its because of needing another fill. When I look at my foobie bumps I think to myself 'square pegs'!  I also feel stress plays a major factor in health. I can tell that just by the last 6 days of work (out of 8 days) that I don't feel as chipper and the exhaustion is more pronounced. Being a single parent I really had to get back to work, ready or not. At least I love the work. I also hate it on the days that events are so horrific that I can't shake them off before I go home. But I make good money, have good benefits and job security. Which is very hard to come by.

Sally (Neversurrender): I don't have a significant other but I can say that my ex husband has been very shook up by my diagnosis. He has actually stepped up and been more helpful. Which is a huge improvement because he has always been so self absorbed. I imagine that you, as a strong woman, have been the rock in your family and your DH is beginning to feel the strain. My kids (11 & 13) have felt the strain and are beginning to fall apart. As bad as the stress is on us, it is tough on them as well. However I am still not ready to 'take care' of anyone else yet. I am still struggling to take care of me and get through this. {hugs}

Marianne (TNgolfer): I agree that it is a good thing to have other issues or activities to take our minds off the cancer. Cancer doesn't define us, it can only refine us. Thank you for all your encouraging posts dear. I am praying for you to be able to sleep comfortably and rest {hugs}

Gina (ReginaR): Hang in there on the drains. Mine hung around for 4 weeks. I felt tremendously better once they were gone. They had become so uncomfortable I was afraid it would hurt to have them removed but it didn't. I also found that if I over did it they filled more. But once they are out the body has to absorb that fluid. My PS now tells me I have a seroma (?) that he may have to aspirate. As annoying as they are they are doing their job. Just hang on sweetie.

Cathy (formykids): You go girl! Cross country skiing?? Oy!  I am happy just being able to reach over my should to grab my seatbelt in the car! ahaha. You are amazing.   "Crazy Sexy Cancer" eh?  Just saying that made me smile.    And congrats on the prothesis and on feeling and looking good girlie. {hugs}

Lola (grdnslve):  I can not tell you how many times I have written replies here and they have disappeared. I am now using Notepad and writing as I read then copying and pasting my reply so I don't lose it  

Donna (ariesrottie): Good luck with your fill today and your treatment Thursday.  I hope you are finally comfortable and able to sleep girlie {hugs}

Bookart: May I ask your first name dear? If not thats ok, it just feels warmer using our first names. I am currently working through lymphedema and being proactive is the key. It can be prevented or rapidly recovered from if caught early. I loved my sleeve but I am now at the point where I can go without it if I am feeling well.  If March 1st gets here and you don't feel ready talk to your doctor. You may need more time. {hugs}

Jan girls: I have to tell you there were so many others I wanted to reply to but it was getting too long. If I didn't mention you by name please know that you are being thought of and prayed for today {hugs} Ok ladies, I am off for my EGD. I will be glad to have this procedure behind me and be moving forward to better health!

Hugs and love!

Hello lovely ladies!

I haven't posted for a while so it took me a while to get caught up on all of the posts, so of course as I went through them I thought about all I'd respond to, but now I don't remember anything.  Except that I know that my heart goes out to all and I pray that everyone is able to deal and live with everything going on in their lives.  I am having some real memory and organizing problems lately... I can't remember if I shared my theory on this with you all or not, so I'm just going to share it again and then tell you what I found out that might actually make sense....  Here is my theory...  You know how people say that (some) men think with their penis...  well I decided that all of my brains and organzational skills were in my breasts.  After the removed all of the breast tissue my brains went with it!  I have even considered going blond (no offense for blonds, just a joke).  Then I read in one of the other threads that there might actually be a medically reason for this...  I know that some people talk about chemo brain, I kept just calling mine cancer brain, but now I've learned that it could be anethesia brain!  One of our sisters was having the same problems, to the effect that she was having problems at work... well she had to go in for another surgery and spoke to the anethesiologist (sp?) about it and he said that it could be from the anethesia from her surgery...  apparently it depends if you get it through your mouth/nose or from an iv... but it will take about 2 months for each hour that you were under to leave your system completely.  So, I was in surgery for about 4 1/2 hours, so I told my DH to get used to it!  But it feels better to actually have a reason for my brainlessness!

I am wondering if I missed a page of posts somewhere because I keep reading about everyone complaining about not being able to drink wine (and Kat said beer)... so what's up with that?  Because I have to say that I have drank a few beers since my surgery... I even celebrated National Margarita Day on Saturday with a coupld margaritas...  so am I breaking some great rule that my dr.s didn't tell me about?

I went for my second fill yesterday.  As some of you might remember my first fill was 3 weeks ago and he put in 150 cc's on each side and it was very painful...  I was finally starting to feel normal again, sleeping in bed, "cuddling" with DH, able to do things without constantly thinking about my breasts.  I even put on one of my cute little sexy nighties and was almost giddy with how I looked in it (the te's are uncomfortable but they're so much perkier and firmer then what I had before).  DH got excited just because I was so excited.  So, I was a little excited to go for my next fill to go a little bigger and my PS said that he would go easier on me this time.  so, I get there and he says that he wants to go 100 cc's each side if I'm up to it.  I said go for it.  Well, guess what!  Apparently I am a big woose!  Because it hurts really bad and it wasn't just after I slept on it... last night by the time we got home I was hurting enough to take 2 darvicets... then again later I took 2 more, then I threw up!  Damn drugs!  Anyway, that was pretty miserable.  I know that as soon as I get passed this I'll be gung ho again, but right now I am so uncomfortable that I'm ready to say that's enough.  but I won't.  I just always thought that I had a really high pain tolerance compared to most people, but not in this case.  Other people get 100 cc's and they're fine, I'm back in my recliner having my DH wait on me again!  Very depressing, feel like I'm going backwards, even though I know that I'm moving forward and that this too shall pass.

On another note, my first grandson is going to be born on thursday!!!  If she doesn't go into labor on her own before then he is going to break her water!  Very exciting!  But, of couse, I'm hoping that I'll be up to holding him... and then how am I going to hold this sweet little tiny new born baby and cuddle and smell his sweet little head and tell him that Grandma loves him when I have these rocks in the way that'll probably hurt him when I try to snuggle up!  So, I guess I'll have to bring my pillows and just make it work, because I will hold my grandbaby Eli!!!

Anyway, I guess that's about it... oh, DH and I went on Saturday and ordered a sleep number mattress!  I am soooooo excited!!!

Bless & Release!

Paula

Cathy, just read what you said about your 17 year old son and breasts... I completely understand.  My 21 year old son is doing okay with the cancer part of it, but the talk about my new girls drives him crazy.  We had a little celebration for my dad's b-day the other night and we were all talking about how we're going to celebrate when I finish my reconstruction and I said that we're all going to Hooters and I'm going to buy one of the Hooter's tank tops and he was like "No you are not!!!"  very determined, I told him that I most definitely am...  his finace was laughing at him and said she might get one too after the baby is born.  That just made him more grumpy about the whole thing.  I guess the fact that I'm usually very conservative in my dress that it would bother him for me to get a Hooter's tank top.... but I think I am going to do it, just for the heck of it.  Don't know how often I'd actually wear it, but I know that DH will enjoy it.

And I've decided NOT to worry about what shirts I'm wearing....I'm wearing my lower cut shirts anyway!!  Even if they're snugger fitting.  And if someone doesn't like my flat chest, then that's their problem....(and if they're looking THAT close, I'll slug 'em one!!).

I'm tired of trying to hide myself....and I still haven't gotten around to getting fitted.  Besides, I can't while I'm still filling with fluid....Had to get another 40cc drained off my right side yesterday. But that wasn't so bad since that was ten days' worth....but it was certainly uncomfortable.  Almost like having a TE under my armpit...maybe!!

I tell you what....you gals with the TE surely have my admiration....I don't know how you all are doing it.  I read what you're doing through, and I'm keeping up with a forum on fills - not just to see what I"m missing out on (ha!), but to see if this is something I want to do in the future....hmmm, not so sure I want to go that route, quite honestly.  I mean, I don't like my flat chest either, but I'm kind of getting used to being with a lot less pain and being more comfortable. 

Still thinking of all of you - some with their waits, some with their chemo starts, some with their drains, some with their fluids, some with their bottles of T, some with their jobs....

I start back to work a little tomorrow - will go teach my Kindergarten class....and then will be back to my regular schedule a week from Friday.  Can't believe m 8 weeks will be up already...guess time flies when you're having fun

Drove by Columbus, OH on Sunday, Sally....thought of you...We were at a church in Marion, OH...to hear my son sing with the IWU Chorale....it was a 4.5 hr drive for us, but it was so worth it!!  We surprised the socks of him when he came strolling down the hall of the church and saw us.  He was in the middle of getting ready to give me a hug, when he was his girlfriend (whom we brought).....I lost my hug     He ran straight over to her....sigh.  But he did come back and I got a good hug from him.  I hadn't seen him since three days after my surgery.  Of course, I think he had already forgotten....

Doing a couple of college visits this week with my daughter....high school jr.  Life goes on, but yet the adjustments continue....sometimes you can even "pretend" everything is the same.  Sometimes...

praying for each of you every day.....AND in the middle of the night when I awaken and can't go back to sleep!!   blessings..robin

I'm back from my PS appt.  The rash is a yeast/fungal thing...he gave me some pills and had me get the cream, so that should clear quickly.  He said I should have my appt with the radiologist to have my new drain inserted sometime this week    He said there is a lot of fluid in there and it definately needs to have a new drain..bummer.  He did say though, that this is a minor issue and that everything else is healing beautifully.  He also said my breast flaps are 'secure' now.  For the first few weeks after surgery, you have to be careful not to get banged or bumped to hard in the breast area - as a precaution not to disrupt blood flow and kill the flaps.  Mine are now healed up and he said they are now permanent - no more chance of flap death - huge sigh of relief.  Even though things had gone so well with the flaps, that fear was always in the back of my mind.

I came home from my outing today, feeling better than I have felt in a long time.  On the way to the PS, I stopped off and visited all of "my kids".  I do child care, in my home, and all of my babies had to be sent away for my 12 weeks of recovery.  So, today I stopped by the place that has them, and it was so good to visit with them.  I have had most of them since they were infants, and I was really missing them.  Of course, they all wanted on my lap and picked up, so I sat on the couch and the other lady there put them on my lap so I could hold them.  It really lifted my spirits.  The 4 yr olds in the group were asking if my boo boos were all gone yet and when they could come back to my house.  I guess it was a little taste of my old normal to have them all around me.       

Robin - Marion is a little over an hour north of here, so you must only be about 3.5 hours from me and Debbie.  I think Gina is in your area also, and one other (Tiffany maybe) that is in southern ohio.  May have to have a get together at some point

Ladies, I hope you all had a great day.  I'll be back later to check in

Hugs all !

Kim,

It is very tough being 14 and being a son whose Mom has breast cancer.  I sure don't have all the answers, but I had 2 sons and remember (one especially) being 14.  He may find it difficult to talk to you.  Try the library and see if there isn't a book that might help.  One of the books I got from the library (early on) was called Breast Cancer Husband.  It was a great book---would have been a lot better if my husband had read it!!!  There must be something out there that will help him.  Or maybe there is someone else he can talk to.  Males are tough creatures to figure out.  I am sure he is angry and scared for you.  I know you don't want to violate any privacy, but if you know the girl whose mom also has breast cancer, you might see what he's been saying to her.  Just a thought.  I know how difficult it is as a Mom to watch them suffer and struggle....we always want to fix it.  Good Luck.  You will know the right thing to do.

Marianne

The two hardest years in a woman's life are when she is 13 and her daughter is 13 (insert son here too!)  Teenagers are a different species entirely.  My almost 17 year old daughter is sad about the whole ordeal but isn't interested in seeing any signs of progress...actually, she makes a good point.  Mom, I didn't see them before, what makes you think I want to see them now?  lol  She's busy with school and work and driving and drama...some girl at school whose mother just got diagnosed with breast cancer 'and it's really bad'  Yes, honey it's all really bad...truly horrible....I don't mean to sound cold hearted, I just don't want her getting caught up in unnecessary worry before any facts are even know.

Well, the fill went fab.  I can't believe how shapely I am with just 60cc in each side!  Not sore at all....that's not to say it's not uncomfortable Paula and I do feel your pain!  I'm jealous you get to snuggle with your husband...I'll probably be in the guest room with conjugal visits until the girls are done.  My PS is going to do 60cc every 2 to 3 weeks with my exchange planned for June.  I broke the news to him that I did my homework and was going for the silicone.  He's fine with it.  I guess he has to be! 

Marianne, I'm so pissed for you!  I was upset when my Onc wouldn't share my results on the Tuesday they came in and I had to wait until Friday for my appt, I can't even imagine them not sending them!  Well, continue to be brave and maybe the screw up is for a higher purpose...I can't help but think that ALL of this is for a higher purpose.

Oh and I was doing some reading in the doctor's office today and it said that one of the reasons they switch you from tamoxifen to arimidex after 3 years is because your body decides if it doesn't have any estrogen to build cancer with, it decides to build it with tamoxifen!  Oh my!  Then, the Arimidex fools it and all is well again.  What's it going to be in 5 years I wonder I wonder?  

Well ladies...sleep well tonight!  Good luck with your job interview Brenda and congrats on the new grandbaby Paula!  Whoohoo!  Good things are happening to our January Group!
Kat

Cathy- I'm sorry that you are going through this with your 17 year old son.... My son also 17 ...cares.... but he also cares about his friends....... Always running with them... He says Mom it's my senior year..... I guess he is right.

Kim- You remember being 13-14..... Not an easy age...for boys or girls...... I'll be praying for all that have kids and trying to cope.... And what about us and trying to cope ? I guess this is all wrapped up with this whole situation.

Had a fill today .......150cc...... a total of 350cc...... He said I could handle it.... We will see... I hope I can. been taking Tylenol all day.....

Kat- good for you on your fill.... Thanks for the info on armidrex

I hope eveyone is doing ok... star my pills tomorrow....

Snowing here again... Wanted to get my hair cut tomorrow ... We will see with the snow...

Good Luck everyone... Feel good...

Slep well my sister... Going to relax and watch TV with the DH,,,,,,,

HUGS,

Donna