I am paralyzed with Fear ...

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Charley
Charley Member Posts: 255
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I'm sure there are a ton of posts like mine.  I recently had bilateral mastectomies and received the path report today.  Several changes from diagnosis at needle biopsy.  Grade 3 instead of Grade 2. 1 positive node.  Extranodal extension.  I so scared!  My mother died of BC in the mid-70s. I am so scared I will die the horrible death she did!  Why would I be one of the 86% that lives past 5 years when I am one of the 1% that got it by age 45 in the first place?  I am afraid to go to the oncologist since he might just give me more bad news!!  Help!

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited February 2010

    Of course you are scared. Only a mentally ill person would not be scared.  You are thinking that a bad thing happened to my mom, and me.  Why shouldn't the bad news continue? 

    Fear and anxiety are so hard to deal with.  I hate going to the oncologist.  Its so hard being one of the 'unusual' ones.  What kind of security do you have if you keep on getting things that aren't supposed to happen?  

    Others who have more experience will be along shortly to help support you.  You are not alone here.

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited February 2010

    Dear Charley....

    First of all, I am so sorry about the diagnosis, but everything I am seeing puts you at being "high risk" which means you will need more aggressive treatment.  So not the end of the world.

    Your oncologist is your friend in all this.  He or she will know what treatment protocol (combination of drugs/other therapies and delivery) fits your situation best.  The oncology team will also do everything they can to keep you comfortable throughout.

    You can say "why me" but that doesn't change things.  The fact is that it has happened and now you need to maximize your chances of being OK over the long term.

    Although an imperfect science, we know tons more about treating breast cancer than when your mother was treated.  None of this is any fun, but also not the end of the world.  You should expect to be just fine, and to live a normal life going forward.

    But you do need help to get there.  Good luck, and make sure you do your homework.  Also read up on diet and on doing at least some exercise during treatment.  This will keep you strong.

    I also had Grade 3 cells.  It just meant that I needed a more aggressive chemo protocol, so getting hammered a bit more than otherwise.  But I am convinced I will be just fine. - Claire  

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2010

    Dear Charley, there is nothing worse than being alone with the disease of cancer for me. I had to develop a strong support group and get back into therapy. But these are more longterm goals. Ask your ONC what to do about your anxiety. Right now I am on Ativan to help me get the rest I need and to not flip out. I have a panic disorder anyway and I have to use some simple tools every day; 1) I journal a lot-it is so important for me to get the raging squirrels in my head down on paper-to be able to dump feelings 2) if journaling is too much, I color-just crayons and paper; 3) it is so important for me to get out and walk-worst thing you (me) want to hear, but it is a lifesaver; 4) I have some music that is calming and my favorite and I take time to listen to it and to meditate to try and slow my brain down and 5) I have trusted friends that I talk with every night so I don't go to bed with all of the stuff rattling in my head. 6) I work hard so I am not isolating-my own brain is my worst enemy!! 7) I take a bubble bath and have toys in my bath like plastic whales that swin and spout water. If you want to dump, feel free to PM me or anyone you trust-but better to hear a voice!! (((((HUGS)))) SV

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  • Sukiann
    Sukiann Member Posts: 310
    edited February 2010

    Charley, I hear ya loud and clear.  We've all be there with the fear. Lean on us, we are here for you!  Remember, treatment now is very different from treatment in the 70's.  You have early stage bc and although there are no promises, it is treatable.  I know it's hard to take but know you are not alone.  xoxo

    Sukiann

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  • Anna2
    Anna2 Member Posts: 17
    edited February 2010

    Charley,

    I am a Stage 2A, Grade 2, N-1, HER+ and I expect to survive more than the next five years. I am just out of treatment and I fight it everyday with healthy eating and exercise and a good attitude. It is not that I don't appreciate how terrified you are. I have been there. You will get through it. Your prognosis seems very good. (like mine).

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  • YATCOMW
    YATCOMW Member Posts: 664
    edited February 2010

    Charley.....

    Listen to my path.......at 46

    Grade 3  At least 17 nodes positive.....8 cm tumor.....in my skin......no clear margins.....extranodal extrension.......vascular invasion.....cox 3+++++......

    AND I am celebrating six years in May.

    The chemo and drugs are good......you will get there.......BREATHE!

    Jacqueline 

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  • Charley
    Charley Member Posts: 255
    edited February 2010

    Thank you all! I really needed to hear that.  "Rationally" I know I should be feeling like I have a good prognosis.  But sometimes the fear is just crippling, coming over me like a wave.  I need to see the posts from the survivors to know that "YES I can do this too!"  I am breathing now ....

    Charley

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  • blondie45
    blondie45 Member Posts: 580
    edited February 2010

    YATCOMW - congrats for 6 years and thanks so much for inspiring all of us.

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