My mom is making me crazy...

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Angelsissy
Angelsissy Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
My sister was diagnosed recently, and is having her surgery soon.  She has young children, and a husband who is...how shall I say....emotionally challenged?  My emotions change at the drop of a coin; sane/calm/composed and holding to my faith that all will be well, or crying and worried and scared.  I feel like I can keep it together except for my mom.  I know she needs support in this since she's going through her worries too, but I feel like she is going to make me lose my mind.  She constantly calls me to tell me how my sister should be feeling, "she needs to be positive" and that she read an article or saw a TV show and has all of this info my sister should follow.  She calls to tell me what my sister needs to do, to buy, to read, etc. etc.  She watched a woman on The View this week who said that when a woman comes home from her surgery she should put sheets on the couch since its easier than getting off the bed...so she calls me and tells me that when I'm at my sister's house I should put sheets on her couch!  I keep trying to tell her that my sister needs her space, and that we should offer support vs. telling her what to do, but she won't back off.  I finally told her that one thing she kept telling me was making me feel upset and then she said it on two subsequent phone conversations!  I'm trying to hold it together to support my sister and her children, but it's getting impossible with my mom.  I'm trying so hard to remember that this is scary for her and that she is worried and probably trying to handle it by being "in control" but every time the phone rings and I see her number on the caller ID, I get a stomach cramp....
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  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited February 2010

    Your mom sounds so much like my mother was - she would get herself all worked up and read all kinds of articles, etc.  It's your mom's way of dealing with anxiety.  You'll have to tell her that you're really too busy to do a lot of talking, right?  You're doing your sister a huge favor by acting as buffer, but I know how exasperating it is to deal with this kind of thing.  Tell her she's literally making you ill with this stuff if more gentle tactics don't work. 

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  • Angelsissy
    Angelsissy Member Posts: 2
    edited February 2010

    Yep, you hit the nail on the head.  My friend at work is like, "she needs something to keep her busy to help her deal with her anxiety, and she's doing that by transferring it to you". I know she doesn't mean to make me crazy, but it's working...  I think she's also very jealous that my sister is involving me more than her, and my thought is "you have to get over it" since the bigger picture to me is meeting my sister's needs.  Lordy!  So anyway, thanks a bunch for letting me rant and for helping me put things in persepective, you're too kind.  Be well. 

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  • janine151
    janine151 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2010

    OMG!  My mom drove me completely buggy after my diagnosis!  She was calling me every hour to see how I was doing!   and the endless stories of a friend of a friend of a friend did this or did that.  I finally just started ignoring her calls.  She eventually calmed down, kinda.  :)  Moms are moms. 

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  • chiquita
    chiquita Member Posts: 135
    edited March 2010

    I understand your mother, she is scare and has no idea she is making you crazy...just let her talk and don't say a lot back...she wants to feel like she's doing some thinks to help...please give her some attention and lots of love.

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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited March 2010

    Hi Angelsissy -- I think you are stuck like my sister is.  My Mom doesn't want to drive me nuts so she drives my sister nuts instead.  I thought Mom was dealing with my BC really well until I hear about her freaking out to my sister.  I'm sorry that you (and my sister) are getting stuck in the middle, but I reallllly appreciate it. 

    Desdemona said it perfectly -- your Mom is dealing with her anxiety by being busy with BC stuff.  She knows her daughter is a grown woman but her mothering instinct in in overdrive and has no where to release it.  I really have no advice for you but you being a buffer for your sister is helping her a lot.

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