I Get "Wigged Out"

I am kinda there too, trying to positive but sometimes just feel like crap and can't be. IIt would be nice to just snap our fingers and have the uncertainty go away. have been back to the gym the last three days riding the bike for 20 minutes. I too am stage three and have 5 taxols left, then surgery and radiation.

I'm just about 3 years out from diagnosis and I have this experience pretty regularly.  These episodes happened frequently during the first two years, and now are becoming somewhat less frequent.  Also, I've noticed some things that trigger "meltdown days" as I call them--any day that has a doctor's appointment in it, any day that i get poked with a needle, and the days just before such 'adventures' are prime times.  The day after 2 nights of particularly bad (or none-existent) sleep is another time.  Waiting for a phone call from a doc's office for whatever reason, but especially waiting for lab or mammogram results, is another time. 

I've developed a routine that helps me "fix" my attitude:  shutting off the phone, putting in a favorite movie, take a xanax and chill once I get home.  When the movie's over I take xanax #2 and go to bed, turn on a metronome and get as much sleep as I can before I have to get up the next morning.  I finish off my "cure" with an extra cup of what ever flavor coffee appeals to me that morning (I keep several flavors in the house, it's my weakness).  

I've spoken to my PCP and therapist about this happening.  They both said the same thing--it's a reaction to the stress, a form of Post Truamatic Stress Disorder that most women with breast cancer experience.   Hopefully it will continue to fade out over time. 

Dear BobbieakaSpunky Girl,

I am sending you hugs and prayers.   Bless you, BB

Bobbie ~ You are awesome,  play dates, fundraisers, multi-tasking, caregiving exercising, SNOW SHOVELING   no wonder your back didn't feel right, girl!!

REally need to go back and read all these posts, but realize that I've had one too many glasses of red wine, yet want to go have another!!!! its been on of those days (actually few days).

Bobbie,

Grab those kiddos.  Get your hugging time and do something for yourself.  I know exacly how you feel and have those dooms days as well.  I have started my student teaching and that has done wonders to get me back into the real world and amazingly has really taken my mind off the bad things.  I love waking up and worrying about curriculum instead of cancer!

I know you are probably pretty housebound as a full-time caregiver, but if you can find something else to focus your mind on outside of the home it has done wonders for me.  Sometimes it is just too sad to stay at home.

I so wish this was different for all of us, but you have an added crap on your plate that I am sure none of us can even comprehend.  You are such an inspiration to so many of us here...let us be yours!

Susan 

SpunkyGirl,  Big warm cyber hugs going out to you tonight. You are an experienced campaigner, so I'm sure I'm not telling you stuff you don't already know.  However, I'll say it anyway.  You absolutely must take time away from your responsibilities to reconnect with yourself.  Put yourself first, Bobbie, and don't feel you are being selfish when you do it.  You can't keep on keeping on at the rate you are going.  I know that's easy to say and very hard to do.  I wish there were concrete ways we could help out.  Just remember, we are here and we care.  

i find it interesting how many people 'wig out' in February.

As a Catholic, I always welcome Lent.. the time to sacrifice, do good works and reflect.   The seasons march on and it's time to get ready for Spring!!!!!!!!!

It's been such a hard winter, so very dreary this year.  Weeks without sunshine and such a mess... coupled with all the stress in your life - I hope things perk up for you and you gain some strength to face your challenges.  My prayers for you Bobby.