Early stage sadness

i didn't have any symptoms either, which is why I delayed scheduling a recommended MRI, since my younger sister had breast cancer.  I just didn't want to be bothered, since my mammo's have always been fine, no lumps, no tenderness, great health.  A clear mammo again. The MRI showed an unusual spot, which was biopsied and I was told had unusual tissue, but not cancerous.  Again, no lumps or bumps, so not big deal to me.  BS suggested a surgical biopsy to get a good look at it.  I put it off since there were no symptoms and I was told this unusual type of tissue is rarely cancer.  By the time I finally got around to doing the surgery, I was absolutely shocked when I was told the area showed cancer with unclean margins.  It's just too weird to think everything is fine one day, yet not the next.  No symptoms, still a clear mammo.  Only the MRI was able to find this spot.

I chose to have a bilateral mx, even though the other breast seemed fine.  In the path report, the non-cancerous breast showed "unusual tissue", but no cancer (yet).  For my safety, I'm glad I had both removed, but sad for the loss of my breasts and natural sensations.  

I can say that a reconstruction (DIEP) has really made a difference for me as far as my perspective goes.  That's just me.  Instead of feeling like I got royally ripped off, I do have breasts and they do seem like mine.  Without my bra, I look almost like my old self - same size, very similar shape.  I was worried that I'd forever feel very "different", and in some ways that is still there, but honestly, after having this procedure, I'm very surprised that the sense of loss is much less than I had anticipated.  

Until I settled on the diep procedure, I had determined that I would not reconstruct and had let that sink in for awhile.  I thought I could manage that, yet knew I'd have to adjust to feeling ripped off.  Again, that's just me.  Then, I decided I wanted to give reconstruction a try, at the least, to see how it would go for me.  The results have been good.

Feeling like the mammograms themselves have caused your cancer is a separate issue on it's own.  Sometimes it is harder to process the various aspects when they are all bundled together.  Identifying the specific issues can help to makes sense of it all. 

I'm reading The China Study, which has been an interesting assessment of differences between countries and cultures with high breast cancer rates and low breast cancer rates.  There are distinctively different eating styles, which we are usually not trained in (vegan/vegetarian).  The research is irrefutable and astonishing to me.  My new project is to make sure I never get a cancer dx again in my life.  I'm hoping the info I glean from this book, and others like it, will help me face the future with strength and focus.

Best wishes to you, - KC 

Hi, I will be having another surgery next month for my reconstruction. I see oncolist and mammo next month. It will be a terrible month. Right now, I take alot of medicine for anxiety. I am so scared, bei ng her2 and no treatment makes me crazy at times. Anyone not receive treatment for her2 breast cancer?

Hugs,

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