Triple Negative Breast Cancer and Chemotherapy

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Titan- I agree w/ you..

    Right now I am in a BAD state of mind..I go in for a scan 2morrow and even though I am sure it''s fine my stomach is in knots, I am angry, my anxiety is off the charts, I am fine for a hour and then I am crying thinking of going thru this again...

    I didn't get the lifemath site. It didn't make much sense to me. Plus I don't have all the info bcuz when they did the ultrasound I had about 4 or more nodes show up they didn't give an exact number plus I had one 7cm Mass and 4 smaller masses. They did the biopsy in 3 spots the same day. Since I had chemo 1st which shrunk the biggest tumor to 2cm and than only found remains in 2 nodes. I don't have the surgeons path report and I am not so sure I want it.

    I am sure they threw in the sink..I am just nervous right now therefore edgey and I find myself searching..I think its a control thing on my part..researching for hours..hoping to stay one step ahead...

    I am hoping that after my scan tomorrow I can pull myself out of this funk...

    My issuse w/ TN is that I feel people tend to dismiss it as though its not so serious. Not the Ladys on this board as much as people around me..Like hearing w/ all the chemo you got you will be fine..treatments are different than they were( yes, I get that but TN have no safety net) I have a strong family history of this and the outcome is not in my favor..and even if I get passed this I am still BRCA 1 which brings another subject up completely :)

    See I can ramble too!! Hope you don't mind:)

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    I have a 3 month check up with the onc next Tuesday which I believe is why I'm freaking now..for the past 3 months I have felt great, getting my energy back, coming out of the chemo fog and now going to the doctor brings me back to reality! I do have lots of questions for him...Hopefully he will be prepared! 

    You will probably feel alot better after your scan...I'm sure everything will be fine. 

    My SIL is BRCA 1 or 2..can't remember which..so she has expressed her concerns to me.  She was told though that her breast cancer had nothing to do with the BRCA gene.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    And one more thing..easier said than done is to stay off the internet, except for here.and try to limit yourself here also.  You can scare yourself silly with some of that junk......I think most doctors would prefer their patients to stay off the internet....

    I just wish I could follow my own advice!  I'm going to try.

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    Justpayton1- I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good vibes for your scan!  I totally empathize with what you're going through!

    Do you have a busy day planned?  Can you go see a movie with family or friends?  Go see something really cheesy or funny - Alvin and the Chipmunks or Blue Collar Comedy Tour or something.  Anything to distract your mind for a bit. 

    Hang in there and just get through this moment, this day.  Hugs!!

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Titan- I know to stay away from surfing the net..times like these its so hard though..i just want answers or a direction and I know I can't put my life on hold..waiting to see if the cancer comes back. its just these moments. I tiotally get what your saying w/ feeling better. I finally am starting to feel normal..I hope all goes well w/ you and your onc..I have a hard time getting mine to answer questions but maybe thats becuz I tend to jump 5 spaces ahead. I don't like surprises even good ones. CONTROL FREAK is what I am. At least with my life.

    thenewme-thanks for your words..i do have bunches to do later. basketball practices for the kids, homework, dinner etc..my boys keep me grounded. they were with their dad this weekend and thank the stars for ball games..i was running all over which really helps. I find myself cleaning everything in sight here at home. My new addiction is laundry :) I think I have done 4 -5 loads so far today and its just me and the boys..

    I am sure the scan will be fine and I can move on to other things.

    Like were the h*ll did all the socks go?

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    You go, girl!  When you finish the laundry there, come on over here - we have plenty, LOL!  I wish I got THAT side effect!

    Whaddya mean, where did the socks go???? Ummm .... you have boys ... !  The socks obviously ran away - duh! Wink

    Hang in there and keep your sense of humor!  I'm a control freak too!~

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    thenewme-yeah i think the socks followed the underwear right out the door!!! No lie were the heck  does it go?? My guys are w/ their dad every other weekend and I have asked them if they are wearing underwear back home...they have a father that feels 4 days a month is enough and that child support covers everything...man to only live in THAT world..

    Glad to hear I am not the only control freak..

    I am off to bball practice...

    if you were closer believe me I would be right over to do your laundry. Before my officiall dx i was scrubbing down walls, baseboards, running to goodwill. A friend of mine joked that I needed to stop before I had nothing left in my house..

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  • violet7
    violet7 Member Posts: 180
    edited February 2010

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{Titan & justpayton}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}  {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}.  I sympathize deeply.  Those tests and appts are excrutiating, especially the waiting.  I spend hours on the phone in times like those.  Distracting yourself with comedies and housework is also good.  Let's not let ourselves get totally blown out of the water by stats right now.  My BFF's step-mother was Stage 4 BC and after all the treatments there was nothing left they could do.  So, she joined the Hemlock Club and went on with her life expecting it to end very shortly.  She worked, planted gardens, practiced yoga - it's 14 years later.  I love that story so much.  She's still here and very vital.  We are not statistics.  Anyway to even be a statistic the results of the study have to  be 5 years old.  Please stay in touch.  You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    thanks so very much violet

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Thanks Violet...deep down inside...I know that we ALL have a very good chance of surviving this..stats...or not..but there is always this fear...and it always comes around near dr visit time..for some reason..which is perfectly normal but doesn't help the situation..! 

    I understand about the socks..how come you do laundry and are missing some..then you do laundry again and then they show up?  Weird stuff...my son went to college this fall..I sent 24 pairs of socks with him..that way I figured he would come home every 3 weeks..so far it has worked...

    I really like you guys..normally I hang out on the chemo april 2009 thread and the Sept. rads thread...have some awesome friends there..just getting to know you..and I like you..we have alot of fun on those threads..I'm glad to see we are having some fun here too...TN does SUCK..but that doesn't mean we have to be freaking out about it all the time..it's good to get to know each other and glad to know that we do have lives..other than this stupid TN crap

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  • jodiel1
    jodiel1 Member Posts: 51
    edited February 2010

    my mum is going through chemo at the moment. she has had 3 fec and her first taxol today.

    she is feeling really low, shes been really strong and possitve since she was diagnosed but the last couple of weeks she has been really different,she gets upset all the time and hasnt got much of an appitite do you think this could be side effects from chemo?

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    Ha, Titan - good plan for getting your son to come home!  Plus, as his socks disappear, his visits should become more frequent- woohoo!

    Jodiel1 - so sorry your mum is going through hard times.   Mood changes and loss of appetite are certainly common side effects of breast cancer, and also chemo.  Have you discussed it with her and/or her doctor?  They may have good suggestions for alleviating some of her side effects.  As far as the chemo-induced loss of appetite, unless it's really severe,  I say encourage her to eat whatever she feels like eating.  Try to cut her some slack about her mood - this is a very difficult battle she's going through.  Again, if it's severe or persistent, she may need something more from her doctor. Best of luck and don't forget to take care of yourself too.  I often think it may be harder for the caretaker than the patient. Hang in there!

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Just got back from the pet scan and know have to wait 1 more day!!!! oh well at least I can break out the wine tonight..in the meantime I am back to LAUNDRY..

    Jodiel1- yes chemop can affect your mood and appetite..I have more things to say to you but I have to rush out the door to pick up my kids from school. I will check back in and finish my thoughts to you..I am rushed and don't want the words to come out wrong..

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    Ah, Justpayton, I was thinking about you today with your scan!  Please do keep us posted. 

    The laundry is still piling up here - come on over, and bring the wine!!!

    Violet - great story of hope!  

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    What fun laundry and wine!!! I have started to strip down all the beds and am cleaning out drawers. although I am starting to tire out, i was up at 4am so I could drink coffee before I had to stop drinking and eating. Its catching up w/ me. Is that stupid to set your alarm to wake up and drink coffee for an hour?

    I was trying to get a peek or an answer from one of the scan people but you know them..I am like come on..just a heads up so I know to buy wine or vodka.

    Titan- we are alot alike..I get so tired of losing socks I will buy stacks of them at a time..but somehow they keep disappearing.

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  • Sugar77
    Sugar77 Member Posts: 2,138
    edited February 2010

    Socks disappear at my house, too.  I swear the dryer eats them!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    When I was taking chemo I kept putting clothes in the wrong drawers....Imagine my son's face when his sister's underwear showed up his drawer...I would just laugh and say..oh sorry chemo brain...not sure what I will use as an excuse now...

    payton..just buy both wine and vodka...they are both good! 

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  • jodiel1
    jodiel1 Member Posts: 51
    edited February 2010

    hi yes she did talk to the nurse about it and she said it could be because of low blood count. but dont think so because she was ok to have her chemo today.Its just hard to see her like it, she hates it becuase she has been doing so well so far. it is hard for me always wondrering whats going to happen i feel like i cant get on with my life because she is such a big part of my life.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Jodie..I'm sure your mum is trying her best..but can I be honest here..pleas bear with her..she is going through chemo for freaking cancer...and she is definitely going to have her moments...she doesn't want to be grouchy but she is...and it is the chemo and the whole cancer thing...just support her however you can...she will be back to a "new" normal and things won't be the same but they will still be ok...I have a 21 year old daughter..when I went through chemo..she suprised me how well she handled it...she did things but backed off when there were things I knew I could do..like laundry..losing socks!  Anyway...please bear with her..she loves you..but for just now..she may not be the mum you had...she will be "back"  really!

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  • jodiel1
    jodiel1 Member Posts: 51
    edited February 2010

    sorry think we have been miss understood. i totally get why shes upset, worried and low i am too! i just thought id ask someones elses opinon because she has only just started feeling like this, and i wondered if anyone else had felt like this due to chemo or whether it was the start of depression or something. She has every reason to feel this way, we are so proud shes come this far being so strong. sorry if it sounded like i am saying my mum my mum shouldnt be low but i no its totally understandable.x

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  • violet7
    violet7 Member Posts: 180
    edited February 2010

    I second that, Titan: I really like you guys, too.  My friends and family are wonderful, but you guys really understand.  Justpayton, I'm thinking of you today.

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Thanks Violet. I have stopped doing laundry and I actually am feeling a little more relaxed and positive. I think just knowing I will have an answer by this time tomorrow greatly helps, but thats just me. If I am all clear I know there is a chance it can still come back but I will finally feel cancer free. If it comes back not good I just start over.  It is going to be what it is and all the fussing won't change the outcome. Ya know?? Kindof like the sock theory,I can pitch a fit over those darn socks but it never changes the fact that they disappear.I have felt stuck since my treatment ended and I just think the scan will really help me move forward. I think regardless I am going to buy a nice expensive bottle of vodka and pour myself a drink. Than I can deal with all the people around me going see..we told you, you would be fine blah blah blah...so glad they knew it.

    I am happy we are here together not that we all had to go through TNBC but that we found each other. I finally feel like I fit somewhere on the boards.

    check in later

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    Hey Justpayton,

    Thanks for stopping the laundry - I was beginning to feel twinges of guilt, LOL!  The "sock theory" - I LOVE it!  

    Please let us know tomorrow when you get your results - I'll join in on the toast!  We're here waiting with you!   I'm just starting to ramp up my anxiety for my CAT scan in a few weeks, so maybe I can turn that into the laundry fest and make the best of it like you did! 

    Oh, and ain't that the truth about everyone being so flippin' pukingly positive about how fabulous everything is now that "it's over" and how they KNEW you'd be fine.  As if.

    Titan - who says you can't use the chemo brain excuse forever?? Come on!  That's my plan, and I'm stickin' to it!

    Jodiel1 - depression is a very common thing with this crappy diagnosis.  Some even say that we suffer post-traumatic stress disorder, but if you think your mom may be suffering from depression, talk with her and/or her doctor and see if she may benefit from an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication.  Exercise, eating healthy, and socializing helps a lot too, but sometimes aren't enough. 

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    SORRY but I am now washing all the rugs. I swear I was going to stay away from the washer, so I thought I will mop the floors and one thing led to another.

    thenewme how often do you get scanned?

    titan i have a book that states chemo brain can last up to 5 years after treatment depending on the drugs. I believe w/ dose dense we are covered under the chemo brain clause for life :)

    Have a nice night all.

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  • violet7
    violet7 Member Posts: 180
    edited February 2010

    Justpayton, Dang, girl, can you come to my house next, it could use a little work!  I'm double lucky!  I can work the chemo brain angle and I'm blonde :)

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2010

    Whoa, whoa Violet, back off - I'm next in line for justpayton's housecleaning, LOL!

    woohooo - chemobrain and blonde - that *is* double lucky! 

    Sending good vibes for your results today, Justpayton!

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    I am back from the onc..and have a moment before I get my boys.

    The pet scan showed areas in the lypmph nodes under my left arm and in my supraclavicular??

    Anyway my onc was in a meeting and I was seen by his nurse, so I am to return on Tuesday to discuss the next steps..

    Was shocked about the nodes in my left arm area as the were rad, sorry I cant think to clear. I am okay and am grateful for a busy basketball weekend. Give the washer a rest :) I am still in a fog but the sun is shining here and that helps a great deal.

    check back later

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Ok Payton..you have a super busy weekend...I love basketball too and it does seem to help to keep busy.

    Ok...maybe these 'areas" aren't anything to be concerned about...what the heck is an "area" anyway....

    Just get back to us as quick as you can on Tuesday...I'm also going on Tuesday so we will freak together.

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Thanks titan..My appointment is 9.30 on Tuesday. What time is yours? By Monday I should have the house completely rearranged and smelling like lemons.

    I asked for a copy of the report and she said sure but NOT until after the onc talks to you.AHH they know me so very well. I do my research. She explained somewhat but since she isn't the onc she didn't want to say to much. Of course I was caught off guard but I handle myself very well. The plus side would be that the measurements are small and no tumor.

    So back to waiting AGAIN!! I am so ready to pass the Tide bottle to someone else :)

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    I'm at 11...are you eastern time?   If you are..by the time I get back from my appt. you will be on here telling us what is up...About the report..."they" seem to be weird about that....they won't release it until the onc sees it....it doesn't mean a bad thing..it is just protocol...ok..forgive me for prying but is this the same area where you had the previously infected nodes?  It is not like it is a "new" area is it?   Maybe the rads created a change there...chemo and rads can change things...my BS said my right breast was pretty icky inside because of surgery and rads and chemo...I had a mammo in Nov...said I was unremarkable "thank God"...but still things are different than they were before..maybe that is the difference in your nodes...I'm certainly no doctor at all...but I do know that treatments can change the look of things...

    I'm also a researcher too...mostly the info. from here..my onc will say stuff..that well..I already know from reading it on here...then they all kinda mumble under their breath about the Internet...and I just kinda smirk to myself...I listen to my onc and do what he says..but..there are always questions...

    I'm also a clean freak...even going through chemo and that stupid neulasta shot I was doing laundry and vacuuming....I couldn't just sit around and see freaking dirt and dust in my house

    Ok..how's the b-ball going?  Are your sons in AAU...or play for their school?  My son played basketball from age 5 until a senior in high school...I would have to say that was one of the most enjoyable things in my life..watching my kid play ball...I miss it now since he is in college..enjoy it now because it goes way too fast.

    Oh..and by the way..I had calcifications in my "good" breast and they turned out to be totally benign.  The onc said that if it was anything at all I would just have to have rads to clear it up..

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