Its a eatting chocolate second guessing self sort of day. . .

So I thought I was done with the decision making and the angst over making the right choices.  I interviewed what seemed like a zillion people, learned more about breast reconstruction than I ever wanted to know, went through lumpectomy1, was joyful to learn about mostly good margins, went to lumpectomy2, resigned myself to radiation, recovered [mostly] from lumpectomy 2, and thought I was done.

And yet.

Today I am having one of those self-doubt sort of days which all boils down to:

Did I make the right decision? 

The surgeon says that she and the pathologist determined that the little bits of calcification found in my breast tissue from Lump1 were not DCIS but were some other type of benign polyp. And all we discussed from Lump2 was the DCIS and my uncoming trip to the radiation oncologist. 

But how do I really know its benign?  How do I really know that its not, for lack of a better term, preDCIS?  If it is preDCIS, I suppose the radiation will take care of it but what if it doesn't?  I wasn't too perturbed about a reoccurance of DCIS but I am freaked out about the rise of an invasive cancer.  I foolishly went off to read results of DCIS studies on the cancer.gov website and now I feel like they are contradicting what I understood the radiation oncologist to say about reoccurance rates, let alone occurance of invasive cancer, if I had radiation versus if I didn't have radiation.  It doesn't seem that the rates for having occurance of invasive cancer are that high.   Have I made the right decision in deciding to have radiation?  I'm still being told I may have to do a special breathing thing to avoid risk of heart damage because of where the rads are likely to need to be directed.  Should I see another radiologist?  Should I have just gone with a mastectomy so I could have skipped radiation? 

Is this state of perma self doubt EVER going away?  Or should I start loading up on chocolate futures?