January Mastectomy

Happy belated Valentines Day ladies!  I went on my girls weekend away and had a blast!  It was so nice to just get away and not think about cancer!  Just be!  Of course, I coulnd't do a lot (like carry my own suitcase or anything like that) so they started referring to me as Princess Paula and I even got a beautiful new tiarra (platic from Meijers) that I wore all weekend (even to the restaurants and bowling alleys).  It was fun, they were all my minions (not sure where I came up with that word, but we had a lot of fun with it!).  I slept great in the hotel beds (well, great is a relative term these days, it was better than my bed at home, lets put it that way)... so much so that we are looking at new mattresses, one a little softer, what we really want is a sleep number bed, but not sure that is in the budget.  I called the PS office before I left and they said that I could go in the hot tub as long as I didn't submerge my chest (same with the pool), so to me that just says no, because what's the point of "wading" in a hot tub.  Although I'm not sure that it's because of the SNB, haven't heard that one, I hope that isn't true.  I am very much hoping that this is just temporary...  but I guess I'll get more details when I go in on the 22nd for my next fill.  I have the beginnings of a cold, sore throat and cough and runny nose... let me tell you, that isn't feeling good (the coughing), but it isn't as bad as the sneezing, wow, that about takes my breath away.  Anyway, just thought I'd share my experience for the weekend, feeling like a human being again!  I also splurged on a beautiful necklace that is the breast cancer ribbon, solid silver inlaid with pink crushed carribean opal on a silver chain.  It is so beautiful, I thought I deserved it, afterall, I am the princess!  haha!!! 

Blessings and prayers to all!

Paula

P.S. My goodness, Sally. We are literally neighbors-of-sorts. We come to Pickerington at least twice a weekend when we're home -- to go to the movie theatre there on the corner. We could have been watching the same movie and not realized it!

Can't wait till we have the opportunity to meet.

Which is your DayCare? Do you realize who I am? In real life? LOL. I'm something of a celebrity in the central OH childcare field, ya know!!  I have all sorts of tiaras of significance. LOLOL.

Happy 3 weeks girls. Hope everyone had a nice Valentines Day. My daughter was home this weekend from college. I'm pooped. Today I tried to rest bust couldn't. Guess i'm over tired and anticipating tomorrow appt. BS and PS. Maybe my last 2 drains will come out. Friday is the oncologist not looking forward to that appt. Don't really want to face the whole chemo thing. Trying to get into the love thing with DH. It's not working I guess he just burnt out from this month and half rollercoaster l. ( I hope that is it and not turned off by my breast situation). Any suggestions?

Getting more snow tonight.... I can;t't wait. (Yeah right ) I have appointments tomorrow. I need to get on with this stuff. I guess I'm altittle tired and down. Sorry! Hope everyone is feel well.

Donna

PS  Good luck to everyone who has appt tomorrow.

Lola: Great news about your CT results. I've been thinking about you all day and was so happy to see your post. Congratulations on the good news. Good luck with chemo on Wed. I wish you all the best. 

Maura 

Welcome Karen.

We are soooooooo glad that you found us. We are kind & caring. Compassionate.

Between the whole crew, we have all sorts of experience.

I'm just four weeks out and sense some return of energy.

Tonight we went for my first "retail therapy" session since my surgery.

I actually was able to walk the mall, shop, try things on -- for over two hours!!!!

I found a couple of blouses that I'm really excited about, for their 'camaflage' styling.

We leave for the beach tomorrow!!!! I'm sure that our connectivity will be limited.

Everyone have a great week!

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Hey everyone...I'm feeling up to posting again....most of last week I couldn't open my mouth to sa two words without boohooing all over the place.  Guess it's all catching up with me somehow.  It all kind of bottomed out for me at 5 weeks - weird.  I did do some reading/posting on the threads with the post trauma distress section (just in case anyone else happens to find themselves there later on).  Even when I went for another BS follow-up, he took one look at me & asked if I was ok.  I just nodded yes, and he asked if I really was.  I nodded again, and then he said my sparkled was gone.  I started crying.  My poor husband just sat there broken hearted.  My surgeon was so compassionate and geniunely concerned.  He offered to give me names of therapists, or put me in touch with people - whatever.  Acknowledged that this is hard. 

Anyway, he drained off 55 cc off my right side (ten days before, he drained off 35 cc on lt side, and 60 cc on rt side).  He gave me my script for the prosthetics, but I haven't had the heart (or nerve) to go get fitted - and now I cant' because I'm filling with fluid again.

I'm getting more back to normal, yet don't feel - emotionally- back to normal.  Yet, people assume I am.  I'm off the prayer list at church.  I don't envy those of you going through chemo and rads, but yet in some ways I do - you will have so much support for the days, weeks, months to come.  And I dont' mean just physical support - but you will have emotional support.  And yes, I KNOW you will need it.  I don't begrudge you any of it.  I know you need it.  But it's almost as if with those of us with BMX, it's "ok, we've cut off your boobs, we're done with you...hop away."

Maybe some of you ladies are stronger than I, but I just can't get past all of this that quickly.  I was diagnosed three months ago.  I lost my breasts one month ago.  I am still processing all of this....somehow. I don't want to live in the "cancer world" forever, of course, but I have to walk through it - I can't just get yanked out of it.  Does that make sense???

I am so happy for the positive news I am ready from some of you....yippee!!  And for some family visits, and celebrations, and weekend trips, and everything.....awesome

We're buried in the snow, too.  More snow days....so I bet we'll be going to school half of the summer.  ugh.   But at least the kids and I are playing some games while we're stuck at home in the snow....last week, my 12 y.o. son drove us into bankruptcy with Monopoly.  Tonight, he also won the game of Scrabble.  Hmmmm....now you know why he's homeschooled!!

blessings.....robin

Wow ... so much going on over the long weekend.  Welcome to all our newcomers ...you will find that we are a friendly, supportive group.  And (especially to Karenm) we are all at different stages and emotions in our recovery.  Tap into anyone and we are here for you.  I did fine with my left MX on 1/11, but am having a harder time facing the chemo I now have to have.  Just when you resign yourself to the next step and think that it will be the last one, something new steps in.  Karen -- don't push yourself.  Take time to be.  ANd know that you are going at the pace your mind and body needs to heal.

My family and I spent a glorious weekend at the coast (it might have been a bit warmer than Florida for a change!).  Sunny weather, walks on the beach, soaking up the Vitamin D.  What a great lift for the spirits!

Karen - welcome to the boards. These girls are fantastic, and helpful.

Lola- good for you girl on your ct results. Good luck Wednesday

Deb- enjoy the sand and beach.

Today I go to the BS and PS hoping that the last 2 drains come out. I guess no fill for me today. I hope they figure out what the hell is on  my stomach. It finally broke today. See what they say. Probably more antibiotics....Thank god for yogurt. In a better mood today then yesterday. I guess we all get our ups and downs. Just want to be back to normal.  I guess we have a while to go for that day.

Kat- Do you have an appointment today? I know Friday you go to the onco the same day as me.Wishing  you good wishes for that...Praying for both of us on that day and always.

Enjoy the day girls. Wishing you Courage and Strength. Talk to you my new friends later.

HUGS

Donna

On our way to the beach!!

Have many jackets packed; LOL



Sending hugs & encouragement to all in need.



((((((((Robin))))))



Be kind to yourself....pour out your heart here.



I've somehow crossed a hurdle or two emotionally....just the thought of the ocean picked me up. You're all welcome to join us in land-locked Ocala if you need a port in the storm. The sunshine makes a huge difference.



What about anti-depressants?? Reach out.



xx00xx00xx00xx



Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Sending more love.

Hi all-I'm a newbie in general; I think this is one of 5 total posts.

Diagnosed 12/17/2009, double mastectomy 1/19/2010, first of 8 rounds of chemo on 2/11/2010.

I'm doing surprisingly well as far as the side effects from my chemo, but am very bored and down.  I'm used to working every day, but decided to take the 6 months off work that I'll be going through chemo (thought I would be a lot worse off.)  My husband works 14+ hour days, 5-6 days a week, so I'm home alone all day until my kids (15 and 10) get home at 3pm.  And then, of course, they're busy doing their own things.  Typically my highlight of the day is 1.  Taking a shower, and 2.  Making dinner.  All my friends work full-time, so I have no one to talk to ALL DAY LONG.  I've taken to sleeping in until around noon just to waste time.  Yes, I am on anti-depressants (have been for years) but going through all of this has brought me way down.  Not to mention I am in constant pain from the bricks (a.k.a. tissue expanders) on my chest!

For now, I'm just waiting to lose my hair (and I have really nice hair) to see how low I can go from that.  On that note, any idea when I will?  I've heard 10-12 days after the first round.

Thanks for listening-sorry if I sound like a whiner.

Hello my January cyber sisters,

This is Marianne (TN golfer).  Haven't posted in a few days.  My stepson, daughter-in-law and 2 small granddaughters came to visit.  It has been a great distraction!  I am actually feeling relatively ok.  We have been staying up late, so I actually have been sleeping a lot more (6-8 hours).  I have to say that the TE's are still quite uncomfortable.  My breasts feel kind of numb and tingly.  I also noticed, at my first fill, what felt like a lump under my left arm.  The PS said he thought it was a swollen lymph node and said that is common after surgery.  It hasn't gone down at all.  I will see him on Thursday and will mention it, as it is uncomfortable.  Haven't taken any meds.  Only taking multi-vitamin and iron to help with the anemia (from the loss of blood in 2 back-to-back surgeries), but am feeling remarkably stronger; not as winded. 

Have to meet the oncologist tomorrow.  Admit I have an attitude.  I don't want to have chemo.  I don't want to take tamoxifen.  I want to be done with all this.  (Hello, can we speel D-E-N-I-A-L??)

I will request the OncoDx test (node negative and ER+).  

Welcome to the newcomers and glad to hear that so many of us are doing well - getting out and back into society and some type of normalcy, but to those who have survivor's guilt:  DO NOT EVER FEEL BAD that you may have had it a little easier than someone else.  What we experience is all relative.  The one horrible thing we have in common is that we were all diagnosed with breast cancer.  That, in itself, is awful.  Celebrate if your treatment was a little shorter or easier than the next gal.  It's okay.  We are happy for you.  None of us would wish this on anyone and we will celebrate your successes with you.  We are all glad to see happy results!  We are all here for each other.

Can't remember who suggested (think it might have been you, Kat) going someplace warmer, like Tennessee.....forget that!  It has been snowing here for a week!  It is pretty grey and dismal and a lot of these native TN's are experiencing some serious cabin-fever!  Advice:  Go anywhere (physically or through a book or movie) to distract you from where you are now.  I actually went to my first  Lady Vol's basketball game on Sunday (VDay).  My stepson is a high-school girls basketball coach and our granddaughter is a great little basketball player (8 yrs old).  She was so excited.  Got one of the players autograph's and coach Summitt's autog as well.  It was a great game and I actually forgot I had bc during the game! 

Husband is in denial.  He will be headed back to Syracuse before April 1st to start new job.  We both agreed that is something he has to do and I am feeling okay, but I don't know what the future will hold for me here with a house to pack and sell; possible treatments; etc etc.  He seems to think I will go the doctor's appt, he will give me an Rx and I will just take a pill for a few years; that we will sell the house and I will join him a few short weeks after he gets there!  What about all those fill appointments?  What about exchange surgery?  What if I have to have chemo?  Too much to process right now....what should we be thinking...one step at a time!

Going to take a nap.

Love and warm wishes and prayers to all!

Marianne

Hi Everyone,  I've asked this before but how soon after the mastectomies can you get foobs.  What are they like?  Are they heavy?  Are they pretty bras?  Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Greetings sisters!

I just wanted to say hello.  I agree that although it is difficult coping with this illness, we are all doing the best we can and are stronger than we know.  I found out that one of my mentors in the field was diagnosed and is almost finished with her treatment.  It was amazing that we both sat at a conference together last summer and didn't know we are sharing another similar journey.  I have had some difficult times myself this past week.  My oldest son had knee surgery, so I am in the process of watching over him and myself. Took him to the doc yesterday for a follow-up, while everything was closed at 8 am.  He is doing well and expected to be on his feet in a few weeks.  He is also a senior, so we are ordering announcements, etc.  He is killing my pockets..LOL.  I am also going to put my younger son in swimming.  He is somewhat anxious about my diagnosis so I am thinking giving him an outlet will definitely help.  I am glad I can do a lot of my school work from home and I have resumed some of my duties as an officer on my state's board.  Again, I find that staying connected on the good days are helpful.  I also agree with our sisters that although we share similarities, none of our journey's are the same.  This is also one of the beauties of humanity, that we can learn and grow from those who are different.  I would also say that the solidarity in this forum is so strong and helpful. I have also gotten support from family in friends.  We are all scheduling time for folks to accompany me to chemo, appts, etc.  I find that having some time a strategy works for me.  I still have a few more folks to reach out to, but everyone is so open to helping and being with me through this.  I also had an interesting epiphany yesterday: I have spent almost 12 years on my educational journey, while raising my children alone.  I can now invest at least 6 months in myself and my health.  I have also had some setbacks too, crying, feeling hopeless, and fearing dependence on others, especially some family members.  However, I know that I have to choose who accompanies me on this journey and not everyone is supposed to be in this stage of life with me.  Here is another cookie of hope: we are allowed to borrow the courage of others when we do not have our own.  Just think of all of the strength, courage, and hope we have given.  Maybe the universe is giving us a chance to have our pitcher of giving replenished.  So, take this day and love yourself and do what you must to make it to the other side.  With much love,

Tiffany

P.S. Did anyone take a look at the national news yesterday? There was a 30 second blurb about breast cancer and aspirin.  I found a link about the study and thought it might be helpful. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Can_Aspirin_Reduce_the_Risk_of_Breast_Cancer_Recurrence.asp