scared but better

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bbell3
bbell3 Member Posts: 5
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
scared but better
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  • bbell3
    bbell3 Member Posts: 5
    edited February 2010
    bbell3 wrote:
     
      Thanks for the words of encouragement- I quess yesterday was my day of realization that I have this "C"  in my body- so it needless to say was an emotional freak out day!
    Today is better- I quess I will know far more after I have surgery and get the results of the node biopsy- so I m quite sure that will ensue another freak out day.
    This is difficult as I am sure fore anybody with any type of the ugly ass monster! I am a control freak(not that that is a good thing it just is who I am) I teach seventh grade, I have a  1/1/2 year old grand daughter I have to take care of part time, a herion addicted son- who creates so much stress and I being who I am keep all of this in control- well at least in my mind I do. So for me being told I have cancer -well lets just say the control factor is shot to hell!
    I have a supporting husband and 2 daughters 22, and 23- (they cry a lot)- so I try to make light of this thing,but that is getting harder to do as my denial is slipping away.
    At this time the unknow is unnerving, but all of the emotions that are rolling around are even more unnerving( see for us control people emotions are always in check) I fell like once the emotional gate is opened I will never get it shut again and for me that is SCARY! I am not really a person who asks others for help so that in itself is a problem. I have great friends, but I feel like Jesus, everybody is dealing with their own life problems so do not burden them with yours- I am sure I can not be the only person like this or therapists would be out of work! So Thanks for the responses I appreciate it- feeling much more in control today.ha .ha I get my pre-op blood work and chest xray on thursday and should have surgery at the end of Feb. Peace Brenda
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  • hbcheryl
    hbcheryl Member Posts: 5,113
    edited February 2010

    Hi Brenda,

    This is the worst part of the journey, the getting started part where you don't know much just that you've joined the club.  I'm like you in that I hate to ask for help but I'll tell you one thing I learned is that people really do care and want to help and you just have to accept and say "thank you".  One of the kindest things that was done for me after my mastectomy is that my neighbor came in every day and made my bed, such a small thing but it was done with such kindness and understanding.  Get yourself a folder and ask every doctor you go to for a copy of your report - they explain things but all you hear is lalalalalalala and if you can take someone to your appointments that can help, your girls are upset as they fear the unknown but there is so much we know today that we didn't know a few years ago so take a big deep breath and realize that you can get through this and you will be okay, you may have a few meltdowns and when you do come here as we've all been through it and we understand where your husband and children may not.

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  • LINDAGARSIDE
    LINDAGARSIDE Member Posts: 345
    edited February 2010

    Hi Brenda.  Hang in there.  You really have to focus on you now...probably one of the biggest challenges of your life from the sounds of it.  You sound like me...always putting others first and never asking for help yourself.  I actually asked for help this time when everyone said, "What can I do to help?"  I said, "I don't feel like cooking much so please make some cassorole dishes and drop them off at the house.  Also, please do not phone as I don't like talking about this on the phone...e-mail me instead"  The bottom line was...I had to take care of me for a change.

    My husband as a heroin addicted daughter...she was 9 years on the street but we're happy to say that for the past 3 years she has been "clean" and is on methadone.  She now has two young sons and I think this is what helped her clean up...but man heroin/crack is a tough hurdle.

    Good luck with letting go of some of the stuff you cannot control...and with your surgery coming up.  Stay hydraded....stay calm...try not to freak out and think the worse...keep in touch with everyone here and know that we will help you get through the bumps in the road.  You will make it!

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