RESPECTING the STAGE threads **RANT**

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cherneski
cherneski Member Posts: 726
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

*******************WARNING THIS IS A RANT********************

DISCLAIMER:  If you have something nasty to say about "MY" RANT, please dont, just go away.  This rant is not for the easily offended.  If your feathers get ruffled easily it is best that you leave now.  No hard feelings.  

I dont understand how the stage lv Ladies do it?!?!  The amount of disrespect on their board and idiocy that goes on there.  I see it happening here too.  It drives me insane.  If you cant control yourself to write something appropriate on the appropriate board maybe you should see a Dr..  

The answer I see "we could all end up stage lv" is plain disrespectful!  It is as bad as someone telling you they "might" end up with BC.  If you go the board labeled a stage other than your own, PLEASE be respectful, offer support or just show yourself out.  Quietly.  There are plenty of topics to go around, if you cant find a thread you like, feel free to start your own topic on the appropriate board. 

Someone stage 0 CAN NOT understand how I feel.  Just as I CAN NOT understand stage lv. 

Much Love Deb  Tongue out

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Comments

  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited February 2010
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  • 3katz
    3katz Member Posts: 1,264
    edited February 2010

    Bravo, Deb, Bravo! And thank you.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited February 2010

    amen sista!

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  • prayrv
    prayrv Member Posts: 941
    edited February 2010

    YEP!

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  • echosalvaje
    echosalvaje Member Posts: 191
    edited February 2010

    Yeah, got your back on this one!

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  • Gayleebug
    Gayleebug Member Posts: 166
    edited February 2010

    YUP

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  • victoriasecret
    victoriasecret Member Posts: 333
    edited February 2010

    Oh now thats my Debi !!!

    ml

    C

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited February 2010

    I LOVE your rants Deb. They're always spot on.

    They're is a saying in Hebrew which translates as "May your strength increase". And that's what I say to you.

    Leah

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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited February 2010

    Oooh, that was a good rant!  Much love back Deb!

    Elizabeth

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  • kimber3006
    kimber3006 Member Posts: 586
    edited February 2010

    Oh, Deb, thank you.  I needed that today!

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  • chainsawz
    chainsawz Member Posts: 3,473
    edited February 2010

    I'm with Konakat.....good rant!!   I get to read "thank god it is not in my brain" or "luckily it was not in my brain" pretty regularly.  Freaks me out sometimes. 

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2010

    Oh, yeah, great rant!

    Our favourite around here is "Thank God it is not in my Lymph nodes!" 

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited February 2010

    Or...wait for it....

    Thank G-d they caught it early!

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  • cherneski
    cherneski Member Posts: 726
    edited February 2010

    All of you Ladies have my total respect.  I am glad you all "get it".  I was reading a lot on the board today and my hair was standing up!  OK it does that on its own now anyway Tongue out

    I am having a GREAT day!  We got a new dog last week and this is the first time we have seen her in a lot of snow, it is the funniest thing (I think she thinks she is a rabbit).  I havent seen this much snow in years.  So far probably about 15 inches.  Yeah Baby!  Loving it!  Got a huge work out just walking to our friends house.  Baby steps Laughing

    Love ya all

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited February 2010

    Deb, I agree completely.  Good for you for speaking out!

    I actually think there are two major issues related to this.  One is respect, which often seems to be lacking on this board, particularly in the situations that you and the others here have mentioned.  The other is misinformation. I often shudder at the misinformation that is provided (however well intentioned) when someone offers advice or details her decision process in response to a question from someone who is a different stage.  For example, I imagine it might be upsetting for someone who is Stage III or Stage IV who is trying to decide between lumpectomy vs. mastectomy to hear from someone with DCIS or who is Stage I, saying that a mastectomy or bilateral is a good option because it means that you can avoid radiation and/or hormone treatment.  By the same token, as someone who hangs out in the DCIS forum, I find it frustrating and annoying when someone (well intentioned, of course) posts in that forum about the importance of HER2 testing (not relevant to DCIS treatment) or why it's so important to have an oncotype test (not available or necessary for those with DCIS). 

    I wish that there was some way that the rules of the board could more clearly explain what is and isn't appropriate when posting, beyond the basics that are now covered.  Or perhaps, when someone joins the board, they should be given a list of "dos and don'ts" related to sensitivity and offering advice.  Not gonna happen, but it would be nice.

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited February 2010

    I think the lack of common sense and respect is the issue. But at the end of the day these are public forums on the internet, so not everyone is gonna have that.

    I occasionaly post on other stages, I try not to be a pest though.

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited February 2010

    GREAT rant!   Enjoy the snow with the new doggie - I used to live in South Jersey and snow there was always a treat!

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2010

    Great rant and I have to add I love reading all of your rants.  I'm with ya' on this one.................

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited February 2010

    Yes, yes, yes!

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  • Christine2000
    Christine2000 Member Posts: 176
    edited February 2010

    Oh man-- the number of times I hear "but they caught it early, right??" and "its not in your LYMPH NODES is it??"...

    Thanks deb! 

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited February 2010

    I deleted my response because I got a PM from a stage 3 gorl who said I had no right to post here.....Sorry for the intrusion......

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  • Gabrielle
    Gabrielle Member Posts: 73
    edited February 2010

    ....laughing!  (Always better than crying)

    My all time favorite is "did they get it all?" 

        ....why no, I asked them to leave a little behind, thanks.   

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  • Diana63
    Diana63 Member Posts: 773
    edited February 2010

    Ok, you guys made me lol, (Gabrielle) leave a little behind. I love that I will have to remember it next time someones asks me that.

    I really don't think people are thinking when they say the things they saying. On the board it is worse because they don't have to face anyone.

    When I was dx a coworker said I know two ladies who got BC and they were both dead in 6 months. Who says that to someone? I told the coworker hey I have 3 dogs at home would you like for me to bring them in and tie them up so you can run over them over and over again? She just gave me this blank stare, like I offended her.  Then someone asked my daughter who was going to help her dad with our disabled son when I was gone. Where were these people raised in a barn?  Oh you have the bad cancer, I'm so sorry for you. I say no I have the good cancer, the kind thats in a jar and not in my body. I admit I like to get them paranoid sometimes and ask them when they had a check up last? I know I'm evil, but hey they go in to get a mammogram because I scared the begeebees out of them.

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  • Brendatrue
    Brendatrue Member Posts: 1,830
    edited February 2010

    Great release from reading your rant and the follow up comments. I have been quietly simmering after reading a comment the other day in which the person referred to not making choices that would allow breast cancer to return and grow in her body. She sounded so self-righteous! I also wondered about the huge illusion of control she was spinning. If someone wants to do that for herself, that's her choice. I just don't want to hear about it and the judgment that it implies toward me and others like me. I have had breast cancer rear its presence in my body on three occasions, most recently in my chest wall. This after taking good care of myself, eating well, exercising, and doing many things that I hoped would reduce my risk. Did I fail myself? No. And I don't want someone to imply that I did. (I don't think I'm just being overly sensitive....)

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  • claygirl
    claygirl Member Posts: 356
    edited February 2010

    Hi ,  I don't usually leave the stage 4 forum, but the topic was so intriguing.  Thank you all.  I laughed  and I learned a new response to "did they get it all?  " I have extensive bone mets and people still ask me that question. I know they don't mean to be unkind, but I also have learned that  they don't really want a long winded answer, either. I was over weight when I started this fun journey and the hormonals (blessed though they are) have caused me to pack on even more.  A woman at the swimming pool told me i couldn't  be sick because cancer patients always lose so much weight. I didn't know how to respond.  Who cares about the cancer aspect of this rude comment... does this woman not know you never, never tell a fat woman she's fat. (especially when she is standing in front of you wearing a bathing suit) Luckily for her I was holding nothing more lethal than a water noodle.  

    Gabrielle, a response for the" too fat to have cancer" comment, please. 

    Thanks for letting me rant,

    Jackie 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited February 2010

    As so many others have said...."well said".....

    I love the comment "no I asked them to leave some behind"  wow...wish i would have thought of that!!!

    I do get annoyed with some comments, but generally I quit reading them....its one less thing to aggrevate or stress me....if we could just all remember the word 'respect'....Deb thanks for starting this thread....

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  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited February 2010

    I love your kind of evil Diana!

    Gabrielle -- your comeback is the best I've ever heard!  Perfect!!

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  • lovinmomma
    lovinmomma Member Posts: 1,879
    edited February 2010

    Good rant!! I do agree that respect and common sense are lacking in many areas today. I hope that people can look past what they think is great for themselves and "hear" the other person. I love that comeback Garielle!!!

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited February 2010

    Jackie, You should of come back with "you'll never get cancer becaue only pretty people get it"

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  • Gabrielle
    Gabrielle Member Posts: 73
    edited February 2010

    Jackie,

    "too fat to have cancer...."

    Laugh and say, "thank God, it's just Stage IV cancer and not Stage IV stupidity"!  

    (wink!)  Wink

    -Gabrielle

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