Why do people doubt my choice of treatment?

That's a tough one, I got a lot of "feedback" from people when I decided to just have a lumpectomy rather than mastectomy; they felt I should have had the mast (or even a double mast!). It's tough because I would find myself then starting to second guess my decision which was frustrating.

When I made the decision I was comfortable with it (and I did consider single and double mast) and that's what matters, you have to be comfortable with your decision. I have learned I have to just ignore that feedback because it's all coming from people who have NEVER gone through this and until they face this monstor in the face they really have no idea what they are talking about. Even from someone who HAS been through it doesn't mean that what was right for them is right for you. Be comfortable with the fact that your decision was the right one for you. I have said that I would get a double mast if I ever had a reoccurance but honestly, that's all talk, I won't know what my decision will be until I am faced with it! When people question me now about the lumpectomy vs mast I simple tell them I felt that the lumpectomy was the right decision for me and that I'm comfortable with that decision. It sometimes leaves a little "uncomfortable silence" but I quickly change topics and move on.

It is what is comfortable for you.  I had the choice - I elected a modified mastectomy.  There is no prediction that can acurately state, without any reservation, that you will not have a recurrence just because it was all 'cut out' - lump or entire breast - you do what you feel is right for you - that is what you go with. 

People that love and care about you are acting out of concern for you.  They want to have you around for a long time and right or wrong, their views are based on their knowledge.  They don' t think they are being negative - they truly believe that they are expressing what they think is best for you.  Perhaps a bit of educating may be in order - why did I choose a chemo that lessened the cure expectation by 5% but gave me a 30% chance I wouldn't lose all my hair?  It thinned but I didn't lose it and I was 10 years NED.  After 10 years - those statistics are no longer valid - they were based on a 5 year survival.  I rolled the dice and won.  I never questioned my decision - the fact that I now have it in my bones had nothing to do with my choices 10 years ago.

Stick with what is right for you.  Be kind but let them know it hurts you and move on.

Hugs

Sharon

I think there is a fear factor that far exceeds rationality.  I would just tell them that you have spoken to your surgeon, that your odds of survival are equally good and you have chosen the less invasive route, and who wants to go through reconstruction if they don't need to.

In the end, the danger is spreading to distant sites, not local recurrence.  I was Stage 2 and chose lumpectomy.  I certainly didn't want to lose my breast if no medical reason for it to go.

In your situation, I would have radiation to make sure I didn't get another local recurrence.

I received the same question from my family, especially my grown daughter.  I had 2 surgeries.  I do not regret this decision, even if my cancer comes back.  I think that my daughter was scared for me and thought that a mastectomy would be a "better guarantee" - and of course there are no guarantees.  I had my moments with second guessing myself, but, I feel I made the right choice for me.  Only you can make that decision.  People who love you and are scared will maybe have a difference of opinion.  Reassure them that you feel you have made the best decision for you.

I can identify too!  I had a masectomy but only after getting the opinions of two surgeons and only after seeing MRI results that indictated that my breast was full of DCIS.  I would certainly have had a lumpectomy if that had been an option - even with DCIS in two areas.  Having had a mastectomy, I know that it's not the easy and simply solution that everyone seems to think it is.  Once you've had a mastectomy, you have to live without your natural breast (and natural sensation) for the rest of your life, and you may have to deal with side effects - pain, muscle tightness, phantom itching, etc. that can go on for years.  And as we all know, having a mastectomy does not eliminate all your risk.

The people who are questioning your choice are not in your shoes, they probably don't have a good understanding of the pros and cons of both lumpectomy and mastectomy, and frankly they have no right to comment.  Rarely does that stop people from commenting, however.  You probably don't want to say this, but I think one answer is to say, "I appreciate your concern but this is my body and my decision.  I've done my homework and I am comfortable with my decision."   You could even add "If you ever need to make this choice, I will support you whatever you decide, because I realize how personal a decision this is."

Good luck Friday!  Hoping for nice clear margins!

Edited for typos only. 

I didn't get any doubting feedback on my "choice" of treatment and that's really wierd because I had a friend who I had to "drop" because she didn't know when to keep her opinions to herself.  What ever made her think that she had any oracle-like talent to allow her to know and understand my relationship with my husband?  Not to mention the wisdom of Solomon to guide my actions.  She came thisclose to calling me an unfit mother.  (21 & 23 yo DDs are bright, beautiful young women in whom I DELIGHT.)  Oh, and did I mention she is unmarried and childless?  She is the only one who would have had the nerve (my family would tell you "insanity") to question my decisions made with my doctors.  Anyway, the point is, some people just feel they have some right to impose their "thinking" (that's not the word, but I can't find it) on very personal aspects of your life -- like your health.  Try this one:  You have a very thought-out opinion on what you would do in my position.  I hope you never have to make it your plan.

Peace,

Beth

I suspect that most people question your decision because they don't know enough. There are a lot of people who think lumpectomy is not as safe.

So if people question - just tell them the stats for lump + rads are the same as for mast.

I had a friend who ws very concerned about her SIL, who had chosen lump. She didn't speak to her about it because she felt it would be intrusive (SOME people have sense!) but expressed her fears to me (I had a mast). When I told her about the stats it made a big difference to her.

Leah

No matter what we choose, there will always be people who disagree and think they're helping by giving us their opinion. I've had people insist I'd be better off just praying, or just changing my diet and doing natural things, that chemo was an evil conspiracy. I've had plenty of people challenge my decision to have a bilateral mastectomy with no recon. I think they mean well, but yes, it's VERY frustrating. It's our lives, our bodies, and only we can decide what's right for us.

Hugs, hang in there, and stick to your guns.