BC Awareness Day at my child's elementary school

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rinna40
rinna40 Member Posts: 357
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

I just received the February calendar for my childs k-8 school. On Feb. 19 it is wear pink day and bring in money for BC research. I am a teacher on that staff but am currently on leave - scheduled to go back March 22nd. I am really conflicted about the day. Firstly, let me tell you that my staff has been exceptionally supportive of me over the past year. From honouring me with a team that ran fro the cure in my name when I had no energy to run for myself, to bringing me weekly meals to help myself and my family have one night a week when we didn't have to cook. I have two daughters who go to the school, on in SK and one in Grade 2. I am terrified about what will be said during BC Awareness day to them, or what they may overhear. My older daughter knows I had BC, but all I've said to her is that I had a sore that wouldn't go away, so they cut it out. Then I had to take the chemo medicine to make sure it wouldn't come back. My younger daughter has been given a similar explanation. Since they didn't ask any more questions, I didn't offer any more information. I am terrified that someone will mention that BC can kill someone, or that someone will mention someone who died of BC. This is not something that has been discussed in my home, and I pray that I'll not have to have that conversation with my girls at their young age. Am I over reacting? I don't know why the school is doing this. I've taught for 18 years and never has a elementary school had a BC awareness day. I'm thinking of keeping them home, but I don't want to seem unappreciative to my fellow staff members. What would you do?

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  • hmm
    hmm Member Posts: 2,183
    edited February 2010

    Rinna,

    Is there any way you can find out exactly what they have planned for this awareness day? That may help you determine how to handle it. I have two grandchildren in elementary school and I can not imagine that they are close to being ready to understand breast cancer. My DIL also teaches elementary school and I will be curious to hear her thoughts on your school.

    Best wishes with however you decide to handle it....

    Pat 

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  • HairSprayMom
    HairSprayMom Member Posts: 251
    edited February 2010

    Wow, what a cunundrum that is. I would think that BC day at an Elementary school would not discuss death, but who knows. You may want to keep them with you that day and just tell your friends and staff that you felt it would better serve your children to spend BC day with you. Also don't feel obligated to donate...you have already given enough of your life for now. I think you should follow your mommy instinct and mine says keep them close so they don't hear more than you want. Hope you are able to make a decision you will be happy with.

    XOXO,

    Regina

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited February 2010

    I agree with HairSprayMom about following your mommy instinct. You can keep them home without seeming ungrateful to your friends if you explain beforehand to them that you're concerned and why. They sound very supportive so I think they'll be OK with it.

    Leah

    edited to add - they might be doing this as part o their support for you, so I think they'll understand.

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  • maryannecb
    maryannecb Member Posts: 1,453
    edited February 2010

    ....hmmm...whether you tell them or they hear from TV or friends....at some point they will find out that this can be a nasty disease. My children were older 12, 13 and 17...so they were already aware..

    Your kids friends may hear something from their parents or other relatives. It may be best for you to tell them some times bad things can happen but you are doing your best to make things ok. If they "find out" from ill-informed or intentioned people it may be traumatic and they might think you are hiding things.

    My youngest is handicapped and is mentally 5-6 in understanding. I have been open with him about the gravity of the situation ...but have always tried to be upbeat and positive with my treatments.

    Isn't it awesome for your co-workers to raise funds for this cause and awareness in the students and their parents.

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  • rinna40
    rinna40 Member Posts: 357
    edited February 2010

    Thanks guys. I think that maybe I'll talk to my older daughter about how some people can get really sick with BC and that it didn't happen with me. If we talk before the day, then any negative stories she hears she can feel better knowing that they aren't describing her mom. I wish I could totally protect them.

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  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 936
    edited February 2010

    I understand your concerns completely.  I am also a teacher in the school where my children go.  When I was diagnosed I had a preschooler, a 1st grader and a 3rd grader.  We also did not address the death part of it but now that 4 years have gone by I have debriefed them on what happened.  Although we did not mention death they now tell me that they were, in fact, afraid that I would die.  I thought at the time that I could shield them from that but I could not.  I think that no matter what you do-whether you keep them home or send them- they will still hear negative stories.  I know my kids did.  Think of it this way, if you keep them home that day you could shield them but what about the day before, when kids are talking about what item of pink they will wear?  Cancer hits so many families that it would be unusual for a classmate not to say that they know someone who died of cancer.

    Maybe talk to your own children's teachers about your concerns and give them some diaglog to use when another child mentions death.  And, I would also address it at home prior to the pink day.

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited February 2010

    Wow.  "Breast Cancer Awareness Day," in an elementary school?  That seems so wrong to me, on so many levels.  I guess I'm old-fashioned, or maybe I'm just old.  But, what is it about breast cancer that a 2nd- or 3rd-grader really needs to know?  How can "breast cancer awareness" really help her (or him?), at that age?

    I didn't know kids in grade-school, or pre-6th grade, were even thinking about their breasts -- or anyone else's.  Why does someone think they should be worrying about, or even "aware of", a potentially fatal cancer that can form in a woman's breasts?  Should kids that age be worrying about cancer at all?  What's to be gained by that?

    Yes, I know, children will see things on TV and on the web, and hear things in school. I'm seeing an "AVON Walk for Breast Cancer" commercial on TV as I type this note.  Parents, moms especially, will have to explain those things.  I had a grade-school classmate die of acute leukemia before good treatments were available for childhood leukemias.  We all were told what had happened to him, and why he wouldn't be coming back to school.  My own grandmother had just one breast, having lost the other to BC a decade before I was born; and she would sometimes let us have a "peak" at the pretty hankie she kept stuffed in her bra on that side.

    But, do we really need a special "day" dedicated to increasing young children's "awareness" of a cancer that kills more than 40,000 women (mothers, daughters, sisters) in the U.S. every year?  Is there also a "Juvenile Diabetes Awareness Day"?  How about "Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Day"?  Or, maybe "Stroke and Heart Attack Awareness Day"?  Couldn't those have an impact on children's lives, too?

    Or, is this a lesson in social awareness and civic responsibility ("giving"), and breast cancer just happens to be pink enough to employ for the lesson?  Seems like selling Girl Scout cookies ought to get that point across, without the fear of death.  And, if the fear of death is left out of the "BC awareness" program, aren't they doing what we hate -- perpetuating the myth that BC all pink and soft and curable?

    Sheesh.  Sorry -- must be having a worse day than I thought.

    otter 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited February 2010

    Otter!  I agree with you totally!  Elementry school is just not the place for this.  Don't these kids have enough to learn already!  Let's just keep them at the tooth fairy and Santa stage for a little while longer!

    I truly disagree with this subject for wee ones.  We see enough damn pink as it is.

    How about just getting them interested in the humane society to save animals or a clothing drive for other kids who need help.

    There is a great organization who raise money for food backpacks for kids who don't get enough to eat over the weekend.  Tough topic for sure, but at least not so deadly.

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  • rinna40
    rinna40 Member Posts: 357
    edited February 2010

    Well, I spoke to the teacher who decided to organize the BC awareness day - a fellow BC survivor herself. She said that she runs the student parliament, who are in turn in charge of spirit days. They decided that each spirit day should have some meaning. As a result, when they decided to have pink day near valentines, a student member suggested to also collect money for BC from the older kids at the Valentine's dance. That will be the extent of the awareness, and the younger kids are just being asked to wear pink, as it is pink day. I talked with my daughter who is in grade 2 and told her that it is pink day and BC day, and that they are just collecting money so that maybe they can find some medicine to fix bc that doesn't make you so sick. She accepted that. I just hope that nothing else gets mentioned. I did voice my opinion to this teacher that I was worried about conversations that would be happening at recess and lunch that teachers will not be able to moderate, and she indicated  that she didn't see there being much discussion except by the most senior students. I'll just be happy when this friday is over. 

    Edit to add: Otter, I agree with you. This should just have been pink day for valentines. That IS what being 5 and 8 (my kid's ages) is all about. I personally hate the link between pink (my daughter's favourite colour) and the disease that I fight.  

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